Refrain
I lived almost in a daze, I woke, went to the yard, did some exercise to keep my muscle tone up, I had my shower, I returned to my cell to read.
My world was at peace. During the days I managed to blot out the cries, the whimpers, the smells. The feel.
At night it all came back, what I did to another being.
Another day dawned, disgust and bile tainting my breakfast.
I ate in silence, the usual 'gangs' had formed up already, a pride of lionesses who, at first, tried to bully me into joining. I had spent eight weeks in solitary after breaking two of their arms and another's collar bone.
They didn't try and invite me to join them again, no one did.
My work out that day drove me to exhaustion as usual, it was the only time I could blot out the knowledge of what I had done, by wearing myself out furiously I could for almost an hour achieve peace.
I was entering the showers, the world starting to flow back to me, pouring thoughts and memory back into a vessel that wanted neither.
Suddenly, for the first time in two years, I heard one of my nightmares while I was awake.
"Please no!" a voice whimpered, I was almost felled right then, but it continued into sobbing tears.
I raised my head at last, something had told me 'this is not inside you, this is external', and my eyes fell on the form of a skunk in the shower, pinned down by two jackels, being molested by a large rat.
I had been clouded last time, my world had been disjointed, but this time...
This time my soul said 'NO'.
With a wordless cry I pounced at the rat, the only one who saw me coming was the skunk, who sat, eyes wide as I grabbed the rodent in my claws and teeth and threw her to the wall.
Not done I brought a stiffened leg into the guts of one of the jackels, causing it to not only let go of the skunk but double over in pain.
The last attacker had already fled.
It took eight hits from their tazers to bring me down, the image still played out in my mind of me standing over the still weeping skunk, growling and hissing at anything that came near.
"This attack, although provoked, was unacceptably violent, and I have no other option but to recommend another two months in solitary confinement for you. Do you understand this young lady?" The bulldog warden asked me.
I looked up at him and said, "Can I just say one thing in my defence?" At his nod, I stood, acting very passively. "Know this and tell the others of this prison" I looked directly at the two inmates still bandaged up and the one who had run, "If anyone does this again, I will end them." The guards quickly tackled me back to a seated position.
"Ok ok, any more outbursts like that and I will be forced to increase the punishment.
I had eyes only for the three on the other side of the room, and their eyes told me not only did they understand exactly what I meant but they believed every word. Good.
-
One more week, then I would be out to the general population again.
A note slipped in through a crack in the reinforced opaque glass at the top of my room.
"Stranger,
Know that you have given me back a small piece of my humanity, I can't begin to put into words how it felt to have you stand over me, willing to protect me. For their part, no one has dared even look at me or any others in the showers since.
Thank you."
I read it again and again over that week, keeping it safe.
I heard a heavy clunk and the door opened, "Ok, time for you to go back to your cell." The guard informed me. Passively I stood and made my was as I was led. When I reached my cell it was to find my cell-mate had been re-assigned.
The short skunk stood just inside the little barred room.
A smile on her face.
I know, I know, I said it was a stan alone, but I had some more darkness inside, I had to let it out. Hope you don't mind.
And yes, I am allowing votes on these, just to see what happens.