The one I love
I'm broken. That's it. There's nothing left. I'm broken. All I have left are the shimmering tears that run down my icy face. Was I too selfish? Too hateful. I became so spiteful...I loved her. It was so hard right now. She was my light, my beacon of hope. But now she is a faded ledge in the leagues where I am lost. I cannot even find myself. I thought I could do it. I couldn't though. A lonely piece of a me is all I have left. A memory of who I am. A sliver of who I dreamt of being. What happened?
I kept walking. It was all I could do now. My requiem was shattered, and I was walking on its shards. The world seemed to share my solace, as it stood silent. It unleashed its sadness upon me as I have done before. I felt a cold drop of rain, freezing like my tears. It splashed on my fur. It matted my cuts. It burned.
But now all I can do Is walk.
I haven't got a home. I haven't got a job. And now it is apparent that I haven't got a heart. My little slice of heaven was burned in front of my eyes. So now this cold, lonely street was my condolence, the rain my shelter. Through the tears in my eyes, I saw blurry street lights that illuminated my path, showing me the way to nowhere. That seemed to be my destination though. So, I kept walking the path.
I felt a vibration in my pocket. Small, soft buzzes radiated from it. I reached in, and pulled out my phone. In the dark light of the rainy street, I could barely make out the name. But it was her. It was her...
More tears swelled my eyes. I couldn't do it. I couldn't answer the damn phone... Instead, I just slid it back into my soaked pocket and let the vibrations die. I wiped my eyes with my wet shirt sleeve, and kept walking.
The rain was picking up. I did nothing to shield myself. Deep inside my mind...inside that black crevice I called a heart, I hoped, I prayed that the rain would wash it all away. But of course, that wouldn't work...that never worked...
Another weak vibration emitted from my pocket. I pulled out the dying phone once again, and fell to my knees. It was a picture. I was sent a picture, of her. Crying. The bruise on her cheek already swelling, and blood on her forehead dried. That was it. Only a picture of the scene.
In a swell of anguish, I threw my phone at the brick wall of an apartment complex. It shattered just as I did. I didn't even have the willpower to scream. But the pain...the pain was too much. Not even drugs could fix it as they once had.
If only the pain could end. If there was a way, I would take it. I didn't want to die...but for what reason could I live? What is the point of life if you've ruined it for yourself? I fell to the ground in agony. The repeating thought ran through my head like a flock of knives: why?
Things were good. My job, my home, my girlfriend. Yes, I was a bright young fox. Ready, able, willing, but most importantly I see now, was loving. I was rising to the top. But my downfall was of my own becoming.
The One I Love
I sat on my couch in my own apartment, a bottle of Irish Scotch in my hands. My fur was a mess, and I was in ragged condition. But this was nothing bad. I had been at an office party. And being only twenty three, I suppose the others had thought it funny to give me the stronger drinks. Although, one of them was at least nice enough to get me home safely.
Things were spinning. I was lost in my own house. I was sure I was in the kitchen, but I didn't see the fridge. Listing where I could be, I came to the conclusion that I was in my own home. That was it. So, I figured I would find out where I was.
I was in the mood for some greasy food. The kitchen was important to find. I had a cheeseburger in there, so I was excited. I wobbled to my feet, and stumbled out into my hallway. The dim lights made it hard to see, but I was sure I was going the right way. And I think anyone could make their way around their own home, drunk or not. And I did. I had successfully made it into the kitchen. Gloating to myself, I pulled open the fridge.
The mumbling of a drunken idiot I'm sure is interesting, but not while you're drunk. I recall muttering things like, "I'm gonna get a trophy. Yeah."
But anyways, I pulled out the foil-wrapped heart attack, and yanked it out of its casing. It looked heavenly to me. And that first bite was great. Grease practically ran down my neck, but it was so good. I was feeling great.
With a second bite, I stumbled back into my living room. I could hardly stand, but I could sure as hell eat this burger. Sitting on the couch, I took my third. Then fourth. Then fifth bite. And then it was gone. And I was upset. I swear I was biting my fingers to get the taste off of them. Didn't help though. Just made me a bit more upset. Poor cheeseburger.
To curb my loneliness without my burger, I decided to call up my girlfriend. I fumbled with the phone that was on a table next to my couch, but eventually got it off its charging station. Squinting, I carefully dialed her number, and placed the cold phone next to my ear.
"Hey!" I heard after a few rings.
"Hey honey," I said, giggling.
"Have you been drinking?" she asked. I was offended.
"Uhhh...no?"
"Jacob," she said disappointed, "I thought you were done with alcohol."
"Oh. It was an office party. One time thing, I promise," I said sincerely. "Please don't be mad..."
She sighed. "I'm not. Look, just go lay down. Call me in the morning, okay? Right now, I have to go."
"Awww. Okay. I love you," I smiled to the phone.
"I love you too. Now go to bed. Goodnight," she said, and hung up.
"Goodnight," I told the phone. She was mad. Great, I thought to myself. I laid back on the couch and closed my eyes.
The next thing I remember, it was morning, and I was late for work. I snapped up with a splitting headache. I heard my alarm in my room; it mustve been going off for about two hours now. This was bad. I jumped up, and stumbled over my table. I already had two strikes against me here. I couldn't take a third one.
I dashed down the hallway to my dresser. I didn't have much time. So I just threw on a white shirt, a tie, and new pants and rushed to my door. But I had forgotten how bad I smelled. Punching a wall, I growled.
But that would get nothing done. I looked back at my bathroom, where I remembered I had a can of body spray. I was overjoyed. I rushed back to my bathroom, and grabbed the small can. It was a fast maneuver; grab, spray, throw at wall and run. Also very time-saving. And that was good.
I locked my apartment door, and almost fell down the stairs, right over miss Jenkins. "Sorry miss Jenkins," I shouted as I dashed past her. Straightening my tie, I bashed through the door, and out to the parking lot, where I almost ran into my girlfriend.
"Jake, where are you going all dressed up and smelling like booze on a Saturday?" she asked. I stopped dead in my tracks, and got the dumbest look on my face. She giggled.
"C'mon Jakey, lets go up to your apartment," She said, giving me a little kiss.
"Alright," I smiled to her as she took my paw. I followed her intently up to my apartment, and we closed the door behind us.
She took me to my couch. Sitting, I said, "Well its nice of you to come over. Glad to see you." I gave her a curt kiss.
The bat blushed. "Aww, how could I not come to see my dumb little foxy?"
I giggled. Yes. I giggle. So what?
Anyways, I giggled and kissed her nose. She gave me a smile.
"So how's your morning going?" I asked. She thought for a second.
"Pretty good? Hows yours?"
"I have a bit of a hangover," I said rubbing my head.
Her eyes lit up. "Oh! I almost forgot, I have something for that," she said as she started digging through her pockets. It didn't take long for her to pull out a small bottle of pills. "Here. Take one."
She extended a paw to me, and I took the small green pill from it. "What is it?"
"It's a painkiller. Really good. Trust me," she smiled. I looked down at it, and shrugged. I guessed it couldn't hurt. So, I swallowed it dry.
"Okay, so when does it kick in?" I asked. My hangover was bad.
"Soon enough. But for now, lets get you a shower. You smell awful. And look it too," she said disgusted. I nodded, embarrassed. "Alright good. Now you stay here and I'll go get some water running. Take another pill if you'd like."
In protest, I said, "No, I'll come with you. And another pill...isn't that a lot? These are big pills..."
"Nah, you'll be fine. Take another. And sit. Relax. Let it do its job," she said, blowing me a kiss. I relented, and plopped down on the couch, grabbing the pill bottle. It didn't have a label, and she was gone before I could ask what they were. With a sigh, I popped the cap off and took another.
Placing the pill bottle on my coffee table, I leaned back on my couch. The rift of pain seeping through my head was enough to kill a feral squirrel, I was sure. And time. That was the worst part. It was going soooooo slow.
Pretty soon though, I could hear the water running from my bathroom. "Alright! Its good!," Katy shouted.
Reluctantly, yet happy, I stood and headed for my bathroom. Upon entering it, I found my girlfriend, naked. Bent over the shower. "Well," she said, "Its nice and hot. Shall we?"
I put on a devilish smile. "Let's."
We got in, and pushed the shower curtain closed. And just as it was, I grabbed her and kissed her passionately. She practically melted in my hands.
Stroking her back, I held her as the water splashed on us. It was heavenly. She wrapped her arms around me, and did one of her favorite things. She encompassed us with her wings, creating her own little shelter. I loved it when she did that. It kept our bodies close.
But while things were going smoothly, everything began getting slow. I figured it was the painkillers. Surely it would wear off soon, right? I mean, my pain was going away.
Well I was WRONG. Everything got SLOW. And I was confused. It became hard to stand, and I couldn't talk well.
But on the bright side, Katy was soooo soft. I couldn't figure out how to kiss anymore, but I knew how to hug. I squeezed her tight, and felt her up cuz she was so soft.
"Ich mag Erdbeeren?" she asked as I gripped her.
"Huh?"
She giggled and slowed down. "Are. You. Okay?" She whispered in a very slow voice.
"Oh, pfft, yeahhhhhh," I slurred. "Theese relly take teh pain away."
She laughed hard. I laughed hard. I didn't know what was funny. But it was.
"Haha what are you laughing at?" she asked, scratching my ear. It felt so good. I kinda forgot the question and just let her scratch my ear. "You like that?"
"Uh huhhh," I said with a small nod.
"Well good," she said. "Now, let's get you cleaned up." I stared at her blankly.
"Uhh okay," I said. I turned around to see if it was clear, and sat down.
"Now what are you doing down there?" she laughed. "Get back up here!"
"Awwww," I said, "Its sooo comfortable down here. Do I have to?"
She sighed and laughed. "No, I guess not." She grabbed the soap and shower handle, and knelt down beside me. "Alright, now hold still, ok?"
"Huh?"
"Nevermind," she giggled. With the soap, she began scrubbing the top of my head. It felt really weird, but it was kinda fun. Then, she went down to my back, and then my tail. Though by now I had forgotten what was happening.
"Ummm...what're you doing?" I asked as she rubbed my thighs with the soap.
"Washing you you tard," she said with a laugh. I didn't get it.
So, I shrugged and let her do whatever. She took the shower nozzle and began spraying me with it. It felt awesome. It also looked awesome. I watched the soap run down my fur, and into the rest of the draining water.
Then I watched the small whirlpool that was created at the drain. It was all spinny and stuff.
But what really caught my eye, was my girlfriends breasts, when they drooped in my face as she cleaned my ears. They were awesome; they were round, wet, soaking orbs of sexy. Then, I got an Idea. I poked my tongue out, and licked her nipple.
"Whoa! Now slow down," she laughed. "Lets just get you clean first. We can play later."
I didn't hear anything she said. It sounded like "?? ??????????? ????, ????? ???? ????? ???." So I shrugged, and kept staring at her boobs. They were awesome.
Well, we finished up the shower, and she helped me get dried. She dried herself, even though I offered to help. It made me kinda sad. I just wanted to help. But anyways, once we were dry, and had some clothes on, we went out in the living room, and sat on my couch.
"Well Jake," she said to me, "how do you feel?"
"Pretttyyy gooodd," I replied with a dumb stare.
"Good. You wanna know what those were?" she laughed.
I gave her a weird look. "Uhhh okkk."
"Medical Marijuana pills," she said. She began giggling.
"Coooollll," I said, my eyes huge. "This is awesome!" She nodded, and scooted to the far end of my couch.
"Now come here," she said. I giggled and went over to her. She wrapped her arms around me, and pulled me down onto her soft, soft body. We laid there for hours. That weekend was perfect.
Well, Monday came rolling around, and I had to get back to work. I actually got up on time this morning, and didn't smell like crap, so that was nice. I had some time to get a shower, eat, and put on something clean and fresh. On top of that, I was just in an allover good mood this morning. With a smile on my face, and a cup of fresh coffee in my hand, I walked out of my apartment and into the dark hallway. I locked the door behind me, and rushed down the stairs.
I got in my car, and stopped for a second. I just had to think about how good my life was. I was an attractive young fox with a gorgeous girlfriend who cared about him. I had a job, and a roof over my head too. Yep, I was pretty fortunate. I was pretty glad for that.
In the rear view mirror, I fixed my ears. They were folded when I slept, and I guess had gone numb, so I didn't notice them. But I felt them now. So, as I thought my great life over, I fixed myself up a bit. Like I said, I was an attractive fox. And maybe a bit vein. But come on, isn't everyone?
A gulp of coffee and a good yawn, and I was off. I crept out of the parking lot in my nicely taken care of blue sedan, and got on the small city back-road that lead to my complex. It was peaceful this morning. Almost like today was supposed to be the beginning of something great. That's actually how I felt. That today, I would get a big promotion, or maybe just get the day off of work, or something like that. That kept my smile going.
Turning off of the tiny winding road, onto the larger street, I noticed that I was actually beating rush hour traffic. This was amazing! Who knew a monday could start off so well?
Cruising down the empty street, I turned the radio on. Highway to hell came on.
"Aint that the truth..." I muttered with a laugh.
Down at the end of the road, I turned onto an on ramp and got onto the flowing freeway. It wasn't congested at all. I just wanted to shout for joy. This was just awesome. What a great day!
I flew down the freeway, dodging semi's and jeeps alike. I had places to be, and things to do.
It wasn't more than ten minutes later that I landed at my office. The small brick building was already packed with cars, and it was just turning 6:30. This was odd. I turned slowly into an open parking space, and parked my car.
Just as I was getting out, I saw Jeannette, my bitch salamander boss crying. I hated her, but I figured that since I was having a great day, it couldn't hurt to figure out what was upsetting her. So I asked.
"Oh, Jean, are you alright?" I asked politely as I shut my door.
"No," she sobbed. She didn't say another word, just held up a pink slip and kept walking. That was it. My heart was soaring. My boss was fired. This was the best day of my life!
I was laughing hysterically on the inside as I walked up to my office. But before I opened the door, my friend rushed out, also in tears. She was holding a pink slip too. I didn't have a chance to talk to her before she got in her car and sped away into the cold dawn.
Now I was nervous. I didn't care about my boss; she was a bitch and was horrible at what she did. But my friend had worked faithfully at this company for ten years and was employee of the year twice. Unnerved, I opened the door, and walked in. Our secretary, a forty year old meerkat, was a mess. There were papers everywhere, and she looked horrible. She looked tired and distraught. A cup of coffee in her shaking hand, she was reading something.
"Hey Marge, what's wrong? Why did Mary just get fired?" I asked.
"She's not the only one," the secretary said as she turned from her work to face me. "Looks like Mark's next..."
Mark? That was odd. Mark was one of the security specialists. They needed him. "Do you have a list?" I asked.
"Its what I'm looking at right now..."
"Well whats going on? Do you know?" I asked.
She shook her head. "All I know is that the company is doing some major layoffs. Look. After Mark, it's Julia, then Ryan..." She stopped.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
She turned to me, wide eyes. "Oh my god, Jacob...I'm so sorry."
Everything froze. I dropped my coffee. All I could hear was the beating of my own heart. I was on the list.
"No, no, no, no, no..." I kept repeating.
"I'm so sorry..." was all she said.
I clenched my fists, and my jaw snapped shut as if it were glued. What would I do without a job? I only had a bachelor's degree. I couldn't get a major job. This was all I had, and only because Marge put in a good word for me.
"Marge, Is there anything you can do? Anything? I need this job! Please, it's all I have!" I begged.
"I'm sorry Jacob...but there's not. I cant do anything now. Jacob..." She trailed off.
I couldn't believe it. I was just fired from the only job I could get. No...this couldn't be happening...
"Well...I...I don't have another job..." I said, hoping.
"I'm sorry..." Was all she said.
Angry and depressed, I turned and left my former office.
It was later that night - much later - and me, as well as a few of my former co-workers, were at a bar in a bad part of town. No one gave a damn though. We were all smashed.
"Yeahh, I mean really, I worked at that damn company for fourteen...er, seventeen years of my pathetic life just to get fired," said an otter that was at the bar with us.
"It's shit, isn't it? I have a whole damn family to support," a lion said, taking a gulp of his beer.
I chimed in here. "I cant even get another job. I was lucky as hell to have that one." I swayed in my seat.
"Yeah, youre the new guy, aren't you? Well, you were anyways..." one of them said.
"I was..." I said staring into my whiskey. "You know what else I think is shit?" I asked them all.
They all turned away from their drinks and looked at me. "I'm almost outta booze," I told them. Raising my glass, but almost falling from my chair, I said, "A toast. To being completely fucked over."
They all raised their glasses and toasted mine. "So true," one orca said. "There should be a damn law about this. They cant just randomly fire us!" This got a roar of approval.
"Well, you know what, you know what I think? I think that we should just light the whole damn building on fire," the lion suggested.
We all looked at each other. "That's a damn good idea," the other orca said. All seven of us took a big gulp of our booze.
"Guys...I need your advice on something," I said.
"Yeah man?" one replied.
I looked at him for a second to collect my thoughts. "How...How do I tell my sweetheart? She'll be so upset. Ya know, I do everything I can for her. I love her so much."
"Aww, I know how you feel. I still haven't told my wife. Well, I'd say just go, go and um, tell her. Yeah. That's what I'd do," the ferret said.
I thought about it. "Yeah...that's a great idea. Thanks man." I shook his hand, and he gave me a lopsided smile. "I gotta say though, I'm scared. Like, what if she leaves me? Cuz I'm jobless, ya know?"
"Dude," the otter talked to me as the others contemplated lighting the office on fire. "If she loves you, she'll stay." A tear ran down his face. Then another. And another. "And if not..." he sniveled, "They'll leave you and take the kids and the car." He burst out in tears.
I patted his back, and turned to the ferret. "You know what?" I asked him.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Booze don't hit the spot. They don't make me feel better. You feeling me?" I asked.
He thought for a second, and then said, "I think I am. Kush?"
"Damn straight."
"You want some? I got a lot," I said.
"Hell yeah," I replied.
He smirked. "Good. Well here, my treat." He slipped a small bag full of greens to me under the table.
"Thanks my good man," I smiled. "A toast, to a tiny bit off happiness in our shit lives!" He raised his glass and hooted, and we both chugged what we had left in our glasses.
After the drinking, I needed a ride home. I had gotten a ride here from the orca, but he was passed out in the woman's bathroom. So with a payphone, I dialed Katy's number.
"Hello?" she asked the phone.
"Oh, hey you! Howre you doing?" I asked.
"Jake? Where are you? I went to your apartment, and your car was there, but you weren't home. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Er, wait, no. No I'm not. Hang on," I said. My stomach had twisted. Covering the phone, I vomited on the sidewalk. It was nasty and awful.
"Can you come get me?"
"Have you been drinking AGAIN?" she asked.
"Uhh...well see, I have some bad news. Just come to Ron's Pub down on 47th street. Please?"
"Alright, I'll be there soon. Stay safe. See you in a minute. Love you," she said.
"I love you too."
She hung up. I was a bit lonely. But she said she'd be here in a minute, so I walked away from my puke and sat on the curb of the bar.
And she lied. It took her about twenty minutes to get to me. But it was okay, I could forgive her. It was about one in the morning after all. So with a smile, I got into her truck.
"What the hell is wrong with you? What are you doing in this part of town, drunk, at one in the morning?" she scolded me. She was in a pair of pink night pants and a tank top.
"Katy...Listen. This is gonna hit you hard. It did me," I told her.
"What are you talking about?"
"I lost my job." There was silence. "I got fired this morning.
"Jacob...I'm so sorry. I didn't know...C'mon, you can stay the night with me. I'll get you home."
And sure enough, she did. We rode up to her duplex by the darker part of town. "Alright, now lets go get in bed."
I nodded, and stumbled out of the truck. Slamming the door shut, I noticed how cold it was outside. And the stars were spinning. Cool, I thought to myself. This is kinda fun.
"Jake, c'mon, its cold out here," I heard. I snapped out of it, and fumbled over to her. She helped me inside, and up her stairs.
We didn't even undress in her room. I just fell on her blue bed, and passed out. She snuggled up next to me, and we slept well that night.
In the morning, I woke up with Katy standing above me.
"Oh, good morning sweety," I said.
"Don't give me that crap. What is this?" she asked, holding the bag of weed. My eyes shot open, and I sat up immediately.
"Well, that's, um. Pot," I said, looking away.
"Where did you get this? Why did you get this? Jake, I gave you those pills for pain," she scolded.
"Well I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now," I said, even though I did have a huge hangover. "Why doesn't that count?"
"I don't want you abusing this stuff, ok? It's not a good Idea. You could land in Jail, or worse. Please, don't do anything stupid," she insisted.
I sighed, and put my muzzled in my paws. "I'm sorry Katy...but I just don't know what to do..."
She sat next to me, and with a sigh, encompassed me in her wings. "Just calm down. We'll think of something. But in the meantime, drug abuse won't help. I won't watch you throw away any hint of a future you still have. We can find you another job. I promise. This isn't the end."
"I hope you're right..." I said.
"I know I'm right. Trust me." She hugged me tight, and I hugged her back.
My head was a swirling mess. What was I supposed to do? I was so lost, so confused. I was scared to be honest. But she made it better. She was my light. She kept me going. I was so fortunate.
I had gone home later that day. She had given me a ride, and the whole time told me sweet, embarrassingly tender things. But it did so much to brighten my day. I was actually happy when I stepped out of her truck.
But now, I was on my couch, lonely. I had managed to grab my bag of weed before I left, but I was unsure about using it. Katy told me not to...but I needed something, anything to soothe this pain I felt in the back of my mind. This throbbing agony I felt.
Yesterday was supposed to go great. It felt so great... but it seems as though it was a lie...a false feeling. Perhaps I shouldn't listen to my gut anymore. It is obviously not always right. And right now, it was telling me to listen to Katy.
So in the midst of my own confusion, I pulled the little bag out. In it, I also found that there was some rolling paper. This was perfect.
On my coffee table, I rolled myself a small joint, and went to my kitchen for a lighter. I began throwing my draws open; I knew I had a lighter in one of them.
But then I stopped. I found a picture of me and Katy, together, in the park. I picked it up, and a tear came to my eye. What was I doing? I needed to stop this, for her.
But then again...I needed this...I was confused to the point of tears.
After moments of silence and confusion, I apologized to the picture.
I resolved to smoke. I found my lighter in my junk drawer, and sat on my couch. Looking at the picture once more, and with a final tear, I lit the joint.
The drugs soon became all I cared about. They were my life. It was everyday now; I lit up a joint, smoked a blunt, or charred a bowl or two. My house stank of pot. I was surprised the neighbors hadn't caught on by now.
But there was the day when it ended. I was sitting on my couch, a blunt in my paw, two already in my system. I was running out of weed, but that was ok. I'd just get less food tomorrow and get more weed with the leftovers. Weed wasn't harmful after all. So, what could go wrong? And with the small bit of money my parents were actually sending me, I had enough.
I brought the blunt up to my lips, and took a nice, big puff. It was amazing.
But I was a mess. I quit caring. I didn't really have anything to care for, so I just quit. It'd been a few days since my last shower, and I hadn't talked to Katy in about three weeks. How could I? She'd hate me. So whatever, I though as I blew the smoke out.
It was a normal day in unemployment; no t.v., no radio, nothing to do but smoke. So I did. It took my mind off of things.
Well, just as I raised the small roll of happy to my lips, there was a knocking on my door. I very violent, sudden knocking. My eyes widened. I took a huge hit off the blunt, blew it out and shoved the rest of the blunt under my couch. I stood straight as I could, straightened my shirt and pants, and attempted to walk to the door. I didn't know who was out there, but I was praying that it was Katy.
Scared, I approached the door. I grabbed the small, cold handle, and like the condemned at a hanging, opened the door. I slowly peered out. What I saw...scared me to death. Two officers of the law were standing at my door in full uniform.
One of them, a Husky that was probably in his thirties, approached me. "Sir, open the door please."
My eyes wide, I opened the door more. He was giving me weird looks. I had my ears flat and my tail between my legs. "Is something wrong officer?" I quietly asked.
"Yes, actually," he said. I knew this was it. I was screwed. "Your car was parked in two parking spaces. We need you to move it."
A sudden relief came over me like waves of release. "Oh," I said, "Ok officer. Do you want me to do that now?" Oops.
"Yes. We do," said the other cop, a badger.
"Actually sir, have you been smoking? This is a no smoke building I believe," said the husky.
"No. I'm offended officer. I would never smoke," I slurred.
"Ok," the badger said, "then where is the smoke coming from?" He pointed into my apartment, which was a complete hotbox.
I turned back to him, sweating. "Well officer, I, uh, burnt some popcorn."
"Likely story. Sir, please step forward," the husky said.
"Now hang on, what's your name," I said, confused.
"I'm sergeant you're fucked. And this is my deputy, officer you're under arrest."
Damn.
"Now hold on, you cant arrest me without a warrant."
The husky held up a warrant from narcotics. Damn.
I was in the local detainment department of the sheriff's office for about two hours before they gave me my phone call. And when they did, I knew just who to call. They took me over to the small phone, and told me I had five minutes. Rushed, I picked up the phone.
"Honey..." I said when she picked up.
"Oh hey Jake, where are you?" she asked. She sounded like she was in a good mood.
"I...I got arrested..."
There was silence. "Oh tell me you didn't..."
"I'm so sorry," I said in tears. "I...I'm scared."
"You should be. You are in a lot of trouble." She was so disappointed.
"Please...please help me," I pathetically sobbed. "Please, I'm so sorry..."
"Now I told you this would happen. I told you where you would land. And I was right, wasn't I?"
It was so hard to talk. "Well?" she asked expectantly.
"Yes...Yes you were right...I'm so sorry..." I cried. I probably looked like a pansy. But I was so high, and so scared, that it didn't matter.
"Alright. Look, sit tight. I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you..." I sniveled. The cop looked at me with an expectant glare. "I have to go..."
"I'll see you soon. Be careful."
At that, the cop took the phone and hung it up. I hated walruses. They were so mean.
But then I was led back to my cell, and shoved in it. I was the only one in it. Which made me lonely. So I was high, lonely, scared, angry, and sad. It's a horrible cocktail of depression. And I didn't even have a way to tell time. So It went forever before I got any news of any thing.
It was a good while later, about a day and a half, before an officer, this time another badger, came up to my cell. "You're getting bailed out. C'mon, lets go."
I stood with a huge smile. She had come to get me. I sprang up, and rushed out. Well, the officer stopped me, and escorted me out. But I was still ecstatic.
Out in the lobby, Katy was waiting for me. I ran up to her, and gave her a huge hug. But she didn't return it.
"You are in so much trouble," she glared as we walked out of the building. We got in her truck, and just as we closed the door, the yelling began.
"What the hell happened?!"
"I don't know, I was smoking, and then there were cops at my door. I don't know what happened," I told her. She jerked out of the parking space, and onto the road.
"Do you have any idea what the consequences are? Do you know you have a huge fine on your hands?" She shouted. "You have a criminal record too! Do you have any idea how hard it'll be to get a job now? You fucked up Jake! You fucked up badly!"
She continued to scold me until we got back to my apartment, where she promptly threw my out of her truck. "Call me tomorrow, okay?" She said through her window.
I gave a small, defeated nod. She sighed, rolled up her window, and drove away.
There were tears in my eyes as I walked into my apartment. I found that it had been raided. There were things all over the floor. My cabinets were torn apart. My bedroom was ravaged. The whole place was a mess. But I was too crushed, to upset to do anything about it. I just closed my door, and sat on my moved couch, wishing for some sign of relief. It never came.
By now it had been four months, and no job. Bills were piling up, and I was facing being kicked out. I got no financial aid. My family had disowned me, my friends hated me, and my girlfriend just couldn't do it. Things were going terrible. I didn't know what to do.
I was sitting on my couch, staring at my bills when I noticed one particular piece of mail. I picked up the small piece of mail. On the front, it read that it was from my leaser. My stomach twisted a knot as I flipped it over. With a trembling hand, I opened it.
It was a default notice.
I had five days.
That was it. I screamed as tears swelled at my eyes. I had no way of paying. I couldn't get any money that fast. Why was this happening? Why? What had I done wrong...
I let the notice slip from my paw. It fell to my carpet, and slid under my table. But my tears only slid onto my shirt. Thrusting my head back in grief, my paws over my eyes, my world spun around me in a violent spiral. I would have no house, no job. I always had Katy, but...what would she say when she found out I had lost my house? She didn't like the weed...she would hate me for this. Would she take me in? No...she'd probably leave me.
Just the thought of that was crushing. What would I do without her? I'd surely go mad. As of now, she's all I had left. A moan of agony slipped from my lips. It seemed no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't make it. I was a failure. But I couldn't lose her.
Sitting back up, I picked up my phone. I needed to tell her immediately. I just prayed she would take me in. In tears, I dialed her number.
It rang a few times, but she eventually, almost unfortunately, answered.
"Hey Jake, how're...are you crying? Whats wrong?" she said, concerned.
"I...I lost my apartment...I'm being kicked out...I have five days," I sobbed into the phone.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," she said, a bit unsurprised. "How about you come stay with me? I'll help you find a job. We'll get you back on track."
I sniffled. "You...Youre not mad?"
"Oh, baby, of course not. Why would I be?"
I stopped crying. She was being nice. This was good...exactly what I had hoped for. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad. "I don't know...I thought you'd be very upset. But...you aren't. Thank you," I said, with a small smile. Who knows, this could be good. I got to spend time with her more now.
"Of course baby. I'll be over soon okay? We'll start packing right now."
I smiled.
And just like she said, she was over within about fifteen minutes with her work truck. My sweet bat walked in, dressed in blue jeans and a tee shirt. "Hey, I'm so sorry," She said, giving me a very warm hug. Another tear in my eye, I hugged her back. I needed it. And it helped.
"I love you," I whispered in her ear as I stroked her black fur.
"I love you too," she whispered back. She kissed my cheek, and cut the embrace. "Now, lets get to work. You don't have too much, so this should be easy. Lets see...why don't we start with the bedroom? You said you have five days?"
"Yeah..." I said, wiping away that tear.
"Awww, it's alright. It can only get better from here," she smiled. I knew she was right, so I gave a small smile back. "Now that's what I like to see," she said. "Lets get moving."
She led the way to my bedroom. And now that she mentioned it, my room was pretty bare. With only a bed, a nightstand, and a few carpets and pictures. "Why don't we get the pictures and your clothes out of here first? I put the back cover on my truck, so just stick them in the bed, okay?" I nodded, and started taking down the pictures.
I began stacking them as she went through my closet and pulled out all of my clothes, both outerwear and underwear. She was folding them on my bed as I got the last of my pictures down. I grabbed the bottom picture and hoisted myself up. "Alright, I'll be right back," I said. She nodded.
I walked out of my apartment, well, my former apartment. I left the door open, and I went carefully down the stairs.
The doors were particularly hard to open, but I got them open eventually. When I got outside, I noticed that, other than a car getting towed, my girlfriend had parked her truck right at the entrance for convenience. I shoved the pictures in the open truck bed, which she had also apparently done for convenience. I smiled. She was a very nice fur. Others were, well, assholes.
I turned to go back in, when I noticed that the car being towed was MY car. My eyes widened. I was shocked. "Hey!" I shouted as I ran over to the tow truck. A tall otter was overseeing the opp. "Hey," I said to him, "What the hell are you doing?"
"Sir, I'm doing my job. This your car?" He asked.
"Yeah. Now tell me what the fuck youre doing," I demanded.
"Hey look asshole," he said, "Your car just got repossessed. Not my fault you have a shit life," he said getting back in his truck. The car was fully hitched.
"You fucker. You have no right to do this! This is my car!"
"Sorry, but it's not anymore," He said rudely as he slammed the door. He flipped me off, and drove away with my car just as Katy came out with my clothes and bed sheets. She rushed over to me.
I had sat down on the curb when she got to me, my muzzle in my paws, and my tail between my legs. "I'm so sorry to-"
"Everything's going wrong...I don't know what to do..." I said to her.
"Well, not everything's gone wrong. We still have each other," she said, smiling.
After that, it had been a month...I was living with her for a month now. My life was falling apart. No family, no friends, no job, no house, no car, and no drugs to soothe the pain. There was nothing left but Katy. And I would NOT let her go. She meant the world to me...She was my world now. If there was anything I would ever die for, it would be her. I would do anything for the only thing I care about now.
But tonight...was dark. It was stormy. It was desolate, and sad. The epiphany of my life in one night. And all I was doing was sitting on the bed, mulling it over. Kate was about to get home from work, and I had raided her medicine cabinet. It looks like she had gotten rid of all the pot. I was sad.
All I had to do was stare out the window. Stare and wait. And so I did.
There was no lightning, no thunder outside. Only lonely rain, dying on the pavement. I sighed, and closed my eyes. What had happened? How did I end up here?
I didn't mind staying with my girlfriend of course; I actually liked spending time with her. But my life deteriorated faster than I could've imagined. I thought things were good. Why weren't they? Why did this happen to me? What made me the target of fate?
In tears, I stood and went into the master bathroom. I flicked the light on, and looked at the pathetic picture in the mirror. How did I become this? What got me here?
I had scratches on my cheek. Self inflicted. I was growing angry with each day. I would sometimes go into fits of rage and beat on myself... I didn't like it. But I couldn't control it either. How sad is that...
Brushing my fur always comforted me in a way I never understood. But now...it didn't. I picked up the brush and tried everywhere. My head, muzzle, arms, and tail, but nothing worked.
With a sigh, I put the brush down and walked out into the bedroom. Katy was just entering.
"Hey sweetheart," she said, giving me a kiss.
"Hey..." I said as the kiss broke.
"Awww...I know things are tough. But we'll make them better. You just watch."
She always said that, but things always got worse...
"No they won't. They never do. They won't now."
"Hey, don't talk like that," she said, placing a paw on my cuts on my cheek. "Jake, did you do this?"
I grabbed her hand and took it off. "No...they wont get better. They never get better. I can only go deeper into this. Things can only get worse."
"Ok, look, I keep trying to help you. You wont get anywhere talking like that," she said, slightly annoyed.
"I'm never gonna get anywhere. Don't you see? I've fucked myself over. My life is over!"
"Hey, don't shout!" she said harshly.
"Why not?" I asked rudely, "I see no reason that I cant."
"Because its my house!" she shouted. "You should be happy I let you in it!"
"I never said I wasn't...but I want things to get better. You always say they get better but they NEVER DO!" my temper was flaring.
So was hers. "Well MAYBE if you got off your ASS and did something about it, they would get better!"
"I would if life wouldn't keep knocking me to my ass!"
"Awwww, poor you! Lifes been so harsh! Well you fucking know what?! It's not easy for me either!" She got in my face. "I do my best to help while dealing with my OWN problems! You think my life is perfect? Huh?"
"Get out of my face!" I shouted. I shoved her away.
But she tripped. She fell backwards and smashed into a bedside table.
I didn't hear anything from her for a second...but then, there were small sobs.
Tears filled my eyes. What had I done? Why had I done this? I had just hurt the last good thing in my life...I burst into tears, and let out a wail of agony. I had nothing to live for now. No good left. I fucked it all up.
So it was decided. I ran into her bathroom and threw open her medicine cabinet, where there was a small bottle of pills. Sleeping pills.
I popped it open, and chugged the bottle down. Then I threw it at the bed and looked at the horror I had committed to the one I loved.
"I'm so sorry..." I muttered. Tears streaming down my face, I rushed out the door into the freezing rain.
And so I am here. On the sidewalk, in the cold rain, dying, getting what I deserve. All I can see is darkness...only darkness...
Why...