Paranormal detective agency

The meeting

The sign of a good hustle isn't the believability for the average Joe: it's the gullibility of the people you can reach.

Heh, and our hustle is coming along nicely. A 'normal' job never suited me, whatever that's supposed to be. Any prospective employer would always turn me down for the vaguest of reasons. So what if I don't like your dress code, it's not like anyone in those stupid gray cubicles would look up if I were to walk in, crushed by the monotonous work you put them on. No, my real calling has always been entrepreneurship; coming up with an idea and actually acting on it.

If you've ever seen the likes of Uri Geller, or ghost hunters on TV, you'd know that people in general are fascinated by the paranormal. Especially those "mediums" who use cold reading. They're a hoot! They ask the broadest questions imaginable and tell the target what they want to hear. Completely legal and even if you get caught there's more than enough ways to talk yourself out of it.

Ah right, the hustle. It's fascinating what people want to believe, so why not play into that.

Together with my business partner, Carrie, we decided to set up a paranormal detective agency. She's got a smart head on her shoulders and is an excellent person to bounce ideas off of.

The first few weeks involved us working to the bone. No one heard about us, so we had to play to our strengths. I liked the social aspect more: scouting cases and contacting prospective clients. Carrie preferred to be organizational: taking care of finances, maintaining our website, things like that.

Our big breakthrough came when I 'miraculously located' a missing trinket.

How I found it wasn't anything special, but I could easily use it to my advantage. I put it just out of sight so people wouldn't find it and then come back with the owner.

I strung the poor sap along with me, winding around several neighbourhoods '~picking up on spiritual energy~', while I just needed a stretch. Eventually we arrived at our destination and led the client to search the general area, so as not to '~disturb the spirits~' at the site. It took them a few minutes to find it, but they were overjoyed when they did.

It was big news apparently, because we got a dedicated page in the local newspaper. I declined any reward, telling them that I did what felt right (for the extra publicity). Carrie gave me an earful. We were going at it quite hard, but she apologized at the end and gave me a look I couldn't place at the time. Thinking back to it now, she was right, it almost ended the agency right there.

---

One day we got an oddball in. Ok, most people we had on our floor were oddballs, but this lady took the cake. Trying to keep her focus on us, but broken by staccato glances to nearly anything that could possibly stand out. She made a terrible first impression.

Carrie wanted none of that, preferring the cold company of her much more trustworthy computer, yet she tried to keep a cautious eye on me. So it was my turn to step up to the plate...

"Can I help you, miss?" I inquired with the most genuine smile I could muster at the moment. The glancing around stopped, and now she only focused on me.

"I... I..." Face pale, she was hyperventilating.

I went over to her, to try and make her calm down.

"Take it easy ma'am, deep breathes in," I set the example, taking a long breath in. "And deep breathes out..." Once again guiding her through, by taking a long breath out. "Relax, you're safe here."

It took some repeated, long breathes, but her erratic respirations seemed to be adhering to a gentler rhythm.

"Thank you dear, the daily stresses of my life just washed over me when I came here. I'm just so overcome by things happening to me left and right while I'm home that I can't really keep my thoughts straight. Heavens, this is one of the first times in a good while that I could relax. You understand dear?"

I nodded in agreement so as not to give her much wiggle room for more chit-chat.

"I presume that your situation at your home is why you're visiting us?"

"Right! Right as rain you are!"

I could already feel a monologue coming in my bones, so I distracted myself. Carrie was pleading with her eyes, but when she caught me looking, she suddenly got absorbed in her work on her computer. So she does care about me.

She rambled on about this and that, but finally got to the point, lengthily.

"You see, I am the sole occupant of a lovely 18th century mansion, but lately I've had this feeling of dread coming over me, that something is inherently wrong. Ever since Eugene passed away, my dreams have been plagued by a man who does not look right at all. Tall, imposing, but I never could remember any details apart from the color red," she recalls, taking a moment to herself.

"Ever since those dreams I have been seeing him from the corners of my eyes. Yet every time I turn to take a better look, I see this red miasma. When I try to air the room, it takes hours to disperse. These past few days however have been incredibly taxing."

She looked at me with pleading eyes. Either someone was pulling an incredibly elaborate prank on her, or she was smoking something really strong. And I really wanted a share of that if she actually did.

From what I heard, she was loaded. Not sure if she's alright up there, but it's a dog eat dog world out there and we needed the money.

I kept my silence long enough and needed to say something. "That sounds like a serious bind madam, I'll personally take your case on."

That perked her right up again, if she didn't need the help, she probably needed the attention. The figure usually showed itself at night, but I couldn't schedule her that evening, so I had to plan it the next evening.

---

Carrie and I were bickering again when the old lady left.

"You just took her case without any extra information?! Without even knowing where she lived?!

It could be a haunted dumpster again for all we know."

That was an embarrassing mistake I didn't want to make twice, but the guy's business suit did look really nice...

"Come on, you didn't hear how she was talking about a mansion she bought with her late husband? I could tell she was loaded from that point on."

"Really now? And why didn't she mention any help? If you've got that kind of money, you would have at least a butler, especially at old age!"

Another really good point coming from her, "look, if I were to bring up finances, she'd err on the side of caution and look somewhere else. She wanted to be taken seriously, so I did, and now we have her as a client."

She leered at me: "You better get a good payout from her. More people now know how to find us, and that's doubly true for debtors. We still are operating in the red here, despite you landing us in the newspaper. Make. This. Count"

I flashed her my best smile: "I will, Carrie, trust me."

That took the wind out of her sails. Suddenly she looked down, collected herself and looked at me again. She looked red in the face, was she angry?

She was building up to something but relented with a forlorn sigh: "You can't go on like this you know. We're in this together and being reckless will end this for the both of us."

"You know me," I replied confidently, "even if things turn sour, I always have a plan to worm myself out of it."

Little did I know I actually didn't.

---

Nothing much happened the next day, I helped Carrie with the taxes, it mostly came down to hunting down receipts that weren't properly entered in the system. I also helped her with the bank statements, overall a pretty boring day. So boring in fact, I almost forgot to go to the mansion, until my phone's alarm notified me. I had to speed in order to get there in time, let's just hope I didn't get yet another ticket...

My satnav dropped me right in front of a dirt path sheltered by trees. In the distance I could see the mansion, bathed in the pale light of the moon. My car trudged along, I carefullyOh, too dramatic? Ok, let's just say I got there and skip the minutia.

There was no fence separating the yard, so I walked up the door. The lady of the house was already there, eyeing me nervously.

"I haven't had a wink of sleep this evening, it seems that the haunting got worse ever since I visited your agency. It's been happening more frequently. The dreams get more complex, with strange sounds and that thing reaching out to me. First it was once per week, but now it happens every few hours!"

That's bad, it would mean that the ones behind this noticed her contacting me. I needed to get to the bottom of it ASAP.

"Oh, that's terrible ma'am. We should investigate at once. Would you mind letting me in so I can take a look?"

"Certainly, do come in."

She showed me some rooms on the ground floor, but I had the distinct feeling that there was something on the upper floors. I took the charge and rushed up the stairs, the poor lady barely keeping up with me. Coming up to a door I saw red mist filtering from under the gap. Just when I grasp the knob, a hand was laid on my arm.

"That's Eugene's old study, please don't go in there."

I turned to her with a stern look: "Look ma'am I understand that you want to respect his old study, but I can almost guarantee you that the source of your problems is over there, there's red mist here, just like you described. Just let me take a quick look. If there isn't anything of note, we can move on."

She replied with a discouraged look, but relented after a moment, "If you truly must, but keep it quick."

I opened the door and was overwhelmed by the thick, red mist in the room. I could barely make out the layout. Making my way to the back, a red figure was just standing there. It was a humanoid shape, but couldn't quite see it, almost like it was a tv image that wasn't quite tuned right.

"Please, help me."

A voice encapsulated in static pleaded. What the hell is this thing... One thing I knew in my bones was that this couldn't be a prank or hallucination. I nervously looked at the lady, she was terrified, haunted by this thing for who knows how long. That meant little help on her part. I quickly shifted my view back to the humanoid red fuzz, gathered my courage and spoke.

"What do you want?"

"A life.... To live."

"And how would we do that?"

"Give me a dwelling..."

I hesitated, a dwelling could mean anything, but I needed to be bold in front of my client. There's a lot of cash on the table and if this all went smoothly, I'd get the money and sort this all out when I get home.

"You can live with me in my apartment if you like."

"That's.... a deal."

And with that it dissipated.

As if a new wind was blowing through the mansion, the red mist swiftly dissipated. The study looked mundane again without the red mist, relatively dark and dusty, but didn't look haunted at the very least. The winding down from the situation was a blur for me, I know that at the very least the client was happy. The presence was gone, and my showing was good enough that she would refer any future clients to us, or so I've heard.

---

My memories back at the agency are much clearer. It feels like I was carrying myself differently at the time but didn't really notice it back then.

From what I heard from Carrie, it was very noticeable something was up. It wasn't my appearance per se, but more like my mannerisms were off. When she asked me how it all went, all hell broke loose.

This part I remember clear as day: she asked me how it went and I looked into her eyes and very strongly felt something, just like with the lost trinket and the red figure. Yet, this time, I just knew something was in her, no hunch, but a feeling in my core being.

I approached her and said in a sultry voice: "Now be honest with me, would you really want to run this agency with anyone else? I've seen those looks you've been giving me, the blushing after my smile, you're doing this for me, are you? I can just feel your arousal."

Her eyes became vacant, and she was sliding her body towards me. I moved forward as well, twisting my head to go in for a kiss. Moving those last few centimeters.

My phone rang loudly. Followed by a large slap and pain pulsing on my right cheek.

"How dare you do that to me!" she yelled exasperated, overpowering my phone's cries for attention. "You've been drinking, haven't you?! Get out before I call the cops!" This confused me at the time, but now I know better.

My memories immediately after that are once again a haze, but I apparently did make myself scarce quickly. I can recall everything since I came home to my appartement. Because once there, my night became even worse.

---

I slammed the door to my apartment and took a quick glance at my phone. It was the client who called me, she already left a voicemail. I was tired enough to just throw the distraction in a corner.

What in the hell happened back in the agency?

<"Wasn't it fun?"> Someone responded in my thoughts.

Oh no, oh hell no, I'm hallucinating. There's not someone else here!

<"Amusing thought, but keep on guessing, it's more fun that way." >

I could feel that self-satisfied grin, even picture in minute detail who it belonged to.

<"Yes, that's it, you're beginning to understand it.">

I could see the man in static's face clearly in my mind's eye: a humanoid, fanged face, with fierce amber eyes, housing slitted pupils. His brown, messy hair was home to a pair of horns curving backward. His stark naked, athletic build was impressive. A tail was playfully swishing behind him.

<"Ah you're flattering me, but I do appreciate it,"> he responded to my thoughts again. Was there a way to make him shut up?

<"Nah,"> he immediately responded self-satisfactory, <"You spinning your wheels and these overblown reactions make for prime real-estate.">

It felt like he was closer to me now. I could feel something going over my body, like hands tracing my form. Suddenly my crotch got groped. I almost gasped, but steeled myself.

"I'm prime, what now?" I tried to ask coherently

That got a chuckle out of him. Suddenly I heard his voice in my ear and felt his phantom breath: <"Didn't you let me live with you in your apartment? Well, here I am, living and sharing your body with you, in your apartment.">

Son of a bi-

<"You mean demon,"> he swiftly interrupted, further away now, as if he pushed himself off me.

Wait what? <"Yeah, we demons don't really have genders like humans do, we just pick and choose how we want to look like. I chose to be an incubus, while a lot of my friends are succubi.">

That was not the point! <"Well excuse me then.">

"You're telling me I'm stuck with you in my head now, just because I agreed to you in the heat of the moment. And on top of that, you're getting me in hot waters with my partner at the agency for kicks?"

<"Nah, not really, that wasn't all my doing,"> he answered with a sultry voice, <"when we merged, our personalities intertwined, and we got a bit of side A and a bit of side B. You already had feelings for her, and I am not as inhibited as you are. And let's not forget your ability to find all kinds of things, pretty neat if you ask me.">

This was just too much to handle, I just needed some sleep, and this would all be over... <"Well, if you really think so, I won't stop you... I need to sort out some stuff anyways."> The psychosis finally let up and I slept that evening like a log.

---

When the morning light greeted me, I got up. My mind seemed to be working fine. No weird person commenting on my every action, trying to turn me on. Maybe I was drunk like Carrie said yesterday, and I just needed a good rest...

I continued to the bathroom, looked into the mirror and screamed. The demon was there smiling at me: <"Hey there! Good morning host! That's a weird way of greeting me.">

Oh god, it wasn't a dream! I'm possessed by a sex-crazed demon who can control me at a moment's whim. Oh god. Oh no. What the fuck do I do.

<"Calming down would be a good start,"> he tried to silence me.

"Shut up, this is your fault!"

<"Uh, not fully-"> Oh here he goes again, being the damn wisecrack that always interjects something in my own GOD DAMN MIND!

I didn't know what to do?! Call the cops? Contact an exorcist? Kill myself?

<"You know what,"> he said, snapping his fingers. My muscles clenched and my throat swelled, <"At first your confusion was cute, but now I'm sick of your charade, so be good and listen."> I had to nod and listen.

<"Like I said yesterday, the advances on your partner weren't all my doing, we were sharing our mind and body at the same time. Our mannerisms were combined, meaning that we were, technically speaking, a different person for a while. Not you, nor I could stop that, because neither of us was in control.">

He paused a bit and continued.

<"If you've blacked out before and after, then yes, I am to blame for that, but only for getting us to safety. Your body was still acclimatizing to supporting two consciousnesses, and I was thrust into the driver's seat.">

I tried to talk but couldn't.

<"Not yet, there's more to explain."> He demanded.

<"I already know what you're thinking: 'He's trying to take over my body and wreak havoc.' Well, no, I actually don't. First off, I find humans and their habits much too interesting to overwrite. Second, if I did take control full time, you'd still be kicking and screaming in the back of my head and making my life harder in general.">

The strain on my body disappeared, I could freely breathe and move again.

"You seem very nonchalant about all this, why go through all of this trouble?"

<"I recently got evicted from my house and needed a new home. It's not like that dump was fit for me anyways.">

That.... Is incredibly weird.

The demon sighed with his eyes and continued: <"That Eugene person summoned me to this realm, but he wasn't fit for me. He was a nice person to talk to, don't get me wrong, but me being in his body took its toll.">

I had to pick my jaw off the floor. That old man actually summoned a demon who just wanted a home for himself and got killed for the trouble.

<"Actually no, we stopped sharing his body when we noticed that it was straining him, one perk of sharing is being able to intrinsically know if something is wrong. He eventually died of natural causes">

That didn't quite reassure me, but the demon continued regardless.

<"Eugene's wife is pretty superstitious, so I decided to haunt her and drive her towards someone who would investigate. If I made just enough of a ruckus, people would get scared. That's when I met you, and you willingly agreed to the contract so fast~ And here I am, sharing this nice body~">

His emphasis on getting into my body made my skin crawl, he was almost describing it like a sexual act.

<"Oh, you'll understand when I get the time to explain.">

The image in the mirror let out a big yawn and stretched.

<"Now, if you'll excuse me, the sun is out, and I need to catch up on some sleep.">

The demon in the mirror dissipated and I was left alone, staring at myself again. He wasn't here for now, giving me room to collect my thoughts. Then, the irony of the situation hit me, and I made a wry smile in realization. He hustled me for a home. And the sign of a good hustle isn't the believability for the average Joe: it's the gullibility of the people you can reach.