Bravery - Chapter 5 As a friend
*
It was horrible.
*
7 days ago (about 3 months after the night in Isaac's house)
*Ring*
The bell of my house rang out, and I dashed to the front door. Opening the door, I saw the family standing there which consisted of three wolves and two foxes. They were my dad, his wife Ella, my two younger siblings Tim and Gillian, and Ella's son Matthew.
"Sven!" They shouted my name enthusiastically and loudly like I was far away.
"Hey guys!" I gave them big hugs one by one while all of our tails were wagging wildly.
"Oh! Sarah! We missed you!" They also shouted my mother's name when she came to the door.
"I missed you too. Come inside!"
The whole house was lighted at once.
*
When all the luggages were in their rooms, we finally had time to scrutinize each others. In these four years since my parents divorced, each time I saw my siblings, I felt they grew a lot. Tim was now 11 years old, no longer like a puppy. His face started showing some masculinity while his eyes were sparkling with confidence. Then I looked at Gillian who was 15 now, and I almost felt shy to look at her. I had to fix my eyes on her eyes, or they would try to stare at her bosom. Not that I was into incest, I was just curious and couldn't believe my baby sister someday became a grown girl with such a hot shape. Well, she did change a lot from last year when I saw her.
At that moment, Tim, Matthew and I were setting up the xbox they brought here while the others were chatting in living room. Matthew jokingly said that my younger brother couldn't live without the xbox for one day. Once done, they let me choose a game. I hardly played xbox or other platforms, so I just looked at the images on packs carelessly. Then I saw a picture which was rather familiar to me.
I smiled.
It was the exact fighting game Isaac alway brought me to play in the arcade. I didn't know it was also on xbox.
"This one seems fun." I pretended like I didn't play it before, and soon Tim got caught in the trap.
"Okay, I'll teach you how to play." He said. I knew this kid too well. When he said it, he meant that he would teach me how to be beaten by him, and when I got better and better till I could win against him, he would change another game.
However, he didn't have his way this time. I practiced this game a lot in arcade. Although the controller was quite unfamiliar to me, I still beat Tim most times. I saw his annoyed and humiliated expression lingering on his face. It was the same as many years ago.
"Whatever! Matthew can defeat you." He gave his controller to his current brother, asking for the revenge on his prior brother.
Well, what can I say. I wasn't his match, and I didn't have the mood to play with him, so I lost and lost again.
"In this case, I'll call someone to help me."
*
*Ring*
The bell rang out again while I was too busy playing that game with Tim and Matthew. My mother answered it.
"Hi! Sarah, and guys!" The husky was standing beside the door.
"Isaac! What a nice surprise! I didn't know you were coming." My mom introduced her favorite husky to others, "This is Isaac, Sven's best friend. He's a polite and considerable boy. Isn't he adorable!"
My eared twitched when I heard that, and paused the game.
"Excuse me."
I got to the living room, and got a grin when he saw me. My mom introduced the others to Isaac and they greeted to each other. Once done, I dragged him to the kids' room and introduced him to the two young furs.
Then the game started. It was quite a fun game, that we played on teams, me with Isaac. They brought about a dozen games to my house but we just played that fighting game for a whole day till our eyes were sore and red.
*
The loud shouts of my name, the laughs during our games, the screams from Tim when his character was dying, the applauses for the teammates' victory, were all lingering lively on my mind.
However, they were horrible to me now.
*
6 days ago
*knock* *knock*
"Come in!" I said lazily.
Then the beautiful young female wolf appeared.
"Morning, my big old brother!" She closed the door and then sat on the edge of my bed while I was still lying on it.
"Morning, Gillian. I'm still sleepy. You know we played games till 3 a.m., don't you?"
"I know, so we didn't have a chance to talk yesterday." She seemed delighted.
"Fine. What do you want to talk about?" I sat up on my bed.
"Are you seeing anyone?" Her head moved closer to mine, to see whether I answered that question honestly or not.
"No." Shaking my head, I said immediately.
"You're lying!"
"It's true, no matter you believe it or not. Are you seeing anyone?"
She threw me a cocky smile.
"Or should I ask, how many?"
She punched my shoulder playfully, "Just one!" Then she showed me the photo of she and her boyfriend, and gave a speech about how nice her boyfriend was.
*
"So, Sven, how are you?" Sitting on the chair in my room, my father asked me, while the three females were in kitchen and the other two males were playing a car game.
"Not bad."
"How are you and... you know... the boy? Do you still think you might be gay?" He was the only one knew it. I told him directly when he visited me last time.
"You just met him yesterday, dad; and yes, I still think I'm gay."
"Oh!? Isaac is the one! So, are you guys being together?"
"No, we decided to be friends...for now, and we didn't do anything sexual since you came last time."
Then we became silent for a while. Apparently, gayness was not the issue he usually dealt with for his sons.
"No matter what happens, you are always the son I'm proud of, Sven." This was the only sentence he could come up with, which was soothing enough to me.
*
My sister's excited voice and my father's concerned voice were also lingering on my mind, as well as the tight hug my father gave after he told me he always loved me. His body felt strangely small, comparing with how it was in my memory.
However, they made me feel more lonely and desperately want someone's company now.
*
2 days ago
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Sve-en... Happy birthday to you!"
Then they all bursted with applauses and pleasurable howls.
*
_Everyone greeted me, as being an adult from that day. _
However, when I was with those guys, I never felt I had grown up. I thought I was still 14.
*
3 hours ago
I watched them leave in taxis heading to the airport.
*
Half an hour ago
"I'm going to your grandma's house. Do you want to come with me?"
"No."
She knew the answer before she asked, but she was still disappointed when she heard it.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, mom. I'm tired and I want to sleep."
*
My house wasn't like this cold ever, even though it was in summer vacation. It was not that I was moody all the time, but the huge difference between it in the memories of previous 7 days and it in reality was killing me. It also recalled the memories before my parents parted, when I was always the best brother in the world for Tim and the best listener in the world for Gillian.
I walked out of my room, and saw that the door of my mom's room was closed. I stupidly wondered if she was actually in her room, so I opened it and found it empty. Then I realized how important her presence was, even though we hardly chatted after dinner everyday.
I walked down the stairs, watching through the windows of the once kid's room, which was deadly silent now. The images of Tim and I on the sofa emerged themselves.
I had to stop this before I collapsed. I needed someone's company. After my last three birthdays, I also suffered from this, and then it was the time to call Rayke for drinking alcohol together till stoned, but he may not want to see me again after an extremely embarrassing event happened between us (I don't want to bring that up).
Now, I had another one to talk.
Remembering the husky made me feel warm a little, as well as what others said about him. My mom loved him and she often called him for dinner. My brother said he also liked him. My sister said she would have asked his number if she wasn't dating her boyfriend. Although my father didn't say it aloud, I knew that if I told him Isaac and I were in a relationship, he would definitely be happy for me.
What I told to my dad was true. We didn't do anything intimate after I pleasured him with my muzzle. Yes, I admitted that in many nights, which was basically almost every night, I was horny and yearned for him. However, what was the point to call him for a blowjob in those nights? To release myself once and then ditch him, and then feel guilty and then return the favor, and then have an awkward week for both of us? It was not good for us, so I decided to suppress my horniness, or simply release it by my paws.
The next week after I sucked him off was awkward, and I had to chat with him since I promised him that I won't avoid him. We went out on the Monday and he brought me to the arcade in a mall before we had dinner. What relieved me a lot was that he didn't try to hold my paw or hug me in public. In fact, he didn't try them in anywhere. We were really like friends.
After that week, I grew to like him, as a friend. I used to think he was an nerd (actually, all of them whom I didn't know much were like nerds to me) but it turned out to be that he was much cooler than I thought. We played tennis and basketball together during weekends and we often hung out in the same mall for food and gaming on weekdays.
Thinking about these, I wasn't depressed that much. I even caught myself having a smile on my face.
Sometimes love or affection does not need a dramatic event or a first sight that makes you fall in love immediately. They keep accumulating inside your heart without even letting you know, until they reach the threshold that you cannot hold them anymore, and then they will overcome you.
I called him, who would definitely come over since he never let me down.
*
15 minutes later, I heard the front door opened while I was waiting for him in my room.
"Sven?"
"I'm in my room."
He showed himself when I was sitting on my bed.
"Are you okay?"
"*sigh* I'm getting better but still need to talk about it."
He sat on the chair, and said, "I'm here to listen."
"I don't know why, Isaac. I don't know why I have to suffer from this. I don't know why I can't live with them. I don't know why they left me in this cold house alone..." I just said what was in my mind without logic. I had much to say but I didn't know where I should start.
"You have no idea how quiet my mom is. Every night after dinner, we just go into our own rooms, and it makes me feel cold in my house. That's why I keep hanging outside as long as I can. The days were so bright and full with happiness before their marriage broken. I don't blame my father. My mom drove him crazy during the last months and kept nagging him about why he came home so late and if he was cheating on her, while he was already tired from work. He had to raise all of us so he worked that late, but mom didn't believe him. Their relationship got worse and worse. Whenever one of them opened their mouth, the fight would erupt, till one day, he said the word, divorce.
"I could remember how greatly mom got shocked and hurt from that word, but she acted like she didn't care and she agreed. However, my father didn't have the heart to end their marriage that easily. Then she went crazy. She kept shouting that she didn't care for him anymore, shouting that she wanted to get divorced right now, and she succeeded.
"Finally they got divorced but still living together for a week, since lots of things they hadn't decided. You know what happened at the end of that week? He brought a girlfriend, who is now his wife. I didn't know which was the cause and which was the result, and I didn't want to know if he was really cheating on my mom, because I had already been hurt too much. What if he was? I wasn't able to take that.
"My father gave up almost all the properties, including this house. At first, they decided let all three of us live with dad since my mom was...*sigh*... not in good condition and kept screaming that she didn't care about anything or any of us, but somehow, at last she let me stay. She let me stay! My father totally had the ability to raise all of us, but she let me stay. I could live with Tim and Gillian and dad, but she let me stay with her in this dead house..."
My thoughts got together when I found one single clue which was about my mom. I didn't want to say this at first but when I started it, my mind couldn't stop itself drilling it. I did this every time when I was drinking with Rayke, complaining about my mom.
"You can't think like that, Sven!" He said that in a little anger.
I was surprised. At this moment, shouldn't a friend support me, saying that 'it sucks, man' or 'she should let you go' or saying something like 'fuck the world'?
"Why not?" I frowned.
"First of all, you have no right to talk about your parents' marriage like that because it gave you life, so no matter how it ended you should just take it like you take who you are. Second, letting you stay with Sarah was actually your father's decision. He let you stay here because he thought you were a good boy so you could take care of Sarah."
"but..." I was speechless. What he said was also what I thought at first. I knew he was close to my mom and they talked a lot. I said it just because complaining someone else was much more easier than admitting my sadness.
"You are right. I'm sorry that I shouldn't say it. I didn't mean that.
"The truth was that when I saw the changes in them, I realized that I missed the whole process. That was not something I could get back.
"I know that I'm no longer Tim's favorite brother, but that's okay. I can compensate the brotherhood later. I used to share every secret with Gillian but now I couldn't open my muzzle, but she is still the sweet girl loving to tell me everything. That's also fine since I can tell her everything when I want to.
"Everything can be compensated, except the memories about these years, about the process of their growth. The memories would be blank forever. Sometimes, I wondered if I could move to their house. That would be so wonderful, but I didn't have the courage to ask it."
When I finished, Isaac sat beside me on my bed.
"Sven, try to think of it this way. We both knew that Sarah sometimes can be depressed, and I don't think she could get over from that broken marriage without you. She might have some mental illnesses if she has been alone for a long period of time. Yes, you could have more pleasure if you live with your father, but after maybe one year, when you heard that Sarah got severe depression, would you be happy? Is that what you want?"
I shook my head.
"There are countless forks in the roads of our lives. Sometimes you choose it and sometimes others choose it for you. No matter which road you finally set your feet on, you will lost the chance to appreciate the scenes alone other roads, but you also have the unique scenes you can see right now.
"I mean, look at the bright side, Sven. You are tall and strong. You didn't have to leave your friends, the school, the neighborhood, and the sports ground you loved. Also, Sarah is still happy and healthy. Her food is the best I've ever had. She told me that the most delightful moment for her in every day was when she was cooking for you. You're the reason for making her cheerful."
I was silently digesting what he said. Actually, I wasn't depressed since I saw him, and it would be good enough for me tonight. However, what he told me seemed to be able to solve the issues permanently.
I hugged him.
"Thank you, Isaac."
He hugged me back, patting my head.
"That's what I should do. I'm your friend."
Nevertheless, a hug from a friend didn't usually last this long, nor make each other feel hot. I started feeling good from his touching and our faces' massaging. Soon I found my loin tight, and I parted us.
"Is that okay if you stay here tonight?"
"That's what I told to my parents." He smirked at me.
"Good. How about we share my bed?"
He blinked few times, "Sounds... great."
"I'm getting another pillow and a thin blanket." Then I stood up, walking to the other room.
When I came back, he was lying down on one side, leaving space for me. I threw the pillow and blanket on the bed, and lied down, facing him. The tent was still down there, but I didn't try to conceal it. Besides, he wasn't looking at me, but staring at the ceiling.
He said, "You told me something winding you for a long time, and I think I should also tell you something about me."
"Sure. I'd love to hear it."
He fixed his eyes on the ceiling, without any word flowing out. I saw him swallowing nervously few times, obviously having trouble to say it.
Another minute past, his breaths became heavy and fast, but he still didn't say a word. I wondered what issues bothering him this bad. Was that also about family?
Then he opened his muzzle.
"I had a big crush on a wolf since two years ago..."