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"I'm sorry that I didn't call to check in earlier. I really should have known it was another one of those episodes...especially right after I put you through so much overtime." It was odd seeing such a predatory creature seem so contrite, but Jake knew Daimon Pross well enough to have seen that side of him plenty - the carnosaur was much gentler than his visage implied. "I'm glad to see you've recovered and are ready to be back, and I'll make sure we ease you back in a bit."

"I don't need to be eased back in...just...you know, maybe not any projects like that for a bit so I can build back up some steam."

"Well, that's more or less what I meant. We really need to schedule better to avoid these crunch times, I know it's not good for the guys but we just keep getting behind..." Daimon shook his head, clearly a bit frustrated. "Anyway, yeah, regular schedule for you, and don't be offended if I'm asking about your meds here and there."

Jake nodded; that wouldn't be the first time for that, either, and he'd learned not to dismiss that. Support was important for keeping him from falling back into disability. "Thanks. The first period after getting back on is usually the hardest for me to remember, but I get back into the routine fast enough. Maybe one of these days someone'll be able to nuke my brain and get it behaving properly...I guess I can dream. Though I probably will lose that burst..."

"We don't need that burst if it's going to cost that much. Don't go thinking that I want you putting yourself in traction for us. We're not doing right by you if you think we want that."

"I know you aren't. Sometimes I'm the worst pressure on myself."

"Don't we all know that feeling. But I really am just glad you're back to yourself. Your roommate seemed like he really helped you out there...I'm glad you have someone around you that can help you out during the rough times. Have you thanked him for it? It's good to show your appreciation for the people who can help you through the rough times. You should definitely thank him properly."

"Oh, he's not like that."

Daimon glanced back at Jake. "Eh?"

It took a moment for Jake to realize what he'd said, and he went a bit crimson, thankfully hidden by his fur. "Oh, sorry, I think I misheard you. You were saying to thank him, right? Ah, yeah, I'm trying to think of the right way to do that...don't want to give him the wrong impression with it."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll know what it's all about! But just so long as you do it, whatever you feel is best. Now, let me get you up to speed...we've got another couple of orders from Gringham, not rush orders but they're related to the earlier work and you'll probably have a pretty good insight into what they need..."

Jake nodded along, only half-paying attention - all of this was going to be in the notes he got anyway, Daimon was just one of those people who liked to talk it out. His mind was a bit more on what he could do for Lyle that wouldn't be construed as an attempt to get in his pants...although it was rough, maybe he had to thank his depression for slapping some sense into him. Now he was trying to figure out what he could do for Lyle...and it made sense that the first thing would be getting to know HIM, not just see him as an object of his desires. But the fox probably still didn't fully trust him, so he needed to think about what he could do to start to establish a real rapport.

It wouldn't be easy. But if it was, it probably wouldn't make for very good penance.

---

Just because Lyle had helped Jake get back on his feet, and the wolf had seemed to be more civil to him as a result, didn't erase the prior three months of stress and aggravation. So it was with natural skepticism that Lyle heard out Jake's latest overture. "I don't know..."

"I promise I'm not asking for anything for it. I...look, I at least owe you a meal somewhere, after all you did. Probably a lot more, but I don't know where else to start." He had to admit, though, Jake sounded a lot more sincere with this one than the previous offers. Whether that was because he'd learned how to be slier or had actually changed his ways was the question Lyle couldn't answer. "It'll be completely your choice of place, I won't complain about it no matter what the menu looks like."

"I hope you remember what happened the last time you told me you wanted to take me some place."

"I...yeah, I do. And I feel like crap about that. I totally get why you're not jumping at the idea. But it'll be you calling the shots, where we go, what we do, and it's all on me. And if I even make you slightly uncomfortable, you can, I dunno, box my ears or something, whatever you want to do to tell me to step back."

"...Why this, all of a sudden? You never showed any interest before, beyond wanting to get in my pants...but that wasn't really interest in ME."

Jake sighed, his ears lowering distinctly. "You're right...I really didn't. And that was garbage of me. Four months and I don't really know YOU at all...and for someone who's already saved my tail once and might have to do so again sometime, that's pretty inexcusable. Getting to know you is just one part of paying you back...and so is lunch."

For what it was worth to Lyle, it would have been just as easy to get to know him in the house as it would be at some café or restaurant. But if this was an attempt to apologize...Lyle didn't exactly have a surfeit of trust for Jake, but he'd already jumped the gun once. Had he continued to ignore the wolf, Jake wouldn't be in a position to be paying him back...though he didn't want to say it, in a way he sort of owed Jake as well. And so, trying not to let on his reluctance, he nodded. "All right...I'll look up a place and we can go there tomorrow."

The way Jake's face lit up was so much more genuine than Lyle had ever seen before...he wasn't going to be hasty, but something definitely did seem different about the wolf since his episode. And if it put an end to the anxiety he had been causing, all the better.

---

Lyle didn't exactly eat out much. In too many places, eating alone while being a fox seemed like an invitation for others to come up and try to flirt with you, and that was only the least aggressive form of engagement he'd encountered. So he didn't know a ton of places to eat at offhand, limiting him to searching on the Internet for something that might work. Eventually he settled on a place that wasn't too far away, in case he had to storm out and walk home for whatever reason. It was small, typical lunch café fare - sandwiches, soups, other lighter entrees, no alcohol. The pictures made it look quaint and respectable, which wasn't always the truth under the surface, but was at least more likely to be the truth than when the pictures made it look like a dump.

Initial impressions in person seemed promising. The place measured up to the pictures, it was clean and quiet and seemed reasonably comfortable; were Lyle not who he was he probably would have found it entirely pleasant rather than merely acceptable. Acceptable was as good as it was going to get, though...at least he was with someone else, maybe Jake's presence would deter some of the people who would normally approach him. Hopefully Jake wasn't of a mind to replace that unwanted attention...

They went up to get their food and then sat down at a table, facing each other. It felt almost like the interview when they first met to make this living arrangement, though that was at Lyle's home rather than a neutral setting. And Lyle was a touch more on edge when he didn't have the home-field advantage...he had to try to rein that in, but it was tough. "Okay, so...what is it you want to know about me, then?"

"Uh, well..." Jake paused for a moment, looking uncertain. "I guess...I mean, there's a lot I don't know. Uh, well, how about...uh...how you got that big house in the first place, I guess?"

Lyle gave the wolf a rather tired look. "I'm pretty sure I gave you the story behind that when we were discussing your move-in."

"Yeah, you probably did...I, uh, wasn't really paying attention."

Points for honesty, I guess. "Right. Well, it was about nine years ago, thereabouts, close to ten by now. I already knew I wasn't going to make it through school, not with the jocks leering at me like they wanted to have me for breakfast, so I was looking for something else. I got in touch with my aunt, asking if maybe she had some work for me, thinking she was a business owner so maybe she could get me a job of some kind. That's about the time I found out that she was in the midst of cancer treatment...liver cancer, she'd had trouble with alcohol for years and it started to catch up to her. She said if I wanted to, I could move in with her and become her full-time caretaker. Of course, I said yes."

"I helped her through her treatments, physical caretaking...she wanted to do as much on her own as she could, but she had limitations thanks to the treatment. I did chores around the house, keeping it clean and doing a little maintenance here and there, and helping to vet whoever might have to come to do the work I couldn't. She was pretty reclusive, even more than I was, if you can believe that...she didn't trust anyone to come in there and leave without doing something untoward towards her. When it was necessary, I was not just an extra pair of eyes to watch out for funny business, I did everything I could to try to find the least risky people for the job. Which almost always turned out to be women, and let me tell you, anyone who thinks women can't do jobs like that is straight up ignorant."

"Don't have to tell me twice - Daimon's hired more ladies than guys at our office, and honestly some of the guys are pretty useless," agreed Jake.

"Good, I won't have to get on your case about that then. Kind of a sticking point with me...well, that's not really that related to the story. Anyway, the longer I was there, the more I learned...she taught me how to cook, manage finances, do simple repairs on all sorts of things, lots of self-sufficiency stuff that I doubt I would have learned in school. I was pretty glad for all that...earning and learning, she was nice but wanted me to work hard, and I was glad to be kept busy, it made sure I never found myself wanting for anything to do or anywhere to go."

"I kept at that for a few years...for about the last year, it moved back to caretaker. She had a relapse, and this time the doctors said there was nothing they could do - either it had already spread by the time they caught it, or it had already spread before and had hidden from them, or something. Either way, that was that...she wasn't happy about it, but she accepted it and made all the arrangements. Got the business sold before she was bedridden, at least...I did everything I could to help make her comfortable and to get her affairs arranged. One of the last things she did was will everything she had to me, including the house and her, well, fortune, I guess, that sounds a bit grandiose but it WAS a lot of money. Said I could do with it what I wanted to, and made me swear to keep my fire and never let anyone take advantage of me in any way...of course, I'd be doing everything I can to do that even if she hadn't made me promise. And for the last four years I'd just been living here, staying away from anything dangerous or threatening as best I can...until I got so sick of isolation that I decided to take on a roommate."

Jake blinked a bit. "You were tired of being alone, but worried about strangers...so you thought the best course of action was to advertise for a live-in roommate for a year?"

Lyle gave Jake a pointed look. "Probably not my best idea ever. And if we're being honest, you didn't exactly validate that decision."

"I can't really deny that. But...I mean, couldn't you have brought family in or something?"

"No! Definitely not." Lyle suddenly felt his heart race. Dammit...I can't, I'm not ready.

Of course, Jake caught on to that. "What's wrong? You...have issues with family?"

"I...it's not...I...n-no, I can't talk about this, not now. It's...complicated."

Jake went silent, and Lyle cursed inwardly. Of course, by now the wolf had to have that dawning awareness that he'd never talked about his family - hadn't even mentioned them in passing. And there were definitely reasons for that...reasons that he couldn't share, couldn't talk about, not yet. That was TOO personal, especially when they were just starting to build the bare bones of trust between each other.

Eventually, Jake finally did speak. "Look...I don't know what it is, and I won't pry...you can tell me about it when you feel like it, or not at all, it's not really my business. I just...want to say...well, if it's...if you're not...estranged from them, you don't hate them, it's just...complicated, like you say. It's...you just...want to not...keep your distance forever. You don't really know how much time you have with them...and when they're gone..."

There was such weight that Lyle couldn't possibly miss it. "...Yours?"

"Gone. Either too soon, or not soon enough." The wolf sighed a bit drearily. "Dad was...not a good person. Every time Mom talked about him it was just all sorts of regret...she was young, sort of naïve, thought the world of him, but after they married...well, she said there were signs before, but she was...unable to see them. Anyway, he was abusive. Drank, but honestly he was worse sober than drunk. Verbally at first, and then physically. I remember seeing him hit her a couple times, very vague early memories, but they were scary...I still get nightmares once in a blue moon about it."

"Wow..." Lyle didn't think that was a very useful response, but he wasn't really sure what to say. "Did he...hit you?"

"One time. And that was the only chance he got. Mom took it from him, didn't fight him...but the one time he laid a hand on me, she went ballistic. Never before or after did she ever spit fire like she did then...it was the only time she said he'd ever been afraid of HER. The next day she took me and left. It wasn't exactly the last time he tried to get at us, but about a year later the cops arrested him and he was put away on other charges. Offed himself in prison about a year after that...well, allegedly. I heard a rumor here and there that he might have bene killed by someone else...but honestly, it doesn't really matter what the truth is there, him being gone was a weight off of both of us."

"I don't think it's any stretch to assume that's the 'not soon enough.' I don't know if I want to ask about the 'too soon.'"

Jake shrugged. "It's not easy for me to talk about, but...it still helps. I guess it gives me a chance to remember the years with her...they weren't easy years all the time, single parenthood is hard, harder still when your kid has a brain problem, but we had each other and that meant the world to us. She supported me, helped me through trying times in school, and we talked a lot while I was at college. Good times and bad, I don't know if I would have made it without her being there. I was so thrilled to get my degree, I was raring to go out and get a job and make her proud. And then, a month after graduation..."

"You know, it just...happened too fast for me to process. I'd just talked to her the day before, and then...she was in the hospital. With a stroke. Very young for a stroke, but...sometimes it happens young. I rushed to see her, and it was hard, seeing her in bed, able to talk but partly paralyzed, pretty weak. I poured my heart out to her, I was...a mess, really, but she did her best to comfort me as she always did. I wanted to stay in the hospital, but they didn't have space for me, so I went home. Next day I got a call...she had another stroke and a, uh, what's it called...a pulmonary embolism, I think. They couldn't bring her back from it. Just like that, she was gone...all of two days after she'd been talking to me like nothing was wrong."

Just hearing it was rather gut-wrenching for Lyle. Now he knew why he'd said what he'd said...the idea that someone close to him could go that quickly was hard to process. Consciously, he knew there were all sorts of ways and reasons it could happen, but hearing it like that...it made it all the starker.

He could tell Jake was fighting a bit to keep it together. "You...can probably guess that I kinda went off the rails after that. Any thought about a job was out the window, I was on my own and completely lost. She'd kind of been my anchor, and I didn't have another one...and reality was pretty hard as well, she didn't have much money and I didn't really get anything, and the apartment wasn't in my name, not that I could afford it anyway...I was very seriously looking at homelessness or worse. If Benji hadn't called me, who knows what would have happened...it was like, before I even knew what was happening, he was there, helping me get what I could out of the apartment and taking me to his place, saying I could stay there as long as I needed to."

"And that's how you got with that, uh, group?" 'Crew' was the word he'd been leaning towards using, but that might have been too sharp given the mood.

"Yeah...I mean, I'd known them during college, I guess, but they were Benji's friends more than mine at that time. But living with him, I got to spending a lot more time with them. And I'd say 'aimless' would be the best way to put me at the time...I didn't really have a lot of motivation after the stress of dealing with Mom's death, so I just...existed and did stuff. No job for years, I don't think I paid Benji a penny in rent, not that he ever asked. I hung out with the group, got drunk, fucked, did anything I could to try to get rid of that pit of emptiness. Went off my meds a couple times, got dragged back on them by Benji, pissed and moaned, and then went back to it...took a couple years before I started to feel dissatisfied with it all, I guess I never really thought highly of myself for it, but I just...couldn't deal with everything. It was too much. And it took a while before I got to the point where it wasn't too much, where I was ready to start being a person again."

"That's when I got another phone call. Daimon Pross...my college roommate, he'd been pretty important during those years as well, he'd gotten me through more bad points with my meds than just about anyone. He was crazy, in a good way, ambitious as hell, one of those guys who ruined the curve for everyone else because he wasn't just smart, he was driven. He'd started his own business, in the tech sector, and he wanted to bring me in for a trial, see if he could get me a position...I was never quite as sharp as his level, but I worked pretty hard to prove myself back then. I wasn't so sure I wouldn't be damn rusty after just, well, idling for a few years, but I guess I remembered enough...and once he heard about what happened, he said he was willing to get me up to speed. So I kinda meandered back into adulthood...and that's pretty much where I've been the past, what, three years? I have to count my blessings, all things considered, but...yeah, it's not easy still, I'm missing that one thing that kept me grounded for so long, and I've kind of fashioned my own anchor, but it's not quite as big as hers was."

It was definitely a side to Jake that Lyle had never seen before, and he really rather preferred it. The question was, could he get used to it? Was this just a rebound from the illness of the last month, or was it actually a turning point? Trust was something he always struggled with, and they hadn't exactly started off on a good note with each other...it really just depended on whether he kept up with that or reverted back. Lyle wouldn't know until later, so he'd have to just keep his eye on things.

They finished up their meal and headed back out to the car. Just as they were about to get in, though, Jake stopped Lyle. "Hey...I just...one more thing."

"Uh?"

"I know I've been, uh, a pest. Especially over...well, you know. But I just want to say, I'm not gonna do that anymore. And you...if I do anything that seems like it's even getting close to the line...you can call me out on it, and don't let me forget that I told you that. It was stupid of me to think that I could...well...demand something like that. And I know that's not how my mom raised me, and even if she's not here anymore...I don't wanna make her ashamed of me, dishonor her memory like that. So...yeah. I'll back off, and you can make me back off if I get too close. Okay?"

"Okay...thanks." THAT was definitely different, and Lyle sure hoped it was honest. If Jake actually did leave him be...maybe they could get along after all. The proof would still be in the pudding, but getting an actual affirmation like that was not something he would have expected from just about anyone. For the first time since Jake moved in, he was starting to have hope that this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

---

Jake had thought about keeping his vow to himself - he'd been worried that it might be seen as laying it on too thick, that it might come off as trying to sound overly chivalrous and thus subtly enticing. But after talking with Lyle that day, it just seemed right...he wanted to put the fox at ease for real reasons, and talking about his mother had reminded him of how she'd tried to raise him. What he didn't say was that talking about his father had reminded him of what kind of example NOT to be as well...that uncaring, selfish attitude that had caused them trouble years ago was not something he wanted to emulate. Maybe he carried a bit of that in his genes, but he didn't have to fall into that line. Coming out and saying it felt good, keeping him honest, he could speak and mean every word of it.

That said, he wasn't ready to tell his friends.

Their typical monthly meet-up found him a little bit nervous for the first time in years. He knew they weren't going to be happy about the change in direction, and he really didn't have the energy yet to argue with them about it. It would have to come out sooner or later, but for the moment, he decided to dance around it, blame his still-low sex drive (though it was at least starting to come back by this point), and try to think of a way to break the news gently down the road. At least it wouldn't be difficult to keep them away from the house...

"Finally decided not to flake on us, eh?" Jerome patted him on the shoulder as he sat down.

"Hey, man, you know I was having an episode last month."

"Yeah, yeah. Who's fault is that?" Jake bristled a bit at that. True, it WAS his fault, but Jerome had never exactly been compassionate about his condition - he honestly wondered if the bull thought he was making it up or something. It annoyed him, partly because of how he wished it was just a fantasy he could get rid of any time he wanted.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better." Benji, on the other hand, had seen first-hand what happened to him, and probably wouldn't have doubted it even if he hadn't. "How are you feeling? Have you been getting enough to eat and drink?"

"Yeah, I'm doing better now. Had a rough time of it for a couple weeks, but I've been on the mend since. Lyle helped out a ton."

"How, by finally letting you knot his ass?" snarked Cayden.

"I didn't even have a damn boner for over a month. Sex is still about the farthest thing from my mind right now, that's usually the last thing to get back to normal."

"What, really? No way. I thought Xander was the only one with that problem!"

"Awfully presumptuous of you to call that a problem, don't you think?" replied the monitor with a scoff.

Cayden gave Xander a dirty look. "You don't think it's a damn shame that you'll never know what it's like to have that rush of nailing someone else, of having your body grind against someone else's and reaching the pinnacle of bliss together?"

"I don't think I'll ever have to worry about having a sex scandal. I won't have to worry about my dicks teasing me into doing stupid shit to show off for someone I want to bang, or making kids I can't take care of." Xander smirked slightly as he took a drink. "And I'm never gonna get my wallet swiped by a hooker after making fun of his accent."

Jerome roared with laughter, joined less violently by Jake and Benji, while Cayden stewed. "Fuckin' hell, do that ONE time and you never live it down..."

After the laughter subsided, Jerome turned and looked at Jake pointedly. "Okay, so you're back in the saddle now, right? What's your next move for getting the foxtail? I've been too antsy to get some'a that, you really need to let me in on the next scheme."

"I haven't...thought about it yet. You're gonna have to be patient."

"Come on...I've been patient enough! Why don't you just let me barge in and force him down on the bed, make him bite a pillow, and go screaming in foxy ecstasy?"

Jake had to rear back a bit at that. "Dude. I've told you a dozen times now, you're not raping him."

"Pah. It's a fox, it's not really rape."

"What? Dude. Rape is rape. Are you kidding me?"

"You need to lighten up!" griped the bull. "Foxes are natural-born sluts, they WANT sex, even if they don't say they do. You can't rape someone who wants it!"

"That is so not true I don't even know where to begin," spat Xander.

"Oh, piss off, you wouldn't know anything."

"I would!" snapped Jake. "Don't even play like that, Jer. I don't care how bad you want it, that doesn't mean everyone else does. I've had plenty of foxes in my life but if they said no they meant no."

"A'right, a'right..." Jerome didn't look like he was backing down from his stance, just letting it die for the moment. "Jeez, bet you think otters and rabbits aren't all just walking cockhounds either..."

This was new attitude from Jerome...or maybe, Jake worried, attitude he'd had for a while that he was just starting to express. The bull had never been shy about how he felt, and he'd made mention of using force before, but never to that degree. And he didn't really want to have to think about that at the moment. "Can we just...talk something other than sex for now? My brain's still not with it yet..."

"Yeah, let's talk about something else." Benji took over from there in a hurry, and Jake was grateful for that. But now he was more worried than ever about the reveal...if Jerome felt that way, then he definitely wasn't going to be accepting of Jake's altered stance. Things had the chance to get ugly...he'd have to be careful going forward.