FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Identity   That day in fourth period, I had broken a bully, Wally's fingers with nothing but a moderate pinch from my own. This, of course, tipped me off to some other change to my body besides the transformation to a fox. Indeed, with such an alteration, I would not notice something so insignificant as a muscle improvement. At last, the bell rang and I burst out the school doors with a newfound strength. Before the other furries could catch up to me, I left the grounds, and headed for the nearby forest. I felt in me a growing sense of home for every inch I ran to the trees, and I did not think quite as fondly of my house as I started to for the great outdoors. My legs were strong as a horse's, and the constant bombardment of the concrete on my heels did not affect them nearly as negatively as before the incident. A pine tree peeked over the bend of this steep hill! A rush of adrenaline informed me that there must have been some unknown force pushing me, drawing me to this area, some thing forcing me to be here, as soon as possible. I gave in to this sense of considerable strength, and sped up to a sprint. The cars beside my path were slower. I estimated my speed to be in the neighborhood of 25 mph. In an instant, I seemed to simply appear at the entrance of the forest. At this point in my experience with my transformation, I've stopped reacting as one would expect... instead it has begun to be as a dream, each new discovery feels as familiar as breathing. I walked through the concrete gate and every other care in my world melted away. I experienced a similar feeling to the warm summer days in my early childhood. Playing in a kiddie pool, searching for bugs, all while my mother maintained a calm, content smile as she watched. This emotion struck so deeply that a silent tear fell from my eye. I let my backpack hit the forest floor as I let the spirit of wilderness wash over me like those fond summer days. The sun's rays drifted through the cool leaves of strong fresh cypresses, and landed on my face. I allowed the warmth of the sun to embrace me, it enhanced my deep emotion tied to my childhood. I shut my eyes as the elements washed over and buried me. I dropped to my knees. With nature drowning out the rest of the world, my senses could at last be freed from the constant noise and invasive colors. The last movement I made was fall on my back. My consciousness was no longer tied down by the lead shoes of the outside world, and I escaped into myself. At this point, I knew I was not asleep, rather I reached a meditative state. And in this status, I was capable of racing through thoughts, and visiting any fissure of my mind. I explored old memories, old emotions, old friends of mine. After an immeasurable amount of time, my dream-like state slowed down this exploration, and I lost control of the speed of my mind. The limits of reality seemed to apply here. I looked around in a circle, and found hands attached to arms. These arms were attached to a chest, and this chest was... mine. I touched "my" hands to this chest of mine, and I did feel my hands upon my chest. Yes, this body felt much like mine. I felt on top of my head and found- hair. Just hair. It appears this mental projection has not adapted to the changes I've undergone. I checked my lower back- yup. No tail to speak of. I felt an immense emptiness, as though my liveliness had been ripped out through my chest. My sense of identity escaped and hid from every place I would look for it. I first felt a coldness wash over me, and I fell down to the ground, which was the same black color as the sky. Nothing was visible but me, And I could not see my face.   It was then in my darkest hour that I found something else in my void. I happened upon an unfamiliar, yet welcome figure. "Who's out there?" No reply. I started to walk to the only other object in this level of my subconscious. "Where is this?" I sped into a run. Curiously, I could only reach a speed of 10 MPH. "Who are you???" I began to lose patience as this uneasy situation wore on my mind. A deep booming voice gradually increased in volume until it could be understood.   "I am a part of you now." This thing's voice sounded peaceful, yet still struck me in an empty hole in my consciousness. At first, I was happy just to hear something other than my echoes. Then I comprehended the words meaning. The voice came from all around me. I could see a figure about 200 yards away, but as I walked to it, it did not come any closer. It maintained an uncomfortable distance, and I couldn't change that. I turned in a circle, looked up, searched down, yet I found no other possible source.   "Wh- Why am I here?" I yelled to the sky. My voice echoed twice before I heard the beginning of a response.   "You have unfinished business here." It sounded surprisingly intimidating. I was so unsure what anything he said meant, that my supply of questions was exhausted. I could only think of clarifications.   "What business are you talking about?" My voice shook whether I wanted it to or not.   "Markus. Who are you?" It asked me a question for a change, but I had little idea how to answer. I faced the thing in the distance once more, and I noticed it was nearing me.   "I'm Markus." I replied coolly.   "That is your name. Who are you?" It came a few yards closer once more, as if communication would draw it nearer.   "I am a furry and a therian."   "Those are groups you belong to! Who are you?" It's voice grew in volume, almost angry. I took a few steps back from the object.   "I- I'm a high school student!" I started to struggle for an answer. That wasn't good.   "That is your profession! WHO ARE YOU?" Like the roll of a furious ocean, its voice felt like they would burst my eardrums (if the sound existed). It appeared 20 yards in front of me, but enveloped in black.   "I-I'm a fox!" I held this belief so centrally that I was positive the thing could not refute it. It flitted to four feet in front of me. Its blackness faded away and it's colors could once again breathe.   "No." It jumped into the light. "I am." It was a fox. The orange-red color of his fur shone so radiantly that this purgatory was infected with it, and appeared a dark red.   "But-" The fox treaded around me, and I could only awkwardly stand in the center of his circle.   "I am the newest part of you as well as your spirituality displayed in this appropriate form." I could barely follow his words, half because I was so struck by his majesty.   "So... You're like a second personality?"   "I'm a part of your deep subconscious. And for the wrong reasons, the defining part."   "Is that the problem?" He simply sighed and sauntered opposite me. I know understood the deep emptiness. The fox was to fill it.   "Who are you?" He dipped his head and looked down and to his left while facing away from me. His deep voice was unlike before, it now calmed even the most headstrong parts of me.   "I don't know." The fox allowed the obvious gravity of my answer to settle. He didn't wait long enough.   "You are the sum of your actions. You are what display of yourself." The fox faced away from me again to speak these profound words. I knew what they meant, but I did not seem to be able to apply them to myself. "What have you done? Ingest vulpes vulpes DNA, skirt through classes, form sub-par relationships. You are nobody. You don't even know yourself. How can you be happy without a purpose?" That hit home harder than any lecture from my father ever could. I couldn't run from the truth here.   "I..." There were no words. Suddenly, a large hole ripped in the void directly to the right of the fox. The hole grew smaller gradually, closing its white color against the black nothingness. The fox set itself into a pouncing position facing the hole.   "Get busy." The fox jumped in and the hole's closing sped up. I sprinted to the white thing and just before it shut closed, I saw... trees, sun... and the fox, far in the distance.   ******   I jumped violently from my unconsciousness to find myself still in the midst of a local forest. The sun allowed me to estimate midday. Had any time passed at all? I would never really know. But that fox's message did not disappear quite so swiftly as the rest of my dream. I am the sum of my actions. I would never forget that phrase, even after I die. Feeling a little dirty, the overwhelming sense of nature was not as pleasant as it was before. I decided to venture further into the vast forest, when- there was fur on my arm. I was greatly surprised by this difference, to say the least. Why did I not feel extreme pain?? But I quickly set that question aside for the admiration of new anthropomorphic appearance. I tore my shirt off of my chest to see an orange-red coat of fur straddling a thick white stripe of fur on my underbelly. I attempted to stifle a gasp with my hand, but it met with sharp teeth and a protruding snout. My face's skeletal structure had changed too! I rose to my feet, but one more surprise: the toes of my shoes had burst out due to my newly grown claws. "Aw fuck." That was a new(ish) pair of shoes! "Well now is definitely not the time to sulk over shoes! I easily ripped them off and stood amid nature once more. Similar to my last discovery, I still reacted to these new attributes of mine with little acknowledgement. "Well, I guess now I'm really a furry!" The deep feeling of emptiness started to fade, likely at the same time my fox half rejoined with me. I had little to no idea what was really going on in my mind, but now was not the time to trouble myself with it. "I think now is the time to meld myself back together." Stretching my arms over my head, I realized just how easy such motions were. I searched my body for more changes. I held my arm in front of my chest, looked at it, and flexed. "Whoa." My mind reeled at an unexpected kind of change. My biceps- hell my whole body was- buff! I don't know why changing back and forth to a fox and human would condition my body so well, but DAMN! I decided to test these changes, similarly to the rest. I searched for a thick tree trunk... Ah there's a good one. I loped over to it and cracked my neck side to side. I closed my eyes, inhaled through my nose and blew air out through my mouth. My knuckles tightened. I rose my fist in the air and positioned my entire body behind it. I dug holes into the dirt with my claws and got entirely into position. I threw my paw into the tree. CRRRRAAACK! I opened my eyes. "Oh my god..." I ran to my side about 15 feet. The tree- fell over. My fist had reached the center of the trunk. My paw delved into solid tree trunk one and a half feet. I broke a tree down with my paw. With one shot. "What else can I do?" I looked around in a circle until I found a heavy tree branch directly above me. "Perfect." I bent my legs practically to the point of sitting on my haunches and tensed my legs. "Nggggya!" I released the energy building slowly in my legs and I flew 11 feet in the air, and my now massive hand clutched the branch. "Holy shit!" I saw another way to test myself, and after my jaw closed I was able to perform again. I looked up at the sky and controlled my breathing. In, out. In, out. In... and I attempted possibly one of the most difficult maneuvers of my life. In a split second, I used the one hand still grasping the tree branch and yanked myself up. With one hand, I swung my entire body on top of the tree, and balanced atop it. "Shit that was awesome." But I noticed a minor problem to land me flat on my face. My ears perked and pointed at my feet and although I still could not hear anything out of that set (thank you Irene), I could feel crunching under my feet. "Okay, Markus, one more test." I usually talk to myself when I'm nervous. "Don't think. Just do it. Even if you fail, it won't hurt nearly as much as a transformation." I've seen it done more than necessary, I know what I have to do. I bent my knees again and stretched my arms forward, but kept my back straight. CRUNCH! If I was going to do it, I would have to do it now. "C'mon... don't think. Just- do it." I shut my eyes. Finally, I leapt half strength into the air from a collapsing tree branch, and stretched out myself into a streamline position. After an infinity of hangtime, I let my instincts take over. NOW! I tucked my knees into my chest and held tightly them with my arms. I could not see, but with the intense speed I sensed with my heightened inner ear, I sensed the world spinning around me not once, but twice! I didn't understand why, but I could feel my surroundings. I could feel the ground accelerating towards me. Stand up! Now was certainly not the time to ignore instincts, so I decided to listen to my inner voice. I stretched out my legs most of the way to land as softly as possible. I opened my eyes. I was right! I had slowed my spinning down considerably, and there was no time left. The forest floor was right there.   BOOM.   My feet hit the floor, and my knees bent most of the way. "I- I'm alive!" And my knees didn't even hurt in the slightest, nor my ankles. My jaw felt like it may have hit the floor by how many times I've dropped it. Right at that moment, I didn't care about life goals or accomplishments. Right then, I was truly living. I knew later I would have to search myself for a purpose, but now I was alive. "Wow." I think I just did a double backflip... I thought to myself. But since I had based so much of it on instinct, I couldn't be sure. "I don't think that will ever grow old." This was easily the most fun I've had in years! "Ahhhh" I sat up against a tree and let nature take me away again. But this time in a less relaxing way. "What the hell?" A quick movement at 50 yards caught my golden-yellow eyes. I decided to put a stop to my speaking. It moved again, and I locked on to it. Then, I noticed some other sense my brain was receiving. I- I could pick up scents in this form! It was a familiar smell, I could not quite place it, yet I knew I had smelled it before. I chose to follow it. I cannot describe exactly what such heightened sense of smell is like, but it is a little like seeing in another dimension. With this new sense, I could sense where other people had gone based on the scent they leave, and I could sense who it was, due to everyone's unique scent. I knew this particular scent was not human. Intrigued, I knew I must follow my nose. I bent down and breathed deeply at the trail. I found it again! My nose led me straight forward for several yards and then seemed to wind erratically. Perhaps it was escaping a predator... "Or maybe it was preying..." I pressed on. As day turned to night, my old habits told me it would be time to go home soon, since I would be getting up early, and little could be seen in the black night. However, I neglected to adapt my mind to the attributes of my form. I, now a half-nocturnal creature, could see in the dark! Seeing as an animal does in darkness is not at all like the light... in such darkness, everything is instead colored greenish and black, no other colors. As I continued on this endless scent track, my human ears picked up rustling nearby. I halted immediately. Luckily, I was not so stupid as to ask hello, unlike previous encounters. However, I was out in the open and exposed entirely. I slowly and cautiously twisted my hips, bent my knees, and hunched over. My fists tightened as I stared down a bush aside a gigantic boulder. My blood pumped through my arteries faster than the speed of sound. And I was scared out of my mind. I stared for a good 15 minutes entirely on edge, hoping franticly that I had just caught a glimpse of a bird settling into its nest, a weasel killing a poisonous snake, anything but-  I think today has been eventful enough. I'm going home.     ******   "Markus, don't give up." I was in a void, and voices surrounded me. "Markus! Help me!" "Markus, we're leaving."  "-we're never coming back" I spun around in circles, trying to find where these people were. "Markus, I love you." "I hate you." "Don't give up." "Markus? Is that you?" "don't leave me!" "help me, Markus!" I covered my ears with my hands, but the voices still came through. "Markus, noo!!" "HELP!!" SNARL!! "Just give me your hand..." "No don't touch that one!" "MARKUS!!!" Something landed on my shoulder.   "Do you know who you are?"   I jumped awake.  "NOOOOOO!!!" I stretched my arm out without knowing it, as if reaching out to someone in need. I then discovered where I was. Just in my house, covered in sweat, and catching up to my breathing rate. I buried my face in my palms to cover tears that I could not justify. I had no idea what I was dreaming. All I could remember was incredible power and openness... somewhere in the woods... Was that a dream? Well that was for later. It was daytime, a white stream of light poured through an earlier mistake of mine. I slapped my forehead. "I've got to cover that thing up!" I stepped off the bed and checked myself in the mirror to gauge my fox form today. I was a little disappointed, but at least it would make today easier on me. My ears and tail were retracted back into my body, or absorbed, or however the hell it works. Sigghhhh... Time to go back to school.   ******   "Hey Markus!" Herman ran over to me with his hand raised. I turned to him and acknowledged.   "Oh hey there, Herman. What's up?" Common words I spoke to him that seemed exactly like any other day.   "What's up??? Where's your new ears and tail?" He shrugged his shoulders and aimed open palms at me. Dammit, Irene wasn't supposed to tell anyone. Well, I guess we agreed to that before she stopped pretending to believe in their authenticity.   "Well they got a little dirty, so I decided to wash them a little. They're still dry-"   "But I really wanted to see them! Why didn't you just bring them anyway? Could you describe them?" He was bright-eyed and remained one step from shaking my shoulders with his questions. Just like Herman to never slow down!   "Uh, they're very realistic, and they're proportionate to the size of a fox's tail." I started to walk to my first class, beckoning him to walk with me.   "What else? What does proportionate mean? How big are they?" He walked a little faster so he could look more directly at me. I guess you could say Herman was excited about everything furry.   "Slow down, man! Proportionate means that they are as big to my body as they are to a fox, so the ears are six inches, and the tail is about three feet. Can't we talk about something else?" He displayed a somewhat shocked look and stopped me in my tracks.   "What else is there besides being a furry?" He kept uncomfortable eye contact with me as he said this. His sentence echoed through the memory of my dream with the fox. I spoke softly to myself.   "Maybe... maybe there is more..." for so long my life goal was set as becoming a fox. And now that I had achieved such a goal, I- I still don't know what to do.   "What?" Herman was still positioned in front of me.   "I- uh, I need to be alone right now, Herman." He pressed his two lips together and looked away from me.   "Alright, I'll talk to you later." He sounded a little disappointed, but I knew he would support any decision for my own good, just as I would for him. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while longer.   ******   Anxious students' wishes had just been granted by their wish as a blaring bell blasted in everyone's face. "Markus!" It was the whole school group of furries!   "Oh hey guys!" I wasn't feeling particularly giddy, but I had enough energy to fake it.

  "Hey Markus." Donald waved his hand and blinked more slowly than his hand. I exercised a surprised expression.   "Wow, Donald. Isn't this the first time you've attended school this month?" I hoped I came across as just playful, not insulting. But with Donald, was he psychologically capable of discerning the two?   "No, man. Second. And it's the end of November, too!" His eyes blinked off-sequence. Irene coughed.   "I think it's July, Donald." Irene smirked a little and turned her head sideways at him, but not with pomposity. We all snickered briefly. Then Donald snickered too.   "I think you guys fucked up with your story, cause why are we still in school?" His intonation matched more of a declarative sentence than an inquiry, but we were used to such odd mannerisms of his.   "Donald, everyone here is in summer school. You're right, we all fucked up." I replied after stifling another laugh. We all smiled emptily and stared at the center of the circle we formed.   "So Markus, will you bring your new furry gear to school Monday?" Irene asked the question for the sake of the group, as she was not so excited about the furry fandom.   "Uh yeah, but they take forever to put on properly, so don't ask me to take them off." I spoke quickly, but I was confident they would not pick up on my nervousness.   "Why would we ask you to take them off? Of course they would look best on the only real fox of the group!" Herman patted my back and shook my shoulders while smiling contentedly. I smiled and looked down at my feet.   "Thanks, Herman. I might bring them on Monday, I just usually decide each morning whether or not to wear them. You know, its kind of a guessing thing, and it's sometimes for special occasions." An awkward silence arose. I checked my phone for an excuse of something brief to do. "Well I need to get home. Have a good weekend guys."   "Yeah okay, see you Monday. Markus." "Bye Markus!" Irene and Herman waved as Donald looked at his fingers, intrigued. I was nearly out of sight when he said,   "Why shouldn't we ask you to take them off?" I heard palm hit forehead.     ******   It was a similar experience to yesterday. I unwound by first allowing nature to run through every cell in my body, and I felt myself begin to change. Small spikes penetrated my body from the inside out for an hour until it was covered with a gorgeous thick fur. I don't even want to describe the pain I go through with my ears and tail! I was unfortunate enough to be conscious for this unbelievable pain to reach me. But I would do it again in any circumstance. Amidst stretching out my legs, I noticed some other sensation coming from the top of my head... My fox ears! I could finally hear out of them again! I hunkered down to the earth and placed one atop the dirt. I smiled. I could hear EVERYTHING. So fine... that's why a snap is so devastating to them! But why can I suddenly hear through them? I flopped back into sitting position. "Could it be the transformation?" Yes, that must have been it. Perhaps even a limb can regrow through this miracle! I tried similar exercises like leaping, tracking scents, and punching through pines. Of course out of respect for nature, I tried breaking the fallen tree into pieces. I sprinted my fastest in late afternoon, I kicked rock walls into pieces at dusk, and I performed aerial acrobatics into the night. And that was when it happened again. It happened again just like yesterday. I caught that specific scent. My blood rushed through my veins at the speed of sound. My mind raced even faster. Before I moved a muscle, I had already conjured 20 outcomes. All in my demise. Against every instinct of mine, against every human or fox natural instinct, I followed my curiosity. I began to trudge in the direction of the trail.   ****** The bush beside the boulder was rustling again. I was stupidly sitting in front of it, again. I simply sat there. I just sat there and let my imagination come damn close to breaking me mentally before IT could break me physically. I just... sat there. I sat there and watched. Before my mind could wrap around what happened, a huge furry thing escaped its cover behind the rock and landed on me with a roar like several rolls of thunder! It was too quick for my reflexes, and I could not escape its reach. I caught a glimpse of an appendage flying through the air. A claw delved into my chest. The searing pain! I realized my arms were pinned, and I could not budge under this thing's weight. The claw rose into the air again, it roared again, longer this time. I struggled and flailed desperately. I felt an intense rip on my right shoulder. "AAAAAHHHH!" I clenched my teeth and turned my face away from it. It stopped for a second. Likely confused by my scream, the snarling beast positioned its face directly over mine. I could feel its heavy breath blasting my head on every exhalation. Is this the end? I gave in a little to my demise. Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe I can leave now that my wish has come true. Maybe that dream I had means my life is complete now that I've reached my goals...I turned back to look it in the eyes and face my fate. I met the thing's glare. It's eyes were so deep and unfeeling that I knew I could not reason with it or bargain with it. It was soulless. It was an animal. I saw it raise its claw slowly for its final blow. "NOOOO!!" Some last reserves in me all transferred to my arms and I shoved the animal off me. It flew in the air for five seconds and landed on its back with a resonating THUD. But it didn't give up. It jumped right back up to its hind legs and started running to me. I was ready for it this time. I sprinted towards it. The monster snarled louder this time, as it seems I made him angry. We drew nearer... nearer... until I made my move. Let's end this. I leapt four feet higher directly at the beast with my fist behind me, and I pushed my fist with all my might into its skull. I landed on the ground and kept balance with my fist. The night was silent like a beach emptied before a tsunami. I turned around to examine my predator. Now that I was a little calmed down, I could actually understand what happened. "Shit!" It must have been a bear, merely by its size. The bear was on its back with its hind legs pointing at me. I inched closer to it, my fists still lined up. As the rest of the bear gradually appeared over the horizon of its massive stomach, I noticed something missing. I took three steps closer. "Oh god..." I drove my paw into that bear's head with more strength than that tree. I just couldn't believe it. I knew fully well that it was going to kill me, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for it. Feeling no threat around the corpse, I slumped before a tree stump. "Well, at least it died instantly." I laid my head back and shut my eyes. God... Who am I? END OF CHAPTER 3