FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Well, this is going to be my journal, I guess. My thoughts, my loves. My dreams, my troubles. I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm currently not feeling too well, I think I might be coming down with something. Impaired judgement, for the win. I sighed, wondering what to write. My phone was in my paws in front of me, that small blinking line seemingly taunting me inside of the active text field. I sighed once more, shifting my position on the couch. My head was hurting, and I felt too hot. My ears felt like heat radiators, and I could almost imagine little will-o-wisps basking in the warmth on my shoulders. It was hard to tell when my eyesight faded and the fever dream began... "Hey love," a voice, faraway and muffled, called to me. Familiar, yet unknown. I felt a confusion, and a searing heat in my heart. The pulse of love beating through my veins. Who was it...? Gah, my head... I took a paw off my phone, the screen inexplicably filled with letters, and clutched one of my temples. I looked around. I was alone. My phone reeled my eyes back to the pixellated screen. My fingers flew over the touchscreen, unbidden by my brain, which felt like it was going to implode. I saw without eyes, I felt without nerves. What was I doing... I... I... What...?- A pair of loving paws gently caresse my temples, and I felt myself turning without my body moving. I was posessed... "You okay, love?" Someone, the one with his paws on my temples, asked me. He let me go, and almost instantly, his arms were around me. I loved him. I didn't know him. He knew me, and loved me back. The wolf that embraced me smelled of sandalwood. He was tall. So tall... His eyes were grey, like his fur.. UGH my HEAD!! I let out a sharp yelp, a painstricken moan of suffering. Tears rolled down my face as it seemed as if my entire being was becoming the target of little miners, their jaunty tiny pickaxes trying to mine my body to get at the wonderful calcium deposits hidden underneath my flesh. It hurt, oh Luna it HURT! I let out another groan as the pain intensified, my body temperature skyrocketing, my fur beginning to my with sweat. "Shh... Shh... It's okay, love... I'm here." the wolf crooned to me, rocking my sobbing body as the grief wracked my entire form. He was here! Finally!! But he was not there. Why!? Why was he here with my soul but not here with my body when it is being plagued by pain! I love him yet I hate him! I cannot do anything, not even move, as the tears flow freely from my eyes! He lets it happen yet is with me comforting me. I love him. He loves me. The pain is my lover, my love taints my soul. The poison fruit from the forbidden tree tastes so good but alas! Poison doth be poison!! He caresses my cheek, so tender, so gentle, every fur in his paw pierces me like needles. A cool breeze bathes my face, and I lean into it instinctively. His lips wrap around mine, I want it! I cannot even think of pulling away... But I don't want him to do this... The phone in front of me is a blur, I cannot see it bit it is there, as real as the wolf whose tongue is delving into my mouth, twisting with mine and instantly freezing it. Like hot and cold air, swirling together in the beginning of a violent tornado. He sighed, his head turning at an angle, letting his jaws lock with mine in the deep, passionate kiss that only lovers share. My eyes are glued shut. I don't want to open my eyes and see that he is not there. I do not want to keep them closed and let the traitor reel me back in. I need this, I do not want it. It is my crutch. He sighed again, his paws moving down my back and resting on my hips as I finally regained control of my body. I couldn't keep my eyes closed; I had to know if he is there...! My eyes open and he is there! My tears flow again, but this time in grief and joy, not pain. He left me but he's back... I can live again! YES! I throw myself into him, wrapping my arms around his chest and holding him tight as if he were but a puff of smoke, about to be dispelled by the simplest of disturbances in the air around him... I missed him. I willed the thought through my arms, I willed for it to reach him. The pain intensified, but it was the pain of success. He broke our kiss, our emotional link, the thing that will be the very last thing to escape the deathgrip of my memory. "I miss you too..." He whispered, and it shocked me out of my dellusion. Miss? Present tense? Then he... He's not... Here!? What... Who...? He started to fade, ad the headache came back, the pain, the terrible pain, returned. He slipped out of my fingers, and the trauma of losing him again ripped a scream from my throat, a cold writhing thing coming from a beast in depthless agony. "NnnnoooOOOOOO!!! WAUGH!!" I blacked out, the phone still in my hands, the screen displaying a successful submission. The fever had taken me. It had me. The fief and agony of losing whom I love causing my consciousness to withdraw to recover. I live. But barely