FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I own a pretty nice piece of forested property. Lots of fur trees and what not. Douglas furs, too. Big wooden things with holes in the top that leak pearl white sap (appropriately nicknamed Wingers to those in the know). Makes for some awesome pancake syrup stuff.

Anywho, I like to take walks through my little bush area thing, mainly because the scenery's nice and the wildlife is friendly. How friendly? Well, you'll see.

So, I was taking one of my regular walks, enjoying the not too hot, not too cold weather and watching a squirrel bury himself to the nuts in the arse of another squirrel when I just so happened to hear a noise. A familiar noise of course considering how much time I spent in that forest, but a noise that definitely piqued my interest.

I wave bye bye to the squirrels (the catcher blows me a kiss) and I go off to see what's going on. That's when I happen upon a small white rabbit caught in a bear trap. I gasped when I saw him and nknelt down to help him out.

Now, to be quite honest, I did in fact put it there. And I did in fact put many others around the area. But, unless you've already jumped to this conclusion considering my many habits of such, it's not for catching and killing these friendly little critters.

No, it's for their enjoyment. Again, those unfamiliar will think me a sick bugger, but I not only own this forest, I also control it. Me and my magical self have made pain all but irrelevent, making it a novelty for some and faint memory for others. In its place its oppostie is found, any wound inflicted giving the wounded quite a burst of pleasure. As such, I was not in fact helping the poor little bunny out of the trap. For you see, he was not screaming and attempting to escape, he was moaning and pawing off.

I should likely mention that these animals are also sentient and all that fun jazz. Don't want to confuse anyone when one of them suddenly speaks or anything.

"My god you're good at this," the bunny commented (and I bet at least one person was paying just enough attention to miss that last bit and wonder why the hell this rabbit's talking. Meh.).

"You should know that by now Pepper, I find you here every friggin' day doing the same thing." I note as his crotch bursts with happy. I stand up and brush off my fuzzy legs. "You should really go find something else to do, else you get bored with this thing."

It took him a second or two to calm down before cleaning himself up as any animal would. Through licks and such he responded "yeah, well, this is the only one I can locate. You hide the damn things so well, Poe, you'd think you didn't want us to find them!"

I shrug and grin a bit. "Well, it always feels best to work for one's pleasure, doesn't it? That, and I'm betting half the fun of it comes from that jolting moment of surprise when you suddenly realize you've found it." I say, mimicking a moment of surprise.

"Heck no! The fun comes from this!" he yanks hard and tears his own leg off, leaving it in the trap for someone else to find. "The fact that I can do that, and then grow it back good as new... THAT's what's fun about it." He shakes the slightly blooded stump and it grows outwards into a perfect replacement limb.

"Well at least you're enjoying yourself That would be the point of this whole place, you know." I respond looking down at him as he wiggles his new leg a bit.

"Yeah, don't you know it. You and all those people you got holed up in your place won't stop 'bothering' us out here. I've been eaten three times already this morning, and I hate smelling like crap for that half an hour or so afterwards." He crosses his arms in a huff.

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, you don't say? Then why don't you make yourself smell like something else for some other duration of time?"

He gives me a quick sideways glance before turning away and scowling at the ground. "I... don't want to bother with it... too much trouble." is Pepper's excuse.

I chuckle a bit and bend over to honk his tail which makes him jump around and face me with a slightly indignant look. "You're such a cutey Pepper."

"Yeah, well... I'm hungry. If you don't give me food, I'm going to starve and die." He kept his arms crossed and gave a 'hmmph'.

"Well, when you put it that way." I thought for a second before looking down at my then featureless crotch. When I did, suddenly it had a set of purple fuzzy testicles and a sheath. "Hope you like carrots." I said as I started thinking naughty thoughts and an honest to god god carrot started rising out of my sheath.

Pepper sniffed the air and blinked, following the scent and looking at its source. He then gasped and hopped over to it, sniffing. "I thought you could only sprout, like... genitals and stuff with that thing!"

"True. This is basically a carrot that functions as a penis. Has a urethra and everything. It's just that it's a carrot." he sniffed it a few more time before giving it a lick.

"Oh shit, it is! It doesn't even taste like dick at all!" And he happily bit into it, munching away at the thing. I myself just sat down and let him do his thing.

As I did we talked about what we'd been up to that night. He'd gone home to his wife, 96 daughters and 1 son (Bobo. Unimportant information, but I thought I'd mention it anyway) for a ridiculous orgy, while I stayed home myseld and collected rent payments. The only reason I wasn't doing that right now was because I wanted a breath of fresh air, and it's hard to get those indoors.

Once he finished, I stood back up and my crotch became featureless again. I'd offered my balls to him as well, but he turned them down, simply stating that "any rabbit loves a carrot, but you've gotta be in a certain mood for balls." and well, he had just jerked off, so he said he wasn't in that mood yet.

"I don't know... I too am a rabbit, but I'd prefer any set of genitals over a character any day." I noted as we started walking down a path.

"Well yeah, but you're also a carnivore. You only eat carrots and lettuce as a force of habit."

"No, I like the way they taste... too bad other vegetables don't taste that way." I thought for a second, "but I love fruit."

"Yeah, bananas." he rolled his eyes as he hopped alongside my stride.

"Well, they're good." I said. "has absolutely nothing to do with there phallic similarities."

"Oh riiiight. Never heard THAT one before." Pepper smirked.

"Hey man, I told you before I'm not gay."

"Oh no, of course not. You just gave me a hand job two minutes ago."

"Yeah, and I gave oral sex to 37 and a half women last night, while only giving it to 36 men." I folded my arms in defiance.

"Yeah? And what do you mean by 'and a half women'? She topless or what?" Pepper questioned.

"No, she was just the female half of an intersexed set of siamese twins. She particularly enjoyed my tongue skills."

"And let me guess, the guy half's dick was up your nose?"

"Hey, nasal sex has nothing to do with this discussion at all!" I spat down at him in a joking manner.

"yeah well, too bad. You may not be gay, but you're at least bi." he said.

"Fine, I'll go with that if you want, but we both know I gravitate towards anything with breasts." I said. "That, and a nice ass... can't not love a nice round ass." I made an outline in front of me and kissed it, a small cartoonish heart floating there for a second.

"That's only because you love farts." Pepper smirked up at me.

I smirked back at him and tooted. Then I looked away. "You eat your own poop."

pepper gasped and pointed at me angrily. "That's a biological necessity and you friggin' well know it!"

"Oh yeah? And since when has any kind of actual necessity been anywhere near necessary for living around here, hunh? You only got hungry because you wanted to be hungry."

"Yeah? Well... well... fuck..." He turned away and folded his arms again, hopping on his back legs.

"It's not like it matters anyway. Do you have any idea how many people I know that eat their own shit? Or other people's for that matter?" I gave a wave to a mountain lion and deer who were enjoying themselves, the former gnawing on the ribcage of the latter as they chatted to each other, "it's not like it's weird out here. Hell, I bet I know more animals in thie forest than people back at the apartment that are coprophiliacs."

"... true... and it does taste good." He said in a low tone.

"let me guess, you don't change the flavour?" I asked.

"... no." he answered, his skin and fur blushing a bright pink.

"Well, I definitely can't argue against a natural meal myself. Mind you, I shit candy. I poop in a basket and hand it out for Easter around here. Sometimes I change the flavour so it DOES taste like poo just to see what I'm missing since the last time I tried it."

"Do you like it?" Pepper asked, his ears perking up.

"Meh. I've had better. Mind you, I've worse as well. Some people who aren't aware of others' likes and dislikes have a tendency to misjudge their friend's tastes in feces. I have had some seriously bad shit in my time."

"Man, this bear stuck me up his ass once and it was so bad I threw up in there... he thought it was hilarious." we passed by a bear who was walking by the other way. He had the bottom bit of a tree (scraggly roots and all) sticking out of his ass. A weasel was lazily laying on it, chewing a bit of grass.

"Sounds funny to me." I said honestly.

"heh, well it was. We had a good laugh over it afterwards." pepper grinned, reminiscing.

"I once ate this chick from feet to head. I swear to god I almost gagged on that first chunk of ass cheek. Tasted like horseradish. Blech." I stuck my tongue out to help accentuate my disgust.

"hey, horseradish is awesome! And I've been up her ass too! I actually know who you're talking about!" pepper was now hopping backwards, flailing his arms around like any other hand talker would when they got on a roll.

"To each their own, man. I have absolutely nothing against anyone with a liking for horseradish. I just think it's gross myself."

"Yeah, I know... you won't stop saying that." He rolled his eyes at me. "Hey Jerri." he waved at a wolf who'd spread peanut butter on her genitals and some human girl was licking it all off for her.

"You know that wolf?" I asked.

"And the girl. Mates, they are. I've been their dinner so many times I can't remember which end of me they prefer." He said.

"let me guess, they dipped you in peanut butter?" I raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"Nah, they just love irony. Anyone who isn't used to seeing weird stuff like that would do a serious double take. They love that." He chuckled a bit as he took another look back and then hopped a bit quicker to catch back up since he'd slowed down a tad.

"Speaking of mates, how's yours doing?" I asked him.

"Oh she'd doing great. Ever pregnant as always. Hasn't been able to move for like... what was it?"

"4 years, I think." I scratched my chin thoughtfully. "When was it that she popped the news to you?"

"What, that she was pregnant, or that she was going to go for the whole 'permanently unmovably hugely pregnant' thing?" he asked.

"The first one."

"Oh. Five years for that one, four and a half for the second, so you were close."

"Yeah, I thought as much." I caught a bird flying around out of the corner of my eye. It was flying around in circles when it suddenly dived bombed straight down and managed to bury itself up to the shoulders in a chipmunk's vagina.

"She shits like a volcano, too." He said, shaking his head. "The wall behind her is permanently stained. I've tried cleaning it, but the cleaner tastes awful. That, and my tongue gets all the important stuff anyway."

"that's one thing I've definitely noticed. Cleaning solvents around these parts are completely useless unless you secrete them yourself. Our tongues and what not do so much better."

"And that's likely due to the whole 'I want it, so I'm gonna get it' sort of thing... like, you'd rather taste it yourself, so you don't want the cleaner getting too much of it out. I know that's how it is for me. Just standing there, wiping away at the of white wall while my wife grunts behind me. All I can think of is 'dammit, why am I not just licking this all up? It's such a waste.' So I drop the stuff and just lick like I wanted to in the first place." Pepper was visibly starting to get hard.

"You're enjoying all this scat talk, aren't you?" I asked.

"Well... yeah... it's kind of my thing, you know?" He blushed again, his fur going flush as well.

"That and being embarrassed, apparently. Well, you're not the only one." I nudged him with a toe before stopping, sticking out my butt and letting a long, loud fart out so all the animals could hear it. Pepper was laughing at it, as were a number of other animals. A couple even came up for a whiff of the sweet sugary scent of my tasty toots. Completely by accident I let a little chocolate fly and hit a small mouse in the face. It was so surprised it started choking on it and actually died for a minute or so. I myself almost died of embarrassment having killed an animal with my poo, but when I noticed it was writhing in both the throws of death and a massive orgasm that was bathing another mouse beside it I started laughing so hard.

So in general we both had a great time. Not long after the tooting incident Pepper decided his feet were tired and asked for a ride, so I put him up my bum backwards and hung his head outside of it. I moved the hle up to my chest so he could watch where we were going and was happy to see a small decripit cabin coming closer.

"You're taking me home tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah, why not? I figured I could use some help collecting my rents tonight. You don't mind crawling your way through a an orifice or two, do you?"

"Not at all," he said, tickling my insides with his tail, "Just as long as I get some kind of payment out of it as well, then we're cool."

"I know a lady who won't stop shitting on the third floor. She's got so many rooms full of crap she could feed entire families... in fact, if memory serves, she feeds two. One's a family of people who juast go in to pick up some every day or so, and the other's a family of three who've hung themselves from the ceiling by their ankles and do nothing but eat it and drown in it."

"Weird people." Pepper noted.

"Meh. I've seen weirder."

We walked up to the door of the cabin and turned the old creaky knob. I looked through the window before entering to make sure it still looked old and crappy on the inside, too. I could easily see a broken rocking shair and a springless spring cushioned couch off in one corner. A faded rug sat in the center, illuminated by many small points of light shining through the ceiling.

When I did open the door, though, I entered not into a cruddy cabin, but into the lobby of my 'only ad famous as it needs to be' apartment complex. The walls were deep purple, the floor was a lighter shade of faded pink, and a many armed lady sat at the front desk.

"Checking back in for the day Poe?" the lady asked, looking up with one set of eyes (the others were all on stalks of various lengths that were twisted here and there into an ever watchful hairdo of sorts).

"Certainly, Ms Granite. And I've brought a nice little friend as well." I took the hole off my chest and held it out to her so she could see Pepper."

"Oh? And have we met before?" she asked.

"Yep. You're the only person who's ever been in MY ass." He said, grinning. Ms Granite blushed and tried hurriedly to look away from us with all of her eyes and cover her seriously blushing face with at least one hand as she giggled to herself remembering that time, whenever it was.

And so, there we have it. A brief example of life outside the Ether Realty Apartments. Now maybe you'll have a better time finding the place when you get out there to look. Know of any place where sap pours from the trees? Or where the animals are abundant and surprisingly well mannered? Maybe you're near us, then... or, maybe you're not. You won't know unless you look.