Yiffy Sex Ed
"Everything I Need to Know About Sex I Learned From Yiffstar.com"
EVERY character has sexual tension with EVERY other character in ANY series.
If a character is canon heterosexual, he or she can be easily persuaded to question their sexuality and lay with a member of the same gender.
If a character has a hot sibling, partner, or teammate they will eagerly engage in a threesome with a friend, accomplice, boyfriend, or girlfriend and their brother/sister/partner/teammate. (AKA "Two Guys, One Girl" or "Two Girls, One Guy")
The girl always has an attraction to the guy and will resist him. He will push and she will yield to him. If she doesn't, rape her; this will make her love you. If she still is unsure utilize bondage; that will certainly get her going. Be sure to grope her first as foreplay. In some cases the girl loves someone else besides the rapist; if this happens her latent "sexual desires" will explode and she'll become the school or town slut. Good news for the guys, huh?
As rape is always a sure-fire way to get a girl to like you it is not a crime and there is no need for rape shelters or hotlines. The girl certainly won't tell anyone else either.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases? No such thing! Condoms? Who needs them?
Every male is endowed with (in the words of the partner) a HUGE penis.
Every male can come at least three times during intercourse of any means.
Every girl swallows. No girl ever vomits when deep-throating.
If she is a virgin, be sure to do it roughly; orally, vaginally, and anally all in one go. She will say it hurts, but obviously she's loving it.
Anal sex requires no lubrication and there's no threat of internal damage... or enemas.
If the girl suddenly grows a penis from her clitoris DON'T WORRY; this is perfectly normal, whether she uses jutsu, magic, satanism, science, or some other means. If there's two girls it saves money on sex toys and strap-ons.
The girl is either always on the pill or during a safe time of the month; pregnancy is no risk.
The guy must always announce when he's coming so the woman can be sure to come along with him, to share the love he has for her; she will also need to take it internally to show him her love for him; or simply because she wants his seed inside her (after all, what's hotter than a high-schooler screaming "make me pregnant!!" her first time? oh wait, she won't. Law 13 dictates this). Orgasm will always happen without fail.
INCEST IS HOT!!! *ahem*
A. Can't have an orgasm with your man? Well, I'm sure big sister will be willing to help you figure out what's wrong...
B. Gee, I've got a choice of this hot woman who totally digs me or my hot sister. Who should I pick? Decisions, decisions...
Depending on the circumstances from insertion to climax the entire sex act can take as little as 2 minutes or all night; either way both partners will be satisfied.
If a guy or girl have sex slaves in their house it's perfectly fine; no one will notice if they never return home and no missing persons reports will be filed (This also applies to vore. Apparently no one knew or cared enough about the victim to look for them! So don't worry about getting arrested for murder.). Slavery is legal wherever the story is taking place.
Gangbanging is the ultimate form of love. If this is the initial rape act to tell the girl you love her, she will not mind and willfully participate after some hesitancy and engage in anything the other members want.
A girl can lactate copious amounts even if she's not pregnant.
Every "good guy" or protagonist is well-toned and thin; every girl is thin and voluptuous with at least C-cup breasts; the bigger the better, right?
Even the most hardened, vicious, and battle-trained females can be caught off-guard and raped.
Hot springs can be found anywhere on earth.
Demons, plants, or creatures with tentacles, vines, or other phallic devices can also be found anywhere on earth and desire only human females.
In some instances the girl is "fragile and sensitive", but that's no problem; the guy will be "gentle" in such cases... THEN get rough.
Say it with me now: MAID = SEX SLAVE. You're not hiring these women to work for the day; you're paying to own them to work in your big mansion and do all your chores and satisfy your carnal desires when you need it. After all, why else would they have no homes?
Age of consent? What's that? If she can talk she can say no, but she won't. And if she DOES, well, obviously she means yes.
It seems every girl has had some training in gymnastics; either the man is quick to point this fact out... or it's evident when she essentially puts herself in a position that would make a stripper blush.
Ah, the screams. There is no sound more arousing during sex than having your lover shriek in pain.
If she DOES scream in pain the guy can do one of two things: Laugh and continue, saying the woman is such a slut;
OR stop and be concerned, asking if he's too rough or something's wrong. Either way the woman will avert her eyes, blush, and say that she just didn't expect it... but it feels good and she doesn't want him to stop.
Penetration so deep that the guy starts pushing against the woman's cervix or uterus feels the best for both parties.
Sex = Experimentation. Sex can also transcend the laws of nature, time, space, and physics. Ever seen a woman's breasts grow so large that men can insert their penises into her nipples? I have... *shudders*
Ah, the orgies. The best way to reignite that spark you lost in your love life... at age 20. It's also the best way to summon Satan. Ave, Satani! *not!*
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Originally written as Sex Ed with Hentai. Is used with permission.
So.... Anyone else notice these rules in action on this site ;P