musket prologue: chapter 3,
#4 of musket
this is the third chapter in the series musket. joshua is starting to get a bit emotional
joshua
union, 7th regiment, minnesota
camp release,
october 5th 1862
thank you for sending those lemons for me. however i have something to tell you.i am enraged! i have just found out that the money we receive may not be able to be used home! this is a severe attack to the dream that i have had of us! i am at a lost of ideas, the money that i was going to gain was for us to have a life together without us being reliant on your parents or my parents or anyone else. i will still send you the money, for in case if we want to move to the location where the money is actually worth something.
another problem, i haven't been able to sleep well. i would be afraid to death that when i sleep, the battle would come rushing back to me, it's ugly face leering at me, telling me that i am next; so i would not sleep for the entire night. another night i would believe that it would be safe for me to rest, so i go to sleep, only for that damned dream to come to me, in all it's oppressive and noisome glory, boody detail after bloody detail. i have talked to the preacher that visits and i have prayed to god, begging him to make all of the dreams stop, but with all of this the only thing i recieve is more dreams and silence. why is it that one man who has never prayed once is more successful than the man that would rather die than go a day without praying? why is it that i can not rid of these dreams? why is god ignoring me? normally i would ask once and then i would get an idea on how to achieve what it is that i desire. however, now, when i ask, nothing happens, i no longer get this idea i was hoping for.
the soldiers are starting to distance themselves from me. they say i am starting to become harder to talk to, i am now known in our regiment as 'the soldier everyone knows yet, no one knows' they say that i am slowly becoming more aggressive, that i was not the same man that i was when i enlisted. all i say is that they can go back to whatever hole they crawled from.
sincerly,
joshua