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Zootopia

DIRTY HAIRY

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

PART 4

Riverside

Savanna Central

Day two

Fritz shook David as he lay sleeping on the futon mat on the floor of the guest room and to his surprise...Fritz's little son had decided a cheetah made a better stuffed snuggler than his teddy bear....

"Well? Didn't see this coming." David said as he sat up. "What time is it Fritz?" The cheetah asked as he shook himself awake, took a cup of coffee Fritz held out and carefully tucked spike under the blankets.

"Three thirty." Fritz answered. "Oh...and here's a text from last night by our night shift partners."

"Fritz......Mike. Three more last night and one we so far believe was a retaliation "whacking". Some one finally got sick and tired of Bugs and his clowning around. Photos included. Shocker twist....the second one we came too has no crime connections, obviously a cheating "John" who needed a "quickie" and got it pretty quick indeed."

David carried Fritz's smart phone into the kitchen as he followed and scanned through the crime photos. "Fritz? Is this phone secure?"

"It's Department property." Fritz replied. "I think our "suspect" slipped up and killed the wrong mammal."

"You sure she or he didn't kill Bugs Bunny?" David asked as he showed the picture of Bugs lying in an alley.

"Zoom in on his neck and you'll notice the cutting marks of the wire garrote they used." Fritz pointed out. "They also shot black spray paint down his throat and all inside his mouth. To top it off? They cut off his left foot for a trophy. A Lucky rabbits foot...which is common when the Winter Hill Gang whacks a rabbit.Guess the gang war is going hot which means we need to prove one of our theories and quick."

Fritz waved a hand. "Help yourself to cereal, kibbles, whatever you like. We have to eat and run." Fritz said as he walked to his study, opened the door and went inside to get his gun and amo. Fritz followed him just to look...

Nice "Cat Cave" he said as he looked at the walls full of book cases, photos and awards. One particular picture caught his eye....

"Who's the Malinois?" David asked as he pointed to the picture of a Belgian dog in a police tactical equipment suit.

"That was Yani. My first partner in Homicide. Actually my buddy since we went through the academy. Talk about physicality and bravery? Yani was a loyal work-a-holic, we solved a record fifty cases in one department quarter alone with that guy."

David thought for a moment. "He died....didn't he?"

"Worked himself to death." Fritz sighed. "Massive heart attack chasing a suspect. We found he'd hand cuffed the bastard before he passed out. Not exactly your typical field expiration for a police officer. I still miss him."

David followed Fritz out of the room and through the house. "So what's our first thing today?"

"Pay Woundwart a casualty call and share his grief over the loss of his best lieutenant. You buy the flowers, I'll get the baseball bat out of the trunk."

"Going to be one of those kind of casualty visits." David remarked as he and Fritz stepped out of the house and walked towards their car.

"Oh? Before we get in the car, look it over for anything different." Fritz warned. "Obviously I am not the most loved mammal in the whole city by some mammals."

"I wonder why?" David said. "You have such a face of integrity and gentleness?"

"You really want to be a prick this morning." Fritz replied as he and David finished scanning over the car and were soon driving through Sahara Central.

"What's the plan with Woundwart? What's his "gig" anyway?" David asked as he sat doing a quick "strip n check" of his nine millimeter service pistol.

"He runs a chain of bowling alleys." Fritz replied. "And before you ask? Yes... you can turn an illegal prophet from bowling."

"You're kidding me? Bowling?" David asked.

"You will learn the many ways the syndicates use to skim small penny cash for big returns." Fritz replied. "Come on? I know it's almost six and you're not fully tuned up just yet but let's brainstorm together which we have the time. What's the first thing you can screw with to get extra cash in a bowling alley?"

David thought for a moment and then snapped his paw fingers. "The pins."

"How?" Fritz replied. "What would be the purpose of messing with the bowling pins?"

David thought for a moment...."Throw games."

"See?...." Fritz said as he tapped his nose. "You are as good as your record portends. You think quick on your feet now biggest bang for the buck, what games would you throw?"

David thought for a moment and smirked back. "Tournaments and especially when you have rivals from companies."

Fritz nodded..."Billy Goats of Micro-Sloth is a notorious sore loser, especially against his rival Jeff Bearsos. They cash war against each other all the time to throw off each other's company bowling teams during competitive matches. Another skim trick is the concession machines...especially those Monster Mammal pep drinks Suntori Concern out of Tundra Town makes. You know Woundwart is a share holder? Legally speaking he is anyway. Well the machines are programmed to periodically bind up and not throw out a product. Now especially among the young Mammals under 21? How many of them are going go seek their money back? Nine times out of ten? They're going to throw more cash into the machine and that extra sluff goes right into Woundwarts coffers. Then....there's the slot machines, the bar top gambling machines, a little prostitution and professional injury sharks."

David cocked his head. "Professional......injury sharks?"

"Oh yeah..." Fritz replied. "Just a few mammals under the pay of Woundwart who pull of fake accidents with customers out in the parking lot. Catch it all the time when an officer can be here to witness it. They target some poor mammal who already has a shaky record between their insurance and the police and the "victim" just happens to be at the right place. Then Woundwart sends another goon to negotiate a settlement. Just one small way of many he uses to grow his cash."

David scratched his snoot. "Ok? So why don't we bust Woundwart and all the criminal big wigs like Mister Big over in Tundra Town?"

"Because the big bosses are good at not getting any charges that stick to their butts and because save for the one's like the Winter Hill Gang...the big bosses have kept their problems with each other somewhat "civil" and one's like Mister Big often help us under the table because they absolutely detest the botanical/chemical street trade. The danger this "Toot" poses or not poses right now is sparking a street wide gang war...that? We don't want."

Fritz took a turn off from route 1, the inner urban Auto link-way, into Walnut Warrens which was a middle class mostly rabbit populated city suburb. The streets were just beginning to teem with "Hoppies" on their way to the mass transit stations or to various local companies as Fritz and David stopped their car in front of "Ten-pin Jacks" bowling alley.

"Stick close and cover my six." Fritz said as he and David walked to the front doors. "Now you know how bunnies feel about cats along with dogs, wolves and badgers? These guys will probably be "amped up skittish" with the death of Bugs so keep your head on a swivel but stay cool."

Daid nodded. "Right. You do all the talking." David said...then he thought. "On second thought? Why don't "I" talk to them? You might get us shot."

Fritz smirked back. "Alright? We'll try a little tame and charm offensive first. Be my guess....rookie."

David frowned. "I have your rookie boss." The Cheetah said with a snort as he reached out to ring the door bell. It took four times before a March hair dressed in a nicely pressed white collar short sleeve shirt and dress slacks came to the door and pressed a button on the wall speaker.

"Yeah?" The hair said slightly annoyed. "Who are you?"

David pulled out his badge. "Zootopia Police Department, homicide. We'd like to speak with Mister Woundwart if he's available?"

The hair made a quick look over his shoulder back into the bowling alley. "Mister Woundwart isn't available right now at this time in the morning. Come back around noon."

David asked again..."Sir. This will not take up his time. We just have a few questions for him about the death of his close associate Mister Bugs Bunny."

"Are you deaf?" The hare replied with a gruff. "I told you that Mister Woundwart is not available at this time! Now do you mind? Unless you have a warrant to enter this establishment..."

Without another second....Fritz whipped out his "equipment" and started urinating on the glass door!

"Fritz?! What the hell!" David yelped.

"So much for offensive charming....now we just offend period!" Fritz snickered.

And as expected....the hare at the door "wigged out", forgot who he was facing and pushed the door open expecting to kick some tail....only he got a face full of magnum...

"I guess we don't need a warrant just to have a nice little chat with Mister Woundy? Do we have a mutual understanding there?" Fritz asked with a smile.

"Just to talk to Mister Woundwart?" The young hare replied. "No....if it's just a....a social call?"

Fritz pushed the shaking hare inside and closed the door. "We're here to express our grief at the demise of Mister Bugs Bunny of whom I've had a long...if not mutually understandable relationship with. You don't mind do you?"

"No sir...." The hair said as other hares showed themselves in various forms of dress, semi-dress and carrying guns. Fritz holstered his fourty four..."Some times charm offensives need good support."

David almost chuckled..."Does that include public indecency, urination and pulling your weapon?"

Fritz look back smirking. "We got inside before noon did we not?"

The hare took Fritz and David through a door, down a short hall and up to another door where the rabbit held them short. "Please....give me just two minutes to make sure Mister Woundwart is presentable?"

Fritz and David nodded as they watched the hare go into the room...

"Awesome first impression." David snorted.

"I don't need to make impressions." Fritz replied. "Impressions are not as important as results." Fritz gave David a light smile..."Come on David...this is not spit and polish patrol work where you have to put the best foot forwards for the community's approval....we're dealing with mammals who are less than reputable and they don't give a damn if they add to our reputation...speaking of the positives."

The door opened and the hare who had the magnum stuck in his face gestured Fritz and David inside the posh wall to wall carpeted and very richly appointed room where a larger Hare sat in an easy chair with a finished breakfast service sitting next to him on a small table...

"Good morning....Gentlemen." The large, plump dark battleship gray colored and scar'd up hare said as he pulled a thick rounded vape pipe from his mouth. David noted the various scars on the face and arms...obviously this big bunny had seen a bucket of fights over a long span of time..."To what do I owe this visit....Inspector Catz?"

"Good morning Woundy!" Fritz said buoyantly...

"That is Mister Woundwart....SIR!" A voice from the side snarled in demand, getting Fritz's attention.

"Excuse me? And who are you Sir?" Fritz asked.

"That...." Woundwart replied. "Is Campion...my new business adviser."

Fritz held out a hand....Campion wasn't interested in shaking his..."So soon Woundy?" Fritz remarked. "Bugs isn't even carved like chicken yet at the mrogue and you already replaced him? And with a lesser hare? Woundy? I am so shocked."

"That....is.....Mister Woundwart SIR....to you." Campion snarled stronger.

"My my...." Fritz said smirking. "Didn't take long to get a carrot up your tail hole there junior. So?......Woundy....."

"You damned cop!" Campion snapped and started to move which got David moving and drawing his own pistol on the rabbits head...

"Please don't be dumb enough to trigger a warrent-less search on probable cause that you're a real stupid bunny?" David snapped. "Please? Test how fast a cheetah can move? I'd love to demonstrate the minutia."

Fritz's eyes bugged...."Nicely said! You're picking up my manors already?"

David replied. "we're dealing with Mammals who are less than reputable and they don't give a damn if they add to our reputation...speaking of the positives."

Woundwart groaned...."Campion? Get....out please?"

"But....but Father!" Campion snapped.

"I SAID GET OUT! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR EARS? GET OUT!" Woundwart screamed.

Campion quickly left.

"My....children do not take well to their father being disrespected." Woundwart said as he tapped his paw fingers. "You've come for some obvious simple questions I hope? "Dirty draws?"

Fritz chuckled as David re-holstered his weapon. "Obviously...Mister Woundwart....the reason we're here is about Bugs Bunny. We know he was strangled and his foot was cut off and his mouth was "Krylon'd" like a park bench which is the calling card of the Winter Hill mob. Also....four of your associates met a very untimely ending having themselves a "wild party"....let's put that mildly. What we...my partner and I....need to know? Does this have anything to do with a little gang tiff? Maybe you or some of the other bosses are using some mammal to wack a few "associates" to get a message across?"

Woundwart groaned...."I would never use a whore to do what other "more professional" Mammals could do through a little face to face negotiating. Using a whore to do negotiating is below me."

Fritz nodded as David took notes. "I want you to be absolutely sure now Woundy? I'd hate for there to be any mistake....such as oh....you deciding some of your boys should go play a little "Whack-a-mole" thinking perhaps that the Winter Hill gang or Mister Big was behind what happened to your group of associates at that hotel. For you? That would not be a sound thing to do. Take good advice...and...just sit and allow my partner and I to determine the responsible party in these attacks because....if you and the other bosses decide to "Jump for jollies" and start a little street gang war? You'll all be facing the ZPD armed with heavy weapons and.....more than a few of you will end up "pelts" at the local "Walrus-mart" if you get my meaning there.....Woundy?"

The big hare pulled another draw from his vape pen..."Just tell me what you're getting at here Inspector? What do you think is going on? And once again I'll restate myself clearly...I am not using a whore to do anything...though? They do make good spies for "insider trade'n" if you get the drift?"

"So....?" Fritz asked..."Do you Mammaly think this is some one not connected to any syndicate work?"

"I didn't say anything of the sort." Woundwart replied. "I'm just say'n that I'm not doing such a thing and I have no idea if another syndicate is do'n it. That's for you to find out. But.....and I'll make a kindly suggestion because I do believe in assisting our good officers of the law..."

"Wow....how magnanimous." David snorted. "Where's a ladder so I can escape the brown-nami."

Fritz turned his head..."Ok David...I have to teach you the proper times to throw sarcasm."

"Your young partner here has spirit." Woundwart said. "If you need someone who has a good read on every whore in the city? Look up a tiger in Sahara Square named "Khan"...if there is such a thing as a reputable pimp?"

Fritz did a kind of snort chuckle and regarded Woundwart with a hand gesture. "Then we're done here.....for now. Now, keep what I said to you in mind Woundy? I wouldn't like to see your Bowling Alley reduced to a pile of burnt match sticks because you let your children out of the play pen ok? Stay calm and let the police find out who killed your boys. By the way? Was "Bunny on a stick" one of your brood?"

Campion was standing by the door and scowling deeply...."Fuck you Dirty." He said with a snort.

Fritz pinched Campion's cheek and smiled at him. "We're already establishing a good rapore with each other. I'm going to like you Campy? You're so darn cute!"

end of part 4