FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Pet-Sit Saturday

by Bad Manners

===

"You are now approaching your destination."

The anthro anteater checked the GPS on her phone, and maneuvered the car to park by the sidewalk. Hepje had never been to these suburbia, even if it was just a few kilometers away from the city. She opened her messaging app to confirm the address number that Teetja had sent her earlier. It was such a nice, big house with an open yard... She was pretty jealous of her friend.

Maybe jealousy wasn't the right word, she thought as she stepped out of her car. Teetja did have a nicer house, a nicer job, a fiancé, a bigger social circle, and apparently even a pet! W-Well, perhaps she didn't need to make a mental list of everything. But no matter their differences, Hepje was still content with her life, and as her lifelong friend, Teetja was someone whose company she enjoyed. Even if the last few months had been pretty hectic, and she had only called on Hepje lately to have her pet-sit during the weekend.

She rang the doorbell and waited. She heard high-heeled shoes rushing to the door, and when it'd opened, the anteater was met with a familiar, friendly face at the same height as her.

"Oh, Happy! There you are!" The anthro elephant welcomed in delight, holding earrings on her hand.

"Hey Tay." The two hugged and touched cheeks - managing to avoid hitting each other with any snouts or trunks -, and Teetja blew out a kiss on the air. They moved their heads in opposite directions for another air kiss on the opposite cheek, and finally back again for a third one.

The elephant moved back to take a look at Hepje. "I like what you've done with your fur!" She said, commenting on how the grayish-blue anteater had dyed the back side of her head purple, just behind the dark eye marking on the right. It matched the color of her purple band T-shirt, and the vibe of her jeans. "Well come on in, make yourself comfortable on the couch while I get dressed."

The dark-grey elephant rushed upstairs, already wearing a beautiful dark-blue dress with yellow details and matching dark-blue heels, along with her make-up. Hepje walked over to the living room and sat down, taking the whole place in. Teetja even had a fireplace here! The anteater's little apartment was nothing compared to this. How many rooms did this house even have?!

Hepje and Teetja - or Happy and Tay, as they normally were called by everyone - had known each other since they were little. They ended up in the same class one year, and the other kids made fun of the anteater and the elephant for their 'big noses', so naturally they spent most of their time alone. Maybe the two of them hanging out as a pair only made the bullying worse, but they got along together, so those times were still bearable for the girls. That, and their families were close, so they also hung out a lot outside of school. Years later, they both decided to apply for the same scholarship program outside of the country, which they received. Fast forward to today, and they both still lived here in this foreign city they'd moved to, albeit circumstances and opportunities have deviated somewhat between the two women.

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, Happy... I'm done now. Thanks for coming in such short notice." Teetja shouted from upstairs as she walked down to the ground level. She now sported a necklace and earrings.

"It's no problem, I got here early anyway..." The anteater had no plans for the weekend, and could do with the extra cash, so she accepted the request to look after her beloved pet while Teetja went out for a wedding for the whole weekend. "I really love what you've done with your place, Tay."

"Oh, you have no idea how much work it took! We got all of the wires replaced just a few weeks ago, and I can finally enjoy my home for once!" The elephant chuckled softly to herself. "Anyway, Casey will be moving in next month, then it will be just us three, me, him and Vale... Oh, but you haven't met Casey yet, have you?"

"No, not really..." Hepje replied. Casey was Tay's fiancé, and she'd heard quite a lot about him through her chat messages. "You said that he's going to the wedding with you tonight, right?"

"Yep! He's the one who's friends with the couple, actually. And we'll be out until tomorrow afternoon. I've never been to a long event like this... I'm so excited!"

Hepje smiled. "Sounds like one hell of a party. When you have your own wedding with Casey, I hope that you throw an even better party, Tay. And you gotta invite me!"

"Of course I will invite you, Happy. If you don't show up, I'd personally run after you, gown and all! Hahaha... Hmm... Speaking of, there's something important I want to ask you." Teetja sat next to her on the couch and looked at her with seriousness and excitement. "Happy, how would you like it to be my bridesm-" Before she could finish, she could hear her phone ringing, and she stood up to reach for her purse. "Sorry, I need to take this. Talk about bad timing- Oh, it's Casey!" She touched the screen and brought it to her face.

"Hi Casey~!" She answered the phone with a loving tone. Hepje couldn't make out what Casey was saying. "How are you, babe?" '...' "Yeah I just got dressed." '...' "Yes?" '...' "I can in a few minutes, I'm just talking to Happy." '...?' "Yes, my friend Happy, she's pet-sitting for Vale." '...' "Okay, I'll come by and pick you up." '...' "Alright babe, love you~!" Teetja ended the call and turned to Hepje. "Sorry, Casey is in a bit of a hurry about the wedding, but I told him we don't need to be so early for everything... Where were we?"

"I... think you were gonna ask me something important?"

"Oh, right! Well- That can wait." The elephant always had spoken in such a rapid-fire way. "I still need to introduce you to Vale, after all. Normally she can stay alone while I work during the day, but I never left her by herself overnight, so I was a bit concerned, you know..." The elephant turned to the kitchen area and called in a high-pitched baby talk. "Come here, girl! Come meet Happy!" She looked back to Hepje. "She's a little shy with strangers, but she's a sweetheart. You got my messages with the instructions, right? What she's allowed to eat... Where she can go... Everything?"

The anteater walked over to Teetja. "Yeah yeah. Frankly it's a lot of information. But I appreciate it, since it's my first time pet-sitting. Also, you never told me, but is she like, a dog or- AAH!"

Hepje nearly fell over. It was huge! Basically as big as her. And so green! And slim, and long, and furry. And had such pointy ears, long white slit-pupil eyes, clawless fingers, and wild fluffy tail flicking about. What was that animal?!

"Oh, sorry. I forgot to mention that she's a... uhh, what was it called again... 'zorgoia', I think?" The elephant explained.

"It's- S-She's HUGE! And she just roams the house like this?!" The zorgoia had stopped behind Teetja with her ears lowered, watching the stranger with curiosity.

"Yeah... Well, mostly she stays around the kitchen, but she doesn't knock anything over. But can you believe that I could fit her on my two hands when I got her?" The elephant reminisced, but it hardly seemed believable. "A friend at work apparently cares for a couple - a male and a female -, and after the female gave birth to a whole litter, she let me take a pup. And that's how I got Vale!" She took a step back to let the two face each other. "Happy, take your hand out and let her smell it. Then she'll know she can trust you."

The anteater did just so, approaching the back of her hand to the flat end of her snout. Vale sniffed a few times and raised her ears. She bumped her face against her fingers and raised her neck, so that the anteater's palm was on her fur. Happy scratched the pet's long neck; everything on her body was long and big, except the arms and legs. She also noticed that the zorgoia had closed her eyes and let out her purple forked tongue, as if she wanted to show how satisfied she was.

"See? I told you she'd like you!" Teetja beamed. "You two will get along just fine. And she doesn't make a lot of sounds, so you basically have to learn to watch her body language."

"Say, Tay... why did you call her Vale?" The anteater asked, bringing another hand to rub the pet's neck.

"Ah, do you see how her fur has a blue ring that goes around her?" She pointed at the middle of her body. "When she got scared, she scrunches up that part of her, and she kind of looks like an upside-down valley, with a river in the middle!"

"... Why didn't you call her Hill, then?"

Teetja sighed. "Casey asked me the same thing, can you believe it? But Hill is such a boy's name-" Her phone ringed again. "Oh, speaking of Casey, it must be him again. That's my cue to leave. Bye, baby." The elephant moved her trunk aside and kissed Vale on the forehead, and then hugged Hepje. "Alright, you two be safe, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!"

"Goodbye, Tay! Have fun!" The anteater waved to Teetja, who left through the front door before locking it. Then she pushed a hand against a nearby counter, for balance, as she removed her sneakers, staring at Vale. "What are you, even? Tay said you're a zorgoia, but what's that? A fox...? A ferret...? A mongoose...? Actually, what does a mongoose even look like?"

She emptied her pocket, placing her car key on the counter, and took out her phone, opening the camera app. "Let me get some photos of you. My friend Pád loves weird animals, he's gonna love to see you." Hepje took photos of the pet's face, and then of her body. She noticed that Vale wore a dog collar around her neck, but also how each of her back paws had a single curled claw on the far side. Also, her long tail had barbs at the tip. Definitely an unusual anatomy that her friend Pádraig would enjoy. She sent the photos to him and walked to the couch, glued to her phone. The anteater didn't see how Vale's barbed tail opened and sneakily snatched her shoes to play with them.

Happy lied on the couch, and opened a different app on her phone. She was curious to see if it was some freaky lab hybrid or something. "How... to get... a... pet... zorgoia..." She spoke the words as she entered them into the search bar. "No, not 'borzoi'! Stupid autocorrect. How do you even spell 'zorgoia'?" After trying several different spellings on Guurgle, all that she could find were random usernames with numbers at the end, for profile links of social networks in languages that she'd never seen before.

Meanwhile, making sure she was just out of sight from her pet-sitter, Vale withdrew her barbed tail from her rear. She was quite dexterous with her unique zorgoia appendage, and was playing with herself in a rather unique way: shoving stuff into her butt. The anteater's sneakers seemed quite appetizing, so she had already pushed one in, and was grabbing the next one. It was no trouble for the large pet at all, as she began to insert the other shoe into her hole to feed her greedy rectum even more. Vale just hoped that she could keep doing it more throughout the day, working her way up to the main course - and crucially, without the anteater noticing anything.

The zorgoia's new toys were relatively rigid, but so small compared to her stretchy insides that she had no trouble fitting them in. And she wasn't anywhere near full, either. After the second sneaker was inside, she glanced over to the car key that the anteater had placed on the counter. Before Vale went for it next, however, she was alarmed to hear some bell sounds going off as if she got caught. But Hepje was instead looking at her phone, checking the barrage of messages coming in from Pádraig. She scrolled over the text bubbles:

> DUDE

> WHAFB

> SHSUjjdhdbskfiah

> whER DIDI TOU FIND IT

> ITs a zorgoia right??.

> Does its motuh glow???

> Wher are you happu??.

'Does its mouth glow', Happy wondered. "Vale? Come here?" She tried calling for the zorgoia, not really expecting her to obey the new pet-sitter. But to Hepje's surprise, she approached her in front of the couch, by the ground. She still couldn't get over her enormous size... but as she stared at her snout, it seemed normal, with green fur and purple lips matching the tongue she'd seen before. What was Pád talking about? The anteater opened her camera app again with one hand and tried to pry her mouth open with another, like she would with a dog that wasn't supposed to be chewing on something. "Good girl... can you open your mouth for me?". Her fingers ran over Vale's canines and gums.

The zorgoia obliged and opened her jaws, directly facing Happy. Before the anteater could even react to the sight, she took a bunch of photos depicting her hand near Vale's open maw, fully displaying the glowing throat on the back. It had a whitish hue that made the back of the purple maw look almost pink, which was definitely something that Hepje hadn't seen in any animal before. She took out her surprisingly dry hand from the side of Vale's mouth to let the pet rest, and re-opened her texting app to send a few messages back to Pád.

< I'm petsitting for a friend

< [Attached .JPG file - 104 KB]

She awaited anxiously for a reply, while the app notified her that Pád was typing...

> HOLY SHIT ITS HUGGGGE

> And it rwally glows

> Shit you gotta pet me see it when i come back!

> Let me*lol

> Mayb tell your friend im an expert on them or some thing!

< I searched for zorgoia on Guurgle but couldn't find anything

< How do you know all this

> Aal i know is from thsi closed server that i visit.

> You nee d an invite tho

> Shit gtg plesse take more picssssbye

And that was that; Pád had ended the conversation, and her only source of information on the unusual animal was gone... Well, not quite. She still had the instructions from Tay in her texts - which never mentioned that Vale was a huge zorgoia, if she wasn't mistaken. She opened the different conversation and found two old messages at the bottom:

> And finally, feel free to use anything in the house! The master suite is off-limits for you and Vale, but you can use any other bedroom, watch TV, grab food from the fridge, etc just don't make a mess! Vale cleans after herself so I'll know if it was you! Lol!

> Oh and the wifi password is v@le1012!

Did she really use her pet's name as the router password? Hepje chuckled, but appreciated the free Internet, and input the characters on the phone. Also, while at it, she wouldn't mind watching some television. She got up, noticing that Vale had moved somewhere else while she used her phone - the zorgoia was definitely very silent and sneaky when moving across the house -, and looked for the TV remote. Strangely, it was locked in the cupboard under the screen, behind a glass door, instead of just laying loose on the coffee table or on the sofa. It was easy enough to grab it by just pushing on the little door until it snapped back the other way to open, but now the anteater had started to put some dots together...

There had been something off-putting in this house that Hepje couldn't quite place it. But she finally noticed that, everywhere she looked, there were no loose objects. Photos, books, kitchen utensils... They were all locked behind some glass door, like the remote control in the cupboard, or maybe inside one of the many closed shelves. It was definitely a unique design choice. Maybe it was for Vale's sake, so she could explore the house safely? And what did Tay mean by 'Vale cleans after herself', even? She had no idea...

The anteater slouched back on the couch and turned on the TV, but her stomach growled right before she could settle. She stood back up, taking her phone and remote control in her jeans' pockets, and walked over to the kitchen to check what was in the fridge - after all, Teetja did say she was free to grab anything, and she hadn't had lunch yet. On her way, Happy spotted the mostly-green zorgoia curled up, lying on a fluffy pink pet bed just big enough for her on the ground, but wide awake if her white-tinted eyes were any indication.

"There you are, Vale. I'll just grab some food for myself." She said to the zorgoia - who, unbeknownst to her, had found her car key and disposed of it as she had done with her shoes. Speaking of, did the pet need to eat anything? She grabbed her phone to check the instructions and there she found it:

> I leave some cans of food for Vale in the fridge. You can just dump one entire can on the food bowl next to her water for dinner and another for breakfast! I only feed her twice a day and I'll feed her on Saturday morning! And make sure you throw away the empty cans after!

That seemed easy enough; she only needed to remember to feed her in the evening. Happy opened the fridge door and sadly didn't find much inside. There was a lot of canned food, each labeled 'Vale' - Tay really went overboard with the sticky notes by labeling every single one! -, a half-empty vodka bottle, some milk in a sealed carton, a bunch of stuff she couldn't really eat, and... a large metal pot filled with split pea soup, with chopped meat and vegetables? This really took her back, to when the two friends would eat it for dinner during their childhood. She wondered if Tay had prepared it specifically on this occasion for her?

After scrambling around the kitchen, opening and closing so many different cupboards, Hepje managed to find a soup bowl, and heated it with the pea soup in the microwave. For an anteater like her, there weren't many options of food available for her extremely long snout, but soup was definitely on the menu. And it was different from the bland-tasting meal shakes which she normally had to drink, so that's a plus.

She took the meal to the counter as it was - she wouldn't need a spoon, after all - and tasted it by dipping her mouth. As soon as her tongue tasted it, however, she regretted it. This was so sour! How many onions did Tay put in it?! And so watery too, somehow. Had the elephant even tasted the split pea soup before leaving the full pot for her? Good intent or not, Hepje just couldn't bring herself to eat anymore, and left the bowl by the kitchen sink, wishing she'd had a simple shake instead.

Having lost her appetite, the anteater jumped onto the couch again, taking the remote out of her pocket to browse the TV. Meanwhile, the ever-watchful zorgoia had been observing the whole soup scene from her bed, and decided to make her move now. This bowl would be a bit more challenging than anything so far, with Vale not wanting to waste even a single drop. It felt so thrilling to just take the anteater's stuff without her knowledge; she couldn't resist. Carefully moving her tail, she used it to lift up the ceramic without tilting it, and then raised her butt.

She brought the bowl next to her hole, relaxed her muscles, and finally tilted it. The contents poured inside, washing her rectum with the sliced ingredients. She couldn't taste anything like this, so she didn't mind eating the sour soup the wrong way. Once the liquid was completely dumped, the next part was of course the bowl itself, which wasn't much bigger than one of Hepje's sneakers. The ceramic slid into the pea-filled rectum, and once that was done, Vale clenched her asshole tightly to hold the water in - which would eventually get absorbed by her body. She tested how secure everything was by lowering back her butt and shaking her behind. She had a very imperceptible bulge in her midriff, and could feel the objects shuffling and sloshing inside, but no water was escaping her tight anus. Satisfied with her results, she moved closer to the couch where Happy was lying, watching some old sitcom on the TV.

The anteater noticed her with her cutesy white eyes. "Hi Vale." She said as she pet the gentle zorgoia. "Do you wanna come?" She tapped the sofa, motioning for her to climb. Hepje didn't know if she was allowed on the couch, but it seemed wide enough for both of them, and the pet did seem so cuddly and fluffy that she would enjoy her company.

In one swooping moment, Vale slipped on the couch, using her flexible body to wrap around the equally-sized anteater. Hepje was surprised as she got coiled in that long green coat of fur, feeling the pet's weight on her chest and belly while her head nuzzled against her long snout. It felt as if she was being hugged by a big silky snake. The zorgoia had considered taking advantage of the situation to sate her hunger there and then, but she loved cuddling just as much as playing with her 'toys', and the short greyish-blue fur on the anteater felt just as good on the outside against her skin as it'd surely feel on the inside.

Happy used her two arms to stroke the long furry body coiled on hers, which felt like a warm and heavy blanket. The zorgoia didn't make any sounds at all like purring or panting, but she stuck her forked tongue out in delight, so she must have been enjoying the attention. She thought that she could even enjoy a little nap like this, and Vale had a similar thought...

***

"Ugh... my head..." Hepje complained as she woke up. She was still on the couch, with the huge zorgoia lying on top of and around her. It was much later in the day, if the dimmed outside lights were any indication, and she was illuminated mostly by a prompt 'are you still watching?' displayed on the television. Her head hurt and felt dizzy, likely from skipping lunch. Vale appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but as soon as she started shuffling about, her eyes opened wide and she slowly unwrapped from her, walking back to the kitchen. Maybe the pet simply stayed awake with her eyes closed, not wanting to disturb the cuddling...

But now the anteater needed to figure out her food situation. She took her phone and opened the delivery app, deciding on an order from her favorite Thai place that would definitely end her starvation. Thankfully, the app alerted her that her GPS location didn't match her home address - she couldn't imagine how troublesome it would be if she got her food delivered to the wrong place. Once the order was sent, Hepje put her phone back in her pocket and looked around for the remote to turn off the TV, but couldn't find it anywhere... She could have sworn that she had put it down on the floor before napping.

The anteater got up slowly, wiping some of the shed green fur stuck to her shirt, and heard something tapping near the kitchen. She followed the strange sound, and there she found Vale. She was active again, hitting her back paw's claw against the back door to make the sound. Maybe that's how the otherwise quiet pet alerted that she wanted to go there? The backyard didn't have any fences, so she didn't know if Vale could just wander out if there was any risk of her running away... but she could just check her instructions.

"Just one second, Vale." She told the pet as she picked up her phone once again. Dismissing the 10% battery warning - she would worry about finding a charger later -, Happy opened the chat messages from Teetja again. Instead of going one by one, she simply searched the entire conversation for "outside", and found one result:

> Vale will signal if she wants to go outside by running to the back door and tapping on it, which usually means [...]

Not wasting any time, Hepje decided to skim through the very long message, up to the end...

> [...] after she's finished, you can just call her name and she'll rush back in!

Okay, so it was probably fine. Maybe the pet just needed to use the restroom or something, and she wouldn't bother checking her messages about her bodily functions. Hepje unlocked the door and the zorgoia walked out, but the anteater's attention was caught instead by the swimming pool installed on the ground, with underwater lights that automatically turned on at night. "Woah... It's been so long since I've gone swimming. Wait, don't tell me it's-" She walked over and kneeled on the coping, reaching her hand into the water. Yep, it was heated. Now that she knew this, Happy made a mental note: she was definitely taking a swim here later. But first...

Just so, she heard the doorbell ringing - must've been the delivery. She glanced over at Vale, who seemed to be sniffing at the grass in the yard. "Vale, don't run away while I grab my food, okay?" Maybe she would understand her if she asked nicely? The zorgoia didn't seem to pay her any mind, but right now she was more worried about not passing out from hunger, so she left her there, hoping she would behave.

Vale wasn't actually messing about when Happy spotted her, but was getting low on the ground, stalking a soon-to-be prey that was moving through the grass. It was unaware of her presence, the zorgoia's green fur blending in with the suburban yard lawn. And then she struck, not with a pounce but with a dart of its tail, expertly grabbing the small brown animal by its neck. She brought it closer to inspect the mammal: it was a hare, distressed by being caught and lifted up, but otherwise unharmed. It fought against her grasp, kicking the air in vain for its life.

The pet didn't want to harm the hare, but she still craved it as a toy, since the last thing she'd shoved up her ass had been a remote controller some hours ago. Just as she had done with so many inanimate objects today, she brought the animal to her rear, relaxed her pucker, and pushed it in. It was small enough to not be any trouble to fully pull in, but the feisty animal, being smothered by the rectum and its contents, started kicking inside of her. It wasn't painful at all - in fact, it was pleasurable like an internal massage -, but it meant that the hare could break free if it tried hard enough, and she wouldn't have that.

Still holding onto the hare with her tail-claw, Vale pushed it deeper, past the more spacious chamber of the rectum. It kept going deeper, and the zorgoia took notice of everything she could feel, both with the appendage and her insides. The small bits of sliced food, from the now-dried soup; the long TV remote; the round and hard soup bowl; the small and pointy car key; some letters that had arrived in the mail this morning, now wet and crumpled; and now probing into her colon, the pair of sneakers. She deposited the hare into the tight tunnel as well, hoping it wouldn't be able to struggle itself free. Vale withdrew the tail from inside of herself and shook it over the grass, wiping it clean from bits of peas and onions and anal slime. The hare kicked still in her guts, and she saw how it made barely noticeable bulges in her abdomen - but the small movement outside did no justice to that wonderful sensation, its stimulation being so pronounced... Even with all of the different stuff inside of her, she was still confident that she could take tonight's main course. The big question, then, was -when-...

At the same time, Hepje was sitting down on the kitchen counter, in the now illuminated room, gulping her order of stir-fried noodles through her snout. After the disastrous lunch that the healthy pea soup had been, she decided to get some nice, fatty comfort food - and in a portion for two people, the anteater reckoned, since she'd skipped lunch. She was feeling much better now that she had some sustenance in her, no longer feeling like she'd collapse out of nowhere. But as the minutes went by, and she greedily gulped more and more of the Thai dish, she realized that it was a mistake to order such a big serving. "Ooough... I feel so stuffed already..." She spoke to herself, rubbing her belly. There was still a good one-third of food to go in the foam container, but Hepje couldn't eat even one more noodle...

Her dinner reminded her of the message she'd read earlier, saying that Vale had to eat hers in the evening. The anteater opened the fridge door and found one can of food for the zorgoia, but also the half-empty bottle of vodka. She took both of them out, taking a sip of alcohol before dumping the brown mass of wet food in Vale's food bowl. "Vale! Dinner is served!" She yelled to the open backyard door, and just like the instructions from Teetja have said, the zorgoia sprinted in, taking no time to simply monch on it ferociously. It seemed very uncanny for the otherwise stoic pet, and Happy had no idea what it was or why she liked that food so much, but from the smell and look of it, it didn't seem any different from ordinary wet food for cats.

Her phone rang a few times - Pád was bombarding her with messages, no doubt -, and she took it out again to see the notifications:

> Alright im home.

> Wher are you?

> So i can help you out??

> Only if you want me to comr ofc :)

Pádraig wanted to come, huh? Well, maybe that wasn't a bad idea. He could tell her more about zorgoias, and they could even have a little pool party. Teetja certainly wouldn't mind a second pet-sitter, right? She unlocked her phone, but a little message appeared: '5% battery remaining'. "Fuck..." She whispered to herself. It's fine, she thought, she had a charger in her car. Hepje just needed to find her key and go grab it. Where did she leave it again... On the counter, maybe? She looked there, and down on the ground to see if it got knocked over. No? Maybe she put it in her pocket? She placed her phone down on the counter and checked... No, nothing. First she lost the remote controller, now her car key?

"Fuck!" She repeated, now yelling in frustration. Vale was startled by the shout, and jumped back in shock. The anteater noticed the pet's reaction and apologized in a sweet tone. "Sorry Vale, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just... It's been a weird day, and I keep losing my stuff, and I have to pet-sit you because I really need the extra cash, and you turn out to be huge, and Tay's house is so huge, and she's got a swimming pool with heating, and she's gonna be happy and married, and-" Hepje stopped herself, before she kept gushing about this stuff that she shouldn't even have said out loud in the first place. She took another sip of the vodka, and stood silent for a moment. "Whatever. I'll try to find a charger, and then tell Pád to come over." Her phone ringed again with messages, but getting annoyed, she simply muted it and placed it facing down on the counter. She walked away towards the staircase near the front door, carrying the bottle in her hand - and leaving her phone behind.

After Happy left, Vale wasted no time to take the opportunity, with so many new toys lying around! First, she grabbed the can of food and brought the open end to her snout, voraciously licking any remaining food inside, not letting a single chunk go to waste. Once the inside was squeaky clean, she made better use of the empty container, pushing it in her other hole, nice and fast with her muscles hungrily clenching it inside. She also grabbed and disposed of Hepje's phone, and the vodka bottle's cap, just as quickly.

Finally, she went to the remains of the anteater's meal, sitting on the foam tray. Vale recognized the material; she had tried to push styrofoam into herself once before, but she didn't like its texture as it crumbled into pieces in her rectum, so she would have to leave that outside... The stir-fried noodles, however, were scooped up in a single grab of her barbs, strands flowing over the sides as they were lifted from the bulky middle. Since she didn't care for any food other than her special mix, these would not go into her mouth, only into her other bottomless pit. She shoved the whole tailful in one swoop, and relished on the texture, its fried oils painting the walls of her rectum as the mass dissipated into individual strings getting pushed against the other objects.

The zorgoia heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and she sat down, hoping to look as innocent as possible. A slightly drunker Hepje appeared, carrying two wrapped beach towels under her arms and the bottle in her hand still. "I didn't find a charger," she spoke to herself on the way, "but I found a towel for me and Pád when we go swimming." She looked at Vale, who was making a 'guilty dog' face, and then glanced over to the stuff she'd left there. Her phone was missing, and her Thai food was simply gone. "Seriously? You took my stuff?! Where is my phone?"

Vale lowered her head, realizing that she got caught - which was only half-true. Hepje thought that she had eaten her food while she was gone, and had taken her phone - along with her car key - to some hidden hoard in the house. "Ugh... How am I gonna call Pád now? I don't know his number- Oh, but I know mine!" She'd just had an idea on how to find her phone again. Leaving all of her stuff on the counter, the anteater rushed to the corded phone on the wall, and punched in the buttons. Nothing seemed to happen, but the pet felt as something inside of her started rumbling. It wasn't the hare - that was still kicking in her colon every now and then -, but a small vibrating object, racketing without making any perceptible sound. The phone was so pleasurable, but Vale tried not to show it by staying completely still.

"I can't hear it... Did I mute it or something...? Just where did you hide it, Vale?" She kept asking herself out loud, her speech slightly slurred from inebriation. She gave up after a minute and slammed the phone back into the hook, and sighed. Hepje took deep breaths, trying not to lose her temper. "You know what? Fine." She went back to the counter to grab a single towel and the vodka bottle, drinking some more from the latter. "No phone, no Pád... Guess it's gonna be a girl's night with just you and me, Vale. Let's make this party more fun than that wedding, right?" She walked through the open backyard door, leaving the zorgoia and the other beach towel alone inside.

Hepje sat on one of those pool lounge chairs, placing down her towel as she began to undress. She took off her socks, her jeans and her band T-shirt, remaining only in her white undergarments and fur. With the alcohol bottle in her hand once again, she emptied it into her mouth and jumped into the pool. The anteater emerged from the water up to her shoulders, enjoying the warm pool. "Wooo!" She shouted into the air, and she started swimming around. She closed her eyes and dove inside, leaving only the tip of her long snout outside to function as a sort of snorkel for a full minute.

Then she floated back up, and took the bottle of vodka to her mouth. Happy started coughing as she realized that it had been filled with chlorinated water instead, immediately regretting her choice of jumping into the pool with it in hand. She approached the edge of the pool, leaning on the coping as she caught her breath from the accidental drowning, and noticed that something else was walking towards her from the inside of the house. "Hey Vale, do you also like swimming?" She called to the silhouette in the dark surroundings. The anteater couldn't see her face, but from the angle of her body and head, the zorgoia seemed to be facing her. Hepje tossed some water to her direction, teasing the pet if she wanted to jump into the pool. But she simply remained unfazed, standing near the lounge poolchair. "What is it, girl?" She asked. "I can't check my phone to know what you want anymore." She also noticed that Vale's abdomen was quite bloated. Had it always been like this and she just didn't pay attention, or...?

The zorgoia was getting needy and impatient, and she saw the anteater's things just lying on the chair, ripe for the taking. She had been sneaky up to this point, but she just couldn't hold back any longer. With her tail barbs, she clamped on the clothes and towel, and casually made it off into the house with the large clump of cloth behind her. Hepje couldn't see exactly what happened or how, but she could still see that Vale was taking more of her stuff away. "Hey! Stop that! Shit..." She climbed out of the pool, rushing half-naked after the zorgoia, and arriving in the kitchen, but the pet was nowhere to be found. "Vale, come here! Bad girl!" She was dripping on the floor as she stomped towards the living room, her wet bra and panties stuck to her fur, while still carrying a vodka bottle of pool water.

She knew that Vale was pretty quiet, but due to her size, she should be easy to spot. Not finding any living mass of green fur downstairs, she headed up, holding onto the railing so as to not slip on her wet soles. Coming upon a hallway, there were a few doors to some rooms and a bathroom - not counting the master suite at the back, which seemed locked shut. Walking to the first room on the right, she spotted what seemed to be the zorgoia lying on the four-foot bed, and she flicked the light switch.

"Goddammit..." It was all that the anteater could muster in her native tongue, seeing what the zorgoia was doing. Her face was looking back at her, but what Hepje really was paying attention to was the other side of the pet - also facing her, as she curled on the mattress -, where half of her pants and T-shirt were sticking out. The missing half was now past the purple flesh ring in the middle of her behind just under the tail, and she could see how the barbs on the tip of her tail - which she'd initially thought to be nothing more than a natural decoration - worked as a claw to keep pushing her stuff in.

Hepje couldn't tell Vale's thoughts from any facial expressions or sounds, but the middle of the zorgoia's body arched in anxiety from having been caught. After going through all the trouble to ensure that her pet-sitter wouldn't notice a thing, her greediness got the best of her. But with her clothes already almost entirely inside of her, she wouldn't stop now or pull it out as a matter of principle. She continued to push them inside with the rest of today's bounty, unwittingly giving Hepje a full view of the action. It wasn't long until they were fully inside, the zorgoia expertly consuming it like it was no trouble, even if her insides were seemingly bloated judging by the bulge in her belly. When it was over, Vale moved its tail away, only facing the anteater. Maybe, if Hepje didn't run away, there would be a chance...

The half-drunk woman didn't know how to react. What she just saw couldn't be real, could it? Teetja would have certainly told her about something like this, wouldn't she? But this wasn't a normal pet, after all. Nothing about her was normal... And it only made her curious. She still had a bottle on her hand, and for some reason, she felt compelled to see just how the zorgoia acted, and how it had eluded her the whole day. Hepje placed the bottle down on the ground, and stood back.

Vale didn't know what the anteater was doing, but her actions and lack of words told her that she didn't seem angry or scared enough to warrant any irrational behavior. Very cautiously, the zorgoia accepted the bottle with her tail-claw, relaxing her back while lifting her behind. Just like with the soup bowl earlier that day, she tilted it in order to pour the liquid, drinking it the wrong way, and then pushed the glass inside. But she did it slowly now, less in a hurry and more for show. She liked the idea of having a spectator, especially one she had plans for later...

And completely unaware of Vale's intentions, Hepje approached her with more curiosity after the bottle disappeared from sight. Her hands touched the zorgoia's fur, and the anteater looked at that closed ring, where her clothes and bottle had just vanished into. The muscle relaxed, giving her some view of the inside. The rectum had purple walls, and she could see the bottom of the bottle nestled in Vale's flesh, but the tunnel was collapsed deeper in. This meant that she couldn't see any evidence of her clothes anymore, as they must have been pulled further in. And as weird as it was for the pet to allow her to get this close, she still felt drawn to this place and moment.

Vale could not have asked for a better opportunity, however, and was prepared to strike at what would be the culmination of today's efforts. At the same time as her barbs pushed Hepje's back towards herself, her front paws also grabbed the anteater's legs, making her fall forward. Happy instinctively moved her arms in front of her head, slipping them into the gaping hole in the middle, and in a single movement, her limbs had been swallowed by the anus. Her face was also forced against it, pinning her snout downwards to point to her chest, as her skull kept getting pressed inside. As she continued to fall, Vale utilized gravity to her advantage to pull her onto the bed as the rest of her body maneuvered around Hepje's, coiling around the same-sized prey as her neck joined the arms inside. The anteater was slipping in faster than the zorgoia had expected, but not letting her guard down, she kept bringing her in greedily. There would be time to relish in the sensations when she was done, she hoped.

Hepje was disoriented, first when the light in the room was occluded, and then her sense of gravity shifted as she fell forward. But her sense of touch was the most overwhelmed. As her shoulders were effortlessly pushed inside, she could feel the remaining portion of her body get pressed against the bedding and Vale's fluff, while her hands scrambled against the insides. She hit not only flesh, but all Manners of unrecognizable stuff, hoarded by the zorgoia's ass in the last hours. There was slime, hard glass, towel cloth, crumpled papers, and lots more of smaller stuff jumbling around that she couldn't make out.

With most of her skull inside of Vale, her mouth and nose still remained outside, pressed against her breast, the anus hugging the tip of her snout until it also got slurped with her cleavage. When it did, Hepje confirmed her suspicion: aside from the smell of Thai food and chlorinated water from the pool, the zorgoia's insides were mostly odorless. It felt less like being swallowed alive, and more like being shoved into a soft sack chockfull of random junk... Well, one that was also warm and living. It wasn't as awful as she'd expect if she was told that she was getting shoved into an ass, but it was still degrading to be treated as a toy and jostled against random junk. Happy tried to struggle, but only out of spite. Clearly the zorgoia had total control here, not having any trouble at all to swallow her up. Just how much could she even stretch?

For the pet, the day-long build-up had been worth it. More than half of the anteater had been consumed by now, and it already felt so good to have her spread her insides with every movement. Vale'd had her doubts; maybe her snout would be a problem; maybe she would be caught earlier; maybe Happy could pull herself free; maybe Happy would be too big. But with her owner gone for the evening, and the anteater putting up so little resistance, it was like all stars had aligned, and this was meant to be. With another clench of muscle and shove of her tail barbs against the flailing legs, she was now up to her waist inside.

The anteater was acutely aware of how deep she was as the strong anal muscle clenched her like a tight band, and felt as the stuff inside the humid room shifted around her as she travelled further. Her arms could move around a bit now, brushing against her pants and a towel, which she pulled out of the way and downward, to at least not smother her face - even if it did free the way deeper into the zorgoia. As she did so, however, she accidentally grabbed onto something hard and glassy, slightly bigger than her palm. She recognized it right away: it was her phone! Not wasting any time, she turned on the screen:

[WARNING - Low battery (2%)]

[(1) missed call from unknown]

[(1) new message from Tay]

[(4) new messages from Pád]

The battery was almost dead, and the screen was very dim, but she still had hope that it would have enough juice. She could contact someone and ask for help! Hepje unlocked the phone and was met with an unusual starting screen with two buttons:

Low Battery Emergency Mode

[Call contact] [Record video]

She had seen it only once before, when she accidentally left her phone without charge for so long. Apparently it was a feature to save on the last bit of battery until it was absolutely necessary. From what she was told on social media, the video recording option was an emergency feature, just like calling a contact, in case people needed video proof of a dangerous situation or something. Her finger moved towards the obvious option that read 'call contact', but then she thought about it... Would calling Pádraig or Teetja be of any help? Pád didn't even know her location, and she couldn't remember the name of the street, so that would clearly be a waste of a call. And Tay, well... She didn't want to alarm her, even though it was kind of an emergency. Or was it? Hepje seemed fine inside of Vale, except for her lack of freedom or dignity. Even so, something told her that she wouldn't suffocate in here. And after all, it was Teetja's 'baby' who she was pet-sitting for, so calling her would basically be admitting defeat.

What about the other option, 'record video'? At first it sounded stupid, it's not like she would want a reminder of this... Or would she? What if she never got out? What if she was to forever stay in these guts, either alive or as a ghost? And maybe if the phone survived, it would be proof of her demise... And if she got out, what then? Wouldn't she want photographic proof, in case she needed to press charges, or if she wanted to brag and nobody believed her? Pád would certainly wrongly call her out as a liar. Although, it was too dark in here to even record stuff, unless she used the flash function. But then the battery would die very quickly...

Another clench called her attention, and Hepje hadn't even realized that she was now down to her knees! There wasn't much longer until she was fully trapped, so she decided to act. She pressed the rightmost button, and was met with a dark screen, as it apparently started recording. But when she pressed the lightning icon on-screen, and her camera's flash turned on, she could finally see what the inside of a zorgoia's ass looked like. The flesh was purple, just like her anus and inside of her mouth, and the walls had folds covered in a transparent yellow slime, although there was some water and frying oil spread about as well. She could also notice the specific items all over the place, like bits of noodles and pea that were too small to tell apart just by touch in the darkness. Vale really had every single thing imaginable in here. A remote control, a car key, a pair of socks, a bowl of soup. And even with all of this random junk, plus her entire body - which was about as big as Vale herself! -, the walls felt so loose in here. How was this stretchiness even possible?

She turned over the phone to face herself, trying to illuminate the area behind her. There was something lodged there on her back, and it seemed to be one of the beach towels, still fully wrapped. Vale apparently just shoved the whole thing as is, not even bothering to unroll it. Next, Happy tried to point the camera down - trying to see if she could film the entrance, which should've been at her ankles now by the feeling -, but all she could really capture on camera was her cleavage and tummy. So she pointed it up. There was a section of the tunnel that seemed tighter, probably the rest of the zorgoia's guts, but something was sticking out. It was white and red, and that's when it hit her: it was one of her sneakers! She didn't even consider that those had gotten shoved in here as well. Hepje brought a hand to it and tried to pull it free, but it was lodged firmly.

The anteater used more force to try and retrieve the shoe, and with a plop, it was released. But something else fell down on her, and onto her chest. She pointed the camera at it to get a closer look at the brown furry mass and gasped. "A hare?!" Before she could even react, the creature found new strength to fight for its freedom thanks to the light on its face, but it ended up just kicking the anteater's arm instead. "Ow!" Hepje let go of the camera, which fell against a wall and, before she could grab it again, the flash turned off and made her environment completely dark once more. She couldn't grab the phone or see the screen from here, but she was pretty sure that the battery had died. The anteater didn't even have the chance to say her name or goodbyes on camera...

Not like she could bother to dwell on it, as her toes finally slipped inside, and her feet pressed against the inside of Vale's anus. She thought this would be the end of it, but something else joined after her, something fluffy with hard objects on the tip pressing against her sole. It must have been the zorgoia's tail, and it was intent on making sure that the anteater was fully locked in place. She felt herself get shoved, as the walls moved around with the pet's clenching. She couldn't tell what was going on as walls and objects shifted, but she felt the room getting tighter and tighter. The phone, the hare, those all disappeared in the dark confusion, in a mess of flesh and fur and slime and what-not. Finally the tail was withdrawn, and Hepje felt constricted on the legs, arms, and snout, as she was forced to twist with Vale's colon all around her. There was little she could do to struggle, but it didn't seem like she would be going anywhere anytime soon.

Vale flicked her tail to clean it once again, and adjusted itself onto the bed, now that she had a huge belly full of anteater to work around with. She managed to curl herself around it, nudging her head against the bulge, enjoying the sensation of her biggest prey yet being locked deep in her butt for as long as she wanted. She could enjoy a well-earned rest now, but the ceiling light would make it hard. So her tail darted to the light switch, and with a poke from her barbs, the room went dark.

***

The front door clicked as it was unlocked, and Teetja walked in. "Vale? Happy? I'm home early!" She called. The dark-gray elephant had arrived in the morning, having left her party before the second day's lunch, since she was worried that Hepje hadn't returned her messages. The house had no signs of breaking-and-entering, but she immediately noticed that the TV was left on, with the 'are you still watching?' prompt on display, and no sign of the remote. In the kitchen, she saw that the pet bed was empty and the backdoor was left wide open, but she closed it, doubting that Vale had run off. Instead, she was most likely hiding somewhere else in the house.

What did call her attention the most was the empty food delivery container on the otherwise empty counter, as it was the only loose object around the house. 'Styrofoam, huh...' Tay thought to herself. She opened the fridge and noticed that one of the two cans she'd set aside to feed Vale was still in there, meaning that her pet had yet to be fed in the morning.

"Vale, baby! It's breakfast time!" She poured the whole pet food on the food bowl, knowing that the Vale wouldn't resist her food, and threw the empty can into a recycling trash can, hidden inside of a shelf.

As stealthy as the zorgoia attempted to be, the elephant was well-accustomed to picking up her quiet noises when she moved around the house. And now that she was so heavy, too, Teetja could easily make out her steps down the staircase. Vale wanted to hide away with her treasure, but she just could not refuse breakfast.

"Oh goodness Vale, look at you!" Tay remarked when she first saw the extremely full zorgoia, her belly scraping on the floor and wobbling with every step. "Just whatever did you get in there this time, baby?" Her tone was not angry at all; instead, she seemed amused, and had a smile on her face. While the zorgoia attacked the food in her bowl, there was some shuffling inside of her.

"Tay...? Tay! Is that you?!" A muffled voice came from the green mound of fur. "It's me, Happy! I'm stuck in here!"

The elephant acted oblivious, and slowly scratched the distended bulge, eliciting the zorgoia to bring out her forked tongue in satisfaction. "My, your pet-sitter really let you grab just about everything in the house this time, huh? You must be having a lot of fun, baby, but it's time to put away your toy."

Hepje started struggling even more against the purple walls of zorgoia flesh. "Hey! I can hear you out there, Tay! Can you hear me?!"

She didn't know how long it had been, but she'd stayed awake the whole time, getting caressed by slimy flesh and random junk the whole night, slowly getting sober over time. Meanwhile, Vale had big pleading eyes, and she would have whimpered if she could, after being told to put away her toy.

"Aww baby, don't give me that look... If you behave, mommy promises that you can go on timeout, okay? But first you need to get rid of the rest." Teetja teased.

Happy, simply being ignored, couldn't help but wonder what Tay meant by anything. 'Put away your toy', 'go on timeout', 'get rid of the rest'... whatever it was, it didn't sound good for her. Her world started shifting, and the intestine walls started shifting her around. Most of her upper body was stuck in the narrow tunnel of the colon, but she could feel as the things under her feet disappeared from her reach in Vale's rectum. From the sounds of things falling outside, they must have been pushed out!

Tay's voice remarked on it, too. "Look at all of this... Happy's phone... Happy's clothes... There's the TV's remote... A towel... A soup bowl? And what's this, a hare...? It's asleep... Ohhh, you've -really- overdone it this time, baby."

Hang on a second, 'this time?' So Teetja knew that the zorgoia had this habit? Why didn't she warn her?!

"Alright, give me one moment, baby, so mommy can get ready." She heard the elephant say. Hepje screamed some more to call Tay's attention. There's no way she couldn't hear the anteater; was she pretending not to? "Okay Vale, time to put away your toy."

She said 'put away your toy' again... but now there was a response from the zorgoia's insides. The organ she was in shifted, and she felt some pressure on her body start to give in. Her arms were still pinned to the side of her torso, but they could move a bit now. The anteater couldn't tell from touch or sense of balance - much less the non-existent sight - if she was even moving around.

"Vale? Tay? What's happening?" She asked again, not expecting a response.

"Shush now, I need to concentrate." The elephant replied to her.

"Wait, so you can hear me? Tay! What is going on?! Please help me, I've been-"

She interrupted herself as she felt a weird sensation around her ankles. It felt cold, like a breeze, but her soles and toes were still trapped in something humid and soft. Almost as if she was free just above her feet, but not the feet themselves? She also heard a moan, and the sensation widened to her knees, until those too also got stuck in lubricated flesh. In fact, it felt like a different texture from Vale's ass: it was much rougher, firmer, and tighter than where she currently was. She tried to kick her feet, and the moans came out louder - and definitely from the elephant.

"Tay, what are you doing?"

"Oh, just putting away a toy- hhnnnnf~!"

It was then that Hepje realized that Vale was releasing her, but not towards freedom, but a place as slimy as this, and she was up to her waist in it. "Tay! S-Stop messing around! Shit, you've gotta be kidding me!"

"Ohhh, Happy~... You feel so goo-oooaaaahhhhh!"

There was no way that this was real. "Goddammit, Tay... Did you plan this all along?"

"N-No, I thought you - hfffff! ? you were too b-big for Vale. Haahhh...! She only d-did this to Casey once before, and - haaah - h-h-he's shorter... But that's how we l-learned about this... Not just o-objects, but she does it with people too- hnng!"

"This happened with Casey and you didn't think to warn me at all?"

"Like I said, Ha-aaAAAAaahh-ppy... Maybe you were too b-b-big for her... god you f-f-feel so big in me... and so much better-raaAAAAhh!!"

Did she just orgasm? This couple and their pet, just what did they do in this house, outside of the public eye?! The anteater contemplated her choices leading up to this moment before she could finally see some light, and the zorgoia's pucker closing in front of her face as she exited it. She tried to move her head, but her shoulders and snout were already locked in place by her friend's anus instead. All she could do was look up to where she had just come from, noticing how Vale, seizing the opportunity that Teetja was distracted, grabbed the half-asleep hare still covered in slime from the ground and angled it towards her ass to fill herself up again.

The next thing Hepje saw was a dark-grey hand approaching her, palm-first, pushing her down until her world went dark once more. If Vale's insides felt like silk, Teetja's felt instead just like one would expect: a fleshy, warm, slimy, tight, pulsing tunnel of flesh. Back inside of the zorgoia, she could hear Vale's breathing and heartbeats, but in the elephant, they were much more pronounced, followed along in symphony with her moans of pleasure.

"Good girl, Vale, good girl... Since you obeyed me so nicely, you can go on timeout with your friend. Whenever you are ready- AYEEEEEE!"

Whatever 'timeout' was, it had made Tay jump, the anteater felt as much. In fact, she -saw- as much, as the hole that had just swallowed her opened again to let light in. And then, it opened even more to let the zorgoia's head in. "Vale?!" Happy shouted, before the pet's head bumped into hers, Vale's arms pushing on her shoulders to get her even deeper. Unlike in the pet's esoteric insides, she could tell what was going on: the green pet was entering the elephant's rump, and ramming on Hepje to make way! It also seemed to be at great force and speed, and she couldn't do anything again. All that the anteater could hear was Tay's moans approaching more orgasms and the squelching and slorping as the colon consumed her even more.

As much as she struggled or tried to fight back against Vale's force or the tunnel's friction, Happy was once again completely at her devourer's mercy. Until the pushing suddenly stopped, and she tried to call out. "Is it over?"

"Ohhhhh Happy, oh Vale, my girls... You have to see how much you two fill me up... O-Only your tail is outside now, baby... haaaah~"

"Please, please can you let me go, Tay? I don't wanna be in anyone's butt any longer, I just wanna go home..."

"M-Maybe later in the evening... Right now I-I need t-to- to- oooooWAAAAH! Ohhhh! Ohh... Wow...! I-I barely touched myself this time and... Haaah... You feel so good...!"

Hepje sighed, and then felt something else humid and warm lapping at her face. It was probably the zorgoia's tongue, comforting her, her soft paws still on her shoulders. She would have thought it cute had she not just spent several hours in her digestive system without moving. This wasn't much different, with Hepje's arms once again pinned to the sides by anal flesh. All things considered, the anteater felt calmer than she would have expected to be in a situation like this - somehow, after spending the whole night in the zorgoia, she knew that she would be fine. But she still wished that the whole thing hadn't happened at all. "Ugh... I'm gonna be smelling like ass forever."

The elephant replied, approaching another climax. "Haaah... I-I'll let you use my bathtub after- after- nggggh-haaAAAAAA-!"

"Can you please stop touching yourself?! Goddammit, Tay..."

"Ohhh... o-okay, I will... for now, hooh~... This feels amazing though, Hapje- I-I mean, Happy... Lemme just move over to the-hnng!" The world around Hepje bobbed and shifted as Teetja stood up with the two heavy passengers deep in her ass and walked over to the couch, managing to fall on the cushions. "Ooof! Haaah... Well... I hope that pet-sitting Vale wasn't too bad for you. Which reminds me, thank you, Happy. You've done me a huge favor. Well, more than one, now-"

"Please do not mention it... Like, literally. Do -not- mention it to anyone." Hepje implored.

"I won't... Hee hee~!" That little laugh at the end did not give her any trust in Teetja's secrecy, and she sighed.

"Ah! I remembered something." The anteater remarked.

The elephant rubbed her extremely distended stomach with her hands. "Hmmm?"

Hepje scoffed. "There was... Well, there was one thing I did not like."

"Oh, I'm sorry... What was it?"

"I'll just be blunt: your split pea soup. It was terrible."