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Thoughts and Feelings

The cold nipping at his ears, Toby let out a content breath, fogging up his glasses momentarily before they cleared, giving him a once-again unobstructed view of his surroundings. People hurried left and right attempting to get to their destination, their paws crunching the freshly fallen snow as the sounds of children's laughter reached his ears, followed closely by the sighs of their parents as they watched them get covered in the white powder.

Putting his arms on the back of the bench he was sitting on, Toby let his head fall back slowly, exhaling slowly, a smile tugging at his muzzle as the soft flakes moved in a flurry due to his breath, avoiding his black, white and tan muzzle. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he quickly took a look at the time before huffing at himself.

"I don't usually lose track of time this easily" he thought, "better hurry and get my coffee before I worry James."

Stuffing his phone in his pocket, he slowly lifted himself from the bench, stretching his 5'11 frame towards the sky, mouth opening in the pleasure of a yawn, tongue curling out to catch a few snowflakes on its tip. Licking his nose, he stuffed his bare paws into his jacket, walking away from his spot in the park to the big green sign with the angle bearing coffee down the street.

Toby let his tail wag freely as he approached the coffee shop, the green sign reflected in both his glasses and his green eyes, before pulling the door open, his senses immediately being assaulted by the festive sights, sounds and smells in the shop. Walking to stand in line, he bent at the knees slightly, peering at the slightly overpriced foods and candies displayed.

"Y'know, I think I might just get one of these cake pops...James really does have a sweet tooth, and they even have his favourite flavour!" he thought.

"Excuse me sir, may I take your order?" an appropriately themed golden retriever asked, a candy cane in her breast pocket, and a Santa Claus hate perched jauntily to one side of her head.

"Oh, sorry! Sort of zoned out there a bit" Toby said, blushing under his fur a bit.

"I'd like one of those raspberry cake pops please, as well as a tall Amurricano, an extra shot of caffeine added please!"

"Not a problem sir, that'll come to $6.74 after tax."

"$6,74?", Toby thought to himself, "seems to me that they raise the prices overnight at these places...the things I do for my fix."

Toby fished out his wallet, before taking out his debit card and, at the prompting of the retriever, swiped it across, punching in the appropriate four digit pin, and experienced the same anxiety he got every time he wanted for the little "approved" sign to appear on the machine. A few moments later, there was a "ding!" as the messaged "Approved!" scrolled across the screen.

Letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding, Toby thanked the barista, taking his recipe, and moved to the left, letting her take the order of a young looking husky. Letting his eyes roam around, he landed on a splash of small mirrors, obviously arranged to be artistic, and partially succeeding.

Walking a little closer, the bernese mountain dog gave himself a quick once over, taking in his tri-coloured fur and green eyes, before shaking his head to get the partially melted snow out of it, brushing his tail to do the same, before hearing his order called. Walking over to the counter, he gave a simple "thank you" with a smile towards the retriever, receiving a "happy holidays!" in return, before walking over to the condiments counter and adding his milk and cream.

Pushing the door open with his shoulder, Toby braved the sudden gust of cold wind, sipping his coffee slowly, enjoying the warmth that spread through his body as he swallowed. Gripping the cake pop's bag a bit more tightly in his paw, he set off to James's place, tail wagging happily.

"I can't wait to surprise him! He'll love this cake pop, and I'll be able to spend this nice night with him, maybe take a walk with him in the snow..."

As Toby thought about what he'd be doing with his boyfriend, his thoughts were suddenly interrupted.

_ "You'll know it's all because of you,_

_ We can do whatever we want to_

_ Hey there Delilah here's to you_

_ This one's for you."_

Ears perked, he transferred his sweets bag to the other paw, rummaging in his pocket for his cell phone, taking in the name of the caller, before sliding his thumb across the screen, accepting the call.

"Hey Julie, how are you doing?"

"Toby! Hey! I'm doing great thanks, what are you up to?" the dalmation on the other end of the call exclaimed in her usual out-of-breath way of speaking.

"Not much, just grabbed a coffee and a cake pop, just outside walking now."

"Cake pop? You don't like sweets. Who's it for?"

"Ja-er, just a friend", Toby cursed himself, knowing that she'd heard him say James name, preparing himself for the inevitable conversation that would follow, if he knew her as well as he thought he did.

He was not mistaken.

"Honestly Toby, I don't see why you're still with that prick. I mean, look at the way he treats you. He gives the trash on the street a nicer look than he gives you. Ever since the two of you got together officially, he's treated you like some floozy he picked up, while you almost worship the ground he walks on."

"Well, I don't thi-" Julie cut Toby off.

"You even know that he's not reliable, you've talked with his ex's, you know how it goes. Together for a few months, maybe more if you're lucky, and then they're either on their asses in the cold or just plain cheated on."

"Now hold on, you know that's not the case all the ti-"

"TOBY. Don't you go defending that son of a-"

"Enough Julie!" exclaimed Toby, drawing the gaze of more than a few furs that heard his shout. He folded his ears back a bit subconsciously, before continuing in a more quiet tone "Enough, please. I know that James has had his faults, but what we have is something special. I don't know how you can't see it. I was...I was even thinking of us moving in together soon, maybe even before the start of the new year."

There was silence on the other line, even though Toby knew she was still connected. He could only imagine her on the other end, gnashing her teeth and biting her lip in silent frustration, and he started thinking about why he even brought this up to her. She may have been his best friend, but this had always been a point of contention between the two of them.

He knew that James had a troubled past, but he honestly believed the lion had changed because of him, and he thought that the two of them had a good future set in store. Obviously, Julie thought differently, but what did she know? She wasn't there when they were alone, when he was cuddled up into him, and they spent those private moments just...together.

"...ello? Hellloooo? Earth to Toooby?" Julie drawled, causing Toby to shake his head a bit, realizing he'd zoned out.

"Sorry Julie, what were you saying?"

"Toby just...I care about you, you know that right? Ever since we were kids, I've always made sure that I did my best to keep you from getting hurt. I just don't want to see you hurt."

"I know Julie, and I appreciate that. But you have to take my word when I say that James isn't going to hurt me. I know that, deep in my heart. I know you don't like him, but please, just give him a chance."

After giving her assent that she would indeed try, the two of them switched topics to more happy thoughts, the talk and coffee carrying him happily though the snow storm that was starting to build up, past furs tossing snowballs at each other, making snow angles on the ground.

Wishing her a good night, Toby hung up the phone, then stopped where he was on the sidewalk, looking at the houses and apartments that people had decorated, losing himself in the intricacies of their shinning lights, topped just enough with the snow that was falling ever harder.

As he started walking again, try as he might, he couldn't get Julie's words out of his head. He knew, deep down, that he trusted his lion, but her words bounced around in his head like a bouncy ball tossed into a room.

"I know he's true to me, and I know he cares for me. But...what if? What if he did cheat on me? Or leave me? What would I do? I care for him so much, it could even be turning into love. I can see myself with him far into the future, living happily together..."

Minutes went by as he thought to himself, taking the familiar route to James's apartment, before he finally came to an appropriate solution.

"Brain", he said to himself, "shut the fuck up."

Draining the last of his coffee, Toby tossed the cup into the bin, walking the last few blocks to James's place, the caffeine dispelling the funk that gathered up and took root in his brain after his phone call. Entering the building, he got ready to punch in the buzz code, but before he could, a fox opened the door, holding it for him.

Thanking the tod, Toby walked into the lobby, savouring the heat that started to work its way into his fur, inhaling deeply, smiling at the smells that he associated with James.

"Yeah, he's really going to appreciate this."

Punching the "up" arrow, he waited for an elevator, turning around and looking in the lobbies mirror, grooming himself as best as he could due to the wind and snow messing around with his fur. With a "ding!", the door opened, letting out its contents to the lobby, and Toby walked in and hit the eight button, humming to himself as the door closed.

Tightening his grip on the cake pop bag, he grinned at himself despite the previous conversations thoughts trying to intrude on his good mood, the elevator stopping at floor seven, an older tabby cat getting on and mistaking his smile for him. The tabby gave Toby a quick smile back, which only made Toby smile harder at the thought of him creeping the old man out.

Dinging at eight, Toby stepped out of the elevator at the relief of the older man, walking down the hallway to James's door, 845. Bringing his paw up to knock, as soon as he touched it he realized the door was unlocked.

Letting out one last huff, he put a grin on his face and opened the door, closing it quietly before shouting out.

"James, sweetheart, I'm here! Surprise!"

He heard a muffled thump deeper in the apartment, and giggled to himself.

"Must have scared him, that'll teach him to keep his door unlocked!" he thought to himself.

Moving into the living room, he spied the bedroom door open, so he padded his way over before James practically burst out wearing just his boxers, the lions golden eyes looking down at Toby.

"Uh, hey babe", he said, smoothing down his mane with an errant paw "didn't expect you here, what's up?"

"Not much babe! Just came to surprise you with a sweet and to come and say hello" Toby said, indicating the bag he was holding.

"Oh, um, thanks Toby. Now isn't the best time though. I'm uh...not feeling too well at the moment."

As soon as the words left the lions mouth, Toby really looked at him, and sized him up: ruffled mane, boxers on backwards, fur sticking up at odd places. Before he knew what he was doing, he pushed past James, ignoring his protests, and practically bust the bedroom door open, hoping against hope that he would be wrong.

He wasn't.

Laying on the bed was a red fox, laying nude on his stomach facing the door, eyes wide and ears up in surprise. One look was all he needed, before dropping the cake pop bag on the floor, forgotten, looking James through the beginnings of tears.

"H-h-how COULD you James?!" Toby let out, starting to feel the sobs work their way up his chest.

The lion that he cared for, that he thought had cared for him, that had looked at him with affection and desire, now only looked at him distantly, as if he wasn't really focusing on him.

"I think it's time for you to go Toby."

Almost pushing him out, James took Toby to the door, with Toby looking beseechingly at him, only to have the door shut in his face, with the lock clicking loudly immediately afterwards. Brining his paws to his muzzle, Toby went into the elevator as soon as it opened, ignoring the furs that were looking at him.

As soon as the doors opened, he ran out, out of the lobby, out of the apartment into the now-starting blizzard, tear tracks freezing on his muzzle as he disappeared into the night.