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I can't believe him when he says he doesn't want me back. There's no way he means it. We were in love with each other, there's no way he can just stop. What is he so mad at me for? Something I said? Something I did? As if not knowing wasn't bad enough, every time I try to call him, he never answers. Won't respond to any of my texts either. Whatever he's mad at me for, he doesn't want to hear an apology.

After another failed attempt to call him, I started looking through my pictures on my phone, most of which were of him and me. The rest, just him. As I skimmed through them, the memories surfaced. The time we went to the lake, the day it snowed (for the first time in years) and we made a snow fort together, all very vivid memories. Then I came across one that almost made me start crying. I remember it was at some amusement park, a local one, but I can't remember how to get there. We'd taken the picture in one of those "Tunnel of Love" rides. It was dark, but my phone had a flash. I was smiling at the camera, but he was smiling at me. Only it wasn't a goofy having-a-good-time smile. It was the same smile he'd given me after our first kiss. A smile that said just exactly how in love with me he was. I remember him kissing me after I took the picture. His lips were so soft, and his moan...

I skipped to the next picture when I felt a tear roll down my cheek. but it didn't do much good. The next one was of him wearing the collar I'd gotten him for his seventeenth birthday. It was red, his favorite color, with a license reading only his name. "Conner". The tears came a little harder when I remembered what I'd had embedded on the back:

"Forever Yours,

Your Husky

-Scott"

His tail had started wagging instantly when I'd put it on for him, and that night we'd had our first time.

I closed my phone and more tears came. It was getting harder to breathe. it was almost as if I were drowning. Like I'm trapped under a frozen lake, my memories keeping me from surfacing as I drown in my own tears. And the only way to escape would be to shatter the ice. To shatter the memories. A task that required strength. Strength I deeply lacked. I could never forget Conner, no matter how hard I tried.

I opened my phone again and tried to call him. Instead of going to voicemail right away, it started ringing. I tried to think about what I was going to say to him. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't know where to start. But before I could think of anything, the call went to voicemail. I hung up, not even bothering to leave a message. Then I saw the time. 11:19 pm. He probably went to bed already.

After drying my tears, I got up and left my room. Vaguely aware of my own actions, I went downstairs and saw that Mom and Dad had gone to bed. I reached in my pocket and grabbed my car keys as I walked out the front door. I had to go see him. Now.

***

The drive to his house had been quick. It was now 11:25, and his house was as dark as the night surrounding it. I got out of my car and went around the house to the other side. I saw his bedroom window in the moonlight and approached it. Lucky for me, it was a one-story house. Nervous and a little sweaty, I knocked on his window. Nothing happened, and after a moment, I knocked again. His light came on and illuminated the small patch of grass on which I stood.

When he opened his blinds and saw me there, I smiled lightly and waved my paw. He rolled his eyes and opened the window.

"Hey," I said quietly. I had been so happy to see him that I barely noticed he was only wearing pajama bottoms.

"What are you doing here, Scott?" He asked me in a manner that suggested he thought I was wasting my time. "It's late at night."

"I wanted to talk to you," I explained. "You won't answer any of my texts or calls. What was I supposed to do?"

He looked in my eyes, narrowing his own a little. "Have you been crying?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I...I'm just tired, that's all."

Conner knitted his brow at me, then rolled his eyes again. "Just come in." He sat on his bed.

I climbed in through the window and closed it behind me. "I'm sorry it's so late. I just couldn't stay away from you."

"Scott, don't," Conner said firmly. "I don't want to hear your romantic Scott-isms." he made up the word, but I knew what he meant.

"You used to love it when I said things like that to you..."

After I said that, he looked away. "I don't anymore."

There was a moment of silence between us. To me it was painful, not awkward. As I looked at him, I saw how upset he was. And then I realized I hadn't seen him like this since his last boyfriend dumped him a few years ago. I'd comforted him, and two weeks later, I'd asked him to be my boyfriend. To my surprise, he said yes.

As I remembered that day, I reached out and took his paw in mine, but he pulled away almost immediately.

"Please don't be like that," I said. "I came here to tell you that I love you." I knelt down in front of him. "And...that I'm sorry."

"Scott, please stop."

I ignored him. "Whatever I did to you, I'll make it up. I swear I will--"

"You didn't--!" he said loudly, then lowered his voice. "You didn't do anything!"

I was taken aback. "Then...why did you--"

"Because I was cheating on you!" He said angrily.

My ears flattened against my head and my eyes widened. At first I wasn't sure he really said it. But after a moment, I had the grim realization that those words really did just leave his mouth. My eyes started to water as I stood up. "you...you really don't love me anymore?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"...Who is he?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know. My heart was pounding and I was angry and heartbroken at the same time. And when he looked up at me to give me an answer, the feeling amplified to an unknown power.

"It's Blake..."

I scoffed. "Blake Kulis? Fucking spoiled rich-kid asshole Blake Kulis? You cheated on me with him?!"

"Yes! Okay? Yes! I'm sorry!"

"You're sorry? You're SORRY?!" I shouted. He shushed me, but I threw my paw up. "I loved you, Conner! How could you do this to me?"

He didn't speak. He remained silent. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms, holding himself as if to keep warm. I recognized this position. He'd put himself in it every time he was uncomfortable about anything. He opened his eyes for a brief moment, and I saw that his eyes were watery as well. Without thinking, I placed my paw on his muzzle and kissed him. But he pushed me away almost immediately.

"Scott, I'm serious! Stop! Just go home!" His voice cracked a little. I couldn't stand to hear the sadness in his tone. I couldn't stand to see him cry. I know he cheated on me, but it still upset me to see him in such a state. All my anger aside, I wanted to hold him. To tell him that he doesn't have to cry. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel a little like an idiot. It's not very smart to love someone who doesn't love you back. That is, if I believe him when he says he doesn't love me. And I'm not sure I do. I certainly don't want to.

"Conner..."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Just leave. Don't ever come over here anymore."

I sighed. I didn't know what else to say. But then I thought of something. "Do you...still have the collar I got you?"

He looked at me, then looked down. "...Yes..." He got up from the bed a walked over to his dresser. He opened one of the drawers and came back with the collar. He held it out to me, and I took it.

I flipped the license over in my paw, reading both sides of it. I held in more tears as I again remembered the day I gave it to him. "You remember when I got this for you?"

He looked at it and crossed his arms again in the same uncomfortable fashion. "Yeah...I remember everything from that day..."

I smiled a little, then undid the collar, and made what felt like a bold gesture. I put it back on his neck, where it belonged.

He looked at me as I did so. It wasn't just any look. It was the same one he gave me in that picture of us in the Tunnel of Love. After securing it around his neck, I placed my paw on his cheek. "I love you, Conner...no matter what, I always will..."

He placed his paw on mine and held it there. "Scott...I..." He trailed off, and nuzzled my paw. "...I'm sorry...I never should have cheated on you..." He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest. I could feel more tears coming from his eyes. "You're such a great guy..."

I held him to me, as content as I never thought I'd feel again after he broke up with me. But at the same time, there was still that feeling like I was stupid for still loving him. I must really have it bad for him, because I don't really care if it's stupid or not. It feels right to hold him. When we were together, I'd reached the conclusion that he was the one for me. And I still believe that.

I nuzzled the top of his head. "I forgive you, Conner..."

He looked up at me, his eyes watery and a little pink, and lightly pressed his lips to mine, kissing me gently. I murred as I began to kiss back, and pulled him to me a little tighter.

He broke the kiss and started nuzzling my chest. I smiled and murred again. "So does this mean we're back together?"

He nodded, then looked up at me again. "Wanna sleep over? For old times' sake?" His tail swished back and forth.

"I dunno," I said. "My parents don't even know I'm here. They were asleep when I left."

"Oh, come on..." He said, taking my paws in his. "If you stay, I'll cook you steak and eggs in the morning..."

I murred a little. I loved it when he cooked for me. He makes such delicious food. And he knows just how I love my steak. I couldn't help but accept his offer. "Alright. You win. Like always."

He smiled and licked my cheek. With my paws still in his, he led me to the bed. We both laid next to each other, and I held him as close to me as I could without literally smothering him. He didn't bother to get up and turn off his light, and I didn't care as long as he didn't care. I had him back. That's all I wanted. That's all I needed.