Devil She Loved {Chapter I}
The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want;
"I can't believe you didn't let me go, Mom! You know I wanted to go to the Jaci concert with my friends for weeks!"
"I'm sorry, honey, but your brother is finally getting out of the hospital and I think we should all be there for him."
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters;
"I can't believe this...He is gone for like half my life and I'm still obligated to cater to his psycho self. Dad, why do I have to go?"
"Your mother is right, dear, we need to be there for him. Woo, this rain is not letting up."
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
"Did you bring your bible, Tally? Your brother wants to go to late night services when we pick him up. I'm so happy he found the lord!"
"Yes mom, I never go anywhere without it, you know that."
for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
"Dad, if we get back in time can I PLEASE go to the concert?! PLEASE?!"
"Maybe, sweetie...but I don't particular agree with her music or the crowd..."
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
"This is so unfair! There is nothing wrong with her songs and I'll be with my friends!"
"Listen to your father, dear."
"No, this is not fair! You know I wanted to see it! It's not fair at all!
"Honey, look out for that car!"
"DADDY!" and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I awoke to eyes I had not seen in six years, eyes as blue as mine. The soft beeping echo made my head pulse with pain. I tried to move but my brother placed a large paw on my chest, holding me down. His voice was soft, a lot more pleasant, and unnerving, than what I remembered. His smile reminded me of his time in Fair Bird Asylum where he had spent the latter part of his teenage years. Everything was spinning as noises present mixed with those of the past.
My brother looked tired. His eyes were puffy like he had been crying now he looked at me as if I was a treasure that needed to be bubbled wrapped and stored away. Finally the spinning stopped with the realization that I was in a hospital becoming terrifyingly clear. I sat up screaming in horror only to wind up screaming in pain.
"Tally, you ripped out your stitches!" my brother said before running out to call a nurse.
My hand went to the pain on my side but touching it was too much. I pulled my hand away, upon seeing the blood I began to shake. The crash hit me in the head like a fast pitch. The car hadn't been able to stop at the red light, the rain kept Daddy from stopping too. The collision threw me back in time for another car to collide into the rear end of our mini-van. Everything went black. The next thing I remembered was opening one eye to see my parents lying motionless with blood staining every inch of them. Now I was in this hospital bed with white and blue pastel sheets with only my brother at my side.
With tears in my eyes I whispered, "Mom...Daddy....are with God."
"That's right sweetie, now shuuu...I'm going to give you something to help relax you."
The nurse stuck a needle into my arm and everything went black once more. The next thing I remembered was being back in my own bed with my brother packing up my room. My Christian novels and bibles he packed ever so carefully into a brown box labeled with my name. His bushy tail swayed as he packed them in alphabetical order.
"Isaac..." I could barely recognize my own voice, "Where are we going?"
He turned to me with that gentle, unnerving smile, "I had wanted to waited until you were better to tell you this, Talitha, but I can't afford the house. I got a job in the next town over preaching at a church. We are moving there to live in an apartment the church is paying for."
"But...the house..."
"Everything except the living room furniture and our stuff is to be sold. Don't worry, kiddo, I will make sure to save something of them for both of us."
It was all fast paced after that and I feared it would never slow. When I got better I helped packed as well as with the yard sell. As each nick-nack my mother had cherished left the yard I would say one of the Lord's prayers. Over and over I repeated the words in my mind while on the outside I wore a smile. I wanted to scream, to drag the item back and cradle it like a child in my room but we needed the money. Our church and my Christian, private school raised money for us as well. We left all of that behind at the end of the month.
The apartment was small, but quaint. Isaac and I each had our own room which I was happy for since I was spending more and more time alone reading my blood stained bible. Our stuff was spread through-out the place. I allowed my crystal cross collection to grace the mantel but selfishly I kept my father's favorite blanket on my bed along with Mom's favorite pillow. In my tiny closet Mom's wedding dress stood out among my new school uniforms.
Isaac had placed the large, intricately decorated cross from home beside the photo of our parents. Their smiles haunted me with every passing glance. I blamed myself for their death. I realized had I not been throwing a tantrum Dad would have been able to see the car and been able to stop in time. It was my fault. Every bit of it.
My Godly punishment came in the form of my new school. It was a public school with a vial attitude, not at all the atmosphere I was used to at my old Catholic school. For one the boys and girls were inter-mingled together like the school believed no harm would come of it. Boys kissed girsl by the lockers and my nose was ravaged by a horrendous smell coming from the bathrooms. All through it I clutched to my bible. In my heart I believed their bloody pages could keep me from sin until time I could make my vows to the lord.
"Hello, pretty thing I haven't seen you around before." A skunk boy said to me as I was removing my books from my paint chipped locker.
His comment made me blush and with a voice so low I was surprised he could hear me I answered, "I'm new here. I...err...just transferred from Hail Mary Prep."
A tigeress laughed, coming up behind me, getting so close it made my neck bristle, "Oh, an all girl school huh? That must make you a lesbian. How many cunts do you have on your list, little one?"
I turned to be greeted with sharply colored hair and breasts nearly popping out of her unbuttoned shirt. I bit my lip, anger rising in me, "No! Homosexuality is a sin!"
"Did you hear that, sis? This little fox here thinks you are a sinner!"
Another tigeress, who I could have taken for a male had it not been for her breasts, slammed me against my lockers her gold eyes hot as the bore into me, "Well, aren't we Jesus like to cast the first stone? Stupid bitch." She slapped me across the face which sent me flying to the floor.
The male looking tigeress lifted up my skirt whipping out her phone to take a picture, "Hey look, the nun wears bloomers under her skirt!"
"What are you reading there, little nun?" the skunk picked up my bible but freaked at the bloodied pages and dropped it. "She's fucking crazy! That book is covered in blood!"
"She don't look it to me..."
The tigeress twins took turns kicking my side and slapping my face. They pulled out clumps of my hair, tore my clothing, and spat in my face. The last straw, though, was when the skunk dropped a lit match on my bible. I screamed in dismay before head butting the skunk in the stomach. I hunched over my bible, protecting it as if it were my life as he took a swift punch to the back of my head, knocking me out cold.
"Fighting...On the first day of school?! Talitha...I expected better from you. Your eye is all swollen, I half expected to have to take you back to the hospital! This is not a time for you to rebel."
I half listened to my brother's scolding. I was sent to bed without dinner but satisfied my hunger by reading verses from my bloody bible. Aloud my voice formed the words as I held my rosary in my hand. I prayed to God to forgive me. I asked him to take away the pain. I asked him to restore me to what I had been before and to protect me from those who would lead me from his path as well as hurt me. Night after night I did this ritual, month after month I continued. But the pain never ebbed. The kids continued to hurt me. I never again felt the happiness I had once known.
My body became a hollow shell for robotic movements. I ate to keep my brother quiet. I went to school for that reason too. I didn't resist the bullying. And from the moment I got home I would try to find solace in the red print. Soon, even that didn't stop the tears. I was nothing. I was dead inside.
My hallow body could no longer take the punishment. I decided it was time to enact God's will. The rain had turned to snow but I wore no protection. My flesh felt the cold as I walked to the chapel but I didn't. In darkness I opened the door and made my way down the aisle to the foot of the scene of the crucifixion. I fell to my knees throwing my tainted bible at the feet of the silhouetted Christ, tears in my eyes.
"My lord that arth in heaven, forgive me for what I am about to do...."I pulled a sharpened pocket knife to my throat, tears spilling down my cheeks in waves, "But I believe this is your will. Take me into your arms or cast me to hell. I can no longer take the pain!"
I pressed the chilling metal to my neck, my fur bristling up my spine. Every sensation was numb to me as I pressed harder. The pain caused by the sharpened steel was nothing compared to that in my heart.
"Don't soil that pretty, white fur with blood...the color does not suit you."
A dark, sensual voice stopped my hand from performing its action. The silhouette of Christ moved from his cross. Then a sharp pain rocketed into the back of my head.
"Finally, I have found you..."
Why must everything go black?