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Nile. Nile, say it for me please, Nile, again with a northern Irish accent ni-all, his accent niall that's it you've got it.

He's shouting again, that's nothing unusual. He's upset, I won't wink for him, he doesn't understand that I can't, not like this, I'm exposed with him in between my legs and I don't want him, in fact I hate him, my muscles simply refuse to respond, I should be excited but I'm not, I'm frightened, he frightens me.

His tone has changed now, I know what to expect. He's given up with his mouth, his fingers are inside me now, and my muscles clamp tightly to his digits, he doesn't hit me like I expect. He bites me instead, hard on my inner thigh. I scream and kick out at him, pain exploding next to my most sensitive place. "Fucking cunt" he swears

To my credit my hoof connected but not nearly hard enough, I'm never able to make him stop, he throws himself on top of me and wrestles me to my back, prone, "Last time I fuckin tend to yer needs" he growls in my ear, he's lined up already and straight in, hips a blur. I'd be lying to you if I didn't say some distant part of me wasn't enjoying this bit, but it's mostly because after he's done he won't touch me again, he'll be too tired.

He's finished now, hot sweaty dog on top of me, pulls out with ease, I don't grip him, I used to grab his knot with my muscles to hold him in, squeezing and massaging him with my sex, I won't anymore, I don't want to, that's my choice. It is one of the few choices I have left in life. I don't go to clean up because he doesn't like me to, I feel his warmth leak out of me into the sheets I can also feel the burning pain of his bite on my thigh I want to get up and look at it but it will only prompt an argument, it's never his fault when he hits me, why would biting me be any different? So I turn my back to him he rolls over too "Goodnight Claire, yer fuckin hoofed piece of shite"

Its half one, I'm in Flat white and I'm hungry. I sit watching Shaun out of the corner of my eye, the cutest little gypsy stallion whom I adore making blush, he's taking an order from an otter at a table near the door, and I'm pretty sure I know that otter from somewhere but suddenly a hand grips the side of my neck, then there is a warm muzzle on my cheek "Bella!"

Bella, Bell or Izzy, Is an enormous shire mare, and the nicest horse on two legs, tall, fun and gentle, she's my rock. He hates her, he hated all of my friends, surreptitiously pushing them away, or he'd work away at me until I did.

We eat here most days, we've had everything on the menu more than once but we love the food here and... the view, we watch the black and white gypsy cob go about his business taking orders and bringing food to tables, the old Donkey sweating behind a shiny coffee machine, winked over to us, when the cob came back to deliver yet another slip of paper to the bull, he leaned over the counter put his hand on the cobs shoulder and said something into one of Shaun's mobile ears, before turning to us and smiling he walks over unconsciously putting a little roll in his hips, the shapes of his loose hanging balls bouncing back and forth deliciously in his shorts, making shapes on his apron with every step.

"Afternoon ladies" "Hello Shaun" I say in my most sultry voice, "Going without today I see" "We've had a bad morning, but were enjoying ourselves now" Izzy chimes in. that hit the blush spot just nicely, Shaun gives a little snort his face visibly flushing under the snowy white fur, the bits that aren't black anyway, "Right" he says regaining himself "Do you know what you want to order?" "Apart from you" I say under my breath, back to business, "The lentil and sweet potato soup for me please" Bell said "And a slice of the vegetable lattice for me please" "Oh and Shaun" I grabbed his arm, loving the feeling of his long arm fur under the short fur of my hand, "Don't walk away too quickly" he strode off without a word Swishing his black tail.

We silently watched the lovely big bottom clop back to the counter "Were really bad aren't we? A pair of lecherous mares, I don't know where I get it from, but we should lay off him a little" I say to Bella, "Why it's fun, and you know he likes it really" she replies "I don't know Bell, I know it could never be more than a bit of teasing, so what's the point" I say suddenly, the realization changing my mood "Because of him" Bella finished for me.

"Do you know what? I remember when you used to be happy" "I don't" I replied flatly, staring at the table, I didn't really want to hear this. "I do" she persisted "And I know that you're never going to be happy again with Nile the way he is. I know that's not what you want"

I'd heard enough "Ok, Suppose that I am unhappy, he's never going to let me be happy Bell, he's never going to watch me walk away and say bye, bye Claire enjoy the rest of your life, and while we're on the subject I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done to you (Bella knew most of them) so let's just forget it" I snapped, instantly regretting it.

She looked away, she should have bitten my head off. She had every right to.

She should have reminded me, at top volume whose door I'd been to when things got really bad? So bad that they couldn't get any worse, and whose arms had held me when Nile had taken so much from me but she wouldn't. Isabella, the sweet, forgiving Shire horse, my friend, I didn't have many left. When she looked back at me a tear rolled down her cheek, matting her lovely black fur. "Izzy" I said softly, trying to convey all my sorrow for my outburst in those two syllables "I'm sorry"

She can't answer, getting up instead she quickly looks to the toilets, and places her big hand over mine and gives a squeeze, I nod. Feeling terrible.

Shaun arrives with the food, but I'm not in the mood to tease anymore so the pretty cob gets away unmolested.

I pick at the food and think about my friend, I'm 37, she's nine years younger than me 28. We are so different, I'm an ordinary looking horse with no particular breed or bloodlines, I'm just me, chestnut with a wide white blaze from ears to nose, normal height, normal weight, normal everything. Just think of me as an anthrosized riding school pony, with a much better temper.

Isabella by contrast is a goddess of a horse, tall, thickset, muscled but with unmistakably feminine curves, she's all black, with snowy white feathering from knee to hoof, she could trace her lineage back to the hard working horses of the Black Country. She keeps her black forelock long and her mane even longer.

we had first met seven years ago, we worked at different Companies then, but mine dealt with them and had to deal through her office, we met at her firm's Christmas party they knew they did a better one than ours did so invited everyone in our office. Nile and Oliver hit it off straight away, Bella and I didn't have that much in common but we couldn't stop talking and then the rest was history.

Oliver was a sleek black panther, intelligent, musical, thoughtful and funny he was really just an oversized house cat in temperament. The only partner, and then husband Bella had ever had she adored him, and Oliver adored her. When he was happy (which was always) he'd randomly burst into song. Serenading everyone around with little songs about life and Love. He'd often come up with poems too, sometimes happy and sometimes wistful. Nile and I used to go on holiday with them often, there was never a dull moment with Oliver and Izzy. A complete tonic to my usual Nile, but even he came alive when we were all together, when we were with them I had a wonderful husband, and when I was at home I had a complete psychopath.

Three years ago on fourth of august, Oliver threw himself in front of the 06:53 to Edinbrough. They were going up the very next week for a holiday, just the two of them, it was Oliver's favorite place.

Izzy's world immediately fell apart. Overnight she had gone from being a confident, strong outgoing, mare, to a shell of a horse. I tried to help as much as I could but she put up a wall even to me. Nile wouldn't go to the funeral, so neither could I, she took it very personally.

She'd frequently be a no show at work, I would know. Every day a kind old fox would deal with me instead of her and he'd tell me everything he knew. When I felt sure she was going to lose her job, a career I thought at the time she'd never get back. I had to do more.

I went to her Victorian terrace house beat the door, until she let me in. Her house was dark, no lights, curtains shut, a sea of letters under the front door that had been left where they had fallen, and then there was Bella she was skin and bones gaunt and unwell looking, rancid smell of dirty horse.

I started to well up almost immediately "No, stop, sort her out, go and do it and do it now, cry later" came a strong voice in my head, so that's what I did.

Every bit of food in the kitchen was rotten or stale she mustn't have eaten for weeks "Izzy, Izzy, where are your keys?" she looks confused "Don't go" she croaks "I'm not, silly but I have to go and get you some food, when did you last eat?" "Err, work" "That was six days ago, you silly mare" I said angrily "Keys now, you can't even get up to let me in again"

She was so week, I put food and as many cups of tea into her as I could, she kept mumbling and crying. It had been a month since her bereavement, but she was getting worse.

I walked her to her bed, she fell twice on the way, when we got there, I pulled back the covers, tidy bed, she must not have used it for weeks, she was wearing little more than a big t shirt, I pushed her in. I would have to wait till tomorrow before I cleaned. I pulled the covers over her "Don't go" she looked up at me, frightened pleading eyes. She was right I had to call Nile, and tell him I wouldn't be home tonight, he wasn't going to like it he was being... difficult at the moment, but my friend needed me, "I'm going to make a phone call, and then I'll be downstairs, all right?"

"No, Claire, p please, don't leave me" she curled up into a ball and started to weep "I'm not silly girl, I'm staying here all night, I'll be downstairs" I reassured her "N no d d don't, don't, leave me, here, I c c c can't sleep here, not in this, b bed" she wailed, "Sssh, I promise I'll be back"

"Yew want me to make my own dinner?" Nile said incredulously, he made it sound as if I expected him to dredge a river by hand, I think he'd sooner do the latter, "Look Nile, eat out, get a takeaway or something, Izzy needs me, she's in a really bad way" "That fucking cart horse, forget about her Claire, she's useless now, and she'll drag yew down too" the usual sympathetic response that my Nile could be depended upon to deliver nowadays "Look Nile I'm staying and that's it" I said firmly and hung up, it was easier to be brave from the end of the phone.

When I went back, the shire mare had rolled herself into a ball and was sobbing, gently rocking backwards and forwards. there was nothing for it, I sat on the side of the bed and undressed, I went looking for something to wear, finding another one of Bella's giant t shirts (this one came down to my knees) I put that on and, got in, pulling myself up to her back. It felt awkward but I started gently cuddling and comforting my friend, whispering sweet nothings in her ear until she stopped crying and eventually we fell asleep.

When I woke up, I'd found that, she'd turned over in the night and hugged me in tight to her chest her giant head lying just above my smaller one, arms pulling me in tight, it was warm and nice, but then a thought struck me, "This is probably how she and Olly used to sleep" I suddenly felt like I didn't belong and the thought made me shiver involuntary.

"Come on girl, get up" I reach up to my friend and rub the bridge of her long nose, "Come on Izzy, Please let me help you" she looked at me with one eye, she blinked slowly, when she opened it again a tear had formed, but she nodded her assent, I leaned in and kissed her neck "Thank you, now up"

Breakfast was a sack of crushed oats I found in a cupboard that didn't smell too bad, so porridge it was. Then I phoned in sick for work, I could easily afford to with my record.

Having set Bella on the sofa and talking at her all morning long, (I ran out of things to say after half an hour but I kept on anyway, if I talked she didn't cry and right now that made me feel like I was winning)

After I had cleaned through, fed Bella, and had a bite myself there was one thing left to do, I couldn't put it off any longer. I stood in front of Bella, hands on hips, "I'm running you a bath"

She was getting stronger, but she still needed help, by the time I got her to up the stairs and into the bathroom it was clear she wasn't going to do this on her own, off with the t shirt. She really had lost weight, I had never seen her undressed before, she was always a big girl like all shires are with a healthy amount of bulk, but she could never have been called fat, but now I could clearly see ribs.

I help her get in, left foot, her fur is filthy, then her right hoof, old fur and dust coming away in my hand, and down into the warmth, "Ouuurrh" she whickered.

While new to me to do this for another equine it felt completely natural, it's part of our social behavior to groom one another so it was actually quite enjoyable.

I handed her a washcloth and went to find a stool. She had enough of all the equine soaps and conditioners, for all the parts of a horses body, right now all she needed was a detergent, for her body and some mane and tail soap, I started with those. I dumped some from the first bottle into the bath and some of the other into my hands, I sat behind the bath firmly massaging the stuff into her matted black mane. "You really are quite well matted up Izzy" I said in jest, "I'm sorry Claire, I, I," I put my hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry about it big girl, we'll get you right, you'll see" I said gently, desperate not to start her waterworks again "Now you get cleaning, everything below the waterline, I'll let this stuff soften up your mane but you're not going to like the next bit" I said as I started working through her hopelessly matted mane with a steel mane comb.

I used my fingers too, helping to get the worst knots out. When I had finished I rinsed the stuff off with the shower, then I used quite an oily conditioner to finish the job, then rinsed that off too.

I hand her a large towel," When did you last, you know work yourself over with the brushes?" "err, um, can't remember" she mumbles "Look I'll dry you too" I did, vigorously, working over all of her with the towel, it served to dry her and helped to stimulate blood flow to her skin and thus her coat. It would do, the grooming brushes could stay in the bucket today.

When she stood finished wrapped in a towel "Claire, I, I, don't" then she burst into tears, I held her close not for the first or last time. I felt her body convulsing against mine with her sobs, she was getting stronger. "Claire" "Shush" I said trying to calm her "Claire, you sh shouldn't of had to d do this" she stammered loudly determined to force it out between the sobs. I brushed her mane from her eye with my hand and looked at her "It's my pleasure Bell"

Some of the proud Black Country, working horse was back, but she was never the same but then neither was I, life has a habit of changing you as you travel through it. I hadn't really been able to get over Oliver's death, even though he had been at rest for more than a month, life felt strange knowing he wasn't there anymore, with his jokes, songs and poems.

Izzy took a lot of fixing, when I left I would phone her every morning until she picked up and promised me she was going to work, and we would meet for lunch every day, we still do to this day. Thinking about my friend, I never, ever get the old Isabella back, but we were so much closer now. And before long I would need her.