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Guess What's Coming To Dinner?

Current Time: 9:30 pm

Current Location: A lovely suite in Sky City Hotel, Auckland, New Zealand

Current Activity: Getting a full-body massage, blogging before getting dressed up in a new suit for a late dinner that - I'm sure - is going to be polar opposites of the food I was getting the last time I was away from home.

Doctor Keenan made me start up this blog to help to keep me normal.

Hahahahahahahaha.

Alright, alright, it's not really his fault; I guess it's just the screwy timing. Still, I wish all of the other weirdness had been more like this and less kids and gangs and fires and hospitals.

After a few days of getting back to normal, I decided to take up Herb - that's the minotaur I mentioned in my last blog - on his offer. I'm sure my American readers know him best as Herbert Stephens, CEO and mascot of the Minos Group (they own a lot of oil interests in Texas, and a lot of other stuff that I can't remember). Especially since he's probably one of the few arcane creatures running about who's rich and important.

Anyway, I got up early to walk into Whanganui, then bus myself up to Auckland: a nine-hour trip of hell. I've been told it's five hours by car, but it fucking drags on a bus with frequent stops and long meal breaks. Thankfully I didn't have to go far after that, since the bus depot's right underneath the Sky Tower.

Herb had some people meet me out front; luckily, because I really don't think the people at the front desk would have let me in looking as tired and poor as I did (when you travel by bus, you dress for comfort unless you're an idiot; and there are a lot of idiots). I barely had to check in, really; everything else was handled. The staff were way too helpful, as were Herb's people, and I started to feel awkward. I guess this is what prey feels like when its being hunted: all the bared teeth pointed at you, the focus and attention all on you.

Yeah, I really can't wait for dinner. I've not eaten for a while, and I'm rather mindful of making sure I have enough to eat. Do not want to be in the hospital again.

We went to Herb's suite first, so we could meet. It was great, though a bit weird as aside from both being somewhere between human and another animal we had very little in common, and had very different personality-wise. But that just might be because he's American - Texan, no less - and so very loud and boisterous.

I could still totally kill and eat him if I wanted to though.

Okay, probably not. The guy had an amazing life story: his family's rich (well, I guess you'd probably know that already if you follow business news or whatnot), and I guess rich people have affairs like normal people have jobs, because his mother was banging a farmhand (a normal guy; I'm guessing somewhat young and well-built or hung or whatever it is rich bored wives look for in their bits on the side) around the time Herb was conceived. So when Herb came out and was, well, a minotaur a whole heap of secret shit flew around: I mean, she was accused of fucking bulls, that the guy was dosing on bull hormones, blah blah blah. A paternity test later and, get this: old mister Stephens is actually the father. Apparently his family name used to be Stephanopolous or something, and so there was some latent Greek monster DNA remnants floating around that, with just the right mutation, made Herb a bullman.

His dad still wasn't happy, so Herb got shut away with private tutors while his brother and sister got to live the usual spoilt rich kid life. Herb applied for Harvard, and got in. Until they found out he was a minotaur, then threatened his father that he'd make a big deal about being "a child imprisoned" if he didn't lean on Harvard to let him in. There he excelled, learning everything he could about business. Then he waited, while his brother and sister got jobs with the family business; then deftly went in and seized control of the whole thing.

If you're wondering why I'd blab about this confidence online, it's because Herb said it was okay; his autobiography is appearing in a few weeks so I guess it's free advertising if I give a few bits now or something. You'll have to read it to get all the details; I do have a dinner to go to in a while and don't want to be here forever blogging about it.

That and, well, he's got this charisma. I guess he does fair enough with the rest of the world, but I'm not surprised he was able to hire on a lot of arcane folks. He's like our very own Steve Jobs or Barack Obama or Rush Limbaugh or something: you want to believe what he says, and he's so rich and powerful that you kind of believe he can. And naturally, he's got a soft spot for us, so he's formed a global organisation. More on that in a bit.

After he talked about himself for a fair while, we then talked about me. That was far less interesting, aside from the stuff that he already knew about. Oh well, I didn't really feel like much talking too much about myself anyway.

Get this: I'm off to America! Yes, to the USA. I've not been off the North Island, and barely out of Whanganui. Now I'm off overseas. I don't even have to worry about the paperwork or anything; Herb's handling everything - he's got a special private jet with a special lining to protect from arcane radiation, his people are right now pushing the government to get me a passport, and the US government for a visa - and I don't have to worry about that.

Of course, this doesn't come for free. And normally I'd have declined - I think I actually did in my last blog - but well, it may mean my only chance to travel overseas and meet a whole bunch of people like me.

So yeah, prepare to watch some clips of me on New Zealand chat shows, thankfully with Herb there to help. We're there to talk about me and the stuff (hopefully not the naked photos though), but also Herb wants to use it to help "officially" launch his group.

Then when I'm in the US, I have to address the American branch at a dinner that I have the sneaking suspicion is to celebrate me, but I really, really hope that that's just vanity talking.

I'd assumed it was supposed to be like an equal rights group, or an "It Gets Better" for the monster set but apparently it's not. I'm supposed to find out more at dinner tonight, and later on I guess. But it is tied with public service, and I get the impression I'm not going to be doing too much tech stuff in the future. Herb mentioned "physical training" which sounded an awful lot like work to me.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. At least until I've been to America. After that, I'll say no.

I'll let you guys know when I find out more. I've just been summoned to dinner. Some other New Zealand arcane creatures are joining us, as well as some of "Herb's people"; I think they're trying to help set up a New Zealand group too, but I don't really know.

And I'm too fucking hungry to care.

Goodnight!