My Gym Partner's A Cock Slut
MY GYM PARTNER'S A COCK SLUT
by Foxy Boy
-Naturally.
****************************************************
BRRRRRING!!!!!!
" RECEEEEEESSS!!!!", Jake Spidermonkey screamed, jumping onto the desk with fists high. Next to him, ever-patient Adam, who'd only snapped halfway back to the land of the living. And on the scale of scariness, a long day of school and his friend's behaviour weighed about the same. "RECESS!! RECESS!! RECESS!!! YEEEEEAAAAH, BOOOOOOYY!!!"
"Jake," he began in irritation, "First of all, we have recess every day at the exact same time. Second," he continued with lower eyelids, "Flava Flav has never been cool."
"Are you serious!?", his best pal shot back. "Let's see O. J. Simpson get his own dating show to last three seasons!" Clearly a joke, even without the ingratiating smile he affected on delivery.
Adam, of course, took it unimpressed. "Let's not, and say we didn't." He rose from his chair, for the door. "Come on Jake, I don't have time for this today."
"OOOOOoooohhh?", he heard, as Jake swung in front of him on the vine-covered ceilings of homeroom. "And what could be so much more important than an impromptu game of dodgeball?"
"What?"
"THINK FAST!!"
And with that, Adam watched Jake pull a ball out of God-knows-where, before whacking him straight in the forehead.
The dizziness left him swaying, but conscious. Once he'd recovered enough to think, his fists clenched about as tight as any kid would be able to. "What the hell was THAT for-"
"- MR. LYON!!!!"
Cyrus Hornbill's near-childlike voice overboomed him. At once, the class was dead still.
"Y-yes, Mr. Hornbill, uh, sir?"
"I'll have no cursing in my homeroom. If your version of sportsmanship includes disruptional battle cries, you can take them outside like everyone else."
"But I wasn't-"
"That's final, Lyon. Now, go out and have some good old-fashioned, government-regulated fun."
All he could do was mumble his impression, while two furless feet carried him out to the grossly-packed halls. "... So stupid, what kind of school lets you get away with spiking balls in the classroom anyway..."
Of course, Jake wasn't far behind. "So what's the 911, Adam? You sound I'm not your highest priority right now."
"For the fifth time today , it's not 9- oh, forget it. And if I sound like that, it's only because you're not."
"Ooohhhh, reeeaalllly?" Jake's arms immediately crossed. "What are you about to do? Shave the air above your skin?"
Human facepalm. "No, I'm going to call Kimmy. My Dad got me a TracPhone with 20 minutes of talk time from his stimulus check, so I'm gonna use it for a looove connection." Satisfied with his parallel of the Ladies' Man, he sighed again, this time for a more pleasant reason.
"And just what makes you so sure she'd want to talk with you?"
"It'll be just me and her, caught up in... Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"
"Girls are v_eeeee_ry fickle, Adam. Take it from me and my experience, you never rush in to _any_thing with a girl of the opposite sex, especially'friendship'." He noted the last word with air quotations.
"Experience? You've never even had a girlfriend for one day!!"
"That's what you think, Adam-San." He pointed to his head with a smile. "I've had more than I can count up here. It's the best way, you know, even if you don't want to believe my expert advice."
Adam's glum look told of his thinning attention. "I'll be outside, striking sparks over the radio waves. Ciao!" He started down the hall with a spring in his step, leaving Jake behind to ponder a comeback like he was defusing a bomb.
Eventually, it clicked. "WELL I'M SORRY I HAVE TWO EYES AND NO LONG BLACK HORSE MANE!!!" He paused, with hands glued to his hips. "Look at him walk away, with his stupid five-toed feet. If I had that many toes, I'd probably walk that way too!"
"Uh, you do."
Jake swung around in record time, then upwards, staring straight into the nostrils of his second closest friend. " So , Windsor," he grinned, "Decided to stick by the master of awesome and cheer me up, huh?"
"No, I'm just not clamoring to move myself outside." His low, thoughtful mumbling did nothing to change the pace of those around him. "It's hot today, and I know exactly what you intend to do once we're-"
"-THINK FAST!!"
Jake found the ball again, promptly shooting it towards Windsor's chest. It stopped almost instantly three inches short of target, at the hand of Windsor's strong gorilla fingers.
"I'm not huge into sports, or detention, since it seems to've slipped your mind. I think I'll just go to the boys' room and give my puppet a gentle, decontaminating bath."
Jake's eyebrow went up. "You wash it? And in the sink, too?" His expression waxed ponderous. "I was pretty sure it all comes off in the showers."
"NO," Windsor basically growled. "It's that object you only perceive as a sock with button eyes and rather winsome features. Socks require cleaning, like all vestments. I can't have my closest compadre drowning in dust." He pulled the puppet from his shorts pocket, and started to play with it, before looking around and remembering where he was. He continued, while promptly stuffing the sock back in its place. "If you're not willing to play dodgeball in Adam's absence, perhaps you could come with me and learn how it's accomplished."
In a second, he literally had a monkey on his back. "Lead the way, Windsor Columbus! We'll explore new reaches of clean until the cows come home, or I get bored and then hypnotized in my best feature!"
A brief, smiling glance behind him at his shiny posterior, and they were off. "By the way, if you ever need advice on Deb-"
"-We're fine, thank you."
"Three minutes down, seven to go. And you're already looking worlds more sanitary."
A deep sense of pride shone clearly through Windsor's words, even if Jake was altogether disinterested. With the former hunched over the sink, all the latter could focus on was playing with the hot air dryer. "You know, I really don't get the point. He's just gonna get dirty again, like when I borrowed him to use as a backscratcher for the week."
Windsor's head came up with the speed of a bobbing lure. "So I didn't just lose him under my bed. With all those dust bunnies. And hair."
"Nope," was the carefree reply, from a monkey now-ridiculously fluffed all over. "I just thought it was the logical place to put him after I was done. Oh man, did you see how much dead skin there was all over it?"
Windsor's frown stayed solid as cement. "I'm gonna go evacuate my bladder. In the meantime, you can assist me in cleaning... it. And careful with his buttons, my brother sewed them on by hand."
Just before he turned, it was easy to catch Jake's puzzled look. "He has alot of free time. Like you."
"Hello? Oh, uh, hi Kimmy. It's uh, Adam... Oh, nothing much. Just talking to you, mostly... I don't know, you'd have to ask him... He did WHAT!? Oh man, I'm sooo sorry, I never thought... I know he is, but that doesn't excuse... Well, I guess so. Just, wrap some duct tape around it, and it should be fine... No, I haven't taken gardening... Oh. That obvious, huh?... Right. Well, I should probably get off of here. There might still be time to kill my best friend before the bell rings... K, bye."
His precious phone call concluded, Adam hooked the pay phone and swung around. There, to startle half the life out of him, was Coach Gills... Along with her cart-pushing assistant, Vice Coach Horace Ferret.
"Oh, hi coach. Were you waiting to use this phone?"
"No, not really," she glumly responded. "Just making sure you weren't trying to get out of gym today."
"What? No! Why would I? I mean, sure I don't like climbing ropes, and falling from them isn't exactly Disney World either... Wait, you were listening in on me?"
Her arms... Er, fins, crossed immediately. "You're not a very observant species, are you? I would've thought that incessant squeaking would catch anyone's attention." She whipped around to stare Horace down. "I told you we needed to stock up on oil for those crummy old wheels. The state has never budgeted for these things, you know!"
At this, the silent ferret cast a shamed look to the linoleum and started wheeling her away... Though she still had one thing to add. "And Adam, as a lady, I feel personally responsible to tell you that you're about as smooth as a stack of sandpaper."
He watched - briefly - as they disappeared around a corner, before pondering to himself. "Why is it that I don't miss human school that much again?"
"Harder! You'll never produce any satisfying results like that!"
Jake's patience was wearing thin, pruning fingers and all. "How do you know? You're not even over here!"
"Uh, that's because I'm currently indisposed. Some activities just can't be abandoned at the halfway mark. And I know how authentic scrubbing should sound."
"Oh come on, Windsor. I'm a monkey, not an ugly Jamaican elephant." Suddenly, he glanced to the left, and instantly started in to a chuckling fit.
"Jake, if you harmed a single thread of his adorable weave pattern, and then subsequently found it humorous..."
"No, he's fine. I can just see your reflection in the hand dryer."
A deep sigh arose from the stall where Windsor stood. "I'm not about to ask how much, if that's your insinuation."
Jake's laughing barely stayed in control. "Enough to know somebody forgot something this morning!"
"Forget what? I remembered my shoes, my denim shorts, my eternally-chic cap... Oh." His voice lowered. "I suppose one would think I neglected to remember them."
By this time, Jake's amusement was winding down. "I feel like I should be figuring something out right about now." A long pause. "Nope, it's probably just my new hairdo weighin' on my brain." Immediately, he set to folding the fur back down. "So why would you just toss your Calvin Kleins for a day?"
"Not a day. I'm practicing what humans call, the art of going commando. Surprisingly liberating, even if it didn't save three seconds on a daily basis."
"I still say you should follow my lead, and forget pants altogether. I got aaalll the tiiime in the world with this look."
A gentle laugh sounded from his gorilla friend. "You would want me to do something of that caliber."
"Mr. Mandrill?"
"Hey there! What's goin' on little man?"
Adam caught up to the school guidance counselor, Maurice, at the lunch room trashcan, where he'd been disposing of a few plastic baggies. "Have you seen Jake around here? I... Kinda have to string him up, and stuff."
"'Fraid not, champ. I haven't seen hide nor hair of him in the lunch line. I rapped with Slips, though, and he mentioned seeing him with Windsor." At this, he reached into his shirt pocket, to produce a large, buttery chocolate brownie. "Remember, my door's always open if you need advice on anything. Enlightenment," he said with a sort of muted bravado, "Is just a brass knob away."
Adam glanced down at the floor, visibly unimpressed."Yeah, fine. Gotcha." Soon, he began to smile. "Hey, can I have some of that brownie if you're not gonna finish it?"
The mandrill's eyes widened, and cast themselves to the left. "Uh... Maybe in six or seven years."
"Oh. Well, thanks anyway!"
Mere seconds, and he was back on the trail of his furry amigo.
"I STILL can't believe you brought that up!!"
Doubtless, passing students outside the dreaded boys' room heard some thing of the noise from within. None would be surprised, however, to know that Jake's eyeballs were practically bloodshot out of their sockets. Quivering, boiling mass of monkey, index finger pointed sharply at his friend who'd just zipped himself back up. Windsor, on the other hand, couldn't wipe the smile from his cheeks.
" I can't believe you're that apprehensive about your own past. I don't recall ever planting that idea in your head."
"It was summer camp!!! _", Jake screamed. "_Is that really so unusual!!?"
"Perhaps not," Windsor smiled, "But it's still permissable evidence, as far as I'm concerned."
For some reason or another, Jake's rage seemed to settle just a tad. "I don't know why we're even talking about this. They put us at two seperate levels in the cabin." His arms crossed, while he looked away in disdain. "You couldn't've seen me if you tried."
"Two seperate levels on the same bunk bed." At this, Jake's eyes widened. "I don't require line of sight to hear the noise of a boxspring under stress."
"LALALAAALAICAN'THEARYOULALAALA-" You may guess whose hands lay clapped over their ears.
"-And moans only exceeded by an expert back rub." He glanced up into space. "...Or a nice, jumbo piece of Glazed Carrot-Weevil cake."
Jake felt like a bomb with no time on its fuse, but no argument to warrant the explosion. In being silent, he hoped the issue would die on its own.
Of course it wouldn't. "Oh, and what's the name of your favourite musician? It seems to evade me at the moment."
A narrowed pair of monkey eyes stared at the grout between floor tiles. "...Trhmm Dhhvl..."
Windsor's hand went up to his ear. "I'm sorry, I must be experiencing tinnitus."
Like a sonicboom, with knuckles clenched thoroughly white, it erupted. " TRUFFLES DUVALL!!!!!"
For a mayfly's minute, Jake panted with rage. Soon, however, there would be no escape from Windsor's innocent observations. The trigger, a single look at his enduring smile... Proof that he'd been more than called out. In effect, it was closer to nuking his facade altogether.
The hard breaths ended abruptly, and his fire was at once extinguished. Arms hanging limply to his sides, he would have to say some thing. "Geez, Windsor, you sure know how to make a guy feel rotten."
Windsor paused to consider. "I should probably thank you for that evaluation. It might prove most useful, should I ever provoke the rage of Bullsharkowski."
"Ugh, I don't even wanna think about him right now." Jake sat against the wall, palms cradling his head. "This is too much already, without worrying about beatings. All that punching, and kicking, and nipple twisting, and that mesmerizing scowl, and those muscles, an-"
It's doubtful that someone could cut themselves off any more suddenly. "-I'm not helping my case, am I?"
Windsor's pupils were cast coyly sideways."What case? I'm fairly confident that would warrant some manner of defense. Usually, stated before a courtroom where you also have some manner of credibility."
Jake first glanced downward, then off to the side with a frazzled jerk. "Guess this means I can't be the master of awesome anymore. You know, unless Bravo sends a talent scout our way."
"Jake, I'm more than positive you're overanalyzing this. You could just subconsciously have yearned for this gender because you know that no female will ever find your arrogant vulgarity attractive."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Wait, what?"
"Abandon your trepidations. I'm sure you can handle this in stride, and with nominal consequences. That's got to occur at least once in your life."
An apathetic sigh, and Jake brushed himself off, rising once more to his feet. "Well, I guess it's not all bad. In the time it might take me to sort this out, the only one who knows I've even done anything is you."
Immediately, something clicked in his monkey mind. Locking eyes with his larger contemporary, he could see the makings of great deviance.
His countenance took on a vague fear. "You wouldn't."
"I might."
"You wouldn't."
"I should."
"You WOULDN'T!!"
"How many times are you going to say that?"
"Windsor, if one word of this gets around the school-"
"-Oh, mollify yourself. I would never divulge your darkest corners to the student body."
Jake was indeed calmed, and began wiping his brow. The puppet lying face-down by the sink was long forgotten.
"-Only to Adam. After that, I would no longer be responsible for the fate of your reputation."
Their faces met in an instant. " NOOOOOOO WAY, NOOOOO HOW!!!!"
"You could really use a liberal dose of mouthwash."
Begrudgingly, the outed monkey backed off by a hair. Then, a light bulb went off in his head, and his own brand of coyness settled over his features. "I know a certain lowland gorilla who LUUUUUUUUVS him some glass figurines."
Windsor's levity took a short break. "They're crystal, and I fail to see how that compares with you."
"Missed the point entirely, Wind-scholar. I'm tryin' to make a deal here."
"Come again?" Two seconds, and it came to him. "So, you actually believe you can buy my loyalty."
"Who said anything about loyalty? I'm talkin' silence. Throw in a few nice words about my hinder, and I could make it very interesting for you. Saaaay, twenty dollars and a trip to the housewares department at Macy's? Who knows, I might even go with you."
Not a shred of positive reaction. "The answer is no. And do I really need to discuss what it means for you to be asking that I compliment your ass?"
By now, Jake was all but on the floor begging. "Please, Windsor, I'm gonna be known far and wide around the school, and not like Margaret is for that speed-eating trophy. I can't stand to be insulted. It's insulting."
At this, they were both still. From Jake's point of view, he could tell that Windsor was deep in thought. As he remained, for what seemed like minutes on end.
Finally, the stalemate was broken. "Alright, I believe we can negotiate. The idea of blackmail can be exciting."
"Name your price, and you know, try to make it snappy. Who knows what some dude would think, coming in to see me grovel in front of you."
Now, it was Windsor's turn to forge a light bulb. "A thousand thanks, fellow primate. You've just bestowed a rather novel solution to this dilemma."
Jake's face lit up with surprise. "I did?" Surprise quickly turned to joy. "Ye- HEEEAH!! That means I get to keep this from everyone!" His eyes went back to Windsor. "Now what did I, uh, be-stow?"
The moment was immeasurably short. Then Windsor was all smiles once again, with Jake at the polar opposite.
"Windsor, I can't... I mean, I've seen Cinemax at Adam's house when his parents are asleep, but... Well you just can't expect me to..."
"To what?" His grin was palpable. "If the artistry of Madonna has anything to teach us, it's that fornication is not merely a linear equation, to be solved according to the whims and orientations of those who would attempt its pleasureable nature."
Even through his shock, Jake was not adept at hiding confusion.
Windsor sighed, as preface for one of his usual translations. "Sex is sex, no matter what or how. And if you've traversed that path..." He took a step towards Jake, who was somewhat frozen before him. "... It's only fair that I should know it as well."
"She was a faaast ma-chine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best..."
Mumble-singing poured weakly forth from Adam's throat, as he made his way down the now-empty halls. It lowered to a whisper while he passed Phineas Porpoise, at his locker and enthralled with an imported PSP. Without realizing, he glanced back, and his thoughts came out following the music.
"Maybe if there weren't any child labour laws, I could afford one of those too..."
Naturally, in looking behind him, he had no way to see the principal in front of him on the nifty motorized scooter. So, he proceeded to quickly trip over it, falling flat on his face against the tile on the other side.
"My goodness, Lyon," Pixiefrog observed with a look of concern. "Have you considered getting corrective glasses? Or do I just need to give this baby a good coat of polish?"
"No... It's fine." Adam raised himself, painfully, from the floor.
"Good, because we can't be having accidents around the school. Somebody might get-"
"I know , I know. Sued."
Pixiefrog glanced randomly up into space. "I was going to say hospitalized, but that's a valid concern as well." He removed his own spectacles to wipe them down. "Is there any specific reason, Mr. Lyon, why you refuse to join the class today in recreational time?"
"Actually, yes. I should probably ask you a question first... Have you ever seen a dead cabbage tree?"
He seemed to think for a millisecond. "Well, there is the old nursery that's leased to the Veteran's Hospital, but..." His countenance at once changed to skeptical. "I assume you're going somewhere with this?"
"Uh, yeah. My girlfriend - or at least a girl I like that doesn't seem to find me revolting - described how it looks, pretty much down to the roots. Aaaand, it's sorta Jake's fault, so I was gonna make sure he never does it again. You know, because I care about-"
"Uno momento, comrade." Stern was written all over his face. "Am I to think you're headed somewhere to exact revenge?"
"Actually, you kinda hit the nail on the head."
Clearly, Poncharello Pixiefrog was not amused. Standing there adamantly, for several seconds, was enough to make sweat bead on Adam's forehead.
"Alright, as long as it's clear. I think I spotted him near the east wing lockers." Against all reason, the scooter started cruising away again. "Remember, be safe!"
"WAIT!! Principal Pixiefrog, don't you even care what I'm about to do? I could be going to beat him up!!"
The machine screeched back to a stop in front of him. "Don't make me laugh, Lyon. Humans may have more might than frogs, but you're no Bullshark. And as for my lack of interest in your intentions... I have reason to believe Spidermonkey is the one who's been pilfering my 20-ounce Vault every morning. As far as I'm concerned, this one's on the house." He immediately set to rolling down the hall again. "Just make sure he can still walk to third-period chemistry."
Naturally, Adam was more than a bit mystified, as he lazily waved goodbye. "Uh, can do!"
No sooner had they parted ways, than Adam's phone rang. Unfamiliar with the tone, he stared around like a lost puppy before realizing the noise came from his own person.
He flipped the face open with a speed that surprised him. "Uh, hello?... OH! Hi Kimmy, what's goin' on?... What? Another one?... Oh, so that's what he was up to... No, I'll take care of it... You would?... Wow, you must work out... Yeah, sure. He won't be coming around there anytime soon... Well, he'd have to have two arms that aren't broken... No, I probably won't. I just can't promise... Yeah, fine. Talk to you later."
Anger burned through his eyes once the phone was back in his pocket. "Jake, I hope you've seen Gorillas In the Mist. 'Cause I'm about to stage a re-enaction!" He clapped his fists together in a manly gesture. "OWWW!!... I think I broke a knuckle."
"Ahhhh-ah- OOHHHhhh hhh, wow. That's immensely decadent."
Windsor had reclined in the privacy of a doored stall, tightly locked, within kneeling reach. Between the long stretches where his eyes were closed, he could glance every now and then at his throbbing dick... And the monkey who fervently deep-throated its length. It was only when Jake slowed, for air, that either could speak coherently.
"How many post-twilight specials have you beheld?"
Jake took his time removing himself from the shaft. It was plain to see - in spite of his claims - that he enjoyed it on par with the receiver. "Can't say for sure that I know. Most of them were, uh..."
"Traditional?" Windsor failed to abort his muffled laugh. "It would seem you've discarded many of your hang-ups about secrets."
"To you , maybe," He replied, slowly lowering to the task at hand. "What's the point of clamming up now? The cat's out of the bag. Or is it the closet-"
-Jake," Windsor interrupted somewhat forcefully, "... I'm about to pose the shortest sentence of my adolescent life heretofore." The spark of deviance in his eye grew by magnitude. "... How many?"
It was the last he could control himself. "Three. And you don't count... Yet." No sooner had he finished his sentence, than his lips came down to the shaft, and deeper. For obvious reasons, neither made any attempt to further the exchange.
The room filled with echoes of gorilla moans. Straddling a toilet lid, his toes curled sharply with the motion of Jake's tongue. Tail flicking rapidly behind him, the curious monkey enjoyed most every side of his work, from its lust-heightening taste to how it expanded from his many forceful bobs. He could even glance down, and see two dark, furry balls quiver with repeated ecstacy. In his usual lack of decorum, he affected a smile before slurping his tongue around the swollen head. There was no way around it - he had more than his share of talent. And just as apparently, no complaints over what was asked of him.
"OHH-H-H-H man , Jake. I'm almost tempted to make you extend the rhythm, before I reach the proverbial station ahead of schedule."
"Slow down, huh?" Jake held his friend's meat in one hand, while teasing it with a few licks. "I wish. If recess was about twice as long, I'd be up for it."
Windsor laughed, before giving in to more waves of this unfamiliar pleasure. "By now, we should consider the merits of an excuse."
"You have a point, there. No worries, big guy. I'll find a way to... Mmmmm... Buy us some time."
By now, Windsor's moans were on par with his breathing. Both were elevated, and from the times he'd been alone in his room after dark, he knew that even slowing wouldn't delay the inevitable. Jake was much too engrossed to take any measurable break, and the sensation much stronger than he probably believed. All Windsor could see to do, was stretch his legs comfortably to the side.
He lasted five more minutes, which surprised them both. Jake's hands were anchored on his buddy's legs when he felt it; an inflation of the ample meat, followed by Windsor's head tilting back. Now, he thought, I'll have number four under my belt.
" AAAA AAAA AAHHH HH!! Oh, shit!!!!"
Jake ignored the motions of Windsor's climax, choosing instead to focus on the generous load pouring into his mouth. With plentiful greed, he gulped it down, sending more euphoria to Windsor's throbbing tool. In the ten seconds it took to clean-up, Jake's face went from halfway-clean to the floor of a pornographic theater.
Both were still panting when Jake finally made his lips release it. Immediately, he glanced up at the sweat-beaded face of his well-spent company. "You know, I don't think I've never heard you curse."
Despite the fur they had in common, Windsor's face reddened by a shade or two. "And I've never seen you swallow. So I suppose that makes us even, or something."
Jake couldn't help staring once more at the primate prick, which is likely why he noticed the second it started to rise from the seat. With his blackmail concluded - and the majority of its cause forgotten - Windsor was attempting to zip up his shorts.
" Whoa , hold on."
It slipped from Jake's mouth so easily, that Windsor was all but forced to attention. "I know, I should be checking my clothes for the small speck you neglected to catch. Your face is just screaming for a wet-dry vacuum, unless you'll be informing the principal that we lost track of time having a pie fight."
Jake wiped his face several times, then staring at what came off, before running every finger through his mouth. "Once again, the point zoomed riiiight over your head." Two hands clasped sneakily behind his back. "What's the one thing you've never had at the lunch counter?"
"Tch, that's laughably easy. Seconds."
At this, Jake's grin widened to Lane Bryant swimwear-proportions. Windsor, catching on to the clue, instantly sat down and began undoing himself again. "This time, let's see what you can accomplish for my two closest friends." A twinkle lit up his eye. "They're seated by the foot of the flagpole, waiting for the tongue bus."
"De-vil cracked the Earth-ly shell, fore-told she was the one, went up in-to her-"
For a few moments, Adam had forgotten how angry he'd really been at Jake, and was enjoying the quiet of the halls. And he would've continued, had a large limp mass not fallen straight on his head, and over his eyes.
" AAAHHHH!! GETITOFF, GETITOFF!!!"
It quickly slipped from his hair, landing hard on the floor in a loose coil. Adam still shivered with fright, all the way up to the moment a full head of skater-hair emerged from the center. "Man, you sounded like my mom on Black Friday."
"Slips?"
His reply came complete with the usual goofy grin."In the flesh, dude."
Adam's glance rocketed upwards. "How did you get on the ceiling?"
"I didn't. You're, like, walking right between the lockers. I don't need legs to jump."
"_Oooooo_kay, and why would you scare the crap out of me in the first place?"
"Practice, and stuff. I want to get uber-good before I pull it on Bullshark. And from the way you took it, He'll be screamin' like the SSX pro tour."
Adam was severely underwhelmed. "Yeah, forget the fact that he's just gonna peel you off the tile and beat you harder than ever."
"Not if I, like, try it when we let out for the day. All those witnesses... Ungodly levels of cool."
All he got in return was a roll of the eyes. "Okay, here's the deal. I have two minutes to find Jake before we're all late for class. Think you could help me out?"
His reptile stomach inflated for a display of machismo. "I don't think any thing. Not usually, anyway..." He trailed off, temporarily. "They, like, came through here twenty-three minutes ago. I started counting right after I climbed the lockers. Dude, you wouldn't believe how boring it is up there."
"Don't be so sure. So you know where he went?"
"No idea, man. All I know's that he was following Windsor."
Adam looked skeptical. "Where's Windsor?"
"In the bathroom." A few seconds, and his face betrayed an epiphany. "...Ohhhhhhh."
Once Adam's hand left his own face, he expounded. "Well, at least I don't have to look anymore. No friend of mine is going to ruin another, way prettier friend's plants and get away with it!"
Slips became clearly worried. "What did he do to my garden!?"
"Uh... Nothing."
One huge, reptilian sigh. "Good." he quickly cut his eyes away. "... 'Cause I don't have one. They're not awesome, if you haven't heard."
By now, Adam barely had a grip on patience. "Look, if your so-called 'best friend' killed two of the neighbor's trees to put up a hammock, wouldn't you be in a small hurry to tear him a new one?"
"... Yeah, probably. But why would he kill-"
"- DUH , because he's Jake. He talked nonstop about summer last week, and his biggest gripe was how long it takes to strip the leaves off a tree before you can use it to hang something. He thinks they'd snap a cord like taffy if they're still growing." Silence slipped in while he pondered. "I need to start thinking about what he says the second it comes out. Or a little sooner." Back in mind for the present, his anger rekindled. "Come on, Slips. You're my only backup, and I might need you to pull me off of him. Nobody messes with my love life."
He scratched the rough scales on his version of a chin. "What if I, like, don't want to and stuff?"
The only two arms between them, crossed impatiently. "Then you'll find out how it feels to be a lasso."
Thirty seconds, and they were at the boys' room. Had it not been for the sounds coming from within, they would've charged right through; but they were already piercing a full five feet from the door. Both, together, stopped short.
"Slips?"
"Dude?"
"That's gotta be Windsor's voice." Their eyes met. "You think he needs help? Sounds like he's hurt."
"Yeah, maybe. Something's tellin' me, like, maybe not."
Adam took on a look of bemusement. "My dad calls people like you 'rogue scholars'." The deep moans, from a cause yet unknown, heightened in pitch. "Uh, I'm not so sure I want to go in there anymore. What if there's some huge predator that didn't get enough sleep last night, waiting to tear my unprotected skin to pieces?"
Slips tried to ignore his own shaking. "Wh-why should I go in if you don't?"
His human, more composed counterpart seemed sure of himself. "Well, you're a snake. Isn't your bite poisonous or something?"
He thought for several moments. "Like, probably. I don't brush my teeth."
"That's good enough for me." He put up a halfway-credible facade of confidence. "Thanks, man, you're a pal. Oh, and scream if it kills you, so I'll know when to start running."
Two snake pupils lowered, along with his voice. "Anytime, bro."
Slips hesitated only once before pushing the door open, trying to dispense of his fear. Mere fractions of a second before it closed behind him, his tail made it safely out of swinging radius.
Figuring he might be there a while for some unforeseen reason, Adam leaned against the cold white brick of the walls. "I've got fifteen seconds until the bell rings. Looks like none of us are getting out of this."
At the last word, he caught what sounded like a shout, followed by a loud slam. He was up against the door in no time. "Slips? Are you dead? Windsor? Anybody!?"
The door knocked him down, swinging open with no warning at all. Rubbing his head where it hit the tile, he leaned back up to see Slips alone. "Whoa, what's in there? Are they hiding from it or something?"
The snake's countenance could only be described as disgruntled. "Nah, dude, they're fine. It's me that's feelin' crappy."
With a single, sad breath, he slithered up to Adam and took his hand, palm-up. Then, with slowed motions, he dropped a $10 bill. Instictually, Adam closed his fingers around it.
Before he could ask what this meant, Slips leaned in and whispered in his ear. It was a very brief synopsis, but equally comprehensive. Adam's face went from slightly disgusted, to glowingly happy.
Slips, in the meantime, was still disappointed. "Mom was right. It doesn't pay to gamble."
Adam grinned from ear to ear. "Or maybe I just know the signs better than you. Thanks for buying my lunches for the whole week."
"So you see, Maurice, this really is the school of no secrets. Even if it took Lyon five months to accidentally mention it."
Two warm cappucinos sat on the principal's desk, essential fuel for any ordinary workday. "I run a very tight ship. It's the best way to keep learning at the forefront, especially when a bond gets overwhelmingly voted down."
His mandrill company gave a deep nod. "I dig why you wanted me to hear that story. It's really a solid example of how you've kept crime out for almost two straight weeks. That's gotta be a record for the whole state."
"Oh, believe me," Pixiefrog smiled, "I've done the research. And there's an engraved plaque in the mail as we speak."
"So, what did you, uh... Do about it?"
"What could I do? They were thirty minutes late that day because they took that long to clean up the evidence. You know how that one stall shined for a month." He chuckled to himself. "I can't say they got off without consequence. Every time they sit next to each other, someone fakes a cough, and I've caught a few words that are straight out of Jerry Springer. I'm almost shocked they seem so happy together."
Maurice leaned back in his chair. "You know, Slips and I both see Jake every weekday. I would never havetaken that bet."
Pixiefrog lifted his mug with both hands, staggering under its weight as he sipped. "Not to mention you'd be fired for, eh... Well, some thing. I'd pin it down sooner or later."
Interrupting him was a loud knock on the door. They shot each other a puzzled glance, before Maurice rose to answer it.
Once it was cracked, he could see the red hair and freckles with ease. "Oh, Adam. Uh, Poncharello and I are deep in grown-up city right now, so you might want to take five or ten."
"Please, Mr. Mandrill, it's sort of important. I found something weird in Jake's locker."
His countenance told that he wasn't bluffing. "Well, alright, just come in here before you show it around. It's not being sold, you know, unless it has to be confiscated."
"Huh?"
"I said watch your step, little man."
He followed Adam into the office, immediately noticing the weight of his backpack. "Principal Pixiefrog, I was wondering if this is something you should know about." He removed the pack, and started unzipping it. "Jake's locker was only half shut, and it fell out."
"Just a minute there, Lyon." Pixiefrog held one palm out commandingly. "I'll need the time to check my legal dociere, so we can be certain this won't lead to litigation."
He reached into the pocket of his brown slacks, pulling out a small piece of paper. After unfolding it more times than Adam thought to be possible, he began reading.
"Good," he remarked as he finished, "That was a quick ten minutes, don't you think? Now, what were we here for again?"
Adam's extreme boredom shifted to annoyance, and he reached down to pull an item from the backpack. The second it came up, he announced it with a strong " This!"
All three, could only gaze at the long, yellow tube, closed on one end in a suitably vulgar shape.
Pixiefrog's mouth closed about ten seconds after. "Well, uh, I'm not really at liberty to tell you what you're holding. Just let me keep it here - safely locked up - and it will be returned once I'm done with him. Let him know he's wanted for a very uncomfortable lecture."
Adam seemed thoroughly unprepared for that solution. "O-kay, I don't have a problem with that. But what am I gonna do with the rest?"
Mandrill and frog alike had only one reaction. "The what?"
And, picking it up with even more effort than the principal needed for his mug, Adam dumped the bag and all its contents on the floor. Now, littering the room in very plain sight, were no less than sixty assorted sex toys, of all shapes, colours, sizes and textures.
"I'm just glad it's only a bunch of plastic. Knowing Jake, it could've been something really creepy."
Curtain, Biotchez.