Chapter 24
#25 of The Mating Season: The Years Inbetween
Chapter 24
Kel stood over the grave, glad that his tears were blending with the rain.
Night had fallen and the river tribe had moved on, taking with them Hris. The group had spent some time saying their goodbyes to Hris. Kel hated to see the older male go. Hris had been a mentor and friend from the time Kel was very small. He and his friends always turned to Hris whenever they could not go to their fathers with a problem. Even Zaldon had looked up to him.
Keeno and Yzlo tried a last time to convince Hris to come back with them, but Hris was adamant. He hugged and kissed Keeno goodbye, then thumped Yzlo's back in a one-armed hug. He shook paws with Kel . . . then broke down and hugged him too. He wished Kilyan good luck with Ohana and playfully pinched a giggling Ohana's chin. Then he left, and Kel hoped he was going to be happy with his lover. Thinking of Zaldon, he was happy for Hris. The male looked well on his way to a happy, drama-free relationship. If there was such a thing.
With the river tribe gone, Kel had wanted to see his mother's grave, so he and the others went to it, following Gurwin to the hunched tree beside the river.
Kel stood alone, staring at the pile of stones that marked his mother's final resting place. With her were his brothers, both pups that had died in childbirth. He knew the crow wolves would have said his mother was cursed, that her selfish sons were dying and sought to take her with them.
He knew because Gurwin had spoken of nothing else since lunch that day. Having visited the grave, Gurwin and Payan returned to the camp for lunch, and Gurwin would not stop ranting angrily about the crow tribe. Kel could not remember his father ever speaking so much about his native tribe in all thirty-four summers of his life. When Kel was a boy, he had often asked Gurwin about the tribe his father originally hailed from and Gurwin often refused to talk about it. But Kel knew they weren't really summer wolves. It was clear given the suspicious way in which the summer wolves treated Gurwin when Kel was still very small. But then the wars with the winter wolves happened, and Gurwin won the trust of the summer wolves when he bravely defended their home.
Many had suffered and died during those wars. Both of Hris and Hye's parents died. A teenage Hris had then raised his sister like his daughter, caring for her until she was old enough for her first mating season. Yzlo's parents had helped Hris, often taking Hye into their home and looking after her while Hris was on patrol. It was then that Yzlo fell in love with Hye. The two of them experimented when they were teenagers - Kel knew because Yzlo had often bragged about it - and Hye was one year younger than Yzlo. She wanted desperately to be his wife. So Hris went to the village council, and she was allowed to become an adult early, thus joining Yzlo at his mating season.
But Yzlo was always very possessive of Hye. He took her home to Hris before the orgy with Aliona and Kira, only to return and join his friends for one last night of freedom. Heh. Kel often wondered what Keeno would do if he knew all these things. Keeno was like his father in more ways than he would ever realize.
Hye was allowed to become an adult early because Hris was well respected in the village. Due to his participation in the wars, he had earned his place among the summer wolves as a true hero. The village loved him, and the village council would have done whatever he asked.
Kel still remembered attending the celebrations after the war had ended: Hris, Gurwin, and all the heroes of the war were called up on the dais in the village square, and it was there that they received special necklaces with crimson feathers. Of course, none of them wore the necklaces. Not even Gurwin. Because none of them seemed to be of the opinion that they had gone through something heroic.
Kel remembered holding his father's paw and peering up at him and asking him why the village now viewed him as a hero. He couldn't remember how old he was. He might have been four years old.
"Daddy," Kel remembered saying, "is all dis for you?"
The village square had been extensively decorated, and tables of food stood, lit by candlelight, laden with glossy roasted meats and colorful dishes of cakes. Kel remembered eying the cakes, eager to get his grubby little paws on them.
"Yes, my son," Gurwin had answered. "Your father is a hero this day."
"Why?" Kel asked with large eyes.
Gurwin sighed. "I killed a bunch of winter wolves and I didn't die. That . . . makes me a hero."
"It makes you a good guy?"
Gurwin was suddenly grim. "There is no such thing as a 'good guy' in war, my son."
"Kel?"
Present-day Kel's lips tightened as Gurwin came to stand beside him. He had asked to be left alone. He was crying and did not want Gurwin to see. He just wanted to stand over his mother's grave and try to remember her - without dramatic arguments, reminiscing, or insults from his father. Kel closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. He just wanted peace for two seconds.
"I know you don't want me to speak to you, son," Gurwin began heavily.
"You know," Kel said through his fangs, "so you speak to me anyway? Can you not just respect my wishes!"
"Kel . . . I love you and I'm trying to reach out to you --"
"Don't!" Kel snarled. "Don't touch me!"
Gurwin recoiled and took his paw away.
They stood in silence for a while, the rain slicking down their fur. Kel sniffed and glared with wet eyes in the opposite direction. Gurwin watched him stonily . . . and a little sadly.
"Your mother wouldn't want you to cry --"
"I'll never know what she wanted!" Kel snapped over him. "Because you drove her away! You with your hatred and anger --"
"Do you have any idea," Gurwin snarled, "what I went through living among the crow tribe? Of course you don't -- because you never listen to me! You're too busy being a self-righteous little prick! So eager to throw all the blame on your father! Did it ever occur to you that perhaps Nikoma was a bad mother?"
Kel glared at his father.
"No," said Gurwin, frowning, "it didn't. It didn't occur to you. Well, now I will tell you who your mother was --"
"I don't want to hear --"
"Listen to me!" Gurwin practically roared.
Kel sniffed and grudgingly fell silent. He wiped his tears away with a violent jerk of his wrist. He could feel Gurwin's hard eyes boring into him.
"God, I miss the day when I could just throw you over my knee," Gurwin growled. "You are so difficult to manage now."
"A son is not something to manage," Kel said quietly, angrily.
"No," Gurwin agreed, "a son is not. I have learned that from you."
Kel looked away, refusing to acknowledge the gentle tone in Gurwin's voice. "You were talking about my mother."
Gurwin looked at the grave maker. "The crow tribe is run by females. I have told you this. Their entire village council is female, and the chieftess rules alone. The chief is only chief in name. Males there are the slaves, and the princes are bartered off in marriage. Your mother was the court sorceress. Sometimes . . . males are forced to have sex together . . . to entertain the court . . ."
Kel tensed, on the verge of walking away.
"That male I told you about, the one who killed my father . . . he was chased out for fooling around with a married male. You see, males are not allowed to have sex with each other without permission - and especially if they are married."
Kel closed his eyes, not wanting to hear this.
"When my fathered died, I was orphaned. The chieftess took me on as a pleasure slave."
Kel looked at his father, incredulous.
"I was raised in the court, but no one touched me until I was fifteen. By that time, I was forced to have sex with other boys . . . for the court's amusement."
"Dad . . . stop."
"No. No, you will listen to this!" Gurwin snapped.
"Why?" Kel sneered. He tossed a paw. "So that I will pity you? Bad things happen to wolves everyday, Dad! And many of them still do not treat their sons the way you have treated me!" He stabbed an accusatory finger at his father. "You choose to hate tail chasers! There is no one to blame!"
Gurwin swallowed hard. "Kel, your mother . . ."
"My mother," Kel shouted over him, "was an angel compared to you! I don't care what she did. You won't make me hate her with your sob stories."
"It's not what she did. It's what she didn't do."
"Aw," said Kel in mock sympathy. "Did Mom never love you, Dad? Boo. Hoo."
"Kel!" Gurwin glared. "The chieftess gave me to your mother in marriage," he said harshly. "When I was eighteen. Nikoma saw me and wanted me. She kept me tied with a leash to her bed --"
"Because you kept running away," Kel said over him.
Gurwin halted and his ears pricked forward. His mouth hung open uncertainly.
"And she feared for your safety," Kel went on. "The White Forest is dangerous, and you kept running away into it, getting lost, getting hurt. Then one day, you kidnapped her and fled the village. She was pregnant with me." He stared at his father defiantly.
"Al . . . Alo told you . . ."
"Alo told me."
They fell silent.
"And now my son is a fucking tail chaser," Gurwin said after a long pause.
Kel sighed.
"Just admit it, boy. You defend them so passionately because you are one. I should tell your wife. I should tell your boy! Then they'd see who you really are."
"Aliona knows who I really am."
Gurwin stood in shock. He studied Kel curiously. "And the boy?"
"Why the hell does it matter? Stay out of my life and stay away from my son! Or I swear to god --" Kel whirled and abruptly brought himself eye-to-eye with his father.
They stood glaring.
"You wouldn't hurt me. I'm your father."
Kel snorted. Had the old fool forgotten their fight in the winter village? "You were never my father!" he said and marched away.
"And then what happened?" Loryn said quietly.
Kel chucked a stone in the water and shrugged. "We went home."
They were in the woods behind the grazing fields of the summer village, sitting beside the stream. Kel had only been back from the journey for two days, but already, he was on patrol. It was afternoon, but Kel and Loryn had already taken lunch. The sun was high in the pale gray sky and leaves were blowing in the wind. Winter was coming and Fall was going.
Loryn plucked a leaf from the orange layer on the ground and twirled it idly. Normally, he would have been training young warriors at this time - in fact, he silently lamented that he was missing out, for he loved the young boys like the sons he knew he would never have - but he had taken the day off for Kel.
"You're never going to forgive Gurwin . . .?"
Kel scowled. "No. Never!"
Loryn sighed. "My father is dead. And I always wished we could have . . ."
"Your father was nothing like Gurwin, Loryn."
Loryn laughed flatly. "Gurwin doesn't have horns, Kel. He's not evil incarnate!" He tossed a paw. "He's just your father!"
"Unfortunately."
Loryn rolled his eyes. "Oh, stop pouting like a teenage girl." He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. "So you never saw our favorite big, tall, and sexy?"
Kel glowered.
"I'll take that as a no."
"I asked you . . ." Kel muttered miserably. "Never to mention . . ."
"I know," Loryn said apologetically. "But can you blame me for hoping that the two of you would bump into each other in the winter village? I had hoped you would fall into each other's arms, proclaim your love, vow never to separate again . . . and then have hot sticky sex."
Kel squeezed his eyes shut. "Loryn, for god's sake . . ."
Loryn laughed softly. "Gotcha thinkin', didn't it?"
They fell silent, and Loryn knew that if Kel wasn't thinking, he certainly was now. He and Kel had not touched each other for a year. The last time had been that day under the waterfall . . .
Loryn glanced furtively at Kel. The black wolf was sitting hunched forward, his arms resting on his knees, his head bowed in thought. Beautiful Kel, Loryn thought sadly. He reached over and hesitated, then touched Kel's mane. Kel's ears pricked forward.
"Loryn . . ."
"I know," Loryn whispered. "I just . . . miss being with you. Is all."
Kel smiled at him over his shoulder. "I missed you too."
They lay together in the dead grass and withered red leaves. Loryn put his arm around Kel, and Kel rested his cheek on his chest. Kel coughed a little, and Loryn frowned.
"You sound like you're getting a cold again."
"I'm not," Kel said adamantly.
Loryn rolled his eyes, knowing it was useless arguing. "We're going to be grandparents. Feel old yet?" He was glad to feel Kel's cheek bulge against him in a smile. Now if only something else would bulge. . . .
Kel laughed hoarsely and broke down coughing.
Loryn frowned and rubbed his back. Since Kel's second visit to the winter village, Loryn had noticed his coughs getting more frequent, getting worse. Yzlo had expressed his concerns the day before, informing Loryn that Kel had started showing signs of sickness while they were traveling home - though he tried his damndest to hide it.
"Kel?"
"Mm?"
"Maybe you should take today off. You just got back, after all. Go home and be with Aliona. I'll help Kira look after her sheep."
Kel frowned. "Don't coddle me, Loryn."
"What am I allowed to do?" Loryn returned playfully.
Kel closed his eyes. "Hold me?"
Loryn's ears pricked forward at the sad request.
"Please," Kel whispered.
Loryn thought he sounded tired and hoarse - on the verge of crying! He closed Kel tight in his big arms and kissed his head. I love you.
Kel smiled. "Tighter. Hold me, Loryn . . ."
Loryn held tighter. "Forever, Kel." He frowned sadly and whispered, ". . . forever."