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Bea sat outside the Pastor's office for over an hour while her father met with Karen. Vaguely she marveled at how soundproof the walls were. Probably intentional. Also she thought once more about the unique smell of a church. Not an unpleasant smell, but it did seem like all churches had a unique atmosphere. She thought it might have something to do with the way the church stood nearly empty for the whole week, only to be packed for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.

The door opened and her father and Pastor Karen stepped out. Her father took her hands and explained that there was a meeting in a few minutes of an adult group that Pastor K had convinced him to attend. They all walked down the hallway to where the meeting was.

“Will you be okay coming home on your own, dad?" Beatrice asked as her father stepped within.

He smiled back. “I'm not that old Bea! I'll be fine."

“Hey, Bea," Pastor Karen said after her father had left. “Can I talk to you for a minute?"

“Sure," Bea said, looking back at the closed door for a moment, then following the Pastor back to her office.

Karen closed the door behind her, Bea noticed as she took a seat in front of the Pastor's desk.

“Bea, have you heard of the seven stages of grief?" she started out.

“Of course. Don't ask me to name them though."

“It's something I deal with often, you know. In a nutshell, they are Disbelief, Denial, Guilt, Anger, Depression, Reconstruction and Acceptance. Never the same for any two people, of course, but I've found that's a pretty effective structure to work by. I don't think your father ever experienced Anger over your mother's death - and that's okay - but he is stuck in the fifth stage. It's been long enough, Bea. He needs to begin moving on. And he recognizes that now too, which is very hopeful. It's why he came to me. Bea, what does your father do every day?"

Bea thought about that. “Watches TV mostly. Cleans the apartment and gets groceries. Helps me with monthly taxes on the Pickaxe though!" she finished, trying to show her father did help.

“Bea, he has no social interaction at all, with anyone but you. And every time he sees you, he thinks of your mother. To put it bluntly, he needs to get out. He needs to build a new life. Even he sees that. But I think he feels guilty even considering a new life. Bea, we're not all just a bunch of zealots here at church. I know you're not a believer - neither is your father for that matter, but he needs something. I've offered him our Adult program here as a possible way to become social again. He's going to try it. It might not work for him, but Bea, he needs to get out again. He will waste away in your apartment if something doesn't change."

“Do you have any recommendations?"

“Well, we'll see how he feels about the program here at church. But, maybe you should have him come into the Pickaxe more often?"

“Pastor K, you haven't seen him when he breaks down there. He loses it if he stays more than a few minutes."

“So? Let him lose it."

“But… the customers. It's bad for business with my dad blubbering away in the corner."

“Bea, are you really telling me you keep your dad out of his own business because he scares customers away?"

Bea looked at the Pastor, and she looked straight back at Bea. Her expression was hard, and for the first time, Bea realized that - just maybe - she herself was part of her dad's problem. She had taken over the Pickaxe when her dad couldn't, but since then she'd kept him out. The few times she'd allowed him back, she would immediately take him back to the apartment when he began to get morose.

Pastor Karen nodded. “You begin to see it now, don't you?"

Bea was shocked.. “You think…. You think I've kept him away? Kept him locked him up in the apartment?"

“Haven't you, Bea? Effectively, haven't you?"

Bea stood up angrily. She fumbled nervously for a cigarette, but the Pastor shook her head..

“I don't keep him in the apartment against his will! He can go wherever he wants."

“Oh, I know that Bea. But you're all he's got now. He won't do anything you don't approve of. But he'll never get over your mother until he's regained his own life. You can help him do that, Bea. And if he breaks down in the Ol' Pickaxe… well, let him. It's his business in more ways than one."

“Not for much longer," Bea thought.

“Bea, just think about it. Encourage him to get out more. If not the Pickaxe, how about just taking him out to dinner. He's got to have had some other friends too. Let him have a night out with the boys."

Bea put the cigarette back in the pack, but her hands were still shaking.

She felt the Pastor's hand on her back.

“Bea, no one is accusing you of anything here. I know you mean well, and so does your father. But you've got to let him lead his own life again. A single disapproving glance from you and he'll back down. Remember that - you're all he's got now. He needs more though, Bea. You need more too, but at least you can go out with your friends. He doesn't have any friends. And he needs some, badly. I think when he can get his mind off your mother for just a few minutes, he'll start to heal."

“I'll consider it, Pastor K. I don't think it's as bad as you say, but… yeah, you might be right," Bea finally conceded as she got up and stepped to the door.

“When does the meeting end, Pastor?"

“Nine o'clock. Tuesdays and Fridays."

Bea closed the door behind her and lit a cigarette in the hallway of the Church of the First Coalescence. Yup, that sealed the deal. She was definitely going to hell, if there was one. Smoking in church. She was the devil incarnate.

But as she walked back to the apartment in the late afternoon sun, she thought about what the Pastor had said. And she knew she was right. Next week she would bring her dad into the Pickaxe, and if he broke down again… well, _when_he broke down again. It always happened. But she'd just let him go. She'd close up the place if it was too much, but she'd let him stay.

******************************

“Hi Mae," Bea typed on her laptop.

“Hi Bea. You hyped for the trip to Bright Harbor tomorrow?"

“Ecstatic. Sorry, a lot going on here today. Signed the docs and I've got a check that makes me nervous to even look at. You want to come with me to deposit it tomorrow before we leave?"

“Can I come over tonight?"

She heard her dad walk in the door and thought about something.

“Hey Mae, can I come over there instead?"

“Sure! Really?"

“Yeah. Things are changing, Mae. I'm not sure how they'll fall out in the end, but things are changing. I'll be right over. But you'll have to meet me at your door. I don't do the power line thing."

“See you in a few."

Bea closed her laptop and stretched her legs.

“Hey Dad. You okay?"

“Sure! Bunch of bible thumpers, but they were okay."

“Hey, do you mind if I sleep over at Mae's tonight? I'm taking Gregg and Angus over to Bright Harbor early tomorrow. Germ will hold down the Pickaxe."

“You mean Santello's!"

“Heh. Yeah! I guess I do!"

“No problem Bea," he said and gave her a peck on the cheek. He smelled of… not apartment.

Bea threw together a hasty overnight bag and headed down to Mae's house. Mae was waiting for her at the door.

“This is gonna be great Bea! Just like old times!"

Her enthusiasm was infectious. Bea tried not to be the downer she always had been.

“Come on in the kitchen. We have Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream!"

She greeted Mr. and Mrs. Borowski, then followed Mae into the kitchen.

“So, do you know how to get there? To Bright Harbor?"

“Mae, you just have to get on the Interstate and go North about five hours. Kinda hard to miss."

“I should get a car."

“You should get a job."

“Touché!"

Mae stuffed her face with a huge spoonful of ice cream straight out of the box.

“Mae, you'll get brain freeze like that!"

Mae's eyes began to cross. “Already did!" she choked out.

“Mae," Bea said as her friend slowly returned to sanity, “Have you thought about the future? What do you want to do, now that you're out of college? Angus and Gregg will be moved out soon. And come fall, if everything works out as I hope, I might be in College Town."

Mae looked at Bea as if she was stunned.

Bea shook her head. Mae had never put two-and-two together, obviously. In a few short months, Mae would be alone in Possum Springs. Well, not alone, but her closest friends would all be gone.

“Oh no!" Mae said as the realization came over her.

“Come on, Mae," Bea said, putting the top back on the ice cream. “You've had enough. Let's go to bed. I have a suggestion I'd like for you to consider."

Mae scrabbled at the ice cream carton that Bea kept barely out of her reach.

“Would you stop being so tall?"

“Come on," Bea said with a giggle as she put the ice cream back in the freezer.

Bea followed Mae up the stairs and into her old room. It looked so much smaller than she remembered it. And yet…

“Wow. It's exactly the same," Bea marveled.

Mae locked the door behind her and began taking off her clothes.

“Some things have changed," she smiled evilly.

“Mae, no. Not tonight. Okay?"

Mae's face dropped so fast Bea couldn't help but laugh.

“Jeeze, Mae. Are you a sex fiend or what? Alright, but we don't have to do anything, right?

Mae's eyes lit up again like a Longest Night tree. “Noooo! Of course not!"

Bea shook her head, but took off her clothes and got under the sheet while Mae turned on a lava light and turned off the room light.

“Oh my god, you still have that light?"

“Sure do! And it still works too. Just takes a long time to get going," Mae said as she climbed in beside Bea.

They watched the lava in the lava lamp slowly melt while Mae drew circles around Bea's breasts lazily with her finger tip.

“Mae, I was thinking… If things work out and I get to go to college in the fall, what do you think about coming with me?"

The lazy 8s stopped and Mae looked at Bea.

“Back to college? Jeeze Bea, I don't know. I crashed and burned last time."

“Yeah, but you didn't have me with you either. And you can help me get oriented on the campus."

“You wanna share a dorm room?"

The lazy 8s began again.

Bea turned her head sideways, watching Mae's finger meander it's way across her chest.

“It wouldn't be the worst thing I could imagine."

“Me neither," Mae smiled up at her.

“I can't afford to pay your tuition or anything, Mae. You'd still have to get your parents' buy-in."

“Oh, that wouldn't be a problem. They're still a little mad I dropped out. And maybe with you there…"

“Yeah. Maybe you wouldn't freak out so bad," Bea said, and started drawing little circles around Mae's breasts too.

“I thought you weren't gay, Bea," Mae said as she turned her chest up.

“I'm not. But… you know, college age girls are known to… experiment on occasion."

“Well experiment away!"

“So. About college. What do you think?"

Mae pushed Bea's hand away and climbed on top of the gator girl.

“Bea, it would be the best thing ever. I didn't think much about the guys leaving, because I knew I had you and Germ here. And I didn't think much about you leaving because I had the guys here."

“You don't really think ahead much do you, Mae?"

“No. Not really."

“So, how about it? You want to come with me back to college?"

“Of course I do, Bea," Mae said, collapsing on top of her.

Bea held the little furball to herself. Poor immature kitten who had the body and desires of a woman, but mind still caught between the woman and the girl.

She really would have missed Mae at college. She imagined all the drama and heartbreak that probably lay ahead, but it would be worthwhile. And in a flash, as Mae rolled off her to gaze at the still-melting wax in the lava lamp, she knew what her major was going to be. She knew where her life was going for the first time.

She kissed Mae passionately then, surprising and delighting the cat. To hell with gay or straight, gator or cat, pussy or cock, she loved her friend and her friend loved her. Tonight they were lovers. Tomorrow would take care of itself. Because for the first time in her life, Beatrice Santello actually knew what she wanted to be! And that was cause for celebration.