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It was a supposed to be a meet-up like any other meet-up. Jake and his friends had been getting together at least once a month for the past few years. It was traditionally the first weekend of the month that they had their usual time out, although there were sometimes adjustments and other outings as well. It was the most routine thing in Jake's world by this point, even his work hours weren't that regular.

So why do I feel so anxious this time?

Jake was standing outside the bar, feeling an abnormal apprehension about crossing the threshold. Definitely not the way he wanted to be feeling about tonight...he had stayed away from the last meet-up, the sour feelings between him and most of the others having been reason enough to keep his distance. Benji had pleaded with him to come to this one, though, saying that things would be cool enough and they could all get along again. The wolf still had some doubts about that, though...Jerome and Cayden hadn't exactly been all that welcoming of his voice when he tried to talk to them about what happened. If his presence was the problem...well, he didn't want the schism to have collateral damage if he could help it.

If I'm already feeling this way...well, that might be a sign that it's already a lost cause. But...well, I'll try. I don't want to lose such long friendships if I can avoid it...

More and more, though, he was questioning whether he even wanted it. He had been finding camaraderie elsewhere lately, and if he was being honest with himself, Rowan and Gylles were easier to get along with than Jerome ever was. The thought had entered his mind more than once over the past couple months that the bull might not be the kind of person he should be around anymore - the kind that was what they called a 'bad influence.' He had gravitated towards Jerome when he had that attitude of 'take what you want from the sluts' and they didn't see eye-to-eye on that anymore...breaking away might have been the right thing to do.

But still, one chance...he took a deep breath and entered, looking for the familiar group. It wasn't hard to find them - a bull tended to stick out. And Jake could almost feel the tension as he neared, even though they were trying not to show it. Oh, it was delicate...there was a disaster in the offing if anything came out that roiled anyone. Jake hoped he could mind his tongue.

"Finally decided to show your face around here again, did you?" It sounded like Jerome was trying to make a joke...or, no, like he was trying to be very serious while making it sound like a joke to any observers. "Get tired of your dick being dry?"

"You're free to wet it down if you're that concerned about me."

"Hah! Like I'd be the one sucking of the two of us!"

"I'm glad you made it," Benji cut in before anything could go further on that. "I know we've had a rough spot, but let's try to get past that, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Jerome took a large swig of his large drink. "A'right, maybe I got a little overheated back then. But you gotta understand, you've been a bit of a tightass lately. You gotta lighten up and stop acting like you gotta police everything, you know? No one likes a guy who ruins all the fun."

"It stops being fun when you stop listening. Why is it that big a deal to you? I know you always got sulky when you heard a 'no' but you never got all pushy over it before. And you don't see everyone else acting the same way...hell, they'd all be like Lyle if guys were all like you."

The bull grunted. "I'm just sick'a all this PC bullshit. All this junk about being more sensitive and shit, like get outta here, everyone KNOWS foxes are sluts, just because your feelings are hurt doesn't change that. And then we have you all buying in hook like and sinker, fouling things up for the rest of us, what am I supposed to do, just let you ruin things all the time?"

Not exactly the most promising thing Jake could have heard, but he tried to navigate this in a way that would help Jerome settle down. "I'm not trying to just...you know, incessantly cockblock you. I'm just saying no means no. Even if they might enjoy sex, that doesn't mean they want it right now, or from you. And it doesn't mean you won't be arrested for forcing yourself on someone."

"Feh. Police are supposed to be tightasses. You ain't a cop."

"I don't want to see you in jail, either." Yet, went the unspoken word. "And like I said, there have to be dozens of guys who want a ride and will say so eagerly. I mean, hell, you've never been wanting for ass, Jer. Or you, Cay. Guys are all over you two. One guy says no, you've got a better chance of scoring than I do."

"...You've got a point, I guess," replied Cayden grudgingly. "I mean, I've had six guys in the last month, and none of them were foxes or rabbits. I suppose it's not that bad if we have to accept them saying no."

The bull scoffed. "Bah. They're just playing hard to get. You know they'd be moaning like the bitches they are once you stuck it in. Sometimes you just have to push the issue."

"Isn't that the same thing you said about me for two years?" Xander spoke up for the first time, and his voice was uncharacteristically tight. "To the point where I had to report you to the school admins after you tried to force me to 'fish 'em out' and bang someone?"

"...That was just...look, I didn't know you had no sex drive, then! I just thought you were being some idiot that thought he had to be celibate or something! I was just trying to break you of that stuff-"

"Yeah? After I told you a couple dozen times, at least?" The monitor was scowling at Jerome in a way that Jake hadn't seen in years. Xander rarely got angry at anything, so seeing this was unnerving...how many old wounds had been opened over all this stuff? "Maybe the problem is you need to have some goddamn boundaries. Listen to people and accept what they say, rather than trying to argue because you want it to be a different way."

"Hey, easy, there..." Benji sounded very nervous as he cut into the argument before it could ramp up. "We're here to enjoy ourselves, I don't want us starting a whole bunch of old arguments that will just get us all mad..."

"Yeah, sure." Xander didn't look like he'd said all he wanted to say, but he shut his mouth and went back to his drink.

"Anyway!" Benji turned back to Jake. "You're gonna be free in a couple weeks, right? We've got the annual Benz Street Club Hop going on! Worker's Day weekend, 17th to the 19th! I really want you to be there this year, I know you had that work thing last year and you missed out on a lot of fun!"

"Ah! I forgot about that!" Everything Benji had said was true, and he really was annoyed at having to miss out that time - it wasn't just work, but trying to figure out his living arrangements at the same time, everything just kind of made it too busy to do as much as he wanted to do. However, that was last year, and this was this year...he wasn't sure it was a good idea to go club hopping with people who he had lingering issues with. As it was, he'd never been as much a fan as the others had been - he liked getting into it and staying at one place more than bouncing around. But it was still a good time with friends and that had been the main draw...now he wasn't so sure that was going to be there.

But even if it was, there was another issue. "Man, I've already got plans for that, and the whole week after. And I've had them for weeks, no way it would be fair to bail on them now."

"What plans?" Cayden asked, aghast. "Don't tell me you have work again!"

"No, I'm going on a...well, it's kind of a camping trip. We're going south to the coast, gonna be in tents, but it's gonna be within spitting distance of a really small town. It's a weeklong thing, but I've always wanted to try something like that and the weather's going to be perfect for it."

"You're gonna pass up the Club Hop for the fucking boonies?" Jerome rumbled. "That's so lame! Can't you just do that the week after?"

"Uh, no. I'm not going alone, I can't ask everyone to shift things around like that."

"Who the hell are you going with? You can't tell me that fucking homebody fox is gonna go with you!"

"Actually, he is. He's nervous, but he wants to try camping too, and it's not like there'll be a lot of people around for him to be nervous about, just some other friends I've helped him make."

"WHAT other friends? Who else do you even know?"

Jake frowned. "I have friends besides you guys. How does that shock you? I know you do too."

"Wait a sec," said Cayden, sitting upright. "Are you talking about that otter and rabbit you've been hanging out with lately?"

Shit. Jake could almost FEEL the glare coming from Jerome at that...Benji looked surprised, too, but in not nearly as hostile a fashion. "Yeah, the four of us organized it. They're bringing a couple other friends, too, people I don't really know but I don't think it'll be a problem-"

"Are you...fucking kidding me?" Jerome cut in. "You're hanging out with a fucking otter and a fucking rabbit? And you're not banging them?!"

"Yeah...what does it matter to you?" Jake decided it would be a very BAD idea to tell him that the rabbit was the one that Jerome had threatened to rape. Not that this was going well anyway, but when there was a fire raging out of control you didn't add lighter fluid.

Why bother, when others were there to add it for him. "Dude, they're approaching him!" Cayden said, with the same disbelief he'd had when Jake had first told him. "He gets these guys coming up and talking to him, like they don't even worry about it! He's got some kind of reputation!"

"Are you fucking serious? He's got primo sluts draped all over him and he's not getting me in on that action?!" Jerome's voice was getting too loud again, and Jake was bristling.

"They aren't sluts, you meathead. They're people who feel uncomfortable approaching strangers because they don't know who's going to be a nice guy and who's going to try to get in their pants when they don't want it, and who feel so much better when they know someone's not going to be any risk to them. You know, that's how I made those friends in the first place, by being civil and not trying to bone them constantly."

"That's why you're blowing us off? So you, you can just, pal around with sluts who won't put out?! And leave us hanging high and dry?!"

"Jerome!" Benji's voice was almost a squeak, and he was clearly trembling. "You know they're not-"

"Shut up! I can't believe you, Jake! You used to be one of US! You were someone who was cool! Look at your fucking life, man! Have you even gotten laid this year? Or did your dick shrivel up like lizard-boy's?"

"I'm satisfied with how often I've gotten laid, even if you're not," Jake growled back. "The hell is your problem? There's more to life than sex! And if I'm not 'cool' to you anymore, maybe that's because I've become a halfway decent fucking person who doesn't treat the world like it owes him bitches and brew just for being there!"

"You're just a selfish prick! You have a fucking gift and you're not sharing with anyone! How many people would kill to have you pick up some slut for them, and you're just all 'no, they're not sluts, don't pay any attention to the fact that they're FUCKING FOXES!' You'd better fucking get me one tonight, no excuses!"

"NO! Are you stupid or something? Never mind that it's not like I can fucking snap my fingers and summon one, I'm not going to try to set you up with someone who isn't looking for sex!"

Jerome stood up, towering over Jake and giving him a look that might have petrified a lesser person. "That wasn't a request! You do it or you're out! You'll never be one of us ever again!"

The temptation to respond with more volume was so strong, but Jake caught himself - escalating this was going to only bring sorrow. Instead, he took a moment to settle himself, slid back, and stood up himself. "It's pretty clear I haven't been 'one of you' for a while now. I thought maybe you'd respect that, but obviously not. I guess my thought was right, there's no saving this, so consider this good-bye. And if the next time I hear about you you're in prison for rape, I hope you hear me saying I told you so."

Jake turned and started for the door, glad he hadn't had the time to order anything and have to pay up. He heard a scuffle behind him and looked back - clearly, Jerome didn't want to leave it at that, but Cayden was yanking him back into his seat, trying to keep a hold of him. Benji looked like he was about to break down, and Xander...well, he was still giving Jerome a nasty look, so Jake couldn't tell what was going on with him. He let his gaze go forward again, and didn't take another glance back as he exited the bar. Once outside, he slumped against the building, taking deep breaths to try to settle himself down...it was a big thing, losing friends like that, and there was a lot of sadness mixed in with the anger which made for a really bad cocktail. He wasn't sure who he could talk to about it...Lyle wouldn't have any love lost for them, so he wasn't sure the fox was the right person. But who really was?"

"Hey..."

Jake's eyes opened, and he looked over. Xander was walking up to him; he looked a bit wet, and there was the scent of booze on him that suggested that he'd had an unfortunate encounter with a drink that wasn't his own.

"You think they'd be okay with having one more on that trip?"

Jake had to take a moment to collect his thoughts. "You're not...uhm..."

"Let's just say that I decided to cross that bridge before you burned it. Felt good to give him what for, guess he didn't agree. Honestly, they way they've been since your episode, you were mostly the reason I was still around with them the last few months...well, you and Benji, but he's got a decision to make, I guess. I feel kinda sorry for him, but...well, so it goes."

"Yeah...but...yeah. I think they'd be happy to have you there." Okay, maybe it hadn't been a total loss on the night...and that was already helping a bit. I guess when the chips are down, you really do find out who your real friends are.

---

For the first time in as long as he could remember, going out had Lyle more excited than nervous. Though it probably helped that it was his first time going out to a place where there would be almost nothing to worry about.

The idea had been pitched towards the end of the previous month by Rowan. The otter was at the house with decent frequency, enjoying a good time with both himself and Jake, and not infrequently with Gylles, who was also a common visitor. And once or twice, they had all gone out together someplace - something that always had Lyle a bit anxious, but he quickly learned that there wasn't just safety in numbers, there was comfort. It was hard to feel stressed out all the time when there were people around trying to help you have a good time, and given that they knew plenty of places where people like him were less likely to be harassed, he could even forget that he wasn't in the safety of his own home for a bit.

They had all been together when Rowan had brought up the idea of camping. It was something Lyle had never done before, not really something his family had ever cared to do, even before the...incident. But as Rowan pitched the idea, he found himself drawn to it...he might not have been a terribly outdoorsy person, but neither did he want to be a shut-in, and the idea of forcing himself to leave the comfort of his home for several days seemed like a good way to get him used to the idea of being disconnected. And a remote, isolated campsite meant much less opportunity to run into someone who might have untoward attentions towards him. So he pushed aside his usual reluctance and signed on.

The spot was a good long ways away, over a six-hour drive from where they lived, on a property along a lake with woods all around, which Rowan's family had held onto for several generations. It wasn't completely out of the realm of civilization, there was a small town about a ten-minute drive away and a few cabins around the lake, but no one in the family of otters had ever had any trouble with anyone there, and if they didn't then a fox wasn't likely to have much more. They would have to sleep in tents, something that most of them were unfamiliar with, but Rowan had been all too eager to help them get prepared for the trip - the way he talked about it, it was easy to see he loved those kinds of getaways.

It was going to be a small party, as it turned out, not just the four of them. Rowan was bringing a friend, another otter named Farley, who it seemed was a fairly frequent guest of Rowan's when they he went out there. Gylles had asked to bring his brother Reuben, who used to go camping with their parents before their father had passed away and had always talked about it wistfully. And, in a rather sudden recent development, Jake was bringing Xander with them. The two had spent a fair bit of time together in the week or so leading up to the excursion - Lyle hadn't pried, but he'd gleaned enough from the way they talked that they'd had a falling out with the rest of their group of now ex-friends. Lyle couldn't say he was terribly disappointed to hear that - even his minimal interaction with the others had left him with a rather sour impression. But he kept his mouth shut on that, he knew that wouldn't ease any of the wounds.

The sun was already getting low in the sky when they finally arrived. It was a short walk from the vehicles to the lakeshore, but there was a nice well-worn spot all ready to be used for them. Lyle was helping to carry things, but he wasn't doing a great job of it, finding himself getting worn out pretty quickly trying to take some of the larger and heavier packs to their site. Damn, I'm really not in great shape...why didn't I buy that workout machine like I said I was going to? He ended up toting more of the smaller things, and hoping that he wouldn't be chided for not pulling his weight. No one else seemed to think much of it, though.

From there Lyle had even more feeling of being lost, as they began setting up the tents. There were four of them, two to each except for Lyle having his own, and he quickly discovered that it was much more a two-person job, especially when he didn't know what he was doing. It felt kind of embarrassing to feel this incapable, but he tried to keep it in perspective - he'd never camped before, never needed a tent, why would he know how to set one up? Jake came over to help him after a while, and reassured Lyle that it was simpler when you had done it before, but the first time was tricky. With the wolf's help, Lyle's tent at last was erected, and his awkwardness was dispelled for the time.

"Man...it's so nice to be back here." Rowan was staring out over the lake at the sunset, he hadn't stopped grinning since they'd arrived. "You guys have no idea how tempted I am to shuck it all off and just dive in the water right this moment."

"Hopefully you've learned more restraint since we were kids," laughed Farley, a slightly taller and chubbier otter than Rowan. "Your parents were always telling you off for that."

"And it was always worth it!"

"It's been way too long since I had the chance to get away from it all for a while," remarked Reuben wistfully as he set up a lawn chair next to their firepit. The rabbit was a couple years older than Gylles and had a bit darker fur color, but was otherwise very similar to Gylles in appearance - they were quite obvious brothers. "My coworkers think I'm nuts, they all can't imagine being apart from their computers for even a second...I think they're nuts for that."

"God, same...I need a break from the screen from time to time," agreed Jake. "Can't say camping was my go-to, but it's more fun with a group for sure. I'm so glad to work for Daimon, he's amazingly generous with time off. Lucky that I work for a guy who knows how crap our generation gets treated by the old guard."

"Haverly's is pretty awful about that," said Xander with a sigh. "My supervisor threatened me with the whole 'if you go, don't bother coming back' schtick, even though I clearly had accrued PTO. Wasn't until I threatened HER with a call to HR that she backed down, but hell if I'm gonna trust her to treat me well when I get back. Cannot WAIT until I get out of there...one of these days someone's gonna have to take a flyer on me."

"What's your field?" asked Reuben.

"Finance. I THOUGHT that would be pretty desirable, I like numbers and I like keeping spreadsheets and stuff. I was actually in it until about two years ago, when the company was bought out and I was one of the guys that got laid off...though, really, even if it didn't get bought out it was gonna fold so I was boned either way. Haverly's isn't where I want to be, but it's where I've gotta be until I get another position. I dunno why they aren't even giving me a look...feels like I must be doing something wrong."

"Huh. Well, I couldn't tell you. Maybe Gylles could, he's studying to become a counselor and all."

"Not a job counselor, a school counselor," the other rabbit said with an eye roll. "Totally different realms."

"Yeah, but it's advice giving stuff either way, right?"

Gylles facepalmed. "I'm not gonna give advice about a field I don't know anything about! For one thing, I've never even DONE a job hunt, much less know any insider tips!"

"Oh, yeah, lucky you, working for Uncle Vinnie for a few years. I'm still kicking myself for turning it down, would've been able to move out a lot faster. Talk about who you know rather than what you know..."

"My job in a nutshell," agreed Jake. "Days where I wonder why I got so lucky and someone else didn't..."

"Sometimes it just happens," remarked Farley as he pulled up a chair as well. "You never know when something's gonna come around. Friend roped me into working at the pro shop and I've been at it for almost ten years now. Steady work, if not spectacular, but it gets me what I need."

"Lucky," sighed Xander. "I don't know anyone in a finance position or a business where they'd want someone...if I did, I'd've asked already."

"Well, there's always the option of making your own work. Or finding a hidden talent you never knew you had, like Rowan here."

"Hush, Farley," Rowan said with a slight flush. "Bartending isn't really a talent."

"It is the way you do it! You're one of the slickest, bud, you really oughta play it up more. Ain't just anyone that comes up with new mixes like you do!"

"How can you handle being around drunks all the time, though?" asked Lyle. "Especially if they're...well..."

"I mean, I work as a bar in a restaurant, not like, uh, some kinda dive bar or college tank or something," Rowan replied. "It's usually at least a little classier than that, and most people don't get outright drunk. And it's mostly not singles, so I get, uh, less attention there, fortunately. And those that try to act slick, I can cut them off or have them thrown out, the manager's pretty protective of me. I get hit on a fair bit, and some of them are a little more creepy than others, but I've only ever been touched once in an aggressive way...most guys at least back off when told no loud enough."

"Oh, that's good...ah!" Lyle had to move back a bit as Reuben got the fire going, a lot bigger than he expected. It was quite warm, and felt a little bit hotter than it needed to with the weather as pleasant as it was, but it brought some good light to the dimming area.

"There we go! Now time to settle in!" The fox watched as drinks were grabbed from everyone's respective coolers. He had his own, as well, stocked with a few of his favorite sugary drinks...but he hesitated a moment.

"Dude! You seriously brought your own mix?" Farley was fawning over what Rowan had brought, which looked like colorful self-bottled concoctions. "Dude! This is why I keep telling you you've got a gift!"

Rowan pushed Farley away from his cooler, looking embarrassed. "I was just experimenting a bit! I'm not sure how well these all go together. Someone suggested some tarter juices to offset some of the sweetness of the mixers. Figured I might as well bring some of the ideas to try them out."

"You are gonna have the best liquor cabinet when you finally get your own real place to live."

"No way, it's too expensive to have a ton of different everything."

"Whatever happened to keeping it simple?" asked Reuben, drinking from his big-brand beer. "I remember when there weren't a zillion different choices, you just got a six-pack from the local store and it was one of the four or five big brands."

"Yeah, and then you actually turned old enough to go into a liquor store," Gylles snarked over some kind of wine cooler.

"Those places can be overwhelming," remarked Jake, who had a beer as well but with a far less familiar name to it. "I look at it and there's so much I'm like, why don't I try this? And then I have to force myself back down so I don't look like the biggest booze-hound there is. And Rowan's right, the stuff'll lighten your wallet in a flash."

"Thank goodness for restraint," toasted Xander with a raise of his drink, which Lyle couldn't see very well.

Something about it spurred Lyle on...he wasn't quite sure what it was. "Uh...guys? Could I...try one of yours?"

All eyes turned towards him - most of them, save Farley and Reuben, knew Lyle didn't drink, so it was quite a departure from the expected. "You sure, Lyle?" Jake asked.

"I...well, I might as well...try one. Since it shouldn't be a big deal here...right?"

"Definitely not!" replied Reuben with a grin, tossing a bottle of his beer to Lyle. "No time to start like the time it won't bother you, right?"

"Really?" snorted Jake. "You're starting him on that bilge-water?"

"Hey, no beer snobs allowed. It all turns into the same thing in the end anyway."

Lyle got help from Farley opening the bottle, took a sniff of it, and recoiled. "Yew! I, uh, I don't think this is gonna be right for me..."

"See?" said Jake with a look.

"Bah, not like he's gonna find your 'fancy brew' any better, you know?"

"If there's anything I want to hear less than a beer-dick-measuring contest, I don't know what it is," drawled Xander with an eye roll. He reached down and popped open a bottle, then walked over and handed it to Lyle. "Try this one out. It's definitely more for those who are put off by the smell and taste of beer, which I could hardly blame you for."

Lyle took a look at the bottle; by the help of the firelight, he could see the label say East End Cider. Wasn't that the one Jake...tried to push on me before? Maybe Xander's how he heard about it... Hesitantly he took a swig of it...it was weird, sort of like a fruity soda but with more of a burn to it. It wasn't bad, he had to admit, though he didn't know if he'd call it his new favorite thing. "Yeah, this, uh, this is all right..."

"You're not gonna run him out now, are you?" teased Farley.

"Ah, no, no...I, uh, figured it might be...okay to try some, but...I'm never gonna be much of a drinker," replied Lyle. "It's what got my aunt...she was a heavy drinker for years, and, uh, I took care of her when she got liver cancer."

"Oof. That'd do it. You're worried you might have the same personality?"

"Well...you never know. But I don't think I'm gonna be like that...I just, well, don't like the idea of getting, you know, loopy or something, and I definitely worry about what might be overdoing it."

"I have the same worry," Rowan agreed. "Especially since I work around booze. I often taste things when I'm on the job, but I try not to have any full drinks so that I don't get myself buzzed. When I'm off the job, I have a good rule of thumb: no one gets drunk on one. So I'll let myself have one drink, whatever it is, and cut myself off there. Doesn't matter if I'm with family, friends, or on my own. I've never been drunk, and if I stick to this I won't ever be drunk. And that amount of booze isn't gonna tax your liver that much, either."

That sounded pretty reasonable to Lyle...if one didn't have any real effect on him, then maybe he could safely do that. The cider didn't seem like something he wanted to drink quickly anyway. "I think I might try that myself...it sounds like a good way of doing things."

"Being drunk isn't really any fun anyway," said Gylles. "I got blotto once...yeah, that was all I needed."

"He was lucky it was a family reunion," chuckled Reuben. "Otherwise he'd'a been a snowshoe by the time we found him."

"Reub!" Gylles almost choked on his drink, getting a chuckle out of everyone else. Lyle didn't miss the implication, but...it didn't wring his insides like it normally would have. As the topic turned to other things, he was given a chance to unwind that and cast it off. It was pleasant out here, remote, there wasn't anything really dangerous, at least not the kinds of dangers that usually plagued his mind...maybe it would be good for him to use it to try to relax himself a little, where he could.

---

Jake certainly noticed the change. And he was trying not to make it too obvious that he was doing what he could to provide a cushion.

It was about as laid-back a trip as Jake had had in years. No rowdiness, no loud music, no crowds...just nature and a few friends. The activities mirrored that. There was swimming, some walks through the woods, throwing around balls or frisbees, a couple other camp games that the more experienced among them knew about. For food, they mostly grilled or cooked over campfires and had some snacks, not focused on supremely healthy eating but more tasty eating. They left the campsite a couple times to go into town, enjoying the old buildings and quaint atmosphere while stocking up on provisions, and to a couple of spots of interest in the general area. Farley somehow managed to coax Jake and Reuben into a round of golf at the nearest course, which inevitably resulted in the otter utterly smoking them. And every night they sat around the campfire, talking about whatever came to their minds and telling all sorts of stories.

And Jake could tell, Lyle was relaxing, just a little bit. It wasn't a drastic departure, he was still antsy and stayed close to the group whenever they went out together, but in little ways he was slipping out of his narrow comfort zone. Agreeing to try a drink was the first of those, and served as kind of a stark contrast to the last time he'd aimed to get Lyle to do that...this definitely was a lot better setting and a lot better way of doing it, though it probably helped that there was no hidden agenda to it.

But there were other things. Such as when Farley and Rowan spent the morning swimming in the buff...which was just about every morning they were there. It wasn't anything deviant or erotic, just clearly something that the two were more comfortable doing, probably because there was no one around to get the wrong impression. Lyle saw this one morning, and Jake could swear he could see the red through the fox's fur...but he didn't say anything, just averted his gaze from the two otters so that he didn't have to look at it. Jake had asked him about it later, and Lyle said he didn't want to get in the way of their fun, and it wasn't really his business how they were doing things as long as they weren't pushing him into it...though the way he said it was a little tense, it was clear he was making an effort to keep from letting his discomfort intrude on a good thing.

And then there was one time they were in town, when Lyle was looking at some souvenirs and didn't know what one of them was, and none of the others in the shop knew either. The fox was looking pretty anxious, wavering over putting it back or holding onto it...then to Jake's surprise, he slowly made his way over to the counter and asked, in a timid and nervous voice, what it was. The goat behind the counter was thankfully quite professional and didn't hint at anything untoward, showing him that it was a small lighter/candle torch, something that could be set on a table and would burn with a small flame. Lyle ended up buying it, looking very relieved that things had gone well...Jake was feeling very much the same, he still remembered the last time a goat had run across Lyle, months ago on the beach. Of course, not all of them would be the same, but it was hard not to be a little nervous when Jake really wanted Lyle's efforts to be encouraged.

These might have been small things for anyone else, but Jake could sense the magnitude of them when it came to Lyle. A fox who had spent the better part of four years in virtual physical isolation, outright terrified of just about anyone who might come around, was finally peeking just a little bit out of his shell. And Jake wanted to nurture that, help it to grow and help him overcome everything...but at the same time wanted to protect him, knowing that things weren't always going to be so easy. And the third feeling was, was it really any of his business feeling either way? He wasn't Lyle's parent, he wasn't a romantic interest, he was a roommate, one that he knew by now he had no business pushing himself on in any way. Sure, if Lyle asked, he'd do whatever he needed, but in the absence of that, it was better for him not to do anything more than just watch and only step in if there was trouble.

And he knew why he was having this conflict...his feelings for Lyle had been growing lately. He kept them a complete secret, of course, not letting on at all what was going on inside, but there was no denying them. Not that he hadn't tried - once Lyle had no longer needed his constant presence, he figured they would fade away and he could forget that ever happened. But there was no such luck there...the time he spent with Lyle always made them bubble to the surface, especially during one of those moments where Lyle made contact with him or when he was spooked a little. He had tried to chide himself, accusing himself of wanting someone vulnerable and that it wasn't really fair to Lyle to feel that way, but no, seeing him break out more made him more appealing, like he was seeing glimpses of what was really Lyle underneath the trauma and neuroses and liking it more and more.

It was challenging to remind himself that he shouldn't dwell on the unobtainable. But the emotional part of him didn't want to let go...he would have to force it to somehow, but he wasn't going to find the answers during this trip. Perhaps he needed to find a relationship of his own, something to keep him occupied and put that to rest...an item for his mental to-do list. For now, he was just going to try to relax and enjoy seeing Lyle come a little more to life.

---

It felt like it went by like lightning, as all good trips seem to go. The campfire buzzed with activity until they could linger no longer, wanting to make the most of things before facing down their final day of their trip. Lyle had certainly enjoyed it, but he was starting to miss the comforts of his home; he would be glad to be back, for sure, even if he had liked the brief separation. It helped that the people around him kept him engaged and interested, staving off boredom that threatened to sneak in here and there. The campfire nights were especially nice, lots of talking and conversation that Lyle could barely keep up with, he didn't realize people could even talk that much about just random things in person; most of his communications with his online friends were one-on-one and much less variable. Eventually, though, it got late enough that exhaustion crept in. Everyone said their good-nights, headed to their tents, and were quickly off to sleep.

Except for Lyle. The fox had gone to his tent, but he was still awake, waiting until everyone else was out for the night. Once any sounds of activity had ceased, he pulled off his sleeping bag and slowly exited the tent, taking a look around to verify that everyone was settled in. Quietly he emerged, zipping the tent up and quietly stepping off into the woods. There was a bit more than a slight breeze whistling through the trees, the sky overhead was cloudy and partly dulling the light of the moon, but it was still nice out, the mild night air comfortable against his bare fur.

He went further into the woods, heart pounding a bit, not wanting to travel too far away from the campsite but far enough that he wouldn't be seen or heard or smelled or anything like that. His paws slightly rustled some gathered leaves as he got further out, but he had put enough distance that that was unlikely to be noticed. Once he could barely see the campsite through the darkness and the trees, he felt he was far enough that any further would be too risky...he took a seat on the ground, his back against a large tree, take took a steady breath, trying to settled down and focus on the task at hand.

His boner wasn't going to take care of itself, after all.

Slowly he wrapped his hand around the aching shaft, starting with just a gentle rubbing over the surface, only a light pressure applied by two fingers while the rest just sort of swept over the surface. Even this felt quite nice to him, maybe he was just sensitive like that but it always felt better when he started out fairly gently. It was also helping to relax him, get his mind off of his nerves and onto some salacious fantasies that helped to stir the pot. He needed a bit extra of that in this unusual situation, but he'd had some practice over the past couple nights.

The way he acted towards others, some might have pegged him almost as anti-sexual - a black hole of eroticism that sucked up the sex drives of anyone around, never to let them escape. He wasn't going to complain about that characterization, it was better than some alternatives that some WANTED him to have. But it was not, in fact, even remotely the truth - Lyle had plenty of sex drive. Certainly not the stereotypical bottomless well of boner fluid, but considering he typically jerked it twice a day, he certainly wasn't short of lust. He had lewd thoughts and fantasies like anyone else, looked at porn and read erotic stories...those who knew him were liable to be shocked at that revelation, were it ever to be made.

He wasn't intending to make it...or at least, for the longest time he hadn't ever considered it. His parents had always held that he was in control of his body, but the day that had changed everything had given him a very stark impression otherwise. He had always acted like he hadn't known what had changed, but he'd noticed it all, the effects that had lingered and that continued to torment them all to this day...it made him ache inside, for many reasons, but none so much as what it might mean for him. He'd said before to Jake that he was worried that someone would take him by force and break him, but the truth was, he feared ANY sexual encounter, even one he wanted and fully consented to, would curse him to the same fate. What if he was just one screw away from becoming the stereotype? Maybe it was irrational, but it was hard to be rational when your whole life had taught you to not trust anyone, not even yourself. And the lack of trust in anyone else, that they would respect the sanctity of his body, only made those fears worse.

So he had cultivated an attitude that was designed to protect him - a public impression of deliberate, fervent, almost fanatical chastity, and personal sexual indulgence only in perfect privacy. He didn't care if he sounded crazy, if that was what kept anyone from thinking of him as a sexual being or object...not that it stopped everyone.

It had worked for him through middle school, but it hadn't taken more than a month of high school for him to realize that there were enough people who didn't care, and had the muscle to back it up, that he was at more risk of being seen as a conquest than a weirdo. That was when his aunt had made the offer to him to be her caregiver, and he had readily taken it, dropping out of school and moving out of his home to live with her full-time. Maybe it was a bit shameful to think, but getting away from his parents and brother had been good for his mind at the time...being around examples of what seemed to be his potential fate had worn on him. He couldn't see them and not fear for himself...that was the reason he couldn't face them. Well, part of the reason...but it alone would have been enough to dissuade him. As cruel as that sounded...he cared for them, loved them, but the fear made it too hard for him, he couldn't handle looking at them and fearing that he was looking into a crystal ball of his own future.

So it had been that way for years now. It his private times, he would work off the steam that built up under the hood, to help keep him from feeling any more temptation than he could tamp down in the rest of his life. Whenever he had to interact with others, even online, he made no mention of sexuality, and if it was brought up by them he was evasive until they changed the subject. Those who were his friends didn't push the matter when he said there were issues in his life that kept him from wanting to discuss such things - those who got annoyed by that quickly stopped being friends. And of course, any in-person interaction he had, he tried to put on such a potent air of sexual hostility that they were turned away...even a fox could be a boner-killer if done right, he knew.

But...in his private moments, he wanted more. Wanted SOMEONE. Just one someone, someone he could trust and share this part of his life with, and feel safe about it. Someone that wouldn't awaken some horrible sex beast inside him that would render him a helpless slut, unable to resist the allure of cock no matter whether he wanted it or not. And he knew his usual attitude wasn't going to get him that...but he was too scared of being betrayed to change anything. So it stayed in his fantasies...he loved to look at art and read stories of romance and passion, mutually desired and enjoyable. Anything that had even a hint of force, even fully consensual dominance play, turned him right off, reminded him too much of the scene that had been burned into his brain, the sounds and smells that had accompanied that violent ravaging of the rest of his family...but something that was fluffy and sweet didn't trigger any of those memories, they were his safe fantasies and he sometimes put himself in the place of one of the actors, living out some dream by pretending that he was the one getting romanced.

He was seeing that in his mind right now, as he worked his hand tighter around his cock, tugging with vigorously now. Harder than usual, but he didn't have any toys or anything to supplement him this time, and he didn't want to linger out here too long. He imagined the sight of someone warm and gentle, sturdy enough to be protective but not so much that he looked threatening. He imagined caring arms around him, holding him close and letting him relax into a pleasurable body, one that he could touch and rub and hold without fear. He imagined a quiet, relaxed voice, soothing and comforting to his heart and soul and taking him down from his anxious spurts. These were the things that turned him on, that didn't just arouse him, they made him feel safer to even BE aroused. Closer and closer, his breathing quickened, quiet mewls escaping his muzzle as he jerked it to his dream partner...

And then, without warning or intention, he saw Jake's face on him.

A soft gasp escaped him, but it was quickly followed by a strained moan as his orgasm hit, a healthy gush of whits surging from the tip of his cock to splatter onto the grass in front of him, followed by a few others. From there it was weak spurts and leakage, getting more onto his hand than anywhere else as he worked the rest of his load out of him, heart pounding as his other hand gripped a root tightly, his hips bucking slightly to help him along. Finally he slumped back against the trunk, drawing in deep breaths and letting them out slowly, relaxing his body from the workout.

What...the hell was that?

It was as sudden and unexpected as anything Lyle could have imagined. His fictional beau had never had a definite look to him - mostly just a faceless generic form that had all the features but no definition, at most reflecting someone he'd seen in a picture or video that fit the bill. Certainly not anyone he ever knew. CERTAINLY not Jake...the only fantasies that had ever involved Jake were the bad ones, back when they weren't getting along. Lyle couldn't really process that he had suddenly had an erotic fantasy about him...it wasn't even something he imagined happening, ever, with anyone he personally knew.

And he really didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

The only thing he knew for sure was that he wasn't going to be saying anything about it, to anyone. Least of all Jake himself. Even if he'd had that fantasy image, that didn't mean that it made sense to tie it to reality. True, Jake had been a very different person lately, even one he could say was a source of comfort and security, but...would he slip back into older ways if he actually got what he originally wanted? And even if he didn't, would Lyle...would HE be the same? The fear of what might happen to him wasn't gone, not by a long shot, and if Jake had any temptation to do anything wrong, if he was...broken...he'd never be able to stop it...

He shook his head hard, trying to clear out that sudden anxiousness. Nothing had to happen from this...maybe it was just a random anomaly, something that came from just a sense of familiarity. It might never happen again, and he could forget about it. No sense in letting it linger with him...or so he told himself, for all it would probably matter, but he was going to try to put it out of his mind. Rising up, he made the slow walk back to his tent, pausing only briefly to wipe his hand off on some leaves, hopefully leaving as little trace of his dalliance as possible. That was another thing he would be happy to get back to - tissues to clean up with.