Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Story by charles_they on SoFurry
gone phishing
Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
by
charles michael averin
From: Christine Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 1:56:24 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hello IT Department!
I am so so so sorry to bother you on a Friday when we're all just working our tails off for the weekend, but this email got through my spam filter and I'm a just a little bit concerned. I received some attachments from a client earlier this week and opened them. Is my computer safe? The files were just spreadsheets, presentation notes, and one was a slideshow, but I haven't had any computer trouble except for the thing with the pawpointer which Mx. Asato told me was probably nothing.
Don't worry, I remember the Internet safety presentation! I haven't clicked on or downloaded any files from the email. I received the email only a few minutes ago during my smoke break, and I wanted to have peace of mind. You know us old rabbits—always thumping our paws over something technology related.
I'm going to forward the email to you so you can see for yourself.
Sincerely,
Christine Collins, Accounting
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: AnonyMOUSE <noreply@anonymouse.fur>
Sent: Tuesday, October 15, 2013 12:00:01 AM
To: C. Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
THERE IS A DANGEROUS EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
IF YOU OR A FRIEND RECEIVES AN EMAIL THAT HAS ATTACHMENTS DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
THERE IS A CHAIN EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT IS A NORMAL EMAIL FROM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WITH ATTACHED PICTURES LIKE “HAPPY BIRD.JAR" OR “EASY FUR MAINTENANCE VIDEO.EXE"
BUT THESE ARE MALICIOUS FILES CONTAINING CORRUPT VIRUSES THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
DO NOT OPEN THE FILES EITHER!!!
YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND THE VIRUS WILL GIVE ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION TO HACKERS SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO YOUR LOVED ONES SO THEY ARE NOT HARMED AND DO NOT OPEN ANY SUSPICIOUS ATTACHMENTS WITHOUT ASKING THE SENDER IF THEY INTENDED TO SEND THEM SO DO NOT OPEN THAT EMAIL!!!
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 2:04:06 PM
To: Christine Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hi Christine,
I'm not entirely sure what to say to you! That email should have been caught in your spam filter. It also appears to be from six years ago, so I doubt it's referring to any attachments you received this past week.
There weren't any attachments on the email itself, either, so everything should be perfectly fine!
Also, although I know you had the best intentions in mind, please don't forward suspicious emails to us. We can remotely connect to your workstation from down here in and/or access your company email. It reduces the chance of any malware infections if you were to say accidentally forward a bad email to someone else in your contacts, e.g. a client.
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk
P.S. If your pawpointer is still not entirely responsive, I can swap it out for a new one. Let me know!
P.P.S. If you're still worried, I can run a scan on your workstation over the weekend for peace of mind. I'll leave a scent neutralizer on your workstation to not bother your nose! Let me know.
From: Christine Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 2:38:54 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Thank you, Mx. Asato!
I would really appreciate both of those things, thank you so so so much!
Don't worry too much about the scent issue. Our new accountant, Karen, is a red fox too, and the scent isn't so strong now that I've gotten used to it. It's not fair for you to hide something natural about yourself just for my benefit!
Sincerely,
Christine Collins, Accounting
From: Jesse Ikeda <j_ikeda@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:20:00 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
yo after
was at the water cooler right when everyone does the thing where they pretend they've been working really hard all afternoon even though everyone's just been pawing off doing nothing until the clock runs out because it's friday
well except christine from accounting who plays some mad poker hands and wins like $500 off some teenagers with gambling addictions
same way we do every week
someone let slip that y'all IT can read emails from the company accounts and they had receipts, forwarded me the email where you said it. or typed it whatever
so i may have done some (completely consensual) sexting with this hot pronghorn lawyer down in saskatoon using the company account and i just wanna make sure everything's cool with us
no one saw right?
and if they did see, at least give them my number
p.s. included the OG email tree for receipts
p.p.s text me it's been literally a year
—jesse, fave rudderbutt
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: AnonyMOUSE <noreply@anonymouse.fur>
Sent: Tuesday, October 14, 2013 12:00:01 AM
To: C. Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
THERE IS A DANGEROUS EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
IF YOU OR A LOVER RECEIVES AN EMAIL THAT HAS ATTACHMENTS DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
THERE IS A CHAIN EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT IS A NORMAL EMAIL FROM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WITH ATTACHED PICTURES LIKE “HAPPY BIRDS.JAR" OR “EAZY FUR MAINTENANCE VIDEO.EXE"
BUT THESE ARE MALICIOUS FILES CONTAINING CORRUPT VIRUSES THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
DO NOT OPEN THE FILES EITHER!!!
YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND THE VIRUS WILL GIVE ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION TO RUSSIAN HACKERS SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO YOUR COWORKERS SO THEY ARE NOT HARMED AND DO NOT OPEN ANY SUSPICIOUS ATTACHMENTS WITHOUT ASKING THE SENDER IF THEY INTENDED TO SEND THEM SO DO NOT OPEN THAT EMAIL!!!
From: Thomas Todon <t_todon@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:23:32 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
To Whom It May Concern,
It has come to my Attention that the IT department has been.reading emails from people's Priavte Accounts without their express permission and I Am Furious because this is a violation of my rights to Privacy. I have been with this company for Three Years and it is not Okay to do this. I work hard so that you in the IT department can goof off on computers All Day while we do all of the Hard Work.
I am contacting Labour Resources as we speak to let them know of this Gross violation of my Rights. This is not Okay and I demand that I be made Administrator of my own Workstation because there are several applications I cannot install Due to the fact that the IT department insists on treating us like Cubs unable to handle our own Computers.
Not to mention that they have completely Failed to notify us of a.security breach regarding attachments! There is a terrible Virus going around and no one has been told! I have myself opened Several attachments this week alone so probably the whole network is infected!
I have informed my entire team of this issue!
Good Job!
—Sent from my PawPad
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: AnonyMOUSE <noreply@anonymouse.fur>
Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2013 12:00:01 aM
To: C. Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
THERE IS A DANGEROUS EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
IF YOU OR A COWORKER RECEIVES AN EMAIL THAT HAS ATTACHMENTS DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
THERE IS A CHAIN EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT IS A NORMAL EMAIL FROM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WITH ATTACHED PICTURES LIKE “HAPPY BIRDZ.GIF" OR “EAZY FUR MAINTAINING VIDEO.EXE"
BUT THESE ARE MALICIOUS FILES CONTAINING CORRUPT VIRUSES THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
THE IT DEPARTMENT KNOWS THIS BUT ARE DOING NOTHING!!!
THEY MAY GIVE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO AVOID IT AS ATTACHMENTS!!!
DO NOT OPEN THE FILES EITHER!!!
YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND THE VIRUS WILL GIVE ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION TO RUSSIAN HACKERS SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO YOUR SUBORDINATES SO THEY ARE NOT HARMED AND DO NOT OPEN ANY SUSPICIOUS ATTACHMENTS WITHOUT ASKING THE SENDER IF THEY INTENDED TO SEND THEM SO DO NOT OPEN THAT EMAIL!!!
From: Eleanor Evans <e_evans@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:53:32 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hullo Mx. Asato,
Melissa from Labour Resources told everyone at the smoking corner behind the dumpster out back that you were not only “reading everyone's emails" and “pawing off" to them in secret, but that you've been her “primo gossip source" for all the crap that's been happening McGregor and his divorce.
She forwarded me this email chain to “prove" it but all I see is you telling Christine from accounting to not worry about her pawpointer and Lord knows that rabbit worries about everything.
Sorry to dump another mess on you literally seven minutes before clock-out!
Here's the email chain itself. TGIF, right?
Cheers,
Evans, Customer Support
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: AnonyMOUSE <noreply@anonymouse.fur>
Sent: Tuesday, October 15, 2014 12:00:02 AM
To: C. Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!
IF YOU OR A FRIEND RECEIVES AN EMAIL THAT HAS ATTACHMENTS DO NOT OPEN IT!!
THERE IS A DANGEROUS EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!
IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT IS A NORMAL EMAIL FROM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WITH ATTACHED PICTURES LIKE “MEETING SCHEDULE.PDF" OR “2019 ACCOUNTS FINAL VERSION.XL.EXE"
BUT THESE ARE MALICIOUS FILES CONTAINING CORRUPT VIRUSES THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!
THERE IS A CHAIN EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!!
YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND THE VIRUS WILL GIVE ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION TO HACKERS SO DO NOT OPEN IT!!
THERE MAY BE CHATLOG FILES CONFIRMING THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS PLOTTING AGAINST YOU BY INTRODUCING HALLUCINOGENS IN YOUR INHALANTS!!
DO NOT OPEN THE FILES EITHER!!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO YOUR LOVED ONES SO THEY ARE NOT HARMED AND DO NOT OPEN ANY SUSPICIOUS ATTACHMENTS WITHOUT ASKING THE SENDER IF THEY INTENDED TO SEND THEM SO DO NOT OPEN THAT EMAIL!!
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:58:50 PM
To: Jesse Ikeda <j_ikeda@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
what
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:59:59 PM
To: Jesse Ikeda <j_ikeda@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Jesse, this job is going to kill me.
I went to handle one PEBCAK and now my inbox is flooded with garbage. I have so many tabs open I might as well be the fucking Saddle-Up.
Do me a favour and delete that email from Christine or whoever forwarded it and don't send it to anyone else. You will not believe how many emails I've gotten about it. I'd remote in and delete every email myself, but apparently that's entirely the problem, because I am allegedly reading everyone's emails always and leaking gossip to someone named Melissa in Labour Resources.
I'll text you tonight with all of the details if I don't go insane tracking down this chain email.
Also, it hasn't literally been a year, I doubt I would've survived that.
—After
P.S. No one saw, but you should show me.
P.P.S. Christine plays poker?
P.P.P.S. Christine wins at poker?
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:59:59 PM
To: Thomas Todon <t_todon@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hi Thomas,
The company receives hundreds of emails per day and the IT department doesn't read any of them unless someone in the office specifically requests that we look at them. That being said, these are company accounts not meant for personal use, so if you are concerned about your privacy, feel free to use your personal account on another device.
There has been no security breach. That email is from six years ago and is spam.
Also, remember that company accounts are meant to be used only at the office and only on our workstations to ensure that there is no avenue by which customer information can be compromised.
If you have any concerns or questions, please let me know!
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 4:59:59 PM
To: Eleanor Evans <e_evans@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!
Hi Eleanor,
Please delete that email you received. It's from six years ago and is most likely some form of spam.
Thank you for letting me know! I'm clocking out right after I send this.
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk
From: Victor Vasquez <v_vasquez@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:14:03 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hello Mr. Asato,
I have received an email I find most curious regarding the safety of email attachments. Has there been a security breach of which I am unaware? I know that I am on vacation—Iqaluit is lovely this time of year, and, in fact, all times of the year—but I would very much appreciate being kept in the loop on such matters. My fur may be greying, and spots, fading, but my mind is still sharp!
I also received an email from one Martin McGregor insinuating that you have been reading his private emails concerning his separation from his wife, Marie, and disseminating that information among your office colleagues.
I have no doubt that this information is, in fact, untrue, but if McGregor quits I do fear we will lose his father's account and I will have to come back from vacation early. It does not do well to poke the bear.
If you could, please send McGregor an email reassuring him of your nonparticipation?
In all the years I've known you, you have been a most esteemed employee and compatriot, so I feel confident that you will have this matter resolved well before I return.
Yours Truly,
President Vasquez
_“If a man goes to war in Bethlehem, he knows where he is—we know he is the girl."
—Matthew 1:18_
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: AnonyMOUSE <noreply@anonymouse.fur>
Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2019 12:00:01 AM
To: C. Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!
THERE IS A DANGEROUS CHAIN EMAIL GOING AROUND AND DO NOT OPEN IT!
IF YOU OR A CO-WORKER RECEIVES AN EMAIL THAT HAS ATTACHMENTS DO NOT OPEN IT!
IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT IS A NORMAL EMAIL FROM A BOSS OR CO-WORKER WITH ATTACHED FILE TYPES LIKE “NORTHERN LIGHTS.JPEG" OR “HOT OFFICE BANG OTTER FOX INTERSPECIES.AVI.EXE"
BUT THESE ARE MALICIOUS FILES CONTAINING CORRUPT VIRUSES THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER SO DO NOT OPEN IT!
DO NOT OPEN THE FILES EITHER!
YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND THE VIRUS WILL GIVE ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION TO HACKERS SO DO NOT OPEN IT!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO YOUR CO-WORKERS SO THEY ARE NOT HARMED AND DO NOT OPEN ANY SUSPICIOUS ATTACHMENTS WITHOUT ASKING THE SENDER IF THEY INTENDED TO SEND THEM SO DO NOT OPEN THAT EMAIL!
From: Victor Vasquez <v_vasquez@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:20:40 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hello Mx. Asato,
I am apologizing for my phone's autocorrect feature. It wrote 'Mr' when I typed 'Mx,' and I am terribly sorry for my phone's error.
This was obviously not my intent, and I greatly appreciate the diversity you bring to our team.
I wish you a happy weekend, Mx. Asato!
I am going to go sleep now. If there is any issue—with this, or, for that matter, with anything else—please do not hesitate to call me or the Labour Resources department. Our doors are always open!
Yours Truly,
President Vasquez
_“The world is a garden without weeds. Medicine, as a rule, does not obey the word."
—Luke 2:1_
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:48:03 PM
To: Martin McGregor <m_mcgregor@fa.fur>
Subject: Recent Gossip Allegations
Hi Martin,
I'm writing to inform you that a member of this office has been caught spreading malicious rumours about you and your home life and will be meeting with our Labour Relations director according to company policy.
We're dedicated to protecting our community from all forms of cyberbullying as well as rumourmongering, so I have no doubt the situation will be resolved smoothly and in record time. You are, after all, one of our most valued employees.
If you have any questions or concerns, please direct them to Melissa with Labour Relations. I'm sure she'd be overjoyed to hear that you know everything about the gossip situation. Hopefully she will be most accommodating.
Finally, if you've received an email about suspicious emails, please delete and disregard. It's a false alarm.
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:49:50 PM
To: Martin McGregor <m_mcgregor@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Recent Gossip Allegations
Jesse, I still have a something like sixty people to email some variation of “delete that chain email" and I'm still getting pings. I don't even want to look at the most recent outrage for something that isn't even my fault.
Even stalled by Vasquez himself coming down from on high to ask me to fluff McGregor's ego because of the SeraTin account thing. Apparently only he can land it. Wish me luck.
Also, I want to die.
—After
P.S. Not going to make it to the Saddle-Up tonight probably. Can I ride you instead?
P.P.S. I'm the only one in the office now (even the janitor left) so let me know if you want pics.
P.P.P.S. Send me pics also.
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:53:12 PM
To: Martin McGregor <m_mcgregor@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Re: Recent Gossip Allegations
Hi Martin, that email wasn't meant for you and I'm so sorry it's entirely unprofessional.
I am mortified. I am exceptionally sorry. I tried to retract it but was unsuccessful.
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:53:42 PM
To: Jesse Ikeda <j_ikeda@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Re: Re: Recent Gossip Allegations
Jesse kill me I sent one of my emails to McGregor instead of you
I am slain
Also I'm probably going to get fired
From: Martin McGregor <m_mcgregor@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:56:31 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Recent Gossip Allegations
Heya Mx. Asato,
What a happy mistake haha~
I didn't think it was really you doing all those reading things but I wanted to see if I could get a raise out of Vasquez you know how it is
Anyway so here are some pics n video if you want them haha
And also my number. Text me some pics of your own haha and let Jesse know he's invited too if you both want a ride~. I'm getting divorced anyway haha
—Martin McGregor, Sales
P.s. LMK if you're OK with knotting cuz I sure am~
P.p.s. what's the saddle-up??
[attached is a photo of a coyote with a cum-coated muzzle in a supply closet and a 7-second clip of an otter being knot-fucked by a salt-and-pepper furred wolf while bent over a filing cabinet]
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:57:17 PM
To: Jesse Ikeda <j_ikeda@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Recent Gossip Allegations
JESSE
I AM SLAIN
P.S. Vasquez fucked it up again
P.P.S. I checked the email recipients twenty times before I sent this.
P.P.P.S. Hot damn that dick is a) thick and b) attached to some serious emotional baggage. Is this ethical?
From: Rochelle Richardson <r_richardson@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 5:47:01 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
I am FURIOUS!!!
I have NO issue personally with people being between species or for that matter with other folks of the same but I DO NOT consent to accidentally being shown LEWD PICTURES of coworkers in this company and definitely not on an email that the IT department allegedly CREEPS THROUGH even though it is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!
How am I supposed to look my coworkers in the eye when I have seen a PENIS in their muzzle???
This is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR!!! I demand that this email be DELETED from my email account and that the IT department PERSONALLY APOLOGIZE for letting such a mistake occur!!!
What use is a department that COMPLETELY invalidates your privacy if they won't even delete emails that have GENITAL PORN in them? I do NOT need to know the diameter of some OTTER's GAPING TAILHOLE.
What's more is that these UNHOLY PHOTOS (they are not unholy for religious reasons or homophobic ones, I am simply being emphatic) are accompanied by frightening SPAM that is ALSO not being caught by the spam filter!!!
The IT department is NOT DOING THEIR JOB!!!
While you're fixing the spam filter, you might as well invest in a PORN filter TOO because apparently that is an issue!!!
No wonder McGregor is getting a DIVORCE if everyone just WHIPS IT OUT WHENEVER. Try NOT raising your tails and keeping it in your pants on!!!
Warmest Wishes,
Rochelle Richardson, Logistics
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: AnonyMOUSE <noreply@anonymouse.fur>
Sent: Friday January 25th, 2019 4:59:59 PM
To: C. Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!
THERE IS A DANGEROUS EMAIL GOING AROUND!
Be careful and do not open it!
If you or a co-worker receives an email that has attachments, do not open it! It could look like a normal email from a friend or coworker with attached pictures like “Good Christian Fun.jpeg" or “How to Untie a Knot in Five Fun Minutes.avi" but these are malicious files containing corrupt moral influences that will destroy both your mind and computer so do not open it!
Do not open the files either!
Your computer—not to mention your soul—will never be the same and the virus will give all of your information to terrorists, so do not open it!
Please forward this email to your loved ones and religious community so that they are not harmed! Do not yourself open any suspicious attachments without asking the sender if they intended to send them!
Do not open that email!
_“If a man goes to war in Bethlehem, he knows where he is—we know he is the girl."
—Matthew 1:18_
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 6:30:20 PM
To: Victor Vasquez <v_vasquez@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
President Vasquez,
I have smoothed things over with Martin McGregor and with every bone in my body I have no doubt he will be ready and willing to work over the SeraTin account until their tails fall off.
Don't worry about the honorific slip, phones can be that way sometimes.
There has been no security breach, just a chain email going around the office that I've spent an hour deleting and making sure everything's fine. Nothing will be amiss by the time people come back in tomorrow.
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk
P.S. Did you recently hire a Rochelle Richardson? She doesn't appear to be on file.
From: Victor Vasquez <v_vasquez@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 6:30:21 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hello Mx. Asato,
It appears that I, despite my best efforts, have forgotten my password for my remote account login and I cannot, in fact, check for the existence of one Rochelle Richardson. I do not myself remember hiring them—are they perhaps a Virginia opossum? Our latest hire for legal was one, so that may in fact be them.
Could you send me my password so that I might be certain?
Please do hurry, as the temperament of wireless connection up here in Iqaluit is fickle. The sooner you do so, the better.
I am pleased to hear that there was no security breach! I was worried for a moment there—you know us old rabbits.
Yours Truly,
President Vasquez
_“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
—Gayravorty, 3:9-12_
From: Christine Collins <c_collins@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 6:30:21 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
I am so so so sorry to bother you again but I'm at the office late handling a spreadsheet thing for the SeraTin account for McGregor on Monday and I'm so stressed that I locked myself out of my own workstation. Could you reset my password using my company email so so so that I can continue working?
I'm so so so very worried. I am a rabbit.
Sincerely,
Christine Collins, Accounting
From: Thomas Todon <t_todon@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 6:30:21 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
I Am Very Upset About What's Going On Right Now! I Am Working On An Important Thing With My Team And The Incompetent IT Department Has Locked Us Out Of All Of Our Accounts And Deleted Our Passwords! I Demand That Our Passwords Be Reset And That We Be Made Administrators For Our Own Workstations Instantly Or I Will Resign And The SeraTin Account Will Collapse!
I Am Very.Important!
Good Job!
—Sent From My PawPad
From: Eleanor Evans <e_evans@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 6:30:21 PM
To: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
Hullo Mx. Asato,
Sorry to dump this on you, but I just got what looks like two dozen spam emails from people in the company and another two dozen from names I super don't recognize even though they “supposedly" look like legitimate company emails.
I even got a different one you forwarded from McGregor that looks like the sexts that got him into his “divorce situation" in the first place, so I guess Melissa wasn't being a total liar about that either haha
What's going on?
By the way, I got an email from the “noreply" thing that we use to reset our passwords, and I clicked it, but it didn't work. Was that “phishing?" I should probably change my “password," yeah? Can you set up that “reset" thing?
Cheers,
Evans, Customer Support
From: Jesse Ikeda <j_ikeda@fa.fur>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2019 6:30:21 PM
To: After <a_asato@fa.fur>
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!
yo after so uh my phone died and
a) what the fuck with martin let's hit that shit. he knows i'm a top right
oh yeah and b) what the fuck with literally everything else
my inbox is slammed more that christine's wallet after she wins on poker night. what is this garbage i thought you said you had it handled yo
also the pronghorn's coming up next week for some case thing up here in lacolle so if you think it's ethical then maybe those two can Run train on us with the others as well
anyway i'm at the saddle-up and wifi is shit so i'm gonna get dicked in the bathroom and you're gonna be stuck at the office where you still haven't sent me any lewds btw
give martin my number
p.s. text me you slut.
p.p.s. . aren't foxes supposed to be good at commands
p.p.p.s. where's your command prompt b/c clearly you're not listening
p.p.p.p.s do you think it would be weirder to shout 'mcgregor' or 'martin' when he throws it in
—jesse, fave rudderbutt
From: A. Asato <a_asato@fa.fur>
Sent: Monday, Monday 28, 2019 12:00:01 AM
To: All Contacts
Subject: Spam Email Alert and Phishing Reminder
Hi Everyone,
Over this past weekend, an email bypassed one of the standard spam filters we have set up for each company email account. Moderate damage was done, but, thankfully, our team was able to roll back everything to a few hours before the initiating incident occurred and before any permanent damage could be done.
Aside from some saved data in those last few hours on Friday being lost, I have no doubt that everything should be in order.
Now, a few notices reminders:
If you or a colleague receives an email from an unknown source that has attachments, do not open it. Although the filenames may appear innocuous, the contents could be malicious and infect our system.
Refrain from engaging in 'chain emailing' of alerts. If you receive an email with a subject heading that is a long series of Re: and Fwd:, use caution, especially if you are not expecting such an email or if you were not previously included in the conversation.
Our company and your accounts have sensitive data, both our own and from our customers. Breaches like this expose everyone to malicious actors who want to exploit that data.
Also, company accounts are only to be used on workstations and for office-related tasks. Misuse can be a vector for breaches to occur or otherwise result in personal information being accessed by others.
A scent neutralizer left at your desk indicates that I've performed some sort of maintenance at your station. They don't indicate offense, but rather help neutralize the strong scent that foxes can sometimes leave. Remove them at your convenience.
Please remember to share this information with your colleagues, as the strongest defense against any phishing attempted is being well-informed.
Best regards,
A. Asato, Helpdesk