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As unmanly as crying can be, it feels good doesn't it? You feel like shit and then your face starts to leak and all your frustrations drain out. As a kid I didn't cry much. My father never cried and I felt like I might disappoint him if I did. As an adult I continued bottling my tears within me until the first time I got out of a serious relationship. I gave my boyfriend my mind and my body. Hell, I even let him record it! One day I'm not good enough and he just walks out.

I was crushed, to say the least. I seethed in my apartment while I paced around edging closer and closer to some kind of meltdown. I went from steaming out of my ears to on the verge of tears. I took a deep breath, composed myself, and I was fine. I kept doing this frequently since the urge to cry lurked just below the surface of my emotions. Then something clicked. No one is even around. Why am I holding back? I sat on the couch and I cried. I sobbed and wailed into my pillows until they were wet with tears.

So when I stumbled through the door of my apartment, the urge to let go was welling up inside me. I felt almost euphoric after a night of rough sex and no sleep. Sleep took priority over anything else. I burrowed under the comforts of my bed sheets and quickly drifted away. Despite the presence of A/C I awoke covered in sweat. I thought it was amazing how my body could find a way to sleep without relaxing. The phone rang and I stumbled out of bed, still in a daze.

"Hello?" I said in a sleepy voice.

"Hey, man." It was Blake.

"What's up?" I said.

"Oh, you know, porn things. Speaking of which, I can't thank you enough for saving my ass out there."

"It wasn't my idea." I said flatly

"I know, but I watched it with the editor and the raw footage is pretty good. You really got put on the spot and you pulled through. I can't believe how well you sold it."

"It's ok. Anything to help out a friend." I said "friend", but the truth was I didn't even know Travis, the meth head, leopard, cameraman.

"Randy said you seemed a little off. Are you ok?"

"Oh, yeah. I just didn't get much sleep last night. I'm not used to sleeping in a car." I chuckled weakly. He laughed with a hint of apprehension, as if my answer wasn't convincing.

"Anyways, I'm still kind of tired. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Alright, if anything is bothering you please give me a call or something." He sounded genuinely concerned.

"Ok." I said softly. "I will, I promise."

I hung up and made the loud sniffle I had been holding back. I felt the tears rush up and glaze my eyes. I holed myself up in the bathroom and stripped down. I turned the shower on and made sure the water was at an adequate temperature before hopping in. I sat in the smooth white tub and I bawled my eyes out. Little snippets of the night haunted me, but it felt so good to just let go.

It's crazy how our minds can make things real. In an attempt to prepare for additional attacks our brains replay scenarios and rush adrenaline through our veins in case something else decides to pop out at us You know that edgy feeling you get after someone tickles you or scares you? Imagine that, but 10 times worse and feeling it twenty-four hours a day. You begin to lose yourself. You become a recluse. You quit your job because you're almost afraid to go outside. You do work from home, over the internet. You learn to become self-sufficient. You might even buy a gun on impulse, who knows?

I was lucky enough to find someone. It's hard to connect with someone through a chat box, but webcams help. You fall and someone decides to help you up instead of kicking you. I wanted so much to be with someone. After spending over a year not leaving my apartment I decided I had to do something. I wanted to meet Blake so badly. I put on my game face and ventured out. With a gun I had never fired before, fully loaded and tucked into my waist, I ventured out. I felt secure with the feeling of the steel pressing against my body.

The first place I went was a park a lovely non-threatening park. I sat on a bench and tried to make myself comfortable. I was to stay there for no less than an hour. I might have if I didn't hear coughing. In retrospect it sounded nothing like I had previously heard, but it was enough to set me off. Instantly, I traveled back in time. My head spun and gravity seemed to change. That's when I knew I was really high. I gripped the park bench to keep from falling over. I had been a little wild back then and I'd never done LSD before.

I closed my eyes as I relived the feeling of floating on the vibrations of sound out of the club. I took the life right out of the air into my body. I stumbled into an ally way chasing butterflies. I heard someone clear their throat behind me, but I didn't pay any attention. I felt someone grab me and throw me against the wall. My head bashed the brick pretty hard. I fell to the ground and I heard the blood drip from my nose onto the ground. Everything was moving so fast I almost couldn't understand the fact that this was blood that was turning my paw red.

The stranger pushed my head into the ground while he used me. I thought I was being split in half and I screamed bloody murder before he shoved something into my muzzle and placed a firm paw around my neck. He sat behind the cover of a dumpster with me on his lap. He whispered sweet nothings into my ears while I sobbed and did my best to plead him to stop. When he was done he cleaned himself with the back of my shirt and left me there. I lied there until I came down hours later. I haven't touched drugs since.

I never went to the hospital or told the police. Not that I would have been much help anyways. I was high out of my mind and never got a look at his face. I relived every detail on a park bench. Tears rolled off of my cheeks and a passerby stopped for a moment to ask me what was wrong. I threw up, barely missing their feet then I ran off only to retreat back into the safety of my home for another month or so.

I had finally, finally, gotten used to interacting with the outside world again. I'd even gone on a date and fooled around a bit. Then....Travis. I didn't regret helping him; I just regretted how I'd helped him. I stepped out of the shower and wiped my face with a towel thinking that if he didn't go straight after that I'd fucking kill someone.

After spending a few days avoiding calls and moping around my place while I cried I was ready for my debut. My voice was actually a tad raspy so I made some lemon tea while I sat in the kitchen and stared at the card he had given me. I still wondered how he'd managed to slip it to me without me noticing. I guess I was pretty distracted, having a wolf at my lips and all. For a second I thought that if I had just screwed him that night like he wanted I wouldn't be in this mess. I dismissed the notion and sipped from my steaming cup of tea, and then I called.

"Hello?" Blake answered.

"Hey." I smiled next to the receiver.

"Hey Cameron! How've you been?"

"Not bad. A little bored, actually."

"Yeah? Well maybe I can brighten your day a little."

"I'm all ears." I said with a chuckle.

"Have you checked your mail today?"

"Oh, yeah." I said, remembering that I had meant to go through it, but was distracted by the tea when I came through the door. "I have it right here." I stood and scooped the stack of envelopes

"Well, let me know when you open mine."

I shuffled through the stack until I spotted his name. I tore it open and pulled out a single rectangular piece of paper--a check. I flipped it over and just above my name it said "$5000.00"

"Oh." I said suddenly.

"What do you think about that?" Blake said

"I...like it. This is mine?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, well not all of it. I'm glad you called, because I want to take you shopping today!"

"Um, sure! I'd love to."

"Awesome, I'll swing by and pick you up. Ok?"

"Sounds good."

I must've stood at behind my door for five minutes. Blake texted me and told me he was out front, but I was practically cowering behind a wooden shield. I sucked it up and told myself to quit acting like a kit and open the damn door. My little pep talk got me out the door and down to the street where, sure enough, Blake was waiting for me.

"So, where are we headed?" I asked as I stepped down into his.

"Someplace Special." He grinned.

It was actually called "Someplace Special." It was in the part of town that had a little more wear on it. Everything seemed run-down; buildings, cars, even some of the people. Blake had a car that was a little on the nicer side. I would have hated it if something bad were to happen to it. Blake seemed to sense my tension.

"It's ok, really. I come here all the time."

"If you say so." I said.

That generic electronic tone booped as we walked through the door. I could see why it was special. It was...gay. Everything, anything, it was all gay. Clothing, toys, DVD's were only a few things that I could spy from the front. Blake nodded to the short fur behind the counter and took me to the back.

"We need to get you some new clothes."

"This doesn't look like anything I would wear in public." I said.

"Well, then it's a good thing this will only be for the camera! Or just me. In my room." I laughed.

He haphazardly threw articles of clothing at me and I did my best to organize them a little. Thongs, those collar-bowtie things with matching cuffs, assorted hats; all for some stranger to paw off to later. When we had a decent pile going we wandered around the store a little. Blake picked up a monstrous sized, skin tone dildo. It was easily thicker than my wrist, but then again, I have a thin physique.

"I don't think we'll be needing that." I said.

"Oh, of course not Hun. We want to keep you nice and tight."

It flopped in his paws as he lowered it onto the shelf. They had rubber orifices coming out the Waa-zoo, pun intended. Plus more vibrators than the loneliest female college student. There were types of lube to satiate any taste you might have and large enough quantities to keep Mt. Everest from chaffing you.

"Haa, yeah. Buying in bulk certainly is better in this business." Blake said to me as I gazed at the row of gallon-sized bottles with a "Free Hand Dispenser!"

"Remember, no refunds." The cashier said to me when I laid our plundering on the counter."

"And you remember that I can guess anyone's size." Then he turned to me. "I haven't needed to return anything in years. He's jealous."

"As long as you are happy, I am happy." The short wolf said. After paying we headed back to my apartment.

"Along with some filming, we're going to have a photo shoot this evening. You're going to need a portfolio in this business."

"Ok, sounds good." I smiled.

"Now go try some of that on! We need to make sure it fits so we don't get in front of the camera and have an embarrassing misfit."

"As if something might be exposed." I said, holding up a pair of crotch-less underwear.

"We just want you to look your best. By the way, do you have a suit? I'm thinking strip-tease, frame by frame."

"Um, sure." I retreated back to my room and dug a trim grey suit out of my closet. I appeared in the living room holding the coat by a hanger to my chest. "Is this good?" I asked. He looked me up and down and said "Yeah, that should be fine."

I laid it on the couch and sorted through the pile of clothes. He picked out a thin but sturdy pair of boxer briefs. I was about to take them into the bathroom before he stopped me.

"Oh, come on. I've seen you naked plenty. There's no need to keep running back in forth. Just get dressed here!"

"Fine." I sighed. I stripped down to a white tank top while he lounged on the couch and squeezed into my new undies. They hugged me pretty tightly and accentuated my bulge. I had to slip my paw into the warm pocket to get myself organized.

"This would be great to wear to bed." I giggled.

"You can wear that to my bed any time."

"Someone's pretty flirty tonight." I said

"You mean horny." Blake laughed. Blake took me out to dinner that night. I wore my grey suit.

"No, not a date. This is...business dinner. Like what old rich guys do before they snort coke and solicit prostitutes." I laughed to the point that it started to attract attention.

"Calm down!" Blake leaned in and smiled. "It wasn't that funny."

I loosened up a bit thanks to copious amounts of champagne delicious food. I was careful not to get any on my clothes. Along with the suit I wore a white button-up shirt with a purple and silver plaid tie. I drove us to the restaurant, but he drove us to the club house. One: because I was convinced I had just a little too much to drink and two: I forgot where it was, probably because of number one. We arrived and the whole group was there playing video games on the couch. The Doberman photographer stood in the corner on his cellphone.

"Hey!" Oliver said to me as he turned. "There're drinks in the fridge if you want. "

I laughed and said that I had had enough to drink for one night. Blake on the other paw, held a stem less wineglass from the counter which contained an amber liquid.

"I propose a toast." He said proudly. "In honor of our latest venture and to what is to come. Also of course, to our newest member and all around swell guy: Cameron." Everyone clapped and I resisted the urge to blush. I hated being the center of attention sometimes.

"As you all know, we'll be starting Cameron's portfolio tonight. As time goes on we hope to expand it." Everyone snickered at his innuendo. I had to give it to him. He was quite the leader, quite the businessman.

The photo shoot was actually a lot of fun. The camera guy said I was a natural. "Oh, he says that to everyone!" Vic piped up.

"Shut up!" The photographer said. "It gives them confidence and makes them do better."

I sat on the edge of the bed with my coat unbuttoned and my legs crossed. I looked directly into the lens as the shutter clicked away.

"Just do what feels natural." The Doberman said. I peeled the coat off my shoulders as I stood and let it hang off my elbows.

"Aww yeah!" I heard someone say. I threw the coat on the couch and smiled.

"No, make it sexy." The photographer said while I tried not to grin. I loosened my tie and rolled up my sleeves. Then I tried for a pose. Turning sideways to the camera, I placed a paw on top of my head and one on the side of my neck as I tried to look seductively into the camera. "Perfect." The photographer said. I posed lying on the bed with my shirt open. I posed on my hands and knees with my pants down exposing my tush. Someone whistled when I was pulling my pants down and I blushed.

"Great stuff." Blake said. "We could use that in a slideshow before the film as a kind of teaser."

"Sounds good!" I said. I was actually kind of excited. I was going to be a star, after all. Even if it was just a porn star. The expensive video camera was broken out and set up. I got up from the stage of a bed and tapped randy on the shoulder.

"Travis won't be filming tonight?" I asked. Randy gave me a tight hug.

"Travis is in rehab, thanks to you. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you."

"Hey, no problem. Really."

"I owe you one." He said.

"Ok, I'll have to take you up on that sometime." Randy smiled.

"Places everyone!" Blake shouted.

Lighting was set up and I just kind of stood around awkwardly. I didn't know my place. Did I have lines? Am I on top? Am I on bottom? Someone had failed to mention if I was playing a character or not. I was still in a dress shirt and those tight undies.

"Here's what I'm thinking:" Blake said to me. "The last shot we'll show is the one where you're laying sexily in the middle of the bed. We'll fade out to you lying in the same position. You'll be dominating. Yvonne can guide you through it if you get lost and for the love of god, do not look at the camera. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Yeah, totally." I said. I assumed my position on the bed and made sure to look away from the camera.

"No talking either." Blake said. "If you make a noise it better be sexy. Aaaaaand....action!"

I heard a click which I assumed was the camera. It was dead silent as Yvonne stepped into frame and sat on my abdomen with his legs on either side of me. The piebald fox rubbed my chest and leaned in for a kiss. With the camera mounted on his shoulder, the Dobie spun around to get the shot of us foxes making out.

Yvonne kissed me like he knew me. There was an audible smacking noise as he expertly meshed his lips with mine and slipped his tongue in my muzzle. The soft patch of muscle and taste buds glided under my palate and coaxed "Mm's" out of me. I sat up and we began undressing each other. Once my shirt was gone I was practically naked, so I tried to keep the focus on him. I got his shirt off and worked on his jeans. He laid out and I pulled them off as he lifted his rump to give me room.

I knelt between his legs and nuzzled his package through the fabric of his boxers. He giggled and murred as I stripped the cloth back and watch his erection slowly grow. I jerked him a little and sucked at the tip. He scratched the back of my head and I went down on him further. Slowly, I deep throated him for the camera. His hard cock didn't leave much room for my tongue in my own mouth. It wasn't long before I had to take a break. I stood and stretched what was mostly spandex, freeing my foxhood.

I hunched over my yellow Yvonne and teased his tailhole with the tip of my member. I kissed his stomach and moved up as I interloped deeper. He moaned while my canine wedge split him. Yvonne wrapped his arms around my neck, but it was his ass that was hugging me. I hunched over him like an animal and kissed him. My eyes were closed but I felt his dick rubbing against my furry stomach. A generous paw stroked the juicy meat.

My pulse bumped with the flow of my humps. I panted as my snake tunneled his way, filling him completely. His face scrunched and he let out little shrieks as his cock pulsed in my paw and spat cum onto his chest. He pulled himself onto my lap and I continued to fuck him as I kneeled. Yvonne whispered in my ear, taking sharp breaths. Viens pour moi, mon renard. I tried to give him a puzzled look, but he kissed me very passionately. He gripped my chin and macked on my muzzled. He clenched his ass and pushed me to the edge. I spread his ass cheeks and lifted him off of me. He knelt by the bed as I fapped at the tip of his nose. His maw was wide open and his tongue stretched out to catch any spillage. A string of the milky liquid settled between his eyes and the remaining pulses shot into his mouth. His warm muzzle cleaned me and his tongue lapped up the stickiness.

I heard "Cut!" and remembered where I was. I must have had some serious tunnel vision because it wasn't until then that I noticed how close the Doberman had gotten for the facial shot. "Great job." He said patting me on the back. I dressed myself and greeted my fellow porn furs. They said I was officially part of the group now and they gave me a group hug. Greg snuck behind me and slapped me on the ass. We all laughed. I tuned out of the excitement when I saw Blake leading Yvonne out the front door.

I stood and pondered for a moment. That's odd. I thought. I made my way through the small crowd and peeked my head out of the door.

"I see what you're trying to do, and I don't like it." Blake said.

"Do you really think you can just tell me to back off? I helped you start this. I get a cut of everything."

"Fine, but you better watch yourself." Blake growled.

The cool wind hit my face and I felt a little dizzy. I was still a little drunk. I crept back into the house before Blake or Yvonne saw me. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I felt like I really didn't want to get involved.