FSE

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I know what you're thinking, and you just fucking stop there. This isn't a love story, and there are no such things as heroes.

So fuck you.

After that night at the inn, Angel and I agreed that our friendship was based on no judgement, and that we needed to keep it that way to survive each other. So I didn't ask about the two goons she was supposed to meet up with that night, or the shady hand off deals they were doing. Clearly they were the suppliers feeding her that junk she was getting fucked up on. I had half a mind to find out where they hung out and pay them a visit. I've dabbled in stuff before, I've known the struggle. But I wasn't about to tell Angel that, she'd already hit me over the head with a bottle the last time I did. My noggin' still hurt, and I did have a big bump for it. So I would keep to my business and she would keep to hers. Easy enough. Even if she was hard to stand when she was messed up.

But...

The next few days showed me a different side of Angel. She didn't do the stuff as much, and then almost not at all. For the first time, I was getting to see her as she actually was. It was terrifying. She actually seemed to _care _about shit. She paid attention to the things we talked about. We didn't stay inside all day either. We actually went out and did shit. She held my arm when we walked down the street to get coffee. We window shopped, I got to see the look on her face when we saw stuff she liked and the way she raised her brow at things she didn't care for so much. We sat in random places and shared cigarettes and whiskey. We rode my bike all around the town, and at night we'd find a hillside with a view over the place time forgot and stare at the moon and stars.

One such evening, we were cuddled up on the grass, looking over the constellations.

"What's it like?" she asked, gripping her fingers into the leather of my jacket.

"Cold." I grunted a reply. Short and simple.

She snickered, punching my chest a little. "Seriously!"

I laughed a little, her fist had some wallop behind it for such a thin thing. "I'm serious! It's fuckin' cold!"

"Oh c'mon, there's more to it than that!" she grinned, eyes shimmering as she looked over those dots in the horizon.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were the expert, for someone who hasn't been offworld yet!" I teased, squeezing her into my side a little. Silence for a few moments before I explained a bit more, since she asked so nicely. "Alright. Look. It's...big. Like, really fuckin' big." I said, raising my hand up to point.

"Was that a penis joke?" she asked, a smirk on her cheek, her muzzle wrinkling up in cute fashion.

"Shuddup! I'm trying to be smart here." I snapped, pointing again. Angel shook her head, "Must be a struggle for you..."

"ANYWAY, as I was saying," I huffed, giving her cheek a little bite, looking to the stars again, "Cold, big, but...amazing." I paused, thinking more on my answer.

Of course, she had more to ask. "Okay, so how old were you when you first got to go out there?" She grinned, but I paused, unsure really.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about our history and shit. You know, no judgement and all that."

"Yeah, but this is more like, when we were young or something. Totally different from us now." Angel said, trying to sway me.

I'm easily swayable.

"Eh...well...young. Think I was around five or six. Just a pup still. Had no idea where I was going. Me and a few other pups, and a bitter old grump. We had a lot to learn back then. Galaxy was a bit of a mindfuck for us back then. But I don't think I really grasped the concept until I was older, even then I didn't go out alone. There's a lotta danger as much as there is adventure."

"Yeah?" she asked, looking from blue dot to dot.

"Yeah. There's so much out there, and most of it, we don't even know what it is. Like, you got your settled, civilized planets like this one, and then there's some that haven't even been touched. Some that got lost civilizations and secrets beneath layers of mystery. Trying to fathom it all is virtually impossible. Things that happen completely spontaneously, flashes across trillions of miles and visible from so far away. You have to see it to believe it." I didn't realize that I was actually smiling for a change as I told her this.

"...I'd like to see it someday." She said, her blue eyes seeming so full of wonder and intrigue.

"You should. It'll change the way you think about things." I had to laugh inwardly at that, I sounded like one of those irritating friends that recommend travel to someone who doesn't have it so easy. I only said it because I really meant it. Angel settled her eyes on mine, and I on hers. She lowered her voice to a soft lull. "...As long as you're there to show me around."

I hesitated, searching her electric eyes of sapphire. She was serious.

Fuck.

"You're not getting clingy on me, are you?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood, but for all that effort my voice came out as a little whisper. Angel stared into my eyes...no, my very soul. I admit, I was a little creeped out. I had been in positions like this before, plenty of chicks had grown obsessed or attached, as had I to others. This was dark territory to be going into, given our circumstances. Angel looked down at my chest, running her fingertip along the nape of my neck.

"I haven't done much good with my life Raze..." she said, looking up to run her fingers along my jawline, "...I'm just a runaway, like you. I got burned more than once by feelings and the like. I swore it all off. Just me and my music. Riding the rhythm through every day and night, lost in the fog, living moment to moment. Doing anything to just feel alive. No need for riches, no need to go out there. Then...the other night...when I hit you..."

I started to shake my head, "Hey, we don't gotta-" She put her finger to my lip and shook her head, keeping that eye contact. She continued on, "After I left the diner, I thought for sure I was gonna go get fucked up. I was certain of it. It's what I always do when things don't go my way, or I just need to feel...free. I love the feeling of not feeling." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her voice trembling, "But I didn't. I sat in my car, keys in my hand, just shouting at myself. Crying and shouting at myself, pulling my hair every which way. All I could think about was how much I _hated _you." She opened her eyelids and put both hands to the sides of my muzzle, running her fingertips over the texture of my fur, her thumbs tracing the tribal lines running from my eyes down my cheeks. "Every time I look at you, I hate you. I just...I hate you for being able to look at me and make me feel so many things at once. I hang on every word you say, even when you're being an asshole."

I stared in silence, still hesitating.

Angel touched our noses together, her hands lightly pulling at the fur on my thick neck, "I don't know what made you who you are...because I think it had to be rough...but...in a strange way...I'm glad it did. If I hadn't met you...I wouldn't be thinking like this now. I'd be doing the same thing, over and over, day in and day out. You're no hero, Raze...you're not exaggerated, you're just real. Real. I needed that. So no matter what happens from here out...I'll have no regrets. Thank you, for being you. When the time comes, and you have to go...the day you get on that bike and drive outta town...and off planet...I'll be alright without you.~"

She bit her lip, I could see tears welling up at the corners, threatening to spill over.

I touched her cheek with a single paw, lowering my voice to that whisper, half of my fingers spilling into her hair.

"...So you're crazy? That the gist of it?" I asked.

She started to laugh, "Fuck yo-"

I kissed her, pulling her tight as I could. Just like that night when she came back from our fight, we kissed in a emotional storm and flurry of lips and passion. I remember whispering to her ear, as our clothes came off and our bare bodies pressed to another to shield from the cold, "You'll never hear me say I love you, bitch.~"

"I know.~"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know what you're thinking, and you just fucking stop there.

_This isn't a love story. _

There's no such thing as heroes.

So fuck you.

_Because if I had loved her, I would have been her hero. _

And I coulda stopped what happened next...

...I need a drink.