Bleak
There is nothing sexy in this one. The description is on the tin, needed to vomit words.
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A loud click accompanied the jolt of returning suddenly to consciousness. Before I even opened my eyes, I could feel which end of the room I was on. I could feel the worn texture of my threadbare recliner. Across the room from where my last memory was cut short. Still, I took a moment more and resisted acknowledging reality. Resisted confirming what I already knew.
A relieved sigh broke the reverie. My eyes cracked open and saw a smile splitting the face which I typically wore. "No need to gloat," I said tersely. Speaking with Edgar's voice, being in his body always made me punchy. As if some of my helper's residue were left each time I borrowed it, his personality seeping into mine.
"I'm sorry, the last week was brutal. I know how rough it can be waking up the copy," said my original. "How long do you think you'll be able to go?"
I didn't answer immediately. Instead, I stood and began gathering the things we would need for the rest of my little ritual. Closed mitts. A gag with tongue depressor. Padded cuffs. A tug behind one ear reminded me that my data clip was still in. With a flick of my finger, it popped off and clattered to the messy floor. Why hadn't Edgar tidied this place up? He had been avoiding me.
"Well? Say something?" The prompt from my original brought me back to reality as I dumped the implements into his lap. "Hey! Careful! You're going to feel anything you do to this body soon enough." He leaned back onto the padded couch and started gearing up.
"I'm going to try for a month. I've been doing this too often. Degradation is going to sneak in if it's not spaced out more." My original nodded in a conciliatory manner, pulling the bindings on. He was too excited to pay much heed. I narrowed my eyes. "Hey. Look at me." He glanced up. "You've been right where I am just as many times. That's kind of inherent here. Could you please give some fucking consideration?" As much as anything, I was speaking to myself. Next time around, I would be in that body. Maybe I would be less of an asshole to myself when I got to be the original.
"Sorry, sorry. I'm just... things have been rough. You know how much I've been looking forward to this. You'll get your turn next time," he said before stuffing the gag into his mouth. I buckled it behind his head and cinched the mitts above his head to the top of the couch.
"You wanted it slow this time, right?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Our memories diverged only minutes ago. My original grunted the affirmative and gave a slight twitch as I re-connected his data clip. I took a deep breath and picked up the pad he was hooked into. That I had been hooked into only moments before. I tapped the confirmation screen that had been up and waiting, then sat to watch. "Rest easy."
The restraints are for the protection of the body, of course. Seizures aren't common, but they can happen. I had been lucky the first time. Before I started using restraints. The flailing smashed some glass and raked the body's arm through it. I had to stop the procedure part way to get that taken care of. What an absolute nightmare that must have been for that particular original. Thinking it was finally time to call it quits, then having to face pain and confusion when so much of you is already gone or not functioning. The restraints made sure it could happen in a smooth fashion, even if motor function went a little out of control.
He grunted and pulled softly against the chains. Eyes met with mine and I saw some confusion. I wondered what parts had been erased so far. Hopefully he would remember what was happening. What was being done. These last few moments were drawn out specifically to let him enjoy the process as he went under. Letting the last bit of consciousness ease into sleep.
"Eggaaa!" he grunted. "Eggaa!" He didn't remember. That was unfortunate.
I sat beside him and gently stroked the fur down the side of his body. That always comforted me. "It's ok. I'm here. It's time to rest now. Everything will be ok." I could be Edgar for him if that helped. If that made him feel more calm. Sometimes there would fear or confusion in an original's eyes as memories, and feelings, and all the pieces that build a person were wiped away. One by one. "There's nothing to worry about. I'm going to take care of it all from here on out." I shuddered internally at the thought of facing the day again tomorrow. A whole month. It seemed unendurable.
The gaze became simpler, and some foam built around the edges of the gag. Minor seizures. Nothing big. Emotions and experience flickered behind his eyes as the process continued. The twitches and jerking motions slowly calmed to nothing. Occasionally he would try to speak. Even without the gag, it would have been nonsense at this point. Eventually the lights went out in his eyes. I waited while the system went over a second and third time, making sure that every trace was polished clean. Utterly annihilated. Not until that was over did I stop physically comforting the body. It was silly, but the thought of a final experience being marred by terror or negative emotions made me take the extra time. If it were to come up in the next ritual, I would certainly appreciate the same attention.
The gags and the bindings came off awkwardly, body flopping without a passenger to control it. Once it was free, I arranged it on the couch and lowered myself down into the chair opposite it. I sighed deeply as the data port snapped into place behind my ear. There was a temptation to take more time in Edgar's body. To just enjoy the fantasy that there were no responsibilities waiting for me tomorrow. No crushing sense of future. That I could just be some mindless servant. Resentment and jealousy toward my helper burned inside me as I punched the button to transfer.
Across the room, I opened my eyes. Edgar, restored to his body, had begun to clean. I stood and the meat sagged from my bones, gravity pulling harder than it should. A whole month. I couldn't fathom having to live an entire life.