Breaking in a Toy — 5
#5 of Breaking in a Toy
The day proceeded into a search. Most activities were called off, all parents were called after Jesse hadn't turned up but the bloody cloth I'd left out had been. A lot of parents came immediately to the camp to pick up their kids, a lot of people were crying and I was left to wander around the woods, shouting Jesse's name with a bunch of other people who were doing the same. At about nine in the morning I had a feeling that Jesse was waking up into a confused, crying headache darkness. I wondered what song was playing. I had a lot of dark techno mixes, each hours in length. I bet it was some anxiety filled music that wasn't doing anything to soothe his panic, I hoped it was. After I'd been walking around all day, I sat down to drink water and eat food with some authorities who were doing the same. I shed some crocodile tears and got consoled, and as the sun sank low in the sky, I got pulled aside by the authorities and told that I could go home for the night, that they'd handle this. I intentionally made it seem like I was resistant to do so, but It was showing through just how exhausted I really was -- and it wasn't just an act. Sleeping last night wasn't an option, and now lack of it paired with walking around all day had dragged my entire body into a stupor. I could drive home like this safely, probably. I'd always been adept at operating while sleep-deprived, and I would play little games with my mind to keep it occupied. But I could take a nap here. But I needed to check on Jesse and feed him a little. Ack. One of the lady counsellors put her hand on my shoulder and said I should go home, and I 'reluctantly submitted'.
Crawling inside my vehicle, observing the sunset through the trees, feeling the exhaustion weigh on my body, seeing the trees and grass sway in the summer breeze. A cackle came to my lips, slow at first, but it grew to a mad and loud cacophony of deranged laughter. Taking a step back from my own body, my laughter sounded cold and evil, almost like a witch's, even cracking upwards in pitch to the high, cliche noise. But I laughed, and I laughed, feeling the enjoyment of laughing and not having an entirely full grasp of why I was doing it. I should be in this moment doing anything but laughing, perhaps it was the overwhelming feeling of relief or surprise or anything really. I wasn't completely out of the clear yet. A twelve year old boy went missing on a camping trip and no one saw him, and they were going to dig and dig until they had someone to pin it on. There was another counselor who was actually the camp co-director. He had a big belly, he had a stinky beard and grey-brown fur. Everyone thought on the down-low that he liked kids, and I didn't have any proof that said otherwise. He'd be the first to have fingers pointed at him, and I hoped somehow that they'd stay there and had a feeling that's how things would go down. Hopefully.
The car coughed to life and greased away into the woods, and off onto the roads tearing away towards home. Towards Jesse, my new toy.