FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Over four years in the writing, and it is offered with no small amount of trepidation. My skill at the written word may not be what it once was, dulled by time and and neglect.

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:

These stories are primarily works of fiction, drawn from some real life experiences. These stories are, in effect, what I would have written back then, had I the skill I possess today.

SWIM MEET: ISSUE 10

AN ursine paw reached out languidly to caress a wolf's furry pelt, yet met only smooth cloth. A frown creased the bear's forehead and his eyes opened, finding a cold, empty space alongside him. Lifting his head confirmed the suspicion that he was alone in the room.

Stretching and moaning leisurely, feeling his muscles and joints stretch and relax, Coach Madson slid out of bed, bending to snatch up his clothes, pulling them on slowly, grim realization of what lay ahead snaking into his thoughts.

He didn't feel like facing what he believed, feared, would come to pass, but he should have realized it was a possibility. After all, he'd slept with a guy who liked another, possibly even loved!

The bear cursed silently, berating himself mentally for taking advantage of Richard. The wolf had been scared, alone, so of course he would fall for the advances of a bear in heat!

A moment to share, to be held, wanted, needed! Coach Madson had given Richard that, had shared an intimacy that maybe wasn't theirs to share. With how Richard felt about himself for inadvertently causing the accident, a belief that the bear did not agree with, how was the wolf feeling now, after the fact? After having sex with another male that was <i>not</i> Scott? Sex in a moment of weakness.

Coach Madson sighed, hung his head, and wished he could take back the night before. He should have been stronger. He should have walked away. The argument that he'd comforted another was a weak one. Sure, he wanted to show Richard some compassion, a warm body to curl up with, but he also wanted the sex. Not to cheer Richard up, not out of anything but a simple desire to fuck.

Opening the door was hard, terribly hard, yet the bear did so, padding down the passage, perking his ears as he stole past Roan's door. He heard nothing. Either the young wolf and the horse were being quiet, or they were still asleep.

The bear wondered what the time was! He should have glanced at the clock. He hoped there was still time before Roan and Gan were up and about, before they had to go visit Roan's dad.

Richard wasn't in the kitchen, and the bear found the wolf, fully clothed, sitting in the living room on a couch, bent forward a little, staring at the floor with a blank expression on his face.

Sensing he wasn't alone, the wolf glanced up, and swiftly averted his gaze. Coach Madson shivered as he saw the guilt in those lupine eyes. Now that he was sure of what Richard was feeling, the bear could see the distress etched in the clenched fists, the posture, the aura emanating off the wolf.

"Richard..." the bear began, but swallowed hard, unable to speak further, unsure as to what to say next!

The wolf twitched, or so it seemed, when the bear called his name, but he sat, silent and still, staring at the floor.

Coach Madson stood in silent discomfort himself, struggling to summon words that would bring peace to both their souls. Instead, he simply mumbled one word that came, unbidden, to mind. "Coffee?"

Richard shook his head.

The bear stepped forward. "Richard, we need to talk."

"Nothing to talk about," the wolf mumbled.

The bear could tell the wolf was angry and bitter, but not at him. The wolf was upset with himself, for submitting to something he'd wanted to share with his friend. Betrayal is always a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those who have a heart, who have a conscience. And the wolf's conscience was eating him up inside!

"We had sex, Richard," the bear continued, and he saw the wolf wince. "Nothing can change that."

Angry eyes were cast Coach Madson's way. "Yeah, and that's the problem!" he snarled.

The bear shook his head. "No. The problem is we had sex. And that is my mistake!"

Richard jumped up and began pacing, stalking up and down. "I let you fuck me, Russell. I gave in to you. I betrayed my love!"

The bear frowned, pondered, and stepped closer to the wolf. "No, Richard. You don't love Scott. Not in that way."

Richard spun around so swiftly it startled the bear, who took an involuntary step backwards. "How dare you tell me what I feel?" he snapped, spittle foaming on his lips. "You don't know me!" And the wolf poked the bear in the chest roughly.

A twinge of anger coursed through the bear's blood, but Coach Madson squared his shoulders, crossed his arms, and simply stared determinedly back at the wolf before him.

"Richard, if you truly loved Scott, you wouldn't have had me in your bed last night. Because that's the kind of fur you are!" The wolf growled low but the bear raised a paw in supplication and the wolf backed down, though he still glowered at the ursine. "You're throwing in that word to beat yourself up further! To find another reason why you should hate yourself!

When Richard turned his head sideways and down, the bear was sure he'd deduced correct. He stepped closer, watching the wolf's body language, noticing the tenseness of the muscles, the slight quiver as Richard realized the bear had come much closer.

"Please, Russell, don't!"

The bear stopped, turned, and padded over to the other couch, sitting and watching the wolf, who remained standing a minute longer before sitting back down. The ursine's heart went out to the lupine, for the wolf looked utterly miserable.

"Why did you have sex with me, Richard?"

The wolf sighed and lifted his head to gaze sadly at the bear. "I didn't want to be alone."

The bear's heart cracked, and he flinched visibly.

"Why did you want to have sex with me?" Richard asked in return.

Coach Madson kept his eyes on Richard's, though it was difficult, for the maelstrom of guilt and pain and anxiety he saw in those lupine eyes drove home his own guilt, the feelings of selfishness that churned inside of him.

"I wanted to be with somefur. I...needed to be with somefur. When Roan and Gan darted off to share a bed I...," the bear paused, swallowed hard, and looked down, "...I wanted to be able to do that too. I was aroused at the thought of Roan and Gan, and, well, you're an attractive wolf, Richard.

"When I came to your room, I didn't just want sex. I mostly wanted sex, but, I didn't want you to be alone. I thought he could both have somefur last night, to hold, to comfort, to...well...to share some intimacy with."

Silence reigned for several long and torturous minutes, to be broken by Richard's low voice. "I lied."

Coach Madson raised his head. "What?"

"I didn't want to be alone, yeah, but I also hoped..." Richard sighed deeply. "I'd been wanting to share Scott's bed ever since I got here, but he turned a blind eye to my advances, or maybe he simply didn't see them as advances. Maybe he didn't want Roan to find out something so he just acted the straight male even when he and I were alone."

"Acting something he has been for a while now?" the bear asked with a curious grin.

Richard shrugged, eyes downcast, oblivious to the bear's attempt at humour. "I guess I hoped he would come around, revert to being gay. Or at least Bi. I was hoping he'd come to my room, until I hoped for any male to come to my room."

"And when I did, it was an answer to your hopes."

Richard nodded, then shook his head. "No, not hopes. Lust."

"Nothing wrong with lust."

Richard kept silent.

"Richard, you cannot blame yourself for acting on a feeling that was potent and unquenched," Coach Madson said, studying the wolf's posture.

"But I like Scott, Russell. I wanted to share myself with him, and I ended up sharing myself with you."

The bear was silent a moment, then opened his mouth to speak, but Richard cut him off, his head jerking up and wild lupine eyes staring back at him.

"Shit, Russell, that...that came out wrong. I didn't...I mean...you were awesome, and you're a great fur, I..." The wolf's face was a mix of shock and embarrassment, and served only to make the bear's heart go out to him.

A raised ursine paw cut the wolf off. "It's ok, Richard. I understand. I'm not insulted or anything," the bear grinned. "But ask yourself this, wuff. Would Scott bed you?"

The wolf's ears drooped. "I...I don't know. I hope he would, but, I couldn't say for sure."

"So if you'd kept waiting for Scott to come around you may have been waiting indefinitely?"

Richard nodded, silent, brooding, searching his thoughts, his heart.

"Any anything lost whilst waiting would have been a waste, would it not?" the bear asked.

Richard raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at the bear. "Who are you trying to console here? Me, or you?"

Coach Madson gaped, and the wolf chuckled softly, the first sign of amusement to grace his features that morning.

"Both of us, I guess," the bear grinned sheepishly.

"It's working."

Coach Madson simply smiled at the wolf sitting across the room from him, and the wolf smiled back. The scars were still there, the damage done, but the healing had commenced. The wolf would still battle the demons within, would still suffer the silent reproach that his own mind, his own heart, would admonish him with, but at least he was on the path out of the darkness he'd woken to.

"It may have been wrong of us, Richard, but what we shared, in that moment, gave each of us the peace and sense of belonging that we craved. Our night last night was a hell of lot less cold, wouldn't you agree?"

The wolf nodded, his eyes shining once more, though flickering doubts could still be seen straddling the shadows beyond, ghosts of guilt that would not be so easily exorcised.

"Hey, who knows? Maybe Scott will come around, what with all these homosexual hormones running rampant in this house," the bear laughed.

Richard chuckled. "With me and Gan and Roan being..." the wolf's voice slowed, the last word uttered as almost a whisper. "...gay..." A look of shocked realization creased the wolf's face and he leaned heavilly backwards.

Coach Madson, mistaking the look for one of pain, stood, concern etched into his features. "Richard, are you ok?"

The wolf met the bear's eyes, glanced over the ursine's shoulders to the passage beyond, then back to the bear, and in a very soft voice said: "Roan think's his father hates gays! I completely forgot!" He looked stricken.

"What?" The bear looked stunned, confused. "But...why?"

"We'd gone to the mall for dinner the day I'd arrived and I suggested a movie. I pointed out what seemed to be a western, which, in fact was Brokeback Mountain, and Scott said, rather pointedly, with Roan present "I'm not into that shit."

The look of confusion lingered on the bear's face. "But...I...thought you and Scott had been intimate back in college."

Richard nodded. "We were. I'd been poking fun at him shortly before that outburst in regards to our...er...youthful experimentation. I think he was afraid Roan might see the truth beneath the jibes and, well, I really don't know. Maybe he thought Roan would look down on him, or hate him, for having done what we'd done."

Coach Madson sat, brooding, his brow furrowed, his mind at work, trying to put himself into Scott's mindset, finding it all too easily, having had to endure that very fear many times during his life, and continuing to fear the repurcussions of his sexuality being discovered. As far as furs had come in their tolerance of sexual preferences, there were still too many who were disgusted by it, who held to archaic notions and bigoted sensibilities.

The bear looked over at the wolf. "Why not just tell Roan that his father doesn't feel that way?"

Richard shook his head. "If I did, Roan would surely ask how I knew that, and why his father would say something so hateful in the first place. It's not my place to reveal Scott's youthful excursions into his sexuality. I don't have the right to do so. That's Scott's past, and his secret to hold if he so chooses. I'm already up shit creek as far as the accident goes and," Richard swiftly raised his hands to forestall the ursine's protestations. "I know, I know, its not my fault. Still, its something Scott and I will be discussing, at length, and not something I'm looking forward to. I doubt very much that Scott will look favorably on me going ahead and telling his son that his father and I shared much more than just a dorm room in college."

"Roan never told me about that incident," the bear said, and Richard's ears found the trace of hurt in the voice.

"You sound dissapointed."

The bear shrugged. "After what Roan and I have shared I..." Coach Madson shook his head, as though doing so would shake free the rampant thoughts in his mind. His and Roan's relationship was more than just sex, but even so, did the bear expect Roan to come running to him for every confidence, for every affair of the heart? After all, the wolf had Gan. Again the bear shook his head, berating himself for more than these sudden questions. He should have realized how a relationship with a younger fur would have repurcussions. It wasn't just sex with his young charge. It was more. The heart was involved. Emotions. Feelings.

"Russell?"

The bear started, jerked from his mental meanderings by Richard's voice.

"You ok, Russell?"

The bear forced the smile onto his face and nodded. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

The wolf raised an eyebrow. "And what punishment do you mete out to a student caught lieing, eh, Coach?"

The bear stared, sighed, and leaned back heavily himself. "I'm starting to think I've made a huge mistake, Richard."

"With Roan?"

The bear nodded. "Yes."

"How much have you and he shared, if you don't mind me asking?"

Coach Madson blushed heavilly. "Oh, um, we...well...that is to say..."

"Have you and he...?" the wolf left the question open ended, knowing the bear would understand what was being asked.

The bear blushed even more, and stared at the floor, finding his voice absent, his skin prickling at the scrutiny bestowed upon him.

"Obviously it was consentual," Richard said softly, his voice tinged subtly with humor.

The bear shot a shocked glance the wolf's way. "You don't...dissaprove?"

"Given what I know of you and Roan, no, I don't. Surprised, sure, but not put out by the knowledge. Let me guess, he seduced you. Learned of your secret somehow, and made his move. And you fell into his mechanisations, gave in to your desires, despite the battles you fought to restrain yourself."

"Nice cliff notes."

"Thank you," the wolf smiled. "I'm pretty adept at deducing things. Now, to repay the favor of cheering me up. Twice!" The wolf laughed. "Did you both enjoy your coupling?"

The bear nodded, a twinge of a grin appearing on his muzzle despite his attempts to dissuade it.

"So, if it's not guilt behind your belief of a mistake, then what is it?"

"The...sex," the bear blushed profusely again, "was amazing. The fact that we could share what we did with each other, that we each had someone to confide in, was beyond fantastic. I should have realised that there would be more to our relationship than matters of the flesh."

Richard nodded. "So those confidences you shared gave you the expectation that you two would share more of them in the future, and when Roan didn't tell you of his father's outburst, and his undoubtable inner turmoil in response, you felt hurt, let down."

The bear nodded. "Yes."

"Then you and Roan need to sit down and have a long talk about what you share. You've both already waded into territory that wasn't meant to be waded into, and you both need to come to terms with the ripples you've created."

Coach Madson nodded once again. "The irony is, we both had such a conversation, about what we were to each other, about what the sex meant, and where it put our relationship."

"Russell, you and Roan share something that can either evolve or devolve. Having sex with Roan opened doors to chambers you are ill equipped to deal with. At least, on your own. I have no doubt that at some time Roan will feel as you, so my advice is to get the jump on these things, so that your relationship with the boy can grow."

"You are, of course, right, Richard. And if you're willing to accept some advice in return, I would suggest you tell Roan to talk to his father, to tell him of his sexuality, and to bring up the outburst."

Richard winced. "Makes sense. Still, telling your father that you're gay is, well, I'm sure you're well aware of that turmoil."

The bear nodded. "The most frightening moment in my life! No, scrap that, second most."

"What was the first?"

"Being called to the Principal's office and finding two cops waiting there, the very day after Roan and I had sex."

Richard gasped, sat bolt upright, and gasped again, this time in pain. He rubbed his arm tentatively. "Oh, shit, Russell. You thought they were there for you?"

Coach Madson nodded. "I thought I was going to throw up and faint all at once. Then, to learn that they weren't there for anything I'd done, only to discover Roan's father, and yourself, had been in an accident..." the bear's voice trailed off, the waves of emotion refreshing in his mind, all too sharp and keen, and he shut his eyes tight, willing them away.

"You're a good fur, Russell. I can see how much you care for Roan. I can see the battles you're fighting within. You'll be just fine, especially with Roan at your side."

The bear smiled warmly at the wolf. "Thank you, Richard."

"I'm kinda jealous."

"Of what?" the bear asked, eyebrows rising.

"I'm absolutely certain that you and Roan and Gan will be having a threesome."

"WHAT?" the bear gaped.

Richard laughed. "Roan and you will likely have sex again, you share too much not to. I believe Roan will broach the subject of getting Gan involved, at least once, since the horse shares Roan's appreciation, and, of course, my own, for a majestic specimen such as yourself."

The bear's eyes widened, and in them the wolf saw a glimmer of anxiety.

"You...you think so?"

"I'm certain of it, Russell. But what's wrong now? There's a look in your eyes that says you're anything but thrilled at the prospect."

Coach Madson's shoulder's sagged slightly. "Richard, when I had sex with Roan, I was questioning myself. Well, not during the act, but everything leading up to it. The locker room, my office, the things Roan said and did, I questioned it all, was afraid to follow through. I'm an adult, and a teacher. Roan's underage. And possibly immature to understand the scope of things."

"Definately not immature, Russell," the wolf interjected.

"True that. Roan's maturity is growing by leaps and bounds. His understanding and handling of things are not that of a teenager giving in to raging hormones. He's looked at his actions, and desires, and questioned them in turn, given serious consideration and weight to the repurcussions of things, broaching not just the physical act, but the mental and psychological ramificiations of it."

"Sounds like you're falling in love," Richard mused aloud.

At that, the bear looked stricken. "That...would be bad. I've definately bitten off more then I can chew, though."

"And adding Gan to the mix would choke you?" the wolf mused.

The bear nodded slowly, paused, and as one both adults raised their heads to stare at one another, the same throught having crossed their minds, and as one they burst into laughter.

"We're so bad," the wolf chortled, wiping away tears.

"Wrong choice of words, Richard," the bear laughed in reply.

Once the two adults had regained their composure, the wolf broached the subject once more. "So why so anxious at the thought of a threesome? You're already had Roan, if it was something he suggested, why wouldn't you take the horse for a ride?"

"I'm not about to start fucking underage furs just because I did it once, Richard," the bear growled angrilly. "I had this discussion with Roan already. I told him I wasn't about to start chasing more young tails, that he was the only avenue into such a forbidden world. If I took Gan, where would it stop?"

"Russell, I'm the last to advocate adult and teen sex. I've been a councilor for a youth centre and I've seen the results of such relationships, the good, and the bad. I <i>do</i> believe that age is an outdated mode of determining maturity for intimate relations. The act of sex is not the kind of joining of minds and souls as it used to be. It's an act of pleasure, enjoyment for both parties, and so to enjoy it is natural, wonderful.

The problem lies in the motives of those who participate. I've councilled many teens who had been sexually active before they met the adult they coupled with, and understood what sex and, in particular, sex with an adult, means, for both parties.

"Mutual consent is key, but consent without manipulation. An adult introducing a teen to the joys of sex for the first time is, in my mind, wrong. It's unethical, its monstrous. Sexuality is something to be explored at length, a journey of discovery. To have an adult come along and advance that journey to the point of sex is wrong. To have an adult introduce a teen to sex so they can be sexual with them, is wrong.

"For a teen to lie with an adult, a teen who is mature enough to handle the ramifications, who has not been led or manipulated into the act, who sincerely wants to simply enjoy being with the adult, is no more grotesque than two adults engaging in the act.

"Societies perceptions of the morality of underage sex is just that, a perception, clouded by monsters who prey upon the innocent, until that is all the perception becomes. While 18 is the legal age for consentual sex, even that age is immature. Hell, 21 is immature. I've met a lot of 30 year olds who are immature. While the law exists to protect, it needs to be taken on a case by case basis. Lumping everyone with a 18 is mature sticker is just...stupid, but I understand the logistical implications and requirements involved in the law.

"It's an imperfect solution for an imperfect perception."

Coach Madson regarded the wolf in silence for a minute before replying:"Sounds like you're saying I should lie with Gan if such an avenue opens up."

Richard shook his head. "Not at all. I'm saying to be open to it, and to base your decision on judgement, and the maturity levels of those involved."

"Would you?"

"I don't know," Richard smiled. "But I would be open to the suggestion, at least, and decide after weighing all the facts."

"I honestly didn't expect such compassion from another adult," the bear smiled.

"It's good that it was me then," Richard replied. "Look, I speak from personal experience. When I was 16, I had an ongoing sexual relationship with a much older male. It happened without coercion, without manipulation, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. As did he. I learned a lot from it, any outlook on the world has been altered because of it. Altered for the better, I should say," the wolf smiled.

The muted sound of an alarm clock broke through their reveries.

"Roan and Gan will be up soon," Richard said. "I'll get some coffee started."

"I'll help."

As he made coffee, Richard's thoughts hovered on the morning's visit with Scott, and despite the bear's assurances, he began to feel anxious at the thought of that visit. While Scott may agree with the Coach that the accident wasn't his fault, he had made a move on his friend that very well may have been unwanted.

The wolf feared that an uneasy tension would now exist between him and his friend, that irreparable damage had been done to the friendship they shared.

When the paw landed on his shoulder he jumped, to find Roan standing behind him, looking startled.

"You ok, Richard?"

The wolf glanced around the kitchen, but only the two wolves were in it.

"Richard?" there was genuine concern in the younger wolf's voice.

"I'm fine...fine," the wolf mumbled.

"So...you're freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional?" Roan asked, head tilted slightly to one side.

Richard managed to crack a smile. "My thoughts were elsewhere."

"I see Coach Madson's here already."

"Yes, he arrived shortly before you woke up."

Roan nodded and gestured at the steaming cups of coffee. "Can I help you with those?"

"Yes, please. The annoyances of only having one hand," the elder wolf sighed and shook his head in mock depression.

"Well, if you ever need a second hand for something, let me know," Roan smirked, winking, grabbing three of the cups and heading out into the living room.

Richard smiled softly, watching the younger wolf and finding much of himself at that age in the teen. He lifted the remaining cup and followed, finding Gan and Russell taking their cups of coffee from Roan.

"Sleep well, boys?" the bear asked with a mischevious twinkle in his eyes, sipping at his coffee.

Gan turned his head to regard Roan with narrowed eyes and mock annoyance. "Oh, YES! Roan here slept VERY well, didn't you?"

The young wolf blushed heavily and buried his muzzle in his coffee.

Richard leaned forward on the couch he and the bear shared. "Oh, do tell. This sounds most interesting."

"Well...," the horse began.

"Gan!" Roan whined, bestowing a look upon his friend that begged silence.

"Oh, no, wuff. I'm miffed that upon servicing your cock," Roan blushed even more at this, "last night, you nodded off just as things were getting hot and heavy!"

The two adults burst out laughing.

"He...fell asleep during it?" Richard chortled.

Gan nodded, still regarding his friend with a look of feigned disdain.

"It was a long day, Gan. I was tired," the wolf mumbled into his cup.

"I bet Coach and Richard wouldn't fall asleep if I was sucking them!" Gan snorted.

Bear and adult wolf tensed slightly, but Gan's attention was on Roan, and Roan's was on the floor.

"Aw, don't pout, wuff," Gan smiled, leaning over to give his friend a kiss on the forehead, "I'm just playing with ya. Besides, I told you I'd get ya back for those choice words you had for me a few days ago."

"You guys should finish up your coffee," Richard interjected, since Roan seemed just about to pounce his equine friend. "Its almost time to head out."

"Are you joining us, Gan?" the bear asked.

The horse looked surprised. "Oh, I..."

"Of course he's coming with, Coach," Roan piped up, and a flicker of mischief played over his features, dancing through his eyes and creating the hint of a grin at the corner of his muzzle.

That said, the young wolf gulped down the rest of his coffee and hurried back to his room, Gan in tow, to grab some shoes and his wallet, leaving the adults sitting.

"They're up to something," Richard said.

"Yeah, I noticed that," Russell replied.

"You'll need to get your mental affairs in order, Russ. I'm fairly certain their plans involve you."

"Or it could be you," the bear pointed out, though even as he spoke the words he realised how weak they sounded.

"They don't know I'm gay. But they know <i>you</i> are!"

The bear stood, Richard following suit, and they waited on the porch for the boys, who joined them shortly afterwards.

The drive to the hospital was made in silence. Gan could sense emotions from the other three. The subdued impatience of Roan, the quite anxiety of Richard, and the brooding silence from the Coach. Not wishing to intrude on their reveries, the horse remained quiet in the back seat, replaying the conversation he'd had earlier the morning with Roan in his mind, and wondering, as he glanced over at the bear, if the ursine's furrowed brow had anything to do with that.

ROAN woke to find his friend lying on his side, awake, watching him with a tranquil expression on his face.

"Morning, stud," the wolf yawned, stretching and sliding up against the horse.

"Hey, wuff," the horse smiled, snuffling at the wolf's ears. "How'd you sleep?"

Roan smiled and stretched again. "Pretty well, actually. I..." and the smile was wiped from his muzzle as he sat up swiftly with a pained expression on his face. "Oh shit, Gan...I...I..."

The horse nodded slowly. "Yup. You did."

Roan whined in embarrasment and his ears drooped. "I feel so bad, Gan."

"Damn right you should!" the horse chuckled. "Here I am, going through all the trouble of servicing you and that's the thanks I get."

Roan raised an eyebrow. "Trouble am I?"

Gan nodded sagely. "Yup. But I guess you're tiring of me already," the horse sighed dramatically, and shoved the covers aside. "Guess I'll be going then," he moped and started to climb out of bed.

"Get your ass back in here!" Roan laughed, grabbing the horse around the waist and pulling the equine against his chest.

Gan laughed softly and allowed his friend to wolfhandle him back under the covers. Roan held tight, spooning with the horse and nuzzling the back of his friend's neck.

"I am sorry, stud," the wolf breathed into neckfur.

"That's ok, babe. All that stress got the better of you."

"I'll be glad to see my dad, to actually see that's he's ok."

"I'm sure he'll be happy to see you too, wuff."

Roan's voice grew wistful, and he lay silent against his friend for long minutes. "You don't know about my mom do you?"

Gan shook his head.

"When I was a pup she...died in a car accident."

Gan's heart sunk and he couldn't help but utter a whinny of horror. "Oh, Roan, I'm...so sorry." The horse turned and wrapped his arms around the wolf, pulling him tight against his chest, and he felt his friend's body shudder as he almost gained control of his sobs.

The distress Roan felt didn't last long, as he fought the turmoil within and gradually regained his composure. The close call still scared him, even though it was over, even though the worst had been averted. The similarities between incidents tore open old wounds, scars which had never fully healed, laid bare before the horror revisited upon the young wolf.

The two young furs lay together, wolf drawing comfort from horse, each alone with their thoughts despite the closeness of the other.

"Are you going to be ok, Roan?" the horse eventually asked.

The wolf nodded, still clutching tightly at the horse. Slowly his hands released their grip on the equine and he lifted his head to smile softly. "Just...wanted you to know why this was so hard on me."

Gan smiled softly in return and placed a kiss on the wolf's forehead. "I just hope you're going to be ok."

"I will be, stud," Roan smiled, closing his eyes. "I have too many furs looking out for me."

Gan nodded and lay quietly, wondering if his question should best be saved for another time. As Roan sighed contentedly into his chestfur, the horse decided to broach the subject he'd been mulling over since the previous afternoon's realizations.

"So...um, hey, do you think Coach will play with you again?"

Roan chuckled, the sound muffled by horsefur. "Oh, I think so."

"Might he...um...be up for a threesome, do you think?"

Roan's head rose at that, thoughtful eyes gazing into Gan's. "I...really don't know, Gan. What we did, well, it was something that shook Coach up a lot. It wasn't something we just jumped into and did. Coach let himself have sex with me, because I was his only foray into such taboo territory. He told me so."

"Oh...um...ok," the horse smiled, though it was forced and weak, and Roan saw through it without difficulty.

"Hey, Gan, it's nothing personal. It's just something within the Coach, ya know? For years he's held back his desires and all of a sudden all that restraint has resulted in sex with a minor. He's...he's afraid that if he starts thinking of branching out to other teens it will become a flood he can't control."

"Yeah, I guess I understand," the horse nodded. "Still, I'm a little...um..."

"Jealous?" Roan finished.

Gan blushed and grinned.

The wolf smiled warmly. "Look, I'll...I'll ask Coach if...something can be worked out, ok?"

"Nah, it's ok, Roan. I...I don't want you and Coach to get into uncomfortable waters because of me."

"Silly, pony," Roan chuckled and bapped the horse lightly on the nose. "I'll be discreet in my enquires. Besides, the thought of bear and horse getting it on is decidedly arousing."

Gan laughed. "Oh, really? Well, I'd love to take care of your...arousal, but I'm afraid you might flake out on me again!"

Roan mock-scowled at his friend. "Bad horse!"

Gan just grinned broadly.

The wolf's features took on a more serious set as he said:"Just, don't expect anything from Coach, ok? His feelings on this are out of my hands, and I don't want to force or coerce him into something that's going to eat him up inside."

The horse nodded. "I understand, Roan"

Gan glanced over at the alarm clock. "Almost time for us to be and about, wuff. I'm gonna grab a quick shower. Wanna join me?" he winked.

Roan smiled softly. "Hey, I...I'll take a rain check ok? I think I'll be more playful after I've seen my dad. Even though I know he's ok, I just...have to see him."

The horse nodded. "No worries, my friend." And with that he slid the room, his movement's smooth and limber, and Roan's eyes were glued to the curves of equine rump until the closing door spitefully hid them from view.

ENTERING the hospital, the four furs made their way to the floor Roan's father was on. As they exited the lifts, the bear laid a hand on the horse's shoulder.

"I think we should wait here for them," nodding in the direction of the waiting area.

As Gan and Coach Madson headed over, the bear pausing to snag a couple of soda's from a vending machine, Roan and Richard started walking to Scott Matthew's room. Roan's pulse beat faster as they approached, and a broad smile played over his muzzle. In stark conflict with the younger wolf's, Richard's jaw was tight set, his features tense, eyes anxious, though his pulse beat as fast as Roan's, though fueled by very different emotions.

Glancing up at Richard, Roan frowned and stopped in his tracks. Strange, why was Richard looking so distressed? Come to think of it, the adult had been very withdrawn in the car on the ride over. The Coach too for that matter. The adult had also seemed out of sorts when Roan had approached him in the kitchen. "Richard?"

The older wolf stopped. "Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing," Richard replied, a smile swiftly adorning his muzzle.

Roan's eyes narrowed. "No, you're not. You look like you're dreading something."

A nervous quaver in the other wolf's voice was subtle, but Roan managed to pick it up. "Just, um, thinking about stuff."

The doorway to an empty room stood behind Richard, and Roan took a firm hold of the adult's arm and lead the wolf into it. "Richard, I'm excited to see my dad, knowing he's ok. You, you look like you have a date with the school principal after doing something wrong."

Richard glanced over at the door, a furtive glance, the glance of someone seeking escape.

"Now I know something's up!"

The adult wolf looked nervous. His eyes regarded the younger wolf with fear as he fought for words.

"Why are you afraid of my dad?" Roan asked, taking the offensive.

Richard sighed heavily and reached behind him to close the door. That done, he sat heavily on the bed, head hanging, eyes fixed on one spot on the floor.

"Roan, I..." Richard's voice trailed off, and Roan could see the adult's hands trembling.

"What happened?" the young wolf's voice was soft, reassuring, and it slid between the cracks of anxiety riddling the adult's mind.

"I know it's not my fault, what happened yesterday, but I did something and I'm afraid of what your dad is going to say."

Roan sat next to the adult, placing a paw on his shoulder. "What's not your fault, Richard?"

"The accident."

"Of course it wasn't! It was that bastard ram's fault," Roan hissed, latent anger rising in him.

"I know, I know. Russell managed to convince me that what happened was not my fault."

"Coach knows about what's bothering you?" Roan's asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I was...a bit of a wreck and...he helped me through it."

Roan smiled, both at the thought of the bear tough bear offering tender ministrations to a wolf in distress, and in an effort to alleviate Richard's fears.

"So why do you think my dad's going to be angry with you?"

"I...kinda...made an advance on him."

Roan sat, stunned, eyes wide, his jaw lowering slowly, the understanding dawning on him. "You're gay?" he gaped.

Richard nodded.

Roan grinned. "Damn, Richard, wish I'd known earlier! I'd...have...WAIT!" Roan barked suddenly, startling the adult. "Why the hell did you make an advance on my father when you knew he hated gays?"

"Roan, he doesn't hate gays."

"But...at the movies...with Bareback Mountain. You were there, Richard. You HEARD what he said, and how he said it."

Richard shook his head slowly, his voice soft. "I know what he said, but he said it out of fear. Fear of what you would think of him if he took in a gay themed movie. He was afraid that you'd think less of him. Not everyone is tolerant of us, Roan."

Roan sat, shocked, a dozen questions throwing themselves with wild abandon around his head. "But, if you knew that, and you knew I was gay, why didn't you tell me? Do you have any idea how much that affected me?"

"I didn't know what to say, Roan. I wasn't going to tell your father you were gay. That's <i>yours</i> to choose when and where to announce it. I don't have any right giving that away, don't you agree?"

Roan nodded. "Yeah, I know. You've covered for me so many times, Richard. Thank you again for that. But, why couldn't you have just told me not to worry about my dad's words?"

Richard sat in silence for a minute, mulling over his thoughts. "I didn't know how to tell you without giving away...um...without...well...I just didn't know how to tell you," the adult finished lamely.

"Giving away what? I don't...NO!" Roan gasped and jumped to his feet. "Richard," Roan began, calming himself, setting his thoughts in order, "were you trying to protect my dad like you were trying to protect me?"

Richard looked incredibly uncomfortable on the bed, his fingers twitching as he glanced everywhere but at Roan.

"You didn't want to risk betraying a confidence my dad had in you, just like you didnt' want to betray what you knew about me, right?" Roan said, stepping forward, eyes narrowed, ears perked, his entire body alert and tensed for the reply he dared not believe would be forthcoming.

"Yes," Richard croaked.

"Is my dad..." Roan lost his voice, unable to complete the question. He simply stared at the older wolf.

Richard sighed and raised his head to look at Roan. "He married your mother, didn't he? He started a life with her. He had you."

"There's something you're not telling me, Richard."

"It's not my place, or my right, to tell you, Roan. I hold a confidence, don't ask me to break that."

"But if it..."

Richard held up a hand to forestall the younger wolf. "Roan, would you be happy with me if I told your dad you were gay?"

"Well...no."

"You're a bright wolf, Roan. You can probably make some intelligent assumptions. Just know that your dad loves you. A lot! He doesn't hate gays. He most certainly does not, could never, hate you.

Roan stood in silence, contemplating Richard, his words, his memories of the past few days.

"Why did you think the accident was your fault?"

Richard looked away again, unable to meet the young eyes in which questions burned. "I...kinda...touched your dad suggestively and...he took his attention from the road for a moment to bark at me and...then..." Richard shuddered and closed his eyes. "I still kinda feel it was my fault. If I had just kept my hands to myself..."

Pressure on his leg forced the older wolf's eyes open, and he found Roan standing in front of him, a warm, comforting look on his face. "NOT your fault, Richard. You didn't run a red light. You didn't talk on a cellphone while speeding."

Richard nodded, unable to speak.

Younger wolf gazed at older wolf for the beter part of a minute, wondering if that was how <i>he</i> looked when about to face his father after doing something wrong. He felt sorry for Richard, wondering as to the outcome of that conversation.

"So, gay, eh?" Roan smirked.

"Yeah," Richard blushed.

"And you like my dad?"

Richard blushed even more. "Um...yeah."

"But he doesn't...feel the same, then?"

Richard shrugged. "I doubt it," he sighed. "I was stupid, doing what I did."

Roan's arms wrapped around the older wolf's body, and Richard leaned gratefully into the hug. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, ok?"

Richard nodded.

"Feeling better?"

The adult shook his head. "Not about talking to your dad, no."

Roan approached the door and set his hand on the handle, pausing to turn and look at Richard. "Need more time?"

Richard shook his head. "No, lets not keep your dad waiting. I'm sure you really want to see him, so lets not delay that any further."

The short trip from the room they had talked in to Roan's father's was made in silence, each fur alone with his thoughts. Both wolves paused at the door, Richard doing so in order to take a deep breath and steel himself, Roan hesitating only to give the older wolf a reasurring smile and a pat on the arm.

Scott Matthews was sitting up in bed, a newspaper in his hands. As Roan and Richard stepped into the doorway Scott glanced over, took in both his son and his friend, and several emotions flashed swiftly across his features before a smile split his muzzle.

Roan rushed the bed, the sight of his father overwhelming him, tears forming in his eyes as he threw his arms around the older wolf, ignorant of the spasms of pain that washed over his father's face. The older wolf gritted his teeth and ignored the discomfort, holding his son tight in his arms.

"Dad, I'm so happy you're ok!" Roan blurted out, clutching at his father tightly. "I was so scared!"

Scott held his son close, his eyes shut against a tide of tears that had begun to swell up, memories of another accident coming to mind, a hospital room similar to this one in the forefront of his thoughts, with his son the one in the bed, and he the one doing the comforting.

"Wh...when the cops...told me...I...I..." Roan sobbed, sheer relief mixing with the frightful memories, the horror he felt then and the elation coursing through his body now, an unstable concoction of emotions that overwhelmed him and prompted his tears.

Richard eased backwards out of the room and found a seat in the corridor, giving father and son their privacy. He set his hands in his lap and began steeling himself for the confrontation he feared would come.

As Roan held his father tight, the elder wolf ran his fingers through his son's hair. "There, there, Roan. I'm ok, just a little sore. I'm going to be fine."

Several minutes passed before the younger wolf could muster the will to contain the surging emotions within and raise his head to smile at his father. "I know. I'm just so happy to see you."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

Roan nodded, smiling. "I am."

"I'm just asking because I...I can't begin to comprehend what you must have felt when you heard about the accident, what with..." his voice faltered as he saw the echoes of distant pain in his son's eyes.

Roan closed his eyes. "I never want to feel like that again, dad. I kept thinking of mom and how if I lost...you..." His shoulders shook as he choked back a sob, and his father tightened his embrace.

"I was so worried about you, Roan. The doctor said that when he spoke to you Friday you could have passed as an arctic wolf. I was relieved when he told me you left looking a lot better than when arrived."

They held each other in silence for some time, each lost in their own thoughts, their own emotions, finding solace in the embrace they shared.

After a while, Roan glanced over his shoulder, finding the doorway empty. "Dad," he said softly, turning back to face his father. "I..."

And suddenly he stopped short. He had wanted to bring up the outburst at the cinema, but found himself embarrassed. He had wanted to broach the subject, but, knowing what he did know, did it really matter? He knew his dad didn't hate gays. He knew his dad loved him. Whatever reason's his dad had to say what he did, now that he knew his dad's true feelings, seemed to inconsequential.

He had his father back. A father who didn't hate him. Did he really need to bring up the fact that he was gay? Especially when Richard still had to talk to his dad. Would it not make things more uncomfortable? There was merit to bringing things out into the open, but with what he knew now, it seemed to do so could stand to wait a little longer.

Even though he was curious about what skeletons lay in his father's closet, even that curiosity felt out of place. He would find out eventually, one way or another, but, like the other issues, faded in the light of the fact that his father was still with him.

"Roan, are you ok?" Scott asked, concerned at the look in his son's eyes.

Roan nodded. "Yeah. I...I just wanted to say I love you."

Scott smiled. "I love you too, Roan."

Father and son just stared at each other, content to have each other still, to know that life would continue.

"So, I hear you got into another fight," the elder wolf said gravely, fixing his son with a deep stare.

"What? When?"

"Apparantly you had words with the guy who hit me."

Roan gasped, his heart jumping. "I...well...I..."

Scott Matthews laughed. "The doctor said that it was a good thing you weren't alone with him or he'd be another occupant of this hospital."

The younger wolf blushed. "I...don't know what came over me, dad. I was so scared, and then he came in all arrogant and stuff and I..." He stopped. Did his dad know about the gun? Or was he only told that he's son had confronted the ram?

"It's ok, son. I'm not angry. I'm actually kinda impressed."

Roan blushed against and shrugged. "You shouldn't be, dad. I wasn't in control of myself."

"Still, you stood up for your old man. Thank you," Scott smiled and held out his arms, which Roan gratefully fell into, closing his eyes as he rested his muzzle on his dad's broad shoulders.

"I'll be released tomorrow, so...hmm...how did you get here today? Richard's arm was broken, the doctor told me. Taxi?"

"Oh, no...we got a lift with Coach Madson," Roan replied, then clamped his jaw shut, berating himself. How would his dad react to a teacher bringing him to the hospital?

"Your swim coach?" Scott Matthews raised an eyebrow.

Roan nodded. "He gave me a ride home yesterday. I...wasn't feeling up to walking. He offered to bring me and Richard here today."

Scott smiled. "I will have to thank him then. That was most thoughtful of him."

"Yeah, he's the coolest of the teachers," Roan smiled. "I'll ask him to pick you up."

Scott raised an arm as if to wave away the suggestion. "I don't want to trouble him, Roan. I can get a cab."

Roan shook his head. "Don't worry, dad, he offered."

"He did?"

"Yes," Roan smiled. Of course, the bear hadn't, but Roan knew Coach Madson wouldn't mind, so he didn't feel guilty about volunteering the Coach for the task.

Scott nodded. "Ok, then. The doctor says I'll be out of here at noon. Now, I know you're happy to see me, but I'm sure you don't want to spend the whole day here with me cooped up in this room!" Scott chuckled.

"I almost lost you, dad. I'd be happy to stay here with you the whole day."

Scott's heart melted at the sincerity in his son's voice, the look in his son's eyes, and his voice trembled as he said:"Roan, thank you. So much. But i'm ok, and I will be ok. I don't want you in this place for any longer than you should be."

"Are you sure, dad?"

"Very," Scott smiled. "Now, if you would, please send Richard in."

Roan stood. "I'll see you tomorrow, dad." He wanted to tell his dad to go easy on Richard, but held his tongue. If he let his dad know what he knew, there might be awkward questions, and it might make the talk with Richard tougher on the wolf. And so, he simply smiled back at his dad before leaving the room, spotting Richard and walking up to him.

"My dad wants you."

Richard groaned. "So not looking forward to this, Roan."

"You'll be fine."

The older wolf grunted and stood. "How are you, Roan?"

The younger wolf smiled. "I'm doing ok. Dad's coming home tomorrow."

"That's great," Richard smiled, a brief crack in the serious set of his face. "Well, time to face the music."

Roan watched the other wolf walk into the room, heard his dad's voice asking for the door to be closed, and then he took a seat where, moments before, Richard had sat. The older wolf had waited for him, so he was going to wait for him in return.

" HOW are you doing?" Richard asked as the door shut, crossing over to the bed.

"I'll live. How about you?"

"I'll live."

The two adults regarded each other in silence for long minutes, before Scott spoke. "We need to talk."

"Im SO sorry, Scott," Richard blurted. "I've been feeling so wracked with guilt, so much so that I was glad for the painkillers. Were it not for them I wouldn't have been able to sleep."

"Guilt?" Scott raised an eyebrow. "Guilty for what? Sure, the touch was...innapropriate, but hardly grounds for guilt."

Richard shook his head violently. "I still believe that if I hadn't touched you, hadn't distracted you, you would have avoided the accident."

Scott's jaw fell was he watched his friend wrestle with his emotions. "Richard, the accident wasn't your fault. I don't blame you for it."

Richard's eye's welled with tears and he sat down heavily in the chair alongside the bed. "Scott, you have no idea. It was more than just the accident. If...if you had suffered more serious injuries...if you had...died...I...I would have been responsible for your death."

The other wolf's features softened and he reached out to rest a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Oh, Richard. I hadn't even considered... Look, I'm ok. You're ok. You always did this, shouldering the blame for anything that could remotely be construed as tied to you. Stop beating yourself up, you have no reason to."

Richard sat in silence, eyes glued to the floor. Minutes passed without a word from either wolf before he said:"I'm still sorry for touching you. I shouldn't have."

"Why did you?"

"Cos I like you. I've always liked you. When Laura passed, I was tempted to approach you but I figured you'd need time. Then, time just seemed to fly and now we're here. When I saw you again a few days ago I was reminded of the fun we had back in college. I...I had hoped we could rekindle some of that."

"I have a son, Richard," Scott sighed. "I don't even want to think how Roan would handle you and I being together. And I don't know if it's appropriate for him to be exposed to that. Not at his age."

Richard bit his lip. Several retorts came to mind. The internet was something that exposed teens to much more than sexuality, for one. That Roan was an intelligent and mature youth, who could likely handle such news. But that argument might open doors he was uncomfortable dealing with. The phrase "How do you know?" came to mind, a phrase that to answer would bring up more questions, questions he didn't have the right to answer.

"I'm sorry, Scott."

"I know you are. I'm sorry I've been so standoffish of late. I'm just concerned about Roan, and what he would think. Just, be more subtle in your jibes and actions. I don't mind being reminded of what we once shared, but I'm just not totally comfortable with reliving any of that."

The cruel irony, Richard mused. Roan wouldn't give a damn. Hell, he'd approve. He be supportive. And yet he dared not mention these things to Scott. Some doors needed to remain closed a bit longer.

"I understand."

"Good. Now, um, there is something I need to ask."

"What is it?" Richard looked over at his friend.

"The other night, when we went to the mall, you gave me the title of the book Roan had bought."

Richard nodded. "I remember. "Burning shades of Amber"."

"The same book I had bought him two years earlier."

Richard gulped and did his best to maintain his a calm composure. "Huh...that is odd. Maybe he lost the original?"

"The original is still on his shelf, dog eared and worn. A new book would be just that, new. What are you covering up, Richard? What did my son have in that bag?"

"I...I...Scott, it's not my place. I don't have..."

"Dammit, Richard!" Scott barked, startling his friend. "When both my son and friend conspire to hide something from me, I get worried. Now tell me what I want to know."

"Scott, I..."

"Don't make me say "You owe me"," the other wolf warned. "There's plenty in our past I can call upon, ya know."

Richard swallowed. There were a dozen things he could say, but Scott was expecting something "bad", something of being covered up. There was nothing for it then, but to give him what he expected. Kind of.

"Porn."

"WHAT?"

"Oh come on, Scott. He's at that age. Bundles of hormones and curiosities. You can't tell me YOU didn't have a couple mags stashed around when you were Roan's age!"

Scott looked taken aback. "Well, I...um...you could have told me..."

Richard laughed. "When? In the car with him in it?"

"Or later," the other wolf argued.

"Not my place, Scott. It's harmless. A little fantasy. If it were serious, like drugs, hell yeah I'd bring it up. But porn? You've got a red-blooded teenage son. YOU used to be that red-blooded teenage son, remember?"

Scott Matthews grumbled under his breath. "Ok, ok, you have a point."

They sat in silence for a while, each harboring their own thoughts.

"Are we ok," Richard asked.

Scott smiled warmly at his friend. "After all we've been through, yeah, we're solid. I'm just concerned with what my son would think. Im sorry I can't be what we were in college. It's not you. It's me." He groaned loudly. "Oh geez, did I really just use that line?"

Richard was silent. He started to feel guilty again, knowing what he did, and hearing what Scott was saying. Richard knew about Roan and Russell, he knew about Roan and Gan. Damn the irony! Everything Scott was afraid of paled in comparison to what Roan already knew, and acted upon!

Richard forced a laugh. "Don't worry about it, bud. I understand."

"Why don't you get Roan home," Scott smiled. "Like I told him, I don't want you guys hanging around me all day. I'm gonna be in and out of sleep for a while anyways."

Richard grinned. "You realize what our injuries mean, right?"

Scott shook his head.

"You have the perfect opportunity to get Roan to do so much for you and he doesn't have an excuse to back out! Every dad's dream!"

Both wolves burst into laughter.

"I'll go easy on him," Scott smiled. "After all, he's been through a lot."

Richard nodded.

"Now go."

Richard smiled and held out his hand, which his friend took and shook.

ROAN looked up as the door to his dad's hospital room opened and Richard stepped out. The younger wolf noticed that the adult's posture seemed lighter, as though he had shed a heavy weight. He stood and approached the older wolf.

"Are you ok?"

Richard nodded, smiling. "Yeah. Your dad and I had a chat. We're good."

"I'm glad, Richard," Roan smiled. "One moment, I wanna say goodbye again."

Richard nodded and watched Roan dart off to the room, only to stop in the doorway, then back out.

"He's asleep," Roan explained.

"He's probably got better drugs than I do," Richard laughed.

As the two walked back to where they'd left the others, Richard turned to the younger wolf. "Roan, just so you know, your dad asked about the paper bag you dropped that night at the mall."

Roan started and looked up at the adult in horror. "What...what did you tell him?"

"He knew it wasn't "Burning Shades of Amber". He remembered having bought it for you a couple years earlier."

"Shit!" Roan cursed, glancing backward in the direction of his father's room.

"Don't worry, I told him you bought a porno mag."

"YOU WHAT?" Roan barked, eyes wide! "How...how could you...but...what the hell were you thinking?"

"Would you have prefered I tell him the truth?"

Roan shut his muzzle.

"I thought so. Look, your dad is smart. He realized that whatever it was that you'd bought was "bad". So I gave him the best worst case scenario. Porn. Something every teenage boy has, at the very least, seen. Something that even your dad, at your age, must have had."

"What did he say?"

"What could he say? I make a good argument, so he's ok with it. Well, as ok as any dad realizing his son is growing up. I thought I'd just mention it to you in case he decides to approach the subject."

Roan smiled at the older wolf. "Thanks, Richard. Once again you've saved my ass."

"No problem," Richard chuckled, ruffling Roan's headfur. "By the way, did you have any particular chats with your dad?"

Roan shook his head. "I didn't. I wanted to, but the only thing I ended up caring about was that my dad is alive. Everything else kinda paled in comparison, so I just let things lie."

"I understand."

As the came in sight of the bear and horse, Richard spoke. "How about we stop for some burgers on the way back? My treat."

Roan grinned and nodded eagerly, and hurried foreward to meet up with his friends.

IT WAS DARK by the time they got back to the house, the stop at the burger joint turning into another stop at a movie theatre and some random meanderings around the mall. During this time, Coach Madsen had happily agreed to pick up Roan's father, and Gan had managed to gain his parent's permission to sleep over once again.

As Gan darted off to the bathroom to relieve himself, and Coach Madsen stepped into the kitchen for a drink of water, Richard pulled Roan aside into the living room.

"So what's on your mind, wuff?"

"What do you mean?"

"The whole time at the mall I saw you casting glances between Gan and Coach Madsen, and I noticed that furrowed brow of yours, as though you were contemplating something serious."

"Oh, it's nothing," Roan smiled, but the older wolf saw through it.

"I can probably guess at what it is, Roan. You, Gan and Russell share something special, and something intimate. It's not a surprise that these interests will merge and crossover at some point."

Roan sighed. "Gan wants to get with Coach, but I know Coach's feelings and I don't know how to broach the subject.".

Richard nodded. "My advice, take Russell aside and test the waters. See how he feels about this. You and he have a relationship that's deeper than just sex. Just talk with him."

Roan stared at the older wolf. "You're ok with this?"

"I'm ok with a lot of things, Roan," Richard smiled.

The younger wolf grinned. "What would you say if you were Coach Madson?"

Richard grinned back. "I'm not Coach Madson."

Roan pouted. "What kind of answer is that?"

Richard laughed. "The only answer you're getting from me."

"You're enjoying this, arn't you?"

"Enjoying what?"

"Being vague."

"Possibly."

"GAH!" Roan yelped softly, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

Gan and Coach Madson came into the living room, and Richard rubbed his injured arm. "I think i'm going to lie down for a bit. This guy's starting to act up a little."

As Richard went to his room, Roan turned to Gan. "Hey, would you get my pc started up? I'll join ya shortly."

"Sure, wuff," Gan smiled.

"Coach," Roan said softly when the horse had gone, "can we talk?"

The bear looked momentarily startled, and a little uncomfortable, but he shook these emotions off and nodded, taking a seat, the young wolf sitting down next to him.

"I don't know how to ask this, sir," Roan started.

"Just ask, Roan," the bear forced a smile to his lips. "We've talked about some very challenging issues before, remember. I don't think there's much that could top those!"

Roan nodded. "I guess I should just jump in then. Sir, Gan...well...Gan has expressed an interest...I mean...he..."

"He wants to have sex with me."

Roan nodded, averting his eyes, a little embarressed.

The bear took a deep breath. Here it was, just as Richard as foreseen. And here was a conversation that the bear was not eager to get into. But the die had been cast, and this was but one issue out of countless more that could have cropped up. His relationship with Roan came with such challenges, and both he and the wolf would have to deal with them.

"Why so timid, Roan? After all, I'm used to you being very provocative, assertive, especially in dealins with sex."

"Well, sir, because you've said before that you weren't about to start bedding every young fur that came along. That I was your only venture into such forbidden territory. Gan thinks that you are hot, and I'm, well, excited by the idea of the three of us going at it. But I hold your feelings close to heart, sir. I don't want you to feel embarressed or ill at ease because my hormones are going crazy."

"Why would Gan want to have sex with me? You and I succumbed to our desires, and it was just lucky that we...well, no, that you are who you are."

Roan raised his eyes to meet he bear's. "What do you mean?"

"I found myself lost in a maelstrom of emotions, Roan. My feelings for you, they've grown beyond what I expected. Bedding a young fur such as yourself, enjoying it, losing myself in what we've done, I could either have lost myself completely and gone lusting after more of the same, or buried myself in guilt at the thought of being intimate with you. And yet, you are this rock in the middle of this raging ocean of chaotic emotions. You make me want to explore forbidden avenues, and yet you're also this anchor that keeps me in check. You're like the thin grey line. I can get lost in you and yet never lose my way, never step over the edge."

Roan nodded. "I think I understand. We've thrown away normal conventions when it comes to our relationshp, yet we still hold enough of those conventions back so that we don't lose ourselves in what, technically, shouldn't be, at least from society's standpoint."

"Roan, we tread a tightrope, and with just the two of us, we have balance. If we add someone else, I'm afraid we'll lose that balance and fall."

"We need a wider rope then," Roan mused.

"That...is both very deep and very intelligent, Roan."

The younger wolf grinned. "Not just a sexy beartoy," he winked.

Coach Madson laughed. "No, indeed you are not."

"So, if our tightrope were wider, and more secure, you'd be open to the idea of adding more weight to it?"

The bear sat in silence. This wolf was tackling the issue in a very mature, and surprising, manner. His respect and admiration for the young fur grew, and he nodded, begrudgingly, deciding that he would be honest with himself, for the provocative ideas that blossomed in his mind's eye were appealing.

"Gan will be happy to hear that," Roan grinned.

The bear shook his head. "I would rather he not know, Roan, not until we've decided if we COULD build this wider tightrope. And more importantly, if we SHOULD? Again, why does Gan want to have sex with me?"

Roan pondered this. Jealousy was a factor. The horse wanted what the wolf had. Lust was another. The horse wanted to satisfy his fantasy. Very crude, very primal reasons. But were they enough? Then again, he and Coach Madson acted out of lust. But no, for Roan there was another reason. He wanted to thank the Coach for his comfort, his support. He wanted to share himself with the bear, because of a surprising bond that was forged from a mutual understanding of what they both were. Gay.

But the bear was right. He and the Coach had blundered into territory that was frought with danger, and they were both lucky that the other held the kind of virtues that could survive, and thrive, in the shadowy morass they had fallen into.

Corrupted virtues, some would say, though Roan did not view them as such. Yes, he had seduced an older male. He had been fucked by that older male. They had shared that which, by normal standards, should not have been shared. They were both guilty, if in differing degrees, once again by societal standards.

But society be damned! They had shared intimacy. And a bond had grown between them. Mutual respect and understanding. They enjoyed the act of sex, a pleasurable deed between two consenting furs, and in his mind they were answerable to nofur. Only to each other. Being open, honest and true to one another was more important than abiding by the laws of those who would condemn them.

But he was aware of the bear's misgivings. He understood why the bear wanted to be so cautious. Was it right for him, or for Gan, to add to those misgivings, to put more strain on Coach Madson's conscience?

And yet, Coach Madson was open to the idea. But why? Could it be because it had been him, Roan, who had suggested it. Because he was this anchor, this support that the bear could use to steady himself, to keep himself from being swept away in the maelstrom of deeds carnal and forbidden?

Sex was sex, an act of pleasure, and if both parties were consentual, and honest with each other, and themselves, then where was the wrongness? If they could enjoy each other and, at the end, value each other as more than just youth and adult, teacher and student, value each other as friends, then maybe they could endure the flames and walk out unscathed.

"I will be the tightrope."

Coach Madson blinked. "What?"

"You said it yourself, I'm an anchor. I can take us into depths that others would say we should not venture into, and keep us strong and stable against the currents. We can enjoy what we wish to enjoy."

"But you and I had more in common than just the desire for sex. We forged a bond of friendship."

"And we used sex to do it. Could we not do the same with Gan?"

The bear was silent. There was some kind of strange, surreal truth to Roan's words. They had thrown themselves into carnal desires and come out stronger and closer. They had taken the risks and forged them into strong bands of friendship and trust.

Both Gan and Roan were active sexually, and the biggest taboo with adding the bear to the mix was age, and none of them subscribed to that thought process. So, if none of them minded, if they understood what and why they were doing what they did, then there was no harm.

Or was that just an excuse? Finding a way to legitimize what they were doing?

But no, there was another factor. Maturity. They all had this. In droves! And that made all the difference.

Roan placed a hand on the bear's knee. "If you aren't comfortable with this, Coach, we can end the conversation here. I told Gan that there was a good chance you wouldn't be. He understands, and so do I."

The bear smiled, leaning closer to the young wolf and kissing his forehead softly. The canine's scent filled his nostrils and ne breathed deep, taking in the redolant youthful masculinity and shutting his eyes to savor it.

"To be honest, Roan, thinking about it, talking it over with you, I'm...well...I guess I'm not going to shoot the idea down. I just want to make sure I know what I'm getting into if we...if we do go ahead with something."

Roan nodded and smiled. "I'll tell Gan to be patient then, sir."

"Thank you, Roan, I appreciate that."

The wolf wrapped his arms around the adult and held him tight, and for several minutes they shared that embrace, their minds and bodies at peace.

"Coach?"

"Yes, Roan?"

"I was thinking, why don't you stay the night? You can use my dad's room, he won't mind. It will save you driving back and forth all the time."

Coach Madson smiled softly. Of course, Roan didn't know he had spent the night here, with Richard. He assumed that the bear had gone home and come back. It was a kind gesture, but was it the only reason? Or did Roan have ulterior motives for having him stay? Perhaps he DID know of him and Richard. Perhaps he had something planned for later that night. Possibly slipping away from a certain sleeping stallion to crawl into bed with a certain bear?

His heart soared at the thought. Sharing a bed with Roan, a fresh ember of desire sparked into flame, warming his heart, exciting him, both sexually and romantically.

"Are you sure your dad won't mind?"

"Very sure, Coach," the wolf replied.

"Well, ok then, pup. You go tend to your stallion while I get settled in for the night."

The young wolf leapt to his feet and smiled down at the bear, leaning forward to plant his lips against the ursine's, kissing him, softly at first, then harder, their tongues darting out with mind's of their own, seeking the other's lips and tongue. When they pulled away, both wolf and bear were gazing into the other's eyes, not speaking, just sharing an intimacy they both treasured.

"Goodnight, sir," Roan smiled.

"Goodnight, wuff," Coach Madson smiled as he stood and they both walkd down the corridor to their respective rooms, one ready to bid the day goodbye, the other harboring mischevious thoughts. Thoughts, which, if put into play, would postpone the dawning of a new day.

GAN GLANCED up as Roan entered the room, and he stood up from the computer and set a questioning stare at his friend. "So, did...did you ask him?" The horse's heart was pounding. When Roan had sent him to the room, he'd suspected that the wolf had done so to get Coach Madson alone in order to bring up Gan's proposition. Why the possibility of sex with the bear was so thrilling to him, he couldn't put his finger on, but he hoped for a positive answer.

Roan flashed his friend a grin, closing the door. "Coach says he'll think about it."

Gan's jaw dropped. "Really? You're not having me on, are you?"

Roan laughed. "Really really."

It was Gan's turn to grin, excitement sparkling in his eyes. "So, any idea when he might make a decision? What did he say? Does he think I'm hot?"

"Down, boy! Don't make me a get a newspaper!" Roan chuckled.

The horse smirked. "Newspapers are for dogs...not horses."

The wolf slid over to the equine and wrapped his arms around his waist. "But, Gan, you're my bitch! So that means newspapers work on you too!"

The horse gasped in feigned aggrievement, and Roan laughed and kissed him, which the young stallion returned in kind.

"You're avoiding the question, wuff," Gan said after breaking the kiss.

"If Coach is willing to entertain the thought of a threesome with you, yeah, he thinks you're hot," the wolf chuckled. "But there is something I need to ask you. Why do you want to have sex with him?"

The horse sat down, pondering the question. Why DID he want to have sex with the bear? Obviously, he thought the ursine was stunningly hot. But was it just another conquest to put under his belt?

The horse sighed. "To say I wasn't jealous would be a lie. I guess I wanted to experience sex with a stud like him. Not very good reasons, I guess."

Roan stepped behind the horse and rested his head on top of his friend's, laying his arms over the shoulders and across his equine chest. "Coach and my reasons for sex wasn't much better. Tho I suppose there was a bit more of a wanting to do something special, nice, for him, that swayed him into accepting me as a lover."

Gan nodded. "I understand. I understand also if my reason's aren't good enough."

"Coach and I have struggled with what we are to each other, and we've settled into a mutual understanding. As for reasons, sex for the purpose of enjoying the act with another doesn't need any good reason. But when it comes to Coach, who is an adult, and you, being a teen, it becomes a bit more complicated."

The horse nodded. "Look, I don't want to put Coach Madson in a position where he has to fight against his morals. I'd rather he be comfortable than have me trying to get into his pants and making it uncomfortable. You can tell Coach that I changed my mind. I don't want him in that kind of situation."

Roan kissed the top of his friend's head. "Stud, I think that is all the reason Coach will need to accept you as his mare."

Gan gaped. "What? Why?"

"If you're willing to give up your desires for his sake, you're putting him first, and he'll appreciate that."

"You think so?"

Roan let go of his friend and walked over to the door, opening it. "Let's go find out," he grinned mischeviously.

Gan smirked and jumped up, quickly following suit, and soon they stood outside the closed door to his father's room. A little down the corridor a thin beam of light shone beneath the door to Richard's room.

As Roan's paw grapsed the doorknob, both he and Gan heard a pained grunt and a dull thud coming from Richard's room. Instantly fearing that Richard had hurt himself, Roan darted down the corridor, Gan close on his heals. Pushing open the door he dashed into the room.

"Richard? Are..."

He came to an abrupt halt, Gan crashing into him, almost bowling both of them over. Wolf and horse gaped, eyes wide, at the scene before them.

Coach Madson, naked and aroused, knelt between an equally naked and aroused Richard, preparing to mount the adult wolf, one hand spreading the wolf's buttcheeks, the other guiding his engorged cock into position. A bottle of lube lay on the floor, likely the thud the younger furs had heard.

Shock and surprise registered on everyfur's features, adults staring in stunned silence at the youths who were gaping back at them.

Roan recovered first, his sharp mind darting among a dozen retorts, finding a choice question perfect for the situation. Hands on his hips, the young wolf's muzzle took on a look of feigned outrage.

"What the hell, guys? You can' t do this," he suddenly grinned broadly, winking, beaming his impertinence, "without inviting us!"

Yeah...its taken forever to get this piece out...and I end it in a cliffhanger :( I know, I know, I'm evil. Hey, part demonwolf <----- Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as you folks enjoyed the others.

As usual, comments, critique, suggestions, requests, questions, praise, million dollar checks...all are welcome :) The more feedback I get, the more enthused I am to write.

I apologize for the HUGE amount of time between chapters, but it seems my literary creative spark has been rekindled, as Chapter 12 is all but writing itself. It promises to be sex heavy, so be warned (or intrigued).