Sound and Silence: Extras 8
#19 of Sound and Silence
This will be the final update containing main story elements for Sound and Silence. Any future content added for S&S will either be fluff, or nsfw content.
Friends find their way forward. Also are more than just friends now. Officially.
Extra: Lessons for Life - Lessons to Survive
"Hey Clair, I'm going to be away for 5 days or so starting next week." Reyson mentioned off-handedly as he started cleaning the plates off the dinner table to begin washing them.
"Oh?" The cat chimed, curious about the details.
"Yeah, Company sponsored field trip-CEO made a big thing about it being good for morale. Management really wants our team to participate." Clair cocked his head in bewilderment.
"...Huh... Didn't think Dad's successor would be into the whole team building deal." He muttered, mostly to himself. While he had only met the new CEO once by happenstance when they both simultaneously visited his father, his father did talk about her in great detail, and made her out to be a very pragmatic, results driven woman, much like himself. Reyson only shrugged under the sound of the running water as he did the dishes.
Clair got up to give his wolf a sensual hug as he cleaned, reaching his arms around the wolf's big frame and caressing his chest. "So.. you're saying I'm going to have to spend a whole week without you? How sad~"
"Yeah, I know, you'll be thinking non-stop about me by the third night or so." Reyson responded with his usual deadpan tone. A careful observer would note faint traces of a smirk across his muzzle. Clair let out a little huff.
"Ray.. You could stand to play just a little coy, you know. Humph." Despite this little show of annoyance, he rested his head on the Wolf's back and started caressing his headfur. Reyson didn't pay it any mind. Noting that the fur was starting to reach down to the wolf's eyes, he spoke up: "You gonna get this trimmed before you go?"
"Mm.. no, probably not." Clair let go of the wolf with a start.
"Wh- really? You ought to look presentable for the trip!"
"I'm not trying to look presentable for anyone in particular." Clair gasped, with a flamboyant dramaticness, and then sighed. His tail swished back and forth in frustration as he thought about what to say.
"What about me, Ray?" Reyson stopped. "What about yourself?" He turned the faucet off for a moment, and looked at Clair, a look of annoyance with twinges of sadness and concern smeared across his face.
"Clair..."
"Don't 'Clair...' me! I know you skip showers sometimes. I also know you like your headfur on the short side, there's no reason for you to grow it out so long besides you being lazy! That's not an excuse!" Clair relented for a moment as he saw Ray dip his eyes in a hint of shame. The cat took a deep breath and continued.
"Look-I care a lot about keeping good hygiene and stuff. Honestly, I probably pay a lot more attention to it than I really need to. You don't have to be like me. But you should pay attention to your self-image just a little bit." The wolf looked at him weakly.
"I... I don't-" Clair cut him off.
"It's okay. I get it. I've met people who don't keep themselves tidied up, people way worse than you-you at least work out and keep yourself kind of together on the regular. I know that it's hard for you to care about your appearance when you're still having a hard time loving yourself. That's what this is, right, Reyson?" The wolf looked away, the cat clearly having hit the nail on the head. Clair brushed his headfur back, exposing his clear cyan eyes. The cat continued with a sigh: "I'm sure you know better than anyone else that I know exactly what it's like to have been where you are now... so you should also know better than anyone else that you owe it to yourself to relearn how to show yourself some love. It might be hard to get used to at first, but the more you do it, the more you'll start to be happy with yourself... you understand me, Ray?" Reyson slowly turned to make eye contact with him, the cat's look having a mix of firmness and pleading. He took his own breath and nodded slowly.
"...Yeah, I understand." Clair smiled gently for a moment before his expression reverted to that of a motherly sternness.
"Go get a haircut tomorrow. You're going to give me more deetz for this event so I can pick out some outfits for you. I'm not letting you look anything but fabulous when you leave for this business field trip whatever, got it?"
"...okay."
"And I also want you to promise me something." Reyson tilted his head slightly, waiting for a continuation. Clair, suddenly rather bashful, awkwardly scratched his face while looking down before putting his gaze back forward: "If... by any chance, someday we aren't together anymore, I want you to at least continue keeping yourself groomed and well dressed when you go out. Can you do that for me?"
Reyson opened his muzzle for a second in surprise, and slowly closed them, thinking through the heart of his request carefully.
"I'll try." He eventually answered, ever stone-faced. Clair chuckled in a bit of hopeful resignation.
"Well, I suppose I'll have to settle for that." He said as he finally turned his attention away from the wolf and began wiping down the dinner table.
Reyson went back to doing the dishes, his mind stewing on Clair's last words: "-if someday we aren't together anymore..." His thoughts then trailed to one very questionable breakfast that Clair had made from him an eternity ago when they had first started living together.
A conclusion suddenly dawned on him.
"Clair."
"Yeah?" The cat absentmindedly responded while continuing to polish down the table.
"Did you do the dishes when you lived with your roommate?"
"Uh... not really, we usually ate out."
"Do you know how to use a dishwasher?" The cat stopped cleaning for a second, quickly realizing where this was going and getting a smidge defensive.
"I-uh, of course I do! Who doesn't know how to use a dishwasher?" Reyson stared at the cat intensely, his eyes cutting through him as they always did. "...no... I don't know." the feline slowly admitted, having been exposed in mere seconds.
"What dishes do you know how to make?"
"...whatever I look up online?"
"Do you know how to pay bills?"
"..."
Reyson turned off the faucet once again, and opened the dishwasher, proceeding to carefully explain how to use it, as he placed the remaining unclean dishes and silverware inside and ran a cycle, making sure to glance back at Clair, who was watching on, half attentive, half pouting.
"I'm also going to show you how to cook a few basic dishes, and some of the ones I know you like, so you don't order fast food all week while I'm gone. When we go grocery shopping before I leave, I'll also show you how to pick out fruits and vegetables. I expect the fridge to not be filled with instant foods when I get back."
Clair slowly raised a finger in meek protest. "I-I... uh... don't know if I'll be able to remember all these things..." The wolf smiled at him.
"Well, then I guess this wolf is going to be coming home very angry with you then."
"Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..."
Epilogue Chapter: Memorial
"You want me to come with you, Ray?"
"I think I'll be fine-If you want to wait in the car that's fine.." Reyson thought about it for a minute longer. "But maybe mom would like to see you again, so it's up to you."
"Well, guess that means I'm coming along then~"
The two got out of the car, Reyson with flowers in tow. He couldn't remember the last time he had visited her grave. Though he expected to feel some degree of guilt or shame for not having seen her so long, he did not have any of those feelings.
"Hey Clair.." the wolf started as the two began making their way across the cemetery.
"What's up?"
"It's not my fault, right? That mom died? That I haven't visited her in so long? That I don't feel any remorse, even though I should?" Clair stopped pacing for a moment to internalize that question, with Reyson stopping as well to wait for his answer.
"I... don't think that's the right question to ask. I think you've done your best, Ray. You worked hard to take care of her when she was hospitalized. You had a lot to deal with after she passed away-even if you wanted to, you might not have been ready to face her. If you're calm now, it means you're ready to talk to her... at least, I think that's what it means."
Reyson looked at Clair with an unsure gaze, lips pursed-a look that said "I know you're right, but, I don't know if I'm ready to accept that." The cat sighed, and continued, struggling to find the right words:
"People can tell you that you should have done this or that, you know, you probably did make a few mistakes along the way, but I think you've taken responsibility for that plenty. There's no need to beat yourself up over these things anymore-or if nothing else...I don't want you to." Clair stepped forward and took Reyson's hand. Clutching it tightly. There was almost a sense of desperation in that firm grip. The lupine took a deep breath and sighed, squeezing Clair's hand back with a gentle smile.
"Thanks, Clair. I know you hate seeing me like this. Let's go see mom." Clair let out a quiet sigh before smiling back.
After a trek, they eventually arrived at the tombstone of Reyson's mother, Eileen. It was a simple stone, as the family couldn't afford any better, and she probably wouldn't have wanted anything too fancy anyway.
Reyson set the flowers down in front of her grave, and closed his eyes to offer a silent prayer. Clair stood nearby, not quite sure what to do with himself, keeping himself busy by looking around at nothing in particular. Opening his eyes, he began talking to her.
"Hey mom. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come and see you since... well, since your funeral."
The event in question was full of grief. Reyson had many more tears to shed back then, and had cried his heart out over the loss. His father, on the other hand, said little and had only a sullen on his face throughout the proceedings. When the wolf begged his father to explain why she had to go, he said nothing, gritting his teeth while trying not to look at his child.
"I'm doing well now. It's taken me a very long time, but I think I'm doing okay right now..." There was a noticeable pause, but he continued.
"I still think about it sometimes. When we used to eat together as a family, when we would all talk about each other's days. Dad would complain, as he always did about work-you would scold him about not being so depressing at the dinner table, and then you would ask me about my day after sharing stories about whatever gossip you heard around the neighborhood that day. I don't know what young me really had to say that could be of interest, but you and dad always looked happy to hear me talk about what went on at school, or what I did with my friends that day..." Ray looked down wistfully.
"You were the best parents any child could have asked for, and I truly... truly wish I hadn't taken those days for granted." the wolf clutched his left arm with his right hand, as if trying to massage away an invisible bruise that only he was aware of.
"I hope dad has come to see you recently. I'm sure..." A long pause. "I'm sure he loved you more than I ever could. He certainly did dote on you while you were around, I do remember that much. After you passed... He changed... but it's because of that change that I'm more certain that he really did love you." Hearing those words, Clair attempted to chime in.
"Ray, don't defend-"
But Reyson shook his head, signaling for him to stop. Clair shut his mouth, his tail flickering with internal frustration. Reyson however, smiled towards him.
"Clair came to see you too. I know you haven't seen him in a while. You'll be happy to know that we're... um... something, now, I guess. You always were perceptive about things like that-or maybe I just made it really obvious."
The cat standing next to him awkwardly smiled and waved at the tombstone, face slightly reddened at the "um... something", bit, as he turned his head downward to scratch his face near his whiskers. Reyson smiled as a familiar memory washed over him.
"Hey, Clair's going to come over tonight, is that okay?" It was a typical day in junior high and Reyson was calling his mom on the phone, a few years before she became hospitalized.
"Oh, absolutely, Let me let dad know!" There was a brief pause, but even as Eileen covered the phone with her hands, the wolf could clearly hear her yelling in her shrill voice: "Ray-ray's friend is coming over for dinner today! Got it!?"
"Th-thanks, mom." Suddenly, the voice on the other side became soft and playful.
"So... when are you going to ask him out?" There was a bit of shuffling as little Ray-ray desperately tried not to drop his phone in shock.
"Wh-what do you mean ask him out?! Wuh-we aren't like that!" The wolf stammered out anxiously. Cute chuckles could be heard from the other side.
"Oh, Ray-ray, there's hardly a moment when you're not talking about little Clair, and for good reason, he's an absolute honey-bun! I can see why you like him so much!" Flustered silence on one end of the line, giggles on the other. "I'm just saying darling, you should chase after him while you still can~" Reyson's mind was a whirl of emotions. He and Clair were just good friends-he had never... er... rarely... um... only thought about him romantically a few times! You know, f-for funsies! Like-what if, you know? He didn't actually... Did he like him like that?
Mustering up all the composure he could gather, he answered his mom: "I-I don't know, mom.. I'm not even sure if I like him like that-and what if he says no!? Things would be so awkward, and-and-" She cut him off right there.
"Oh, son-you two are practically inseparable, I'm sure little Clair wouldn't behave different around you just because you like him a little~ and if he does, I'll whip some sense into him!"
"Mom..."
"Well, I thought you liked him for sure, but if you say you don't know, then you should take some time to think about it. Just know that mommy has your support, no matter who or what you choose in life, okay?"
"Th-thanks, mom." That seemed to be enough to get her to drop the subject, as Reyson breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly he thought of one more question. "Y-you're not going to tell dad, are you?"
"Oh, dear, of course not! I think that's something you should tell him yourself! But for now, it'll be our little secret~"
Reyson laughed to himself as he finished recalling the memory.
"...haha.. Really, a mother always knows, huh." he muttered quietly to himself, before speaking louder. "We're happy, for the most part. Clair is kind of stupid sometimes, ('Hey! >=[`) And I get depressed a lot of the time ('Aw, wait, hold on..')... But we take care of each other. I couldn't ask for anything more. I also work a pretty good job now, that pays well, and I'm trying to do things that make me happy, just like you wanted. I'm know-well, I hope you'd be proud of me, mom." Reyson looked over to Clair. "Uh.. do you want to say anything to her?" He asked.
"O-oh, uh- I didn't have anything prepared, but.. sure?" The cat took a moment to collect his thoughts before delivering his own little monologue, much less eloquent than Reyson's.
"So, uh, hey, Ray's mom! It's good to see you again. Like Ray said, I'm doing my best to make sure Ray doesn't drown in his emo-ness and all that, and he makes sure I don't ruin... basically everything, haha...
I... I'm really thankful for you, and even Ray's dad, to an extent. Without you, Ray would never have come into my life... and I think things would have turned out a lot different for me. You guys taught me things about being a family I never would have known, and I never would have understood just how kinda messed up my own was without that... that-that's not a bad thing, by the way! It helped me realize just how much I needed to get out of there, and I'm a better person for it now! Yeah! Yeah..." Clair paused, his smile twisting into a melancholy frown before he continued.
"I... I wish I could have done something more to help you when you were in the hospital. I still regret not being able to give you the money you needed to treat your illness. Even though it was my parents that ultimately decided not to help, If I had just begged a little more, or something-anything, then maybe-maybe things would have been different. Money doesn't solve everything, but in that case... it could have saved your life." Clair choked up a little, holding back tears. Reyson put a hand on his shoulder, which the cat clasped warmly.
"Ray... your son is doing great. He's been really strong and gotten through some hard times-some of those my fault. You should be proud of him. I know I am." The cat took a deep breath before continuing. "I-I love Reyson more than anything else in the world, and I swear to you I will take good care of him!... Or at least distract him so much with having to clean up my messes that he'll forget about his own problems!" At those words, Reyson's face flushed and his tail visibly started swishing back and forth bashfully.
"That-that's everything I have to say... I guess." Reyson pursed his muzzle, not really sure what to say to the sudden profession of love.
"Th-thanks Clair. I'm sure mom is really happy to hear that. I bet she would have given you her blessing-and probably made fun of you, if she were still alive."
"I, I was just saying what I felt..." Clair muttered awkwardly, before changing the subject. "A-anyway, should we get going, or uh... you wanna stay a little longer?" The wolf sat down in front of the tombstone and looked up at the cat.
"Just a little longer... You can head back to the car if you want, I'll join you soon."
"N-no, I was just wondering-I'll say if you are."
Reyson continued sitting, legs crossed, not thinking about anything in particular, and just letting himself have a moment with himself to be with his mother in spirit. Clair stood by his side, ever vigilantly watching over him.
Suddenly a low, gruff voice eked out a few feet across from them.
"S-son?" The two turned to see Reyson's father, with flowers of his own, shocked to see him and Clair already at Eileen's grave. Reyson stood up, his expression unchanging as always. Clair instinctively took a step towards the wolf, as if to defend him.
"Clair, is it alright if you head on back? I promise I'll be fine." Clair looked at Ray with a sad look in his eyes, but eventually nodded to respect his wishes. As he walked past Reyson's dad, he grabbed him by the sleeve and gave him a furious look: "If you even think about raising your fist on him, I swear, I'm going to-" He stopped, looking back at Ray, who just smiled at him. Clair sighed, and let go of him, continuing to the car alone.
Reyson waited until Clair was out of earshot... and then waited some more, knowing that his hearing was better than most. Once he was certain Clair wouldn't hear, he broke the silence.
"Hi, father. Are you well?" His dad stammered for a while, as if he had since forgotten how to talk to other human beings normally.
"I-I'm hanging in there. I...I quit gambling. Also uh... have been trying to stop drinking. That hasn't been as easy. Got a job recently. It's not much, but uh... at least I'm paying the bills again... on my own..."
"That's good." A curt response, from a wolf still assessing the person he was talking to. His father continued.
"S-so... that was Clair? He-he's really grown up, huh. I guess... you have too... Maybe I was the only one that didn't. Haha.. ha...He's a good friend, that one."
"Yeah, he is." There was a very long pause where the two of them didn't say anything. Reyson because he didn't have much to say, His father because he had too much to say and not enough words to say them. Again, Reyson was the first to break the silence.
"I'm glad you're visiting mom. I bet she's happy to know you still care." His dad waved his words of encouragement off.
"I wouldn't have if you hadn't talked some sense into me. I-" A pause. "I've failed you as a father, son. You didn't deserve any of what I put you through after Eileen passed on. I always knew you weren't to blame for Eileen's death, but... I was too childish to deal with it in a healthy way, so I took it out on you, but I don't need to tell you this-you already know, you're a smart kid, and... probably don't need to be reminded." His father let out a deep sigh before continuing.
"Son, I'm truly sorry for what I did to you back then. You don't have to accept my apology, or let me back into your life, but I wanted you to know that at least, if nothing else."
There was another loud silence. Reyson's firm gaze pierced through his father as he mulled over his words for a very long time. Finally, he opened his muzzle to answer his apology, expression unchanging.
"I don't see dad in you anymore. I don't think I ever will." His father hung his head in shame. Reyson continued. "But I guess... I'm okay with that now." the older wolf looked up, mouth agape with incredulity. "...It... it's not that I forgive you. I'm just... not angry anymore."
"...Son."
Clair was twiddling his thumbs idly, with a hint of anxiousness. His brain was screaming at him that it was a terrible idea to leave Reyson alone with his ex-abuser. Occasionally, he glanced out the window, wondering if Reyson would be on his way back at any moment. Eventually though, at one such glance, he spotted Reyson on his way back and unlocked the doors for him. The wolf got in shortly thereafter, but once inside, he stared straight ahead, looking at nothing in particular.
"S-so, how'd it go?"
"Mmm... Father apologized."
"Oh! That's good!... did you forgive him?" Reyson gave him a smirk, with eyes that glinted with sadness.
"You know how I am, Clair, I could never do that." Clair frowned, chuckling with sad understanding.
"Yeah, I do know."
"I told him to stay out of my life. He seems to be working on himself though... so there's that."
"O-oh, that's good! Maybe someday he'll be back to his old self again."
"Yeah, maybe so..." Clair peered carefully at the Wolf's expression as he stared vacantly into the distance, measuring the tempest of emotions he knew was stirring within.
"Are you sure you're okay with keeping him cut out of your life?"
Silence. Reyson's muzzle quivered as he tried to maintain his stoic face and answer the question. He pressed a hand to his forehead whilst furrowing his brow.
"I-It's not good to keep abusers in your life." Reyson's breath quickened as he buried his face in his arms. Clair frowned. He knew what Ray was saying was true, yet he couldn't help but pity him. He only recently understood the pain of losing a parent to disease, but could hardly imagine the anguish of losing the other to despair and trauma.
"It's okay to cry, Ray."
"I know!" The response was soft, yet sharp-almost like a breathy growl, before retreating to it's usual even demeanor: "...I know. It's just... so hard." he muttered from under his arms.
"Here, Ray, let's get in the back seat." Clair coerced Ray into the back, where he let the wolf lay down on his lap. As Clair caressed his face and headfur, faint whimpers and moans could be heard from the wolf, as he vocalized years of built up stress, anxiety, and grief in the only he still knew how to.
"Whenever you're ready, we can head back, alright?"
"..mmhm." the answer came out as a whine, but Clair smiled all the same.
They stayed like that for a while. Reyson didn't really cry, despite having express permission to-merely mumbled out sounds of vaguely identifiable anguish. Where others might have released their built up pain similar to how a dam would break, overflowing in a tidal surge, the wolf let out his emotions in a slow stream, like a faucet that has finally been turned on to let just a little bit of water flow out.
Taking a brief pause between utterances and gasps, Reyson looked up at Clair.
"...so... you wanna be boyfriends?" Clair gave him a look-slightly more annoyed than shocked.
"Is... is this really an appropriate time to be asking this question?" The wolf chuckled amidst his frown.
"Well, you did make that outrageous confession to mom." Clair scratched his head in exasperation, looking away, not really having a comeback to that. Eventually, he sighed and looked back at Reyson.
"You know I'd like that more than anything, dumb dog."
"Wolves and dogs are different."
"Just take my response at face value before I change my mind."
"Of course, Clair. I love you."
"Damn straight you do... Wait, is this even going to change anything between us?"
"...probably not."