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Chapter 5

I hid a lot after I killed Rip.

I made my rounds over the deck, of course, cracked the proverbial whip (and the literal one, a couple times) but I spent most of my time in my cabin with Nola and the twins. I felt the change in the dynamic of the ship, but it did little to help. I was no longer reviled or secretly mocked; when I walked the deck, the crew jumped to their work if they'd been slacking, or quieted their conversations to stare at my passing. The stunted little bunnyboy with a metal arm who cowed a crew of bloodthirsty pirates. Would've been funny, if it hadn't been me.

Geist looked at me differently, too. She stared at my passing as she kept the wheel of the ship, a look so haunted that I wondered if she thought she was looking at a ghost. Maybe her children were dead and just lingering on the Sea Fang as punishment for abandoning them.

I mean, I guess she wasn't that far off from the truth. Certainly, Nola didn't get to do much on this boat. She came onto the deck for fresh air once in a while, but she was still recovering from the birth and besides, she had two infants to care for. I helped when I could, playing with the little ones and changing diapers, but it wasn't often, and she was getting more than a little fed up with my sexual escapades. When I came to bed last week after my tryst with Itsuo, I reeked of alcohol and sex. She made me sleep on the floor. Couldn't really blame her.

And of course, I still hadn't talked to Geist about what Itsuo had said. About how she knew more about my Gift than she was letting on. I wanted to ask, of course I did. It's just... well, our mother still terrified me. She'd tried to kill our kittens, for fuck's sake. I was still trying to get over that one. Unless--

Unless she knew she wouldn't kill them?

It was crazy. There was no way she could know I'd step in and save them. I had to use my Sight, and it took--what? A few hundred tries? Not my most efficient moment, to be sure. There was no way she could know I'd succeed... unless she knew how my Sight worked. _Really_knew. Did Mom have the Sight too?

Gods, I burned for answers, and yet I still hesitated. Conversing with Mom was not exactly a fun experience. Ever. She was so damned arrogant, so condescending. She knew she was the highest authority on the Fang, the highest power in the world as far as any of us were concerned. That same authoritarian egotism blanketed her children as much as the crew.

I put it off for over a month. Finally, on a dark day in August, when the sun hid behind a blanket of bruised clouds and the _Sea Fang_skipped across angry swells, I got the courage to ask. We weren't quite in a storm yet, but the sky far ahead was tearing itself asunder, less than an hour away from battering the ship. The first storm of the rainy season, and it looked like a doozy. Itsuo had the crew battening hatches and lashing the sails to the masts. After double-checking the stores to make sure there were no leaks to ruin our dry goods, I hurried up to the deck.

Wind ripped at my fur like hot fingers angrily clawing at a hated nemesis. I pulled my cloak tighter around myself, despite the heat, and hustled up to the helm. Adrianna Geist stared ahead at the shadowy horizon, where lightning licked the ocean's surface. Several seconds later, a dull rumble washed over us. Geist's eyes were bloodshot, and she had dark circles visible even through her facial fur. Her tricorne hat stood firm against the wind, propped in place as it was by her two massive, perky ears. Ears just like her babies.

She didn't seem to notice my approach. I hesitated to bother her in such a weird, trance-like state, but I finally reached out a paw and touched her arm. I thought she'd jump or be startled, but instead, she reached out a paw of her own without looking and placed it over mine. It was shockingly intimate and... surely not caring?

"What is it?" she snapped. Well, at least her tone of voice was still familiar.

"Uh," I stammered, glancing at the violent horizon, "I know this isn't the best time. Maybe after we get through... erm... that." I pointed at the purple-and-blue clouds already pouring rain in sheets a few miles ahead. It looked like someone had taken white paint on a black splotch and smeared it in neat linear strokes at an angle. I thought of Rika, and her skill with a brush, and swallowed down the sudden lump in my throat. "But soon. I need to talk to you. About... things."

She finally turned to me with an irritated look. "What things?"

"My Sight."

Her face dropped for a second before she caught herself, replacing the sneering, disdainful veneer quickly. "What could you possibly think I have to say about... that?"

I scowled at her. "Hell of a lot more than you're letting on, that's for sure. After the storm. We're going to talk." Right now, I had zero interest in her strutting and chest-thumping. She was going to listen to her gods-damned son for once.

I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw a split-second moment of panic on her face before she wrestled herself under control again. "Fine. Just don't take that familiar tone again."

"Sure thing, Mom," I drawled, sauntering off the foredeck. I didn't look behind me to see her reaction, but I could guess. I couldn't stop myself from smirking as I moved onto the deck to help lash the mainsail. Things were about to get dicey, and there was no way we were skirting this storm without losing days of travel--it had already spread to cover most of the horizon. I swallowed and looked away. This was going to be bad.

* * *

That afternoon, I lived through my first real storm on the Sea Fang. There had been some choppy waters over the last nine months, but nothing like this. I've been through some seriously heavy shit in my short life--I mean, I spoke with a literal fucking dragon. I watched her bellow her rage and radiate terror like it was heat off a generator. I watched her spread her black bat-like wings and tower over me and my sister, easily forty feet across with her wings spread, if not more. She was the most terrifying and awe-inspiring sight of my life up to that point.

The storm was worse.

I spent about ten minutes on deck before I rushed to my cabin. In that short time, the waves crested at over twelve feet high, and the ship tilted like a see-saw at its tip before careening down the wave. It would make it partway up the next wave before a wall of water crashed over the deck. Every item not battened down was lost by the second wave. Rain poured from the black sky above in such powerful, torrential sheets, it was like getting hammered by a constant barrage tiny fists trying to batter me down to the ground. Lightning tore the sky with light and a roar like a thousand pistols firing at once right next to my ear. And up on the poop deck, hands gripped on the wheel like vices, lashed to the helm with a rope, was my mother. Her hat was gone; maybe she'd remembered to stow it before steering into the maelstrom, maybe it had been lost with the howling winds or crashing waves. But on her bare head, her mane of soft brown hair flowed behind her like shimmering fingers. That, more than anything else, showed the sheer power of the natural forces at work: wet hair did not billow, unless the winds were gale-force.

I couldn't stand it anymore--I stumbled through the wind and rain and scrambled into my cabin, barring the door against the roaring beast outside. I curled into the corner with Nola, and we each held one of our wailing kittens as we waited to see whether Mother Nature would let us live.

When I finally unbarred the door and stepped onto the deck, little Kiba finally asleep in my arms, I stared in disbelief. The waves were choppy but not massive. The wind had died down and resumed its previous August swelter. Kiba stirred in my arms and cooed, squeaking quietly as she sucked her thumb. The world looked... normal. It felt wrong for it to look so normal after the gods had hammered our beleaguered vessel for hours.

Nola stepped out next to me, Val babbling animatedly in her arms, tiny paws reaching out for her finger, which she placed in his firm little grip. He immediately shoved it in his mouth. Nola hardly noticed, staring out at the comparatively calm seas and fading storm-clouds. "Gods. Doesn't feel real, does it?"

I shifted Kiba to my left arm and wrapped my metal one around her waist. "Nope." Without taking my eyes off the shrinking storm, I muttered, "I love you, Nola."

She rested her head against my neck and gave me a playful nip on the shoulder. "You better."

The rest of the crew joined us on deck one by one. Palms was one of the last to come up, lumbering out of the hold and stretching dramatically. "Fuck, that was a rough one. Almost dying's got me all riled up. Hey Belle! Lemme rock your world!"

Annabelle rolled her eyes as she started unfastening the sails. "Bitch, you couldn't rock a dinghy."

The crew laughed at the jibe, but Palms was undaunted. "Eh, you're too loose anyway." He caught sight of Nola, one breast out as she fed Valerian. Her eyelids were low but I recognized the way she planted her feet--she was ready for trouble. I bounced Kiba lightly in my arms and watched the show.

"What about you, sweet thing?" Palms cooed at her. "Bet you're all tightened back up after all these months. Want a real dick in you?"

Nola gave me an irritated glance. I just shrugged, trying very hard to hide my grin. Not because I liked watching my sister get harassed, just because I liked watching her work. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the burly Vithis. "Sure," she drawled. "You know anybody who's got one?"

Again the crew laughed. Palms scowled, then turned to me. "C'mon, bosun, lemme have her for the day. Sharing is caring, yeah?"

Isnorted."You don't need my permission, Palms. You need hers. Good luck getting it."

He turned back to Nola and sneered. "Permission? Why? Not like she could stop me."

Nola sighed, as if speaking to an unruly child rather than a massive Predator Anthro with almost a hundred twenty pounds on her. "Brother," she said without breaking eye contact with Palms, "take Val, please."

I stepped over and plucked my son off her breast, awkwardly shifting him into my free arm and cooing at him to quiet his sudden angry whimpers at his interrupted meal, then did the wisest thing of my life and took several steps away from Nola and Palms.

I had to use Sight and a fancy metal arm to win fights. Nola just had to be Nola. It was wildly unfair, but gods was it fun to watch. Palms strode right up to her to put claws on her like he was about to handle a barrel of ale rather than a little Lepid woman. Two seconds later, his arm was twisted painfully behind his back and his jaw was dislocated. The crew just kept laughing as the Vithis groaned in pain. "What do you say?" Nola growled, tugging on the twisted arm. Palms said something entirely incomprehensible, and my sister reached her other paw around to clamp his jaw back in place, making him whimper in agony. "Try again."

"Suhrry," he groaned.

Nola released his arm and stepped back. Palms used his freed clawsto relocate his jaw with a quick twist and a flinch of new agony, then rubbed it tenderly. He started to glare at Nollie but apparently thought better of it, slouching off to begin his duties. Nola watched him with pawson her hips as the other crew walked off chuckling. All except the Ailurid, Akimi. They stared starstruck at my sister, huge red-and-black banded bushy tail swishing excitedly back and forth. "That was hot," they murmured in a mousy voice.

Nola glanced at them appraisingly. "Wanna fuck?"

I blinked. I mean, I knew Nola could be forthright, but damn.

Akimi looked less like a red panda and more like an excited domestic puppy as they followed my sister to our cabin. "Watch the kittens for a few minutes, brother dear," Nola commanded, and vanished around the corner and out of sight. I stood staring at her passing with one of my kittens in each hand, feeling guilty and maybe a little jealous--though whether of her or Akimi, I couldn't be sure. I sighed and sat against the wall of the poop deck, bouncing Kiba and Val on my knees, waiting for my sister to finally finish having her turn.

* * *

Took almost an hour before Akimi stumbled out from the stern of the Fang, legs wobbly and eyes unfocused, a stupid grin playing on their face as they absently adjusted their blouse and breeches. Half a minute later, my sister sashayed on deck after them. She plucked up the twins with hardly any effort. "That was fun," she muttered cheerfully. "Okay. You can go back to playing pirate, dear."

"Not yet," I sighed. "I... need to talk to Mom." Shetensed at the word M_om_. Geist hadn't been the first woman we called that, but neither of them had wound up being particularly great parents, apparently. I could only go by what Nola told me of Tofa, the woman who'd raised us. I had almost no memories from before I was eight or so, just vague snippets. But from Nola's face when she spoke of her, Tofa hadn't been anybetter than the birth mother who'd abandoned us.

"Why?" she asked. Her voice was even, but I felt her coiled muscles in her back and shoulders.

"Itsuo seems to think she knows more about my Sight than she lets on."

"Itsuo, huh?"

I sighed. "Since when were you the jealous type?"

Nola pulled away from me and huffed. "Since you get to run around sucking off your friends and I'm stuck inside raising our kittens," she growled, not looking at me.

"You literally just had sex," I complained.

"And it was fun," she said sternly, "but it still should have been you." She gave me a reproachful glance. "You haven't touched me since they were born."

I felt my stomach drop. Gods, she was right. It'd been over two months and I hadn't so much as groped her. Whenever I felt pent up, I just coerced Itsuo down into one of the empty holds for a quickie--not that he needed much coercion. But poor Nollie had been cooped up with no release. "I... I thought you needed to recover," I offered lamely.

Nola looked hurt. "I've been dropping hints for two weeks now. Do you... am I not attractive to you anymore?"

"How could you think that?" I asked, putting my metal paw up to her face and caressing her cheek. "You're even more gorgeous now than before I knocked you up, stupid. I promise, after sunset tonight I'm all yours. I'll fill you so full of cum you'll look like you're still carrying twins." I licked her nose, and she wiggled it irritably.

"You better, bro," she said quietly. She meant it, too. I wasn't sure why I hadn't started anything since the birth. Maybe it was the fact that the twins were always present. Maybe it was that I really was subconsciously worried about hurting her after such a physically traumatic ordeal. I dunno. Whatever the reason, it wasn't an excuse, especially knowing she'd been hinting at it for weeks and I'd been too fucking dense to notice.

I kissed her, long and soft and with all the love I could muster; it ended up being a lot. I knew some of the crew were surely looking--maybe even Geist. I didn't care. "I promise," I whispered. "Tonight, I'm all yours. But first, I need to have an unpleasant conversation."

She smirked as she moved the twins into the crook of each of her elbows. "It's Geist. Is there any other kind?"

I snorted, kissed her again, then patted her butt before heading off. She'd really added some cushion to it. I loved how much shape she'd gained--no longer the awkward, gangly teen who I'd knocked up a year ago, but a full-figured, gorgeous young woman and the mother of our kittens. Staring at her profile in the setting sun, I thought my heart was going to burst. And yet, somewhere in the back of my brain, a miserable thought nagged at me.

Where was Rika? Was she okay? Were our kits okay? What did they look like? What were their names? Why didn't she come with us? Why didn't we go with her?

I pushed the thoughts down and slouched toward the bow of the ship, glancing up to Geist at the wheel as I started toward the stairs up to the helm.

Geist was no longer there.

* * *

I ran across the deck as the crew watched me curiously. I looked everywhere, occasionally scanning the wide, rippling waves of the Kastigan Sea for signs of anyone overboard. I was grateful not to see anyone out there, but it didn't explain where Geist had gone. I ran up to the helm--the rope that had lashed her to the wheel was gone. Panic swelling in my chest, I rushed down to the deck again. One of the riggers, a Lontramar nicknamed Twist, reached out one paw to me. "Oy," he called, "whassa matter, bosun?"

I didn't stop to answer him. I ran to Geist's cabin and threw open the door. "Mom? Mom!" I cried. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt all the blood rush to my face.

"If you're gonna come in, at least close the door," Geist snapped irritably.

I slammed the door shut behind me and turned my head away from my naked mother, soaked head to toe in seawater and drying herself vigorously with a towel. Her tricorne hat lay next to her clothing on her bed. "I--I thought--"

She snorted. "You thought what? That I'd gone overboard? You're not getting rid of me that easy, kid."

I tried to hide the heat in my cheeks, but my ears betrayed me, flicking sheepishly. "No, I was--"

"Was what? Gods, you fuck your sister. You can't look at your mother naked?"

I turned back to her. She was lean, muscular, and possessed of a lithe grace in every movement that was, admittedly, really nice to watch. And I supposed she had a point--I couldn't pretend modesty when I'd put kittens in my own twin. But it was different with Nola, I loved her. I didn't love Geist, so I couldn't be attracted to her. Right?

I was very glad I was wearing loose pants.

"I..." I suddenly couldn't find words. Her perky breasts, not so much larger than Nola's had been before the pregnancy, and the small mound of darker fur just above the pink folds of her labia, held my attention and drove coherent thought out for a moment.

Finally, Geist slipped into a pair of panties and started pulling on her leggings, and the spell was broken. "Never mind," I murmured.

Geist paused to smirk at me. "You were worried."

I clenched my jaw. "No. I mean, maybe a little. But only because Itsuo would be in charge, and he'd make an absolute mess of it. I'm not looking for more work."

Geist eyed me curiously for a long time. Even my mother's moderated looks of consideration were enough to make me wither under them. She just had that kind of presence. "Uh huh," she said finally. Then, in a surprisingly soft tone, she added, "I'm fine, Leon. No harm done. Not the first storm I've ridden out."

I swallowed, staring at the ground for a moment. "Can you, uh... finish? Dressing, I mean? It's--"

"Distracting?" I glanced up, and she had one hand on her hip, chest pushed out ever so slightly. Gods, was she...?

Before the thought could formulate fully, she grabbed her blouse, clearing her throat uncomfortably as she draped it on and buttoned up. "So, you wanted to talk?" she asked with false nonchalance.

I crossed my arms and looked at the huge nautical wheel on the wall over her bed. It looked like it had come from a ship for giants. Maybe it had--certainly there were some strange creatures in the world. Dragons, for example. Who's to say there weren't giants with sailing ships, too? "Yeah," I finally said. "We need to talk about my Sight."

Geist kept her cold indifference up for about ten seconds before she sighed and plopped down on her bed. She nodded at the small, low cabinet next to her writing desk. "Grab the Bolgian '98 malbec. Don't bother with glasses, we're gonna finish it off."

I froze for a second, the age-old instinct kicking in. Danger. My mother was never this nice, and she sure as Hells didn't share her good booze with anyone, let alone her kids she hated so damn much. What was this? A trick? A trap?

She didn't miss my hesitation. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "If it helps, I order you to get out the '98 and bring it over here. Look, what I'm gonna tell you, it..." She closed her eyes and dipped her head, and while it wasn't the first time I'd seen her afraid, it was a rare enough occurrence that it snapped me out of my frozen state. "It's not easy, okay? I need booze for it, and I figure we might as well make it an occasion. So get my good shit out."

"Okay," I muttered, and hustled to the cabinet. Among the several half-empty bottles, a dusty green one had a faded sepia label, hand-printed in a language I couldn't read but with the numbers 1198 AV in bold, looping script. It was full of a dark crimson liquid, so I figured that had to be the one. I snatched it up and brought it to the bed. Geist patted the spot next to her, and I sat down a little way away from her. I noted the briefest moment of disappointment before she grabbed the bottle, pulled the cork out with her front teeth, and took a long pull before handing it to me with a satisfied sigh.

"1198 was a bad year," she said morosely. "I saw it on the bottle when I raided a slave ship a couple years back, dunno why I took it. Honestly just about every year before you two were born was a bad year. I guess every year is a bad year all the time, come to think of it."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just took a careful sip from the bottle. The wine was dry and bitter, biting hard at my tongue and throat, enough that a sip made me cough, but when the burn faded a little, it left an aftertaste of sweet grapes, a hint of citrus, and something flowery that I couldn't place. It made me shudder in pleasure, and I found myself taking a bigger pull before handing it back to her.

She grinned. "Good, right? I like it. Reminds me that not everything is bad all the time." She stared ahead at the wall, I suppose musing on how to start. "I know a lot about your Gift, kid. More than I ever wanted to."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, trying and failing to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

Geist blanched. "It's... not easy to talk about, okay? Wasn't nothin' against you. I... I'm a bad mom. I get that. But that doesn't mean I wanna hurt you." She swallowed another gulp of the wine, wiping her mouth with the back of one paw. She looked tired, battered, and by more than the storm.

"I know," I said, though I didn't entirely mean it. It was hard to tell what the woman's intentions really were--she always played it so damn close to the vest, closed everybody off with that smug, cold look of hers. Did she really give a shit about anybody, even her kids? Or was this another mask?

I realized I'd been staring at the palms of my paws and looked back up at Geist. Tears rolled down her cheek fur, though she didn't sob. She just took a shaky breath and another gulp from the bottle before handing it over to me. I took a long, slow sip while she spoke.

"I don't have the Sight, if that's what your wondering. Your Gifts didn't come from me. They... they came from your father."

I stopped drinking and stared at her. Was I really going to learn who my dad was?

She must've sensed my excitement, because she nodded. "I grew up in... well, not to put too fine a point on it, a cult." I blinked. She took a shaky breath, wiped her eyes, and continued. "Father ran it, as his father had before him."

Wait. Father...? Was he...?

She glanced at me. She must've known what I was thinking because she shook her head. "Not my father. That was his title. No name. Just Father." She spat the word like a curse. "They snatched up kids off the streets and raised them. Food, shelter, seemed to be a dream come true--until you found out that all the women in the cult were meant to be his brides. He took us as young as he was able. The moment we were receptive, he filled us up. I was a late bloomer, didn't start my cycle until I was almost fifteen, but he wed me and bred me the second he could smell my receptiveness." She shuddered again, holding her arms to herself.

I found my arm around my mother without thinking. She tensed up under the M-steel wrapped around her, but she didn't pull away. I don't know why I did that. It wasn't like I suddenly cared about her or forgave her for everything she'd done. But she was being honest in this moment and I felt like she aught to be rewarded for that. I didn't know if my compassion felt like any kind of reward to her, but it was all I had.

"I fought him," she mumbled. "Tooth and nail. I tore a hunk of flesh out of his chest. He beat me to an inch of my life. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I... I panicked. I hurt myself, trying to end the pregnancy." She didn't look at me when she said it, shame oozing off her fur like a sweaty, itching heat. "I hated him. I didn't want part of him inside me. I felt like I had a tumor in my guts." She glanced up once, saw my expression, and squeezed her eyes shut guiltily. "My attempts failed, obviously. So I ran away. The cult found me. I ran away again. They found me again. When I was in my second trimester, I ran away a third time, and the ship I stowed away on was boarded by pirates. The crew was killed, but I fought like a feral beast. Eventually the captain came down from the other ship, this massive gorilla Simian, thought I was just too funny with my bloody little dagger. I challenged him to a duel."

At this point, I gave her an incredulous stare. I mean, a pregnant teenager with a dagger against a massive, presumably heavily-armed Simian pirate captain? She didn't miss it. She took the bottle from me and drank long from it before shoving it back in my paws.

"Don't give me that look, it's true. He knew he had it in the bag, too. I mean, even pregnant I don't think I weighed much more than Nola does now. So I fought dirty." I raised an inquisitive eyebrow and Geist shrugged. "I tore my clothes off and fought him naked."

I stopped mid-drink and stared in shock. "Wait. Seriously??"

Geist laughed. "Yuh. Worked, too. I didn't think it would, thought pirates were all jaded murderers, you know? But he looked at me like he'd never seen tits before. He damn near went feral himself. Made him sloppy, kept trying to grab me instead of chop my head of with his cutlass like he shoulda done." Geist shrugged. "I put the dagger in the nearest part of him I could reach." She gave me a meaningful look.

My stomach turned. "No."

"Right in the twigs and berries. Bled like a motherfucker."

I took a long pull off the wine, trying hard not to think about getting stabbed in the dick. There's some pretty important veins in there, so I'm told. There was no way the guy survived that. "What..." I swallowed and tried again, pushing the bottle at her. "What then?"

She shrugged, looking down. "I just kept out of his reach. He bled out in a couple minutes. The whole crew just stared at me, like they didn't know what to do. I..." She cleared her throat. "I told them I was their captain now. Nobody argued. And that was that."

I narrowed my eyes at her, making her features go fuzzy. Damn, how much wine had I drank? "No way."

"Yes way!" she almost shouted, then seemed to realize how loud she was being and giggled. I... I'd never heard my mother laugh. It wasn't entirely pleasant--she kind of brayed and wheezed at the same time--but I liked hearing it anyway. "That was the old crew, mind. I have a new crew now. Well--'new.' They been sailing with me for ten years or more, some of them. Itsuo's been here the longest, as you can imagine."

I ruminated on that in silence for a moment before saying, "You still haven't told me how you know about my Gift."

Geist sighed and tipped the bottle up, licking out the last drops of the Malbec. "Yeah. Your dad. He has the Sight too."

"Has?" I murmured. "So he's--he's alive?"

She closed her eyes and shuddered. "Gods, I wish he wasn't. But yeah. So far as I know, he's still alive." She turned to me, saw the hurt on my face, and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Leon. I really am. But Father is about the worst Anthro I've ever met in my life. He's a monster. And..." She looked away from me, like she couldn't make eye contact while she spoke her next words. "... he's a monster because of the Sight."

I felt a knot begin at the pit of my stomach. "W-what?"

Geist hunched forward, resting her elbows on her knees and staring at the wall. "Yuh. Your Sight. You see the future. But every time you look into a possible future, the Sight eats a little of your past. Tiny fragments, but when you use your Sight to, say, look into five hundred futures to stop a bullet, five hundred split-second fragments vanish from your brain, never to come back." She closed her eyes and made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a gag, and I realized she was reacting to the memory of what she'd done. "Every time you see into the future, you lose the past."

"M-Mom?" I whispered. "Did you... did you know I'd save Nola when you shot at her?"

Her face collapsed in on itself, and she sobbed. "No," she whimpered. "I... I hoped. As soon as my finger pulled the trigger, I prayed you would, but I-I didn't know..." She hugged her gut and caved further into herself.

"I need to go," I said hoarsely. My head felt swimmy from the wine, and my stomach felt like lead from the conversation. It wasn't a winning combination. Geist put a paw on the wrist of my M-steel arm, and I paused. I wasn't angry, exactly, but I couldn't look at her. Every time I thought maybe, maybe I could look past all the awfulness and try to like my mother, she did something to ruin it.

"Please," she whimpered. You'd think seeing her vulnerable would help her case, after her cold exterior these past months, but it didn't. It disgusted me. I yanked my arm away from her. I still wasn't angry, but I could feel it growing somewhere in my stomach behind the knot that had begun to form. "I-I know I've fucked up. I know. But I--he can't get those kids, Leon. If Father gets them, it's all over."

I suddenly felt the knot in my stomach ice over and a thin layer of cold sweat mat my fur. "What do you mean, 'all over'?"

Geist buried her face in her pawsand spasmed with sobs, the sound barking and muffled in her paws. "There's... a prophecy. The cult believes it. He--he wasn't just fucking every female he could for the s-sake of sex. He was trying to... to produce twins. Twins with Gifts. The p-prophecy said their union would birth a boy. That boy would be the s-sacrifice that would ascend him to..." She swallowed and wrestled her breathing under control. "...to godhood."

I almost threw up right then. I had to swallow down bile.

Valerian. She was talking about my son.

"That's insane," I whispered.

"I th-thought so too," she sobbed. "But then y-you two stepped on my ship and Nola had your kittens in her and..." She squeezed her eyes shut and took a long pull from the bottle, sniffling as she wiped her mouth. "Well. True or not doesn't matter. He believes it. He's killed a whole lot of people to make it happen. Gonna kill a whole lot more, I'm sure."

"Why?" I snapped. "Why would he do that??"

She shook her head. Her fur was matted and streaked with tears. "The Gift, honey. The Sight. He's used it so much... he has no past, anymore, kid. He constantly sees the future, a thousand thousand possibilities splayed out before him, and meanwhile anything he ever was is gone, ripped from his mind the moment they happen to feed his Gift. It's driven him insane. His memories were almost completely gone back when I knew him. That was--what? Seventeen years ago? Yet for all that, he still carries on his... mission. His hunt. I dunno how he keeps that in his head when everything else has left it."

"Oh." I mean, shit. What else do you say to that?

My legs shook, and I leaned against her nearby dresser to steady myself. "I... I should go."

Geist stood up, swayed hard to the right. I caught her, and she practically collapsed onto me. Now that we were so close, I realized she was actually a good two or three inches shorter than me. She was always so large and imposing, I assumed she was taller, and I never had an interest in getting close enough to find out.

Geist stared up at me with terrified eyes. "Please don't hate me," she pleaded quietly. I won't lie, hearing her say that made me feel nauseous. I wanted to hate her with every fiber of my being, but I found I couldn't, at least not right then. Even in my drunken stupor, I could put two and two together. She'd realized at least part of Father's insane prophecy was coming true with the birth of our children, and she'd panicked.

I hauled Mom to her feet and held her arms to keep her upright. It took a few moments to gather my wits enough to even try and look her in the eye, but I finally managed. "I don't hate you. I wanna. But... I don't."

Geist slumped against my paws and nodded. "I'm sorry you got the parents you did. You two deserved better." She turned away from me and stared at her bed. "I'm gonna... gonna crash. Weigh anchor for me, would you?"

I reluctantly let go of her arms. She wavered in place but didn't fall. "Yeah. Anchor. Got it, hoss."

I stumbled out of her cabin, confused and scaredand drunk, and made my way back to my cabin. I was in no mood for fun tonight, not after that conversation. I hoped Nola would forgive me, but all I could think about was losing every memory of everything I'd ever experienced, over and over forever, as a thousand agonizing futures splayed themselves in front of me for eternity.

I paused, leaned over the gunwale, and vomited purple into the uncaring sea.