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"I'm sorry, sweetheart... we're not allowed to bring family to the party. It's a company only sort of thing." Simon pulled his parka on with forced slowness. He mustn't seem too eager to leave.

"Why do you even have to go to a Kristmas party? Don't they have any sympathy for Jews?" Ethel's paws were on her hips and her voice shrill with indignation. The shrew's nose curled in disgust at, well, everything.

"It's just a company party, nothing to get too angry about." Simon was glad the "Kristmas" bit had her too distracted to be angry at anything else. Misdirection was the best way to deal with Ethel.

"Well, you keep warm out there." Simon almost smiled at her concern before she could ruin it. "If you get sick, what would I do? I'd starve!" She threw her paws up dramatically.

Simon gave her a quick kiss, devoid of feeling, and headed out. His only regret was that his antlers made wearing a hat so difficult; it was a bitterly cold night. The reindeer began walking in a very different direction than his office. By the end of the night he would be in no condition to drive.

Inside, Ethel returned to the children. She had none of her own, but being a Jew, the other families in the neighborhood saw her as a readymade holiday babysitter. As much as she might gripe about it she was glad to have the company of children as her and Simon had yet to succeed in having any.

"Mrs. Goldman, can you tell us about Kris Kringle?" One of the children tugged at her skirt, a little badger boy. She patted his head fondly.

"But children, I don't know anything about Kris Kringle. We Jews don't celebrate him." She was expecting the shocked gasps that greeted this revelation.

"You don't get presents?" The children exclaimed almost in chorus.

"Oh, we do, but over eight days. We have our own holiday about the same time of year." She could gauge how well off the children's families were by how they responded to the number eight. Some children were clearly used to far more than eight presents.

"But... what about Kris Kringle?" The bitterness in Ethel's heart wanted to tell them the awful truth, dash their childish beliefs in the name of resentment. But she couldn't, not to children. She had to become accomplice to their parents' lies.

"Well, since he doesn't bring presents to us Jews, I don't know much about him... but I'll tell you what I do know." The children all knew this story. They should be teaching it to her, they knew it so much better than her. But a child draws joy from the repetition of a story it loves, so she relented.

"Kris Kringle is a yeti." She began.

"What's a yeti?" One child asked as if it had only just dawned on him that he had no idea what the word meant.

"A big hairy monkey that lives in the snow." Ethel thought about it a moment herself. "I guess. I've never heard of any others."

The children nodded in acceptance of this ridiculous explanation. "And every year he brings toys to all the good little boys and girls of the world. Who also follow the same religion as him."

"Where do the toys come from?" A little mouse girl asked with barely concealed excitement. Maybe she was afraid the answer had changed when she wasn't looking?

"Penguins. Millions of penguins fill his arctic factory, producing toys for children." Ethel failed to stop her criticism this time, "a stereotype they live with to this day!"

The children didn't even catch the remark, the big word sailing right over their heads. "How does he deliver the toys?"

"In a sleigh pulled by magical, flying arctic jackalopes, of course." Ethel nodded resolutely. She wanted to make up for her jab at their fairy tale with some false certainty.

"What's a jackalope?" The little badger boy asked.

"A rabbit with antlers." Ethel hoped that this would conclude the Kristmas story.

"Like your husband, Mrs. Goldman?" She smiled and nodded her head. Sometimes she wanted a child so badly she thought about stealing one of them.

A knock came from the door and she trundled her plump frame down the hallway. Outside the door stood a skunk and a cougar, a little cat girl with skunk markings hiding behind her mother's legs.

"Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Bascogne. Oh, and it's been too long since I've seen the little one!" She picked up the gigging child with one arm and shook Adelle's hand with the other, "You two have a good night!" Javier only nodded, typically cold, but Adelle gave her a warm farewell.

---

"You can pick up your sister afterward, yes?" Adelle lilted through the phone. She still carried her accent pretty strongly even after five years in the states.

"Of course, Adelle. No problem." Darren responded impatiently. She was nice but the relationship between a son and a stepmother was never quite familial and he often wished she would just leave him alone.

"Darling, call me mother!" She pouted through the speaker.

"I'm sorry..." Darren also often wished she would stop saying that. His mother would still always be his mother. "Tell dad hi for me."

Darren put his phone on silent after hanging up, fearful that Fabien would hear it if he received another call. Only a few days before Kristmas the bar barely drew in any customers. He didn't even know why they stayed open, other than to keep the employees from getting to any parties. He watched the bar enviously from the ID checking booth, alone and bored.

He spent a moment checking over a big reindeer's ID; a Mr. Goldman. He giggled inwardly at the idea of a Jewish reindeer but he kept quite; he was sure the poor guy heard it all too often. At least he knew Marcus was just as bored in the DJ booth, crossed with his anger at being made to play Kristmas music for his sets.

Over at the bar, Dominique was doing her best to ignore a typically angry Rick.

"Fuck Kristmas! I'm a Jew! What do I care about it?" He took a swig of his drink, paused, and followed it up with a glare at Dominique. "A peppermint drink? Really?"

"You deserve it! This might surprise you, but I'm not a Jew." The squirrel's ebon tail flipped in annoyance.

"Yeah yeah, you celebrate Kwanza or whatever." Rick waved his paw dismissively.

"I don't celebrate Kwanza!" She smacked him over the head. He barely felt it but he still drew back. Her anger alone was intimidating.

"It's, like, African Kristmas or something, right?" He preemptively raised a hand to block.

"It's Rastafarian, you ass! Almost no African Americans are actually Rastafarians! I'm going to my mom's to celebrate Kristmas." She set down a bottle of seasonal beer in front of Rick who glared at her. "Fuck you, I'm only giving you Kristmas drinks now!"

"I'm with the big guy, there. Fuck Kristmas!" They both turned to see who had been listening in on their conversation and didn't immediately see him. They had to look down to spot the angry little penguin.

"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't see you there. What would you like to drink?" Dominique's mean girl attitude slipped as she realized she was admitting to ignoring him because he was short.

"It's Nando, not sir, and same as you're punishing this guy with. We're in this together!" He suddenly turned at the sound of a cell phone ringer, pulling the device from his coat pocket with a tiny flipper.

"Hello? You! No!" He held the phone away from his head, yelling into the mouthpiece, "I'm never doing another of your awful, horrible, Kristmas themed fetish pornos again!"

---

Dungeon Master held the phone away from his ear as the angry penguin's voice screeched through the receptor. "Jeeze... I thought he needed the money." he shook his head as he hung up the phone and turned to his staff. The phone looked impossibly small in the sergal's massive hands.

The dungeon's staff was arranged in a circle of chairs in front of him, each with a present sitting in front of them. "Merry Kristmas, Dominants and submissives, and welcome to the Evil Petting Zoo Kristmas party!" He pulled up a pointed red hat with a ball of fluff on the end, affixing it to his head. The staff looked on in nervous confusion; such flippancy was not usual for their employer.

"As you can see, I have acquired a present for each one of you. Even the subs!" This earned him some mild chuckles. "Don't let it go to your heads, though. Now, let's all take turns, starting with the Doms, obviously."

Tatiana, sitting in hir customary position at Dungeon Master's right hand, was the first to go. Shi lifted the box, only mild interest in her reptilian eyes as she shook it and looked curiously at Dungeon Master. "This is how you do it here in America?" He nodded his head and shi began to unwrap the box.

"What... is this?" Shi turned the box around in confusion. It proclaimed to be an inflatable sex doll of some sort but the thing it portrayed was unknown to hir. Pink and smooth, it made no sense to hir. "A shaved monkey? It says... human?"

"It's from Japan. The English is probably a typo." Everyone nodded in understanding. Any fetish could be believed if it was from Japan. "It wasn't easy, but I found something you've never fucked!"

"And it will stay that way." Shi set the box down as everyone gave hir a knowing gaze. Shi would open that box the moment shi thought no one was looking.

"Guess I'm next then." Donovan picked up his box with a childish twinkle in the wolf's eye. He would never stop being excited by presents.

He shredded off the paper with reckless abandon and gave the box a long, silent look.

"Well, what is it?" Desi was almost as excited as Donovan had been.

"It's an inflatable sheep." He turned the box so everyone else could see. "But not like a person. It has four legs."

"I suppose you aren't going to use it either, da?" Tatiana leaned over to look at it.

"Oh hell yes I'm going to use it! I think I'll make my subs use it, too!" Donovan immediately started opening the box.

"The other subs will go first." Brenda stated imperiously, "I will open mine with Freya."

Judy nodded and turned to Rachel so fast the lop's ears slapped the tiny fennec, "You're first!"

Rachel gave Judy an annoyed glance, then Dungeon Master a worried one. She gave the present both an annoyed and worried glance before she opened it. "I know I can't trust you...."

She removed a simple, inornate box from the wrapping, turning it over for some indication of what it might contain. "What in the world is this?" She turned it back over and flipped open the latch for the lid.

"A BOT." Dungeon Master explained.

"A robot?" The boxes lid began to lift of its own accord.

"No, a box of tentacles." Immediately several tentacles burst from the box. Rachel dropped it but before she could react, they were already entwining her limbs. She barely managed a yelp before one glistening appendage entered her muzzle. They lifted her right off the ground, already snaking under her clothes, dragging them from the poor girl's frame as she struggled uselessly.

"Oh my..." Judy gasped, watching the show and ignoring the pleading in look in Rachel's eyes. The trans fox's erection, now stripped of clothing, gave away her enjoyment but she was deeply embarrassed. "Sex toys sure have gotten advanced."

Judy looked down at her much smaller box with anticipation. She ripped off the paper and lifted up a collection of DVD boxed sets. "Hawaii Five-0!" The others looked on in confusion. "It's my favorite show! Thank you!"

As Desi began tearing into his own gift, Judy looked wistfully over at Rachel, "but I wanted to be molested, too...."

Desi clutched his box in his long, monkey toes and ripped the paper off with both hands, revealing a scrapbooking album. He looked up at Dungeon Master in disappointment. "What?"

"Open it up." The sergal responded simply. "It's full of photos of Donovan I had secretly taken while he was changing and working."

Desi jumped right out of his chair in excitement, dropping the box, "You're the best boss ever!"

"Not really." Dungeon Master grinned wickedly, "he's going to punish the shit out of you now."

"Desi, give it to me..." Donovan had an uncharacteristically dangerous edge to his voice. "I'll make you fuck the blow up sheep if you don't."

"Totally worth it!" Desi dropped back into his chair, flipping through pages while Judy leaned over to look with him.

Brenda shook her head at the childish display, lifting her box. "There'd better not be something stupid in here." The Dalmatian gave Dungeon Master a wilting look.

"Of course not." He tried to look innocent. Instead he looked creepy.

Brenda carefully unwrapped the box, slowly and delicately, leaving not a single tear in the paper. She picked out a boxed china set and looked at her boss curiously.

"A house warming gift, for you and the misses." He gestured to Freya, who was already starting to unwrap her gift.

"Wait your turn!" Brenda smacked Freya in the back of her head, the cat ducking her head down. "I wasn't done yet!"

"But I'm excited..." She looked down into the mess of paper she'd left and lifted out an odd box. "A serving set?"

"It's for serving the china set with." He motioned to the other gift. "And it locks to your wrists and collar, so you can't help but be a good slave!"

Brenda smirked at the gift, taking the box to examine it herself.

"You can all go have fun, now." He looked over at Rachel, practically crying in the vines of tentacles. "Except Rachel. I better show her how to turn it off. But first, I need to send some texts!"

Dungeon Master pulled out his tiny cell phone again and dialed out Christmas messages to his business contacts.

---

Grace grumbled to herself as she watched the Kristmas play unwind on stage, pulling out her cell phone as it began to vibrate. "Merry Kristmas!" popped up on the screen, from Dungeon Master. She dialed back "Bah Humbug!"

The theater's owner was letting a church group use their stage, attempting to write off the act of charity on his taxes. It cut into Grace's rehearsal time, though, and she couldn't forgive that. On top of that, the play left them with so few hours to rehearse that Juli couldn't get it off from his day job and she'd have to catch him up later. To top it all off these kids were awful actors.

That was to be expected, of course, but her and the actors gathered behind her couldn't help but talk trash amongst themselves. Xuan giggled at the overacting of some child and Grace couldn't help but smile at it. She could hear Damien trying to impress Jamal with technical terms in his critique. Naturally, criticizing a church play by any professional standards made one look like an ass, which the macaw certainly was.

"So, if we put on this play, what roles would we all have?" Grace turned back to her gaggle of actors. The three boys tended to follow her around, broken off from the rest of the pack who sat a few rows behind. Ironically, her Juli had once tried to get into the play by befriending these very actors. Now they thought meeting Juli first could get them in better with the producer.

"Juli would have to be the holy mother, of course." Xuan chimed in. She didn't mind the otter; Juli had worked with Xuan's dad a little while ago. She felt like he wasn't so nakedly trying to exploit her.

"And you would have to be god." Jamal winked at her, turning it into two clumsy compliments at once. The okapi boy wasn't too good at sucking up despite all the practice he got at it.

"I would play the three kings..." Damien gave a swarthy look, "all three kings. At the same time."

Xuan shook his head, "I guess I could be Caesar, because I'm so strong and manly!" Grace giggled at the imperious pose he adopted. Xuan was neither of those things.

"Well then..." Jamal thought back, trying to remember the stories. "I guess I have to be the golem that crushes Caesar and saves Kristmas."

---

Juli stared wistfully at the ceiling of the hotel lobby, imagining what fun Grace and the other actors must be up to now. Even though he knew the actors were getting to know him for their careers sakes he couldn't be mad about it. After all, that's why he first tried to talk to them. Besides, they really were becoming friends now.

"Stop day dreaming and get back to work!" Mr. Hatchford stomped past Juli, fuming at all the happiness in the world he hadn't yet crushed. Kristmas was, obviously, a very bad time of year for him. "You aren't being paid to believe in your dreams!"

Juli looked around and sighed as he saw another family coming in. After hours and hours of work he had hoped for a break lasting more than a few scant minutes. He got to work loading their luggage onto a cart. He caught the family's son looking at him with idle longing in his eyes and suddenly wished he wasn't in this ridiculous bellhop outfit. He wished this often.

After wheeling the cart up to the family's room he caught the son, a tall mink with an athletic build of probably high school age, lingering behind his family. As the boy slipped into the room he slapped Juli's ass discretely. After the door closed Juli rubbed his ass and found a piece of paper stuck in his pocket with a cell phone number on it. This was going to be a long night....

When he returned to the lobby he was thankful no more cars had come in. He slipped behind the counter with Leena, a chubby panda girl that worked the desk, and leaned on the counter with a sigh. He suddenly felt her claws running over his back and groaned gratefully.

"So, I got a cell number from that boy." Juli waved it in the air and Leena giggled.

"Does he think you're a girl or a boy? Should I start keeping a record of that?" She pressed up close behind him, warm and flirty.

"I really don't know, this time." He rubbed his butt back against her playfully, "but if I had time for that, I'd be too busy with you!"

"Too busy for what, Julian?" Juli jumped at Mr. Hatchford's voice and hung his head sheepishly.

Juli often regretted leaving the restaurant. He looked up at the ceiling and imagined what his old coworkers might be doing for Kristmas.

---

"Damn it, why did Mori have to work at that damned restaurant tonight?" Fabien muttered to himself, pacing through his sparse bar glumly. He hated this season; he didn't celebrate Kristmas, being far from the religious type anyway, but it also meant terrible business.

"Hey, come on... I didn't mean to lie to you about it." The reindeer was standing a little too close to the donkey, hurt and anger in his eyes along with the drunken haze that kept either from being effective. "Lots of gay guys have wives."

Fabien silently moved near the pair, listening for gossip. It was a sad night that Fabien got bored enough that he cared about what other people thought. All the same, he was pretty sure this must be that donkey who tried to buy Mori his first drink; without him Fabien would have never met his newest pet. At the same time, he knew the boy was bitter about it and wanted to know more about the potential competition.

"Yeah, we have a name for gay guys with wives!" The donkey crossed his arms and glared, but he also didn't move away. "We call them liars, Simon!"

"No no..." Simon ran his hand down the donkey's arm. Mori still couldn't remember the donkey's name and just called him J. "It's just... life is complicated. It's hard. I just need to escape that... with you."

The line was clumsy, transparent and artless. It also seemed to be working. J was desperate for affection and love and in his drunkenness wasn't too difficult to manipulate. Fabien concluded he had nothing to worry about there. That brightened Kristmas a little, he supposed.

As Fabien headed back toward his private office he looked toward the bar. Dominique was serving Rick and some tiny penguin. He headed toward the bar to see what was happening.

"Jesus, 'Nique, what is this? Alcoholic eggnog?" Rick glared at the cup before downing it anyway.

"I'll get you in the spirit one way or another you prick." Dominique glared down at the penguin, "you going to complain, too, 'Nando?"

"If someone's not into Kristmas you don't need to get all..." the penguin trailed off, mumbling drunkenly for a minute, staring at his empty glass. "Being a bitch?" He almost seemed to be asking her permission to call her a bitch. She refilled his drink anyway and Fabien grew more curious. Normally she would have exploded at being called a bitch.

"You two should go get a damned room." She caught Fabien's eye and gave him a wink, grinning wickedly. She was up to some sort of a game. "Or just go fuck in the bathroom."

"I don't do porn anymore..." Fernando didn't even seem to remember the argument he was having. The tiny penguin just clung to the bar on top of his stool, shaking his head. Suddenly some errant gripe struck him, "You know, if one more fucking kid asks me if I've met Kris Kringle..."

Rick nodded solemnly, "Fuck kids, man. Those little shits love Kristmas."

"It's not porn if there's no cameras." Dominique set a shot in front of him despite his cup still being half full. She was desperate to keep on this topic.

"Hey, I ain't gay, 'Nique!" Rick tottered on his stool for a moment, "though if I was, I'd be all over this guy, man. He's my bro!"

The two high fived, barely managing to connect paw and flipper, mumbling a "fuck Kristmas".

"It's not really gay if you top." Dominique cleaned a cup while she watched the two pour back their drinks, unwisely quickly. "I mean, a hole is a hole. You'll fuck a girl in the ass, won't you Rick?"

Fabien departed, shaking his head, as Rick nodded. His staff was awful.

Looking back out on the bar he caught an unexpected movement in the shadows by one of the speakers. As he peered over he slowly made out the shapes of two bodies gyrating against one another. Dancing? No, it may have started as dancing but everything was coming into focus.

Simon and J were pressed up against one another, swaying gently to the rhythm of the music and gaining what cover they could from the few other bodies on the floor, but J's pants were definitely pulled down in the back and Simon was rocking his hips. Beyond that, the expressions the two were making were unmistakable. The two were actually having sex right on the dance floor.

This was not actually all that rare, though; Fabien knew his crowd and wasn't particularly concerned about it. Sometimes, when he spotted some couple fucking in his bar he'd stop them for the fun of it, though. He thought long and hard, watching J squeeze Simon's hips for support, moaning, his pants tenting in the front. Simon had given up all pretense of dancing and was simply shoving himself against J's ass, the donkey's footing slipping a little forward with each thrust. Some of the other patrons had begun watching, some amused and some angry at the display.

What the hell, Fabien thought, it's Kristmas season. He'd let it slide. Rick would eventually catch them, anyway; Rick wouldn't brook any shit from anyone. Plus, Rick already disliked J. He turned to walk away, returning to his office. Maybe this would distract J from Mori anyway; Fabien didn't like to admit how much he'd come to need the boy but he realized it deep down.

---

Mori sighed to himself, his feet aching as he walked to his next table. Technically it was a walk but he did it almost fast enough to be a jog. Serving tables at Kristmas was awful; restaurants got very busy this time of year but the tips were awful, spare bucks being saved for presents and the bills that didn't care how many presents you'd bought.

As he finished setting the plates at his table he tried to slip away before the family could ask for too many things; it was bad form for a server but he had too much work to do to stop and get a new straw or some other picky crap. Some tables would send you for a new thing every time you returned with whatever they'd just asked for, eating up several minutes while other customers waited.

Before he could even make it to the line, Louise was already running past him, telling him she was taking out one of his orders for him. The older waitress was like a surrogate mother to him, and to many of the local gay kids, in fact. She was so popular with them that she always worked the restaurant after gay nights at the local clubs and she was good enough she could keep up with the whole crowd even all by herself. Even at Kristmas time she'd still make more than Mori did on a good night, and the gay boys didn't even want to fuck her.

Louise came back to the server's line and rubbed her forehead. Even she couldn't keep up with this kind of business without some trouble. The elephant was well older than him and overweight, though her breasts were so big she just looked like the proper size for them. Her height didn't help matters, either; being skinny would have made her look cartoonish. Really, even though she shouldn't, Louise still looked good.

"This is ridiculous!" She began punching orders into the computer without even looking at what she was doing, "doesn't anyone cook for themselves anymore?"

Mori laughed and shrugged, "I don't even know how to cook."

"You want learn to cook?" Phong shouted from the kitchen line just over their order counter, "you get back here and I train you! I need help, too!"

Mori shook his head and slipped his arm around Louise's waist, "but I could never leave my sugar momma! I won't get no sweet loving back there with you. Though, if your son Xuan was back there...."

Phong pulled up a knife, "Oh hell no! You not good enough for my boy!" It was honestly hard to tell when the Vietnamese otter was kidding and when he might really stab you.

Mori turned his back to the cook, seeing the new line already forming at the door. "I wish I could have been at the club tonight with Fabien...."

---

Fabien returned from his private room well buzzed but still lonely, the bar close to closing time. Immediately he saw Simon and J fighting, the donkey with the characteristic shaky walk of the recent bottom.

"Oh, fuck you Simon!" He stretched out his palm like a tired cliché as he headed for the door, "I have to keep this secret and you won't let me do you, too? Fuck you!"

Fabien shook his head sadly, the two playing out an old and stupid story of bar romance. He did wonder just how the two managed to have sex in the club without Rick ever catching them. He looked back to the bar and found it empty save for Dominique, looking quite smug.

"Where are your two friends?" Fabien asked as he sauntered over to her.

"Oh, they're much better friends than they are with me...." She winked and pointed at the bathroom.

"You... can't be serious." Fabien looked at her intently, searchingly, and found only wicked excitement.

Marcus came down from the DJ booth, the seal yawning loudly, about the same time Darren approached from the ID checking booth; the door was now locked, only opening to let patrons out. "We still on after this?" Marcus nodded his confirmation to the skunk.

Fabien turned his eyes back to the bathroom as he heard the quiet creak of the door, Fernando peeking his head out and then ducking back in when he realized he'd been seen.

Fabien walked briskly to the bathroom, pushing the door open. The two weren't even in a stall, apparently having done the deed right in the open. Rick was laying on the floor, pantsless and asleep, his imposing dick flopped soft and wet over his leg. Fernando let out a little squeal when the door opened and ducked into a stall, still too drunk to give up hiding his embarrassment.

Fabien pointed down at Rick imperiously, shouting "This is why we can't have nice things!" and slammed the bathroom door. Rick stirred slightly at the sound, looking down at his soft dick and around at the bathroom as his memory returned, not quite drunk enough anymore to be oblivious.

"Oh no... what did we do?" And in answer, chunks of memory raised in his mind; pulling Fernando's pants off as soon as they were in the bathroom and lifting the tiny penguin up in his paws like a toy. He'd used him like some sort of living masturbation aid, pumping the penguin's whole body down on his cock, bulging surprisingly hard considering he knew it was a guy he was doing. In the end he'd simply sat down and shoved Fernando into his lap as hard as he could, the penguin squawking while Rick's shaft erupted in him. Worse than knowing what he'd done, for Rick, was knowing that he'd really enjoyed it, too.

Rick pulled his pants up and knocked on the stall door Fernando had hidden in. "Sorry, little guy. I'll distract them." He stepped out of the bathroom, hazy and uncertain. Dominique waved him over and he stumbled his way to the bar.

"'Nique... did I?" She nodded, grinning broadly, "You... you talked me into it?"

Dominique winked and spread out her arms, "This is the best Kristmas ever!"

Fernando pushed the bathroom door open again, slowly and quietly. Seeing Rick and Dominique preoccupied with one another was a great relief and he began creeping his way out, for once grateful for his diminutive size. At least when he was trying to avoid notice it was useful. He was badly sore, though, and it made the slow walk awkward. He hadn't taken someone so big, or rough, in ages.

Fernando slid behind one of the bar's table to watch for a good time to slip out. He'd be sneaking out on his tab but he was far, far too embarrassed to face either of them now, especially after Fabien had mocked them. Fernando had only started sleeping with men for the sake of money, in pornography and the odd bit of prostitution, but habit had eventually made the act acceptable to him. He still thought of himself as straight, though, and having again found himself fucking another man had him confused and panicked.

Just as Fernando was about to make a dash for the door, though, it opened and another penguin came in. He must have slipped in while another patron left, the door not having a chance to lock. A bloated, misshapen penguin lumbered to the bar, pulling off its head to reveal a panting fox's head beneath. The fox had obviously been working as a penguin at some mall's Kristmas display.

"Good lord that was an awful day..." The fox/penguin said, "I haven't missed last call have I? I tell you, I need a drink."

Rick looked over just in time to see Fernando leap, screaming "Fuck Kristmas!" He barreled straight into the false penguin like a battering ram.

Dominique whistled earnestly, "Wow, he's actually pretty tough."

Rick shook his head as he stumbled over, blushing, to break them up. "Yeah... he used to be a midget wrestler."

Dominique laughed as Rick lifted Fernando off the ground, lucky the penguin kept his violence focused only on the crying fox, "I'm sorry, there's just too many jokes for that one... I can't choose!"