Tony's Room - Greg
Greg pulled up to the café half an hour early to the scheduled meeting time that he and Tony had arranged online. He parked his car next to the curb by a parking meter, cut off the engine and sat in the vehicle for a moment to collect his thoughts. He put his face in his webbed paws and sighed heavily. He was a little more than just nervous about this meeting. It had been a long time since he had even thought about Tony but from the moment he opened the friend request and saw who wanted to get back in touch with him, he had been a bundle of nerves since.
In their back and forth communication Tony seemed eager to meet up with him. Even though there wasn't any resentment or discontent in the messages from Tony, Greg was still uncertain of what to expect. He was afraid of what the now more grown up and mature fox would have to say about what they did in the past, when he and his brother Trevor were still just cubs.
In the months before Tony's family had moved upstate, Greg continued to babysit for the fox family. They still went in the nude around each other but after that fateful afternoon when he denied the 9 year old cub's desire for intimacy something had changed between them and a new breed of emotions came with the change. There was the unspoken sense of shame they both shared, as if they had a mutual dirty secret together and were simultaneously trying to ignore it.
Greg knew Tony was secretly ashamed but for a different reason. Tony had been ashamed for the same reason a cub is shamed when they're scolded for doing something naughty or wrong. They promise never to do that again and try to behave better to get back on their good side. That was Tony. Tony was afraid of upsetting the big otter boy again and at the same time, still yearning to please and make him happy.
Greg's shame was different though. When the cub was caressing and admiring his chest and abdomen, he was shocked and frightened by the arousal that he had gotten from the contact. At the time he knew how wrong it was and put an end to it even if it hurt the little fox's feelings, but the thoughts and feelings he had afterwards disturbed him more. He found himself eyeing the cub more, sizing up and admiring the young fox boy's body and physique. He never would have admitted to himself that he was attracted to young Tony but just like the unspoken moment between the fox and otter, it was there.
Even after they moved away, the guilty thoughts continued.
Greg went on to college and got out with a Bachelor's degree in Business. After graduation, he hunted for jobs and got turned down by many of them until he settled for something that was not in the field of study but in his range of interest. He worked as a fitness instructor for a local gym and was a lifeguard on the side. He eventually quit being a lifeguard and worked his way up to being co-manager of Brock's Power Gym. He worked alongside the owner, Adrian Brock, in improving, managing, and expanding the business outside of town. Now there were two other gyms in surrounding towns, and a new one opening up down in San Diego.
Greg had almost completely and successfully blocked out the memories of Tony in his mind. That is until the fateful friend request.
He sat in his parked car, gripping the steering wheel in his paws nervously. He practiced breathing and trying to make the feeling of cold ice in his stomach disappear. He was nervous about meeting Tony again after so long and even more nervous about the things Tony might have to say.
'What if he actually hates me?' He wondered, 'What if I've damaged him and now he's broken and what if he's come to blame me for making him that way? Oh Christ...what if he calls me a cub molester and wants me dead?' He ran various scenarios through his head, all of them the worst possible cases his mind could imagine.
He started reconsidering the whole arrangement. He would just drive away and later tell him he couldn't make it. He'll come up with some excuse like maybe he had eaten something that didn't quite agree with his stomach.
He reached for the key to turn the ignition when a random memory stopped him.
"Maybe when you're older..."
That was what he had said after Tony had reached out to touch his groin. He remembered Tony's sadness and disappointment when the touch was denied. They had continued to cuddle afterwards and he comforted the little, naked kit, promising him that maybe one day when they were older, they could.
"I love you...Greg..."
"I love you too, Tony"
He felt guilty again, not just from his lustful thoughts but from the betrayal of the cub. He made a half hearted promise that he knew from the moment he said it would never come true.
An idea that crossed his mind was that the promise was the reason Tony had wanted to meet with him but he quickly dismissed it. He didn't believe that Tony would have held on to that promise, or even remember it. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't.
His paw dropped from the key locked in the ignition and he sighed again, letting himself calm back down.
"There's no backing down from this..." he said to himself in the car. It was something he had to do and there was no getting around it. Even if he made some excuse to get out of it today, Tony would want to meet some other time. Or what if he saw around the façade and became even angrier. Or saddened.
Greg pulled the key from the ignition and stepped out of his car onto the sidewalk. It was ungodly hot that day, possibly the hottest day of the summer. Greg locked his car and stood there, looking up at the café. Through the harsh glare on the large window, he could make out a young fox who was turning into an adult. Even in the intense heat wave, he felt the icy brick in his stomach.
The fox looked like he was talking with someone over his cell phone. He also looked like he had been crying. Through the window the fox silently said goodbye to whoever he was talking to and hung up the phone and began wiping his cheeks with a napkin. Greg almost reconsidered turning around and running back to his car to drive away when he considered this a sign of instability.
He took another courageous breath and opened the door.
He was instantly hit with a blast of cool air coming from the air conditioner above the door. It felt chilly and wonderful on his sleek fur which refreshed him and helped gain momentum to go through with the reunion.
Tony was sitting by himself in a tiny nook at the front of the café, near the window looking out towards the street. It was to the far corner like its own little room. It was private enough for at least one table with two chairs, a red plush chair, and a portion of a bookshelf which stretched along the wall back into the main café. The opposite wall behind the coffee bar was bare, ancient brick with exposed pipes that snaked along the ceiling. The only other occupants on that Thursday afternoon were a lone barista and two college aged guys sitting together near the back of the café.
Greg skipped the notion of getting a coffee on account of the nervous jitters in his stomach (though a tea sounded like a better idea) and turned into the private nook. Tony looked up as Greg entered and smiled. It was a shy, nervous smile.
"Hey," Tony said softly, his voice sounding familiar but a lot deeper.
Greg found his voice and responded, "Hey..."
A moment of silence passed between the two as Greg stood in the entrance of the alcove. Tony carefully stood up from his seat. Tony had grown considerably since they had last seen each other but was still about half a foot smaller than the otter. He was also skinnier compared to him. Greg noticed that the fox's clothes also seemed baggy, like he had lost a lot of weight.
Tony was looking back at Greg, seeing the handsome young otter had grown up as well. The older otter with the swimmer's build had become taller, bigger, and more masculine. Though his body was different, his face stayed almost the same. He still looked as youthful as he had been when he was 18 and he still had the shadows of a good natured smile and brilliant green eyes. Tony's stomach did nervous summersaults as all his own memories came back.
Tony was feeling just as nervous as Greg was but he tried not to let it show. He smiled and hoped that his twitching whiskers weren't giving him away.
Tony cleared his throat, indicating that the silence had long turned awkward. Greg chuckled nervously and took a seat in front of the fox. Tony sat back down as well.
"It's great to see you again," Greg said, not knowing if he meant it truthfully. It was great to see him again, but the feeling was tense.
Tony smiled and said softly, "You too."
"So..." Greg said, jumping straight to the point, "You said you needed to talk about something with me?"
"Yeah," Tony said.
Greg shifted anxiously, expecting the worst. He imagined Tony would start shouting at him and accusing him of molestation. How he had ruined his life and made him impotent and unable to be intimate with anyone.
What Tony said next caught him off guard.
"I just wanted to apologize..." Tony said, looking down at the coffee cup in his paws.
Greg sat for a moment, feeling slightly stunned. He asked, "Apologize? For what?"
Tony let out a shaky sigh, "Well...you probably remember what we did right? When you used to babysit me?"
Greg nodded numbly.
"Well...I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I sort of pushed you into it. I'm sorry that I," Tony wrung his paws, not taking his eyes off the table.
"I'm sorry that I tried to touch you..." He shook his head guiltily.
Greg was still stunned and slightly confused. He hadn't been expecting an apology at all. He saw where Tony was coming from but he didn't feel like it was the fox who should have been apologizing.
"Tony, listen..." he licked his dried lips, "You don't need to apologize for that...if anything, I should be the one apologizing."
Tony looked up at him.
"Look...I was the adult in the situation."
Tony nodded, "Yeah...and you did the right thing by telling me to stop."
Greg shook his head, "No...I never should have allowed it to continue like that." Greg put his head in his paws and sighed heavily, "I never should have let it happen in the first place..."
Tony looked inquisitively over at the otter, "Then why did you?" There was nothing accusatory in his tone.
"I dunno...I was just stupid, I guess..." Greg said, feeling ashamed.
Tony looked back down at his drink, contemplating what to say next. "Maybe...you enjoyed it as much as I did..."
Greg shifted uncomfortably again and glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone was listening. The barista was now leaning on the counter reading a book. The two college guys on the far end seemed absorbed in their own conversation. One of them, the horse, was drawing something on the palm of the other guy, the tiger. The tiger, who Greg guessed was probably blind, gazed straight through the horse but smiled wide when the horse finished.
It appeared that none of them had taken any apparent interest in what they were talking about, and the roar of the air conditioner over the door blocked out any sound between them and the other patrons.
Tony sat up and looked up at Greg directly. Since the moment Greg was standing between the entranceway they had not made full eye contact until that moment. Greg felt that they were finally on level with each other.
"Listen...I'm not going to lie...I think maybe you did kind of screw me up. Maybe, but...I dunno," He paused, then continued, "...I tried to commit suicide a few months ago..."
Greg felt his stomach dropping out beneath him.
"I tried to kill myself because...I..." Tears started to brim Tony's eyes again but he was already cried out from earlier. He sniffled and rubbed the bridge of his nose and eyes before sighing and looking back up to face Greg.
"Because I...I had been doing it with my brother." He said hoarsely.
Another moment of tense silence passed between them.
"What?" Greg said, slightly startled and alarmed.
"I..." Tony consciously lowered his quavering voice, "I had been having sex with Trevor and...I felt like I had screwed him up too..."
Greg sat back, stunned again by what he had just heard. "You think maybe...my actions caused you to do that?"
Tony gathered himself and said, "I think...the reason I did what I did...was because I was looking for the intimacy we shared...that we almost but didn't have." He looked up, his eyes red, "...I love Trevor...I never wanted to hurt him. I love him..."
Suddenly it became clear to Greg what was happening. History that goes unlearned tends to repeat itself and history has a way of being forgotten in the heat of the moment. There was a pattern of events that was repeating between them. He had done something with Tony that screwed him up and felt guilty for all those years afterward. Then Tony went and did something that might screw up his little brother and in turn, caused him so much torment that he tried to take his own life. But there was never any malicious intent to their actions. Tony loved his younger brother, just as much Trevor looked up to him as more than just a brother or a guardian. Tony had looked up to Greg since the moment he rescued the cub from the bottom of the pool and gave him CPR. Greg had cared for Tony as his babysitter and as a friend.
Mistakes were made and feelings were hurt. Greg could only imagine what Trevor was going through now. The realization that he had been the start of the whole chain hurt him deeply.
Another moment of silence fell between them.
"I'm sorry..." Greg finally said.
Tony nodded. There was another silence before Tony replied, "I never held it against you. I never hated you or blamed you for anything."
Greg smiled softly, feeling somewhat relieved after the whole ordeal. There was still a gaping void where the guilt had been, like an open wound airing out. There was still a sense of regret there but there was also a sense of redemption and inner peace. Tony looked up at him, eyes still red but forgiving, and smiled back.
"Excuse me," a voice came from behind them.
Greg jumped slightly and looked up at the barista, who was now standing behind them holding a pad and pen.
"Um, I was wondering if I could get you a drink or maybe a refill?" he said in a slightly effeminate voice.
"No, thank you," Tony said softly.
"Green tea?" Greg asked.
The barista smiled and nodded, turning on his heels and heading back to the coffee bar.
The last of the silent moments fell between them as the barista started brewing Greg's drink. Greg spoke up first, "So how are you doing now?"
"I'm doing a lot better...I just got back into James Hammond Community. My GPA's still shit though."
"What are you planning on getting?"
Tony shook his head and shrugged, "I dunno...I wasn't sure going in the first time and I still don't know what I want to do now."
Greg smiled slightly, "Yeah...most everyone says that. You'll probably change your mind lots of times before you're done and even after college you might want to do something different."
Tony nodded and sat back in his chair, "Yeah...they're giving me a bunch of random courses so I can get transfer credits to another college..."
The barista came back with Greg's drink which he paid for and tipped the barista before taking a sip of the drink.
"What college did you want to go to?"
Apathetically, Tony said, "I dunno, probably one close to home."
Greg set down his drink, "Instead of taking random classes, why don't you explore a few career oriented classes and see if you can learn something. If you find something, focus on getting a degree in that field."
"I guess so," Tony said, sounding as unenthusiastic as when he first applied to community college.
Greg noted his half hearted attitude and leaned forward. He said softly, "I can help you, if you want. I can help you pick classes and even help you with tutoring if you need it. I've already graduated college so I know how it can be."
He smiled at the fox. Tony smiled back, the both of them feeling better than they had before. "I think I'd like that..."
As always, comments and criticisms are welcomed :3