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The Portal Games

Glyn's Promo

Glyn sat in a bar on a Friday night with nobody to do and nothing to see, and if that sounded weird, well, that was the timber wolf's life when he wasn't in the middle of grand larceny on an interplanetary scale. He slumped forward, a head shorter than the chatterbox of an alien on his right and twice that of the giant mound of shambling tentacles on his left. What little inclination he had towards the pair of them as potential partners was rapidly going down the drain the longer that they kept talking about their past lovers, their past adventures, and their past -

The timber wolf blinked. Had the tentacled mass just said that it had done jail time for rape, and...in a bragging way? He wasn't sure if that was an eye-stalk or a penile stalk, but either way, that was enough of a red flag to penetrate even his somewhat beer-worn brain, and he pushed himself back from the bar.

"Thanks for the night, guys, but, uh, I'll take a rain check."

"We weren't talking to you," the first alien said.

"Blurb. Blurble-blurb."

"You said it, hon."

"...Right." Glyn nodded. "Great. You, uh...you take care of each other."

He nodded, beating a hasty retreat from the bar before anyone else could notice that not only had he completely misread the 'threat,' but his potential lays had ended up getting more interested in each other than they were in him. If there was a more embarrassing moment when looking for a one-night stand, he wasn't sure what it was.

Well, no, actually, he was, but Rocket wasn't there with a water balloon full of cum to make it happen, so that was a non-issue.

However, it did mean that the swanky little suite that he'd booked for himself and whoever he got lucky with was going to go more or less unused. He'd spent more money getting the room than he really meant to, and there was no way in hell that he was getting a prostitute in this late. The canine thief was going to have to settle for something like his hand -

Unless he spotted something a little more interesting than that. He cocked his head to the side as a red-skinned humanoid walked by, but it was less the person that walked by that caught his attention and more the rather shiny briefcase he was carrying. Aside from the fact that it shimmered like something just assembled in a high-end factory, it had an understated logo printed right in the side of it, and it was a logo that he knew was connected to one of the Collector's businesses.

The Collector, of course, meant cash. And considering that he was a wee bit short on units at the moment, he was more than willing to take a chance.

"Hehehehe..."

Two seconds later, the occupants of the bar spilled out, coughing and gasping for breath as they slumped over clutching their throats. Glyn, having held his breath before detonating the smoke grenade, was beating feet from the scene of the crime, the briefcase tucked under his arm as he ran like hell.

"Hahaha!"

It was stupid. He knew it was stupid. More than likely, the businessman had security that were already putting on gas-masks and tracking him right through the space station. Did he need to do this? Not at all. He had a place to stay, had plenty of food and drink back at the room, and all he was really missing was company...

And excitement. God, he missed the excitement.

Whee-whoo-whee-whoo. He whipped his head around to see that the law enforcement orbs had already been deployed. The bar owner had probably called them as soon as the smoke grenade had gone off, knowing that it meant that someone was pulling some kind of trick. Glyn shook his head, rooting around at his belt for some of the new gear that he'd picked up.

Not the laser pistol, didn't want to be charged for shooting down official gear.

Not the grenades, the shanty-town of ramshackle metal was not going to stand up to that, not after everyone was already rebuilding from the pirates crashing through last week.

Not the -

Oh, actually. That'd work.

Glyn stutter-stepped around the corner, bare feet kicking at the panels ahead before pushing him down a narrow alley. The timber wolf pulled the new 'launcher that he'd picked up at the market from his pack, fiddling with it on the fly. It was just meant for turning improvised bits of junk into launchable weapons, but if he could just make a few quick modifications -

PEW!

"Gah!"

Ducking a second too late and grateful as hell that the security orbs were old and didn't have the same hyper-accurate programming as their more modern counterparts, he rolled behind a dumpster. The trash smell was utterly rank, but it was better than getting shot in the head.

As several more lasers rained down, Glyn pulled a miniature screwdriver from the bottom of his pack. He stuck another multi-tool between his lips, unscrewing the back bindings for the 'launcher. The orbs whirred overhead, trying to find a better angle to take him down, but so far, the alley overhang was doing its job keeping him safe.

Whatever was in the briefcase, it must have been pretty valuable to be have them trying to kill him. Just meant that it was all the more worth stealing, in his opinion.

Finally, he'd made his adjustments. Slapping the back of the damn thing in place, he counted out the firing pattern for the drones. One two three-four, one two three-four, one two -

Just as the double-shot was about to happen, he threw himself out from behind the dumpster. The flying debris gave him a half-second to get started, and the drones were too late to chase after him. He ran for the edge of the alley, aimed up, and pulled the trigger.

The modified 'launcher released its payload, a pair of handcuffs he'd attached to a wire. The magnetic metal hit the top of another building across the street, stuck, and as he activated the other one -

"Ha...ha ha ha!" Glyn laughed as he was airborne, his improvised grappling hook working perfectly. "Not today, guys! Not -"

It happened as if in slow motion. Another grappling hook shot across his vision, hitting the side of the briefcase. He dropped it in shock, and then...

A hole opened in mid-air. He saw an ocean, an island, and many other holes opening up in the distance...and the damn grappling hook carried him right through it.

"FUUUUUUUUU -"