Sunshine Days - Chapter 16
David and Jonathan were lying in their respective beds, quietly waiting for the lights to go out in the other cabins. No one had come over to turn the lights out in their cabin the previous night so they had no reason to believe that anyone would be coming around that evening either. That is, unless someone like Durham or one of the Leaders saw that their lights were on and came over to see why they were still awake. But no one did and the two boys were left alone to decide when they turned out their own lights for the night. David figured around 11 or 11:30 he'd have a peek outside just to make sure that the coast was clear.
He was sitting up in his bed, tapping his feet in the air to the music on Jonathan's mp3 player which he'd let him borrow in exchange for the walkman. While Jonathan was sitting on the top bunk listening to David's Five Iron Frenzy albums and reading a book, David was grooving out to some Newsboys and All Star United. It turned out that Jonathan already had most of the stuff he listened to regularly as well, though he wasn't so much a fan of a few of them, like Jars of Clay. And he did notice a significant lack of older records and artists, and an offensive absence of ska music in his library. No Five Iron Frenzy, no O.C. Supertones, not even Switchfoot! He wondered what kind of rock Jonathan lived under and whether it had cable or satellite. He giggled a little at the mental image of a rock with all the amenities of a comfortable home.
Even though they were both the same age, the same religion, and enjoyed the same kinds of music, the time periods of their tastes in music were asymmetrical. They both enjoyed CCM (contemporary Christian music) from the early to mid 2000's but David's music appreciation went way back further into the 90's and even a little into the 80's (from his parent's CD and vinyl collections). He grew up with an ear for the various genres and flavors of non-secular music from pop and rock to soul and gospel. His parents, being as lenient as they were, even let him listen to secular music from time to time, granted that they reviewed it first before allowing him permission to listen to it. He got away with listening to a lot of the Top 40 hits of the time by hearing the radio-friendly versions at the local skating rink, at the arcade at Redwood Plaza Mall, and at the swimming pool among places. He would rent used CDs from his library and rip them onto his computer before he had to return them, and then burn the songs to CDRs just so he could listen to them again and again on his Walkman. He'd even compile his favorite songs together into a mix and burn those to a CD, which he titled, "Now That's What I Call David's Favorite Songs!" and add a little volume number to the end. He had at least 15 of them.
The collection of Newsboys albums on Jonathan's mp3 went as far back as "Going Public" all the way to their latest album "Adoration: The Worship Album" which Jonathan disdainfully referred to as "Their Sellout Album." David was proud to admit that not only did he have everything up to "Adoration" (Which he agreed, 'Sucked balls') but his library stretched all the way back to "Hell Is For Wimps." It was his particularly favorite phase of the band, back when they had the audacity and edginess to tell listeners to Boycott Hell and declared in a catchy tune that 'They don't serve breakfast in Hell.' Their older music was a lot bolder, unabashed, and _in your face_with a Christian slant. Plus it finally gave him an excuse to sing the word "Hell" in front of his parents without getting into any trouble.
The messages and themes aside, the music itself was what David was about. When he wanted to mellow out, rock out, or tune out he'd put in his ear buds and listen to one of his compilation CDs. There were other times when he just wanted a taste of nostalgia, the harmonies that encapsulated the warmth and sometimes bittersweet essence of childhood in the late 90's. Music of the good old days. Nothing evoked the happiness and carefree memories of those days quite like the raucously upbeat and goofy songs of his favorite ska band. Those were simpler times...
If asked, David would have said that he was very happy growing up. Not only happy, but fortunate too. He had a stable home life, two parents that adored him, and pretty much loved the hell out of each other too. There had been very little for him to worry about since he was generally well liked by most of his peers at school and at church, though he did cause some hassle for his teachers. The pup had a penchant for acting up in class, earning him several detentions and occasional trips to the Principal's office. It wasn't that the teachers didn't like him. He was just too energetic to pay attention in class. Most teachers would say, "He's a very bright boy! If he would just settle down and pay attention, his grades would be a lot better." Which was true. David wasn't dim at all. His major hindrance was his ADHD which made it hard for him to absorb what the teacher was saying. He often graduated to the next grade by the skin of his teeth, nearly having to repeat grades several times.
School and church aside, David didn't have a lot to worry about. His parent's rarely fought and he had no doubt in his mind that they'd be together forever. They were just like his Grandpa and Nana, who had often regaled him with stories on how they'd been high school sweethearts, had years of courtship, and a long lasting marriage that was still as strong as it had ever been. He knew his parent's would be just like that, a relationship that was just as durable and fortified as his grandparent's had been. He knew all about the high rate of divorce in the country during the time and even knew several friends whose parents were divorced or were in the process. But David wasn't afraid of becoming a part of that statistic himself. As sure as he had faith in God and Jesus, he had faith in his parent's relationship.
There hadn't been any real darkness in his life up until the end of the 90s. But as the decade came to a close and a new millennium was ready to take its place, the darkness was starting to show through. Unlike the stars pin pointing little lights in the night sky, the darkness punched ragged holes through the bright sky of day.
The first hole came in the early spring of '99 when two teenage boys walked into their high school in Littleton, Colorado and shot 12 of their fellow students dead, as well as a teacher. The fear and chaos spread throughout the country, fueled by the news outlets and the media. Every story and headline became about how these two boys came to their fatal conclusion, why they did it, what made them do it. But the one resonating statement that sent vibrations of dread into every parent's and child's mind was, "This could happen to us." It had never occurred to David at nine years old that he could go to school tomorrow and get gunned down. He wasn't even safe going to his own school. He didn't comprehend the full weight of what had happened until the night after the shooting, when his father came into his room as he was falling asleep.
His father was a lot like him, both in stock and in spirit. His father was bulky around the middle but had terrific upper body strength. Despite misconceptions about his size and breed, he was as gentle, bright, and fun as one could be. He always took time to play with David after dinner in the yard and encouraged him to join in on sports and activities in school. Everyone said that David took after his father, both in looks and in his personality.
He remembered being awakened by the door opening and the light from the hallway shining in. He sat up a little confused and irritated until he saw the look on his father's face. Just like Jonathan had seen the light go out of David's face from time to time, all the joy had vacated the older bull terrier's face and left him with an expression that shook the young pup. He'd never seen so much sadness on his father's face before. When his father came and sat on the edge of his bed, he could see that his eyes were red and there was a little dampness in the fur beneath them. He remembered how his father's paws gently held under his cheeks and rubbed over his shoulders and how he looked down at him with all the sorrow and fear a father could have. He was pulled close into his father's arms and held for a long time. Not much was said other than, "I love you, boy." "I love you too, daddy." He'd responded.
Even though he was young at the time, he still had a vague understanding of what his father's tears meant. He and his father shared the same strong sense of compassion and sympathy for others. When all those cubs were taken out before their time, his father ached and wept for them. He wept for the parents whose babies would never graduate and never grow older. He couldn't fathom that happening to his own pup. Just like his father, David's sense of sympathy and love for others was so strong at times that it often hurt. When Jonathan talked about his parent's fighting and impending divorce, it made him want to cry. Not just cry but hold Jonathan close and cry for him. He knew it was a bit silly and that Jonathan would most likely feel uncomfortable if he did, but the sympathy was there and it cut deeply. Though it would be impossible for him to mend Jonathan's situation, he wanted to be there to give him a semblance of hope and happiness. Perhaps it was his own good fortunes, with his parent's stable and loving relationship, that made him want to use his situation to help others. His father couldn't imagine his boy being gunned down in a safe place like school. David couldn't imagine his own parent's constantly fighting or divorcing. The most terrifying part was that either was always possible.
Much later, Avery punched another hole in his bright blue sky by labeling him a queer, then betraying him by turning most of his friends against him. It took David a long time to recover from the damage Avery had left behind in terms of garnering new friends or the trust and respect of old ones. He'd heard that Avery had spread rumors about him; that he'd forced himself upon him, that he raped him and said that if he told anyone he'd get beaten up. All of which weren't true at all and despite most of his friends knowing that those traits were nothing like the real David, chose to avoid him like a social pariah. Some came back because they knew that wasn't him but others chose to perpetuate the rumors to people he didn't even know. If it hadn't been for Vince, he probably never would have made it through the millennium.
Around Christmas time of 2000, David had crept downstairs to get himself a glass of milk. Even though Santa (yes, even at the age of 10 he still believed in Santa. It seemed no one had the heart to tell him or that the other cubs needed more fuel to make fun of him, aside from being a fag) wouldn't be visiting his house for another couple weeks, he didn't want to get caught in case Santa had decided to pay an early visit. When he passed by the slightly open living room door, it wasn't Santa that he was greeted with. It was his parents. He peered through the crack in the door and saw his mother sitting quietly in a chair, slowly stroking her husband's hair gently as he sobbed quietly with his head rested on her lap. No...it had been more on her slightly swollen stomach instead of her lap. He felt the icy pick of dread in his heart, wondering why his father would be crying like that and why his mother, who was almost always radiating with a glowing warmth and happiness, held a sad and stoic expression. She looked terrifyingly older then, like she had aged 10 years overnight. When he garnered the strength to ask his mother why his daddy was crying the night before, he learned what a stillbirth was.
The final and most recent hole that had been punched through came the next year when the World Trade Center fell out of the sky. Three days before his birthday, he came downstairs at seven in the morning for breakfast to find his parent's glued to the television. He remembered the chill he felt as he saw the mute terror on his mother's face and his father's paws clasped over his muzzle, watching as the second tower collapsed. Over and over, the clips played on television. People running for their lives as a grey cloud of debris enveloped them and images of the devastation dominated the news cycle and his nightmares for a long while. Just like the school shooting two years prior, the media imprinted the horrors of reality on David which sometimes manifested themselves in dreams where he couldn't stop his plane from crashing into a tower or a gunman holding a rifle to his face and asking him if he believed in God (sometimes asking him if he was gay).
On the way home from school he had looked up and noticed how beautiful the sky was that afternoon, so deep and blue. He choked on his tears there on the sidewalk, knowing that some people would never see the sky again. Why God would allow a tragedy like that to happen, especially on a beautiful day like that, he'd never know.
The 90s had ended with the loss of his innocence and no matter how bright and blue his sky was, there would always be those dark holes to remind him of the frailty of human life and the evil capable in men's hearts. Holes that could never be repaired.
But all hope wasn't lost. No, before David had left for camp he'd heard wonderful news that his mother's pregnancy coming along smoothly and that she was due to have a healthy baby girl. He was finally going to be a big brother! She'd come back from one of her regular checkups with the news, bearing her third trimester belly and a bill of good health. There were tears of joy in his father's eyes as he kissed her, being extra careful near her belly just in case. David had yipped and jumped around the kitchen excitedly, overjoyed that he'd finally be a brother. Now at camp, he still held a vague sense of anxiety when he thought about his mother and his soon-to-be sister. It would be their first success in over 12 years of trying for another pup and he was worried that he'd come home to find that it was another stillbirth, just like the one before. The news had been reassuring but still, he couldn't help but worry.
David took out the ear buds and set the mp3 player aside to crawl off the bed and climb the ladder. Jonathan pulled off the headphones and set his book aside as David asked, "What time is it?"
Jonathan checked his watch, "It's 11:08."
David grinned a little. "You think everyone's gone to bed by now?"
Jonathan shifted a little uncomfortably, though he looked a little excited as well. Maybe it was anticipation and David was just imagining it. "I dunno...maybe we should give it another hour...?"
David frowned and gave him a little irritated look. "We can't stay up really late. You know wake up's at 7, right?"
Jonathan looked down at the book on his lap sheepishly, "I know...I just don't wanna get caught..."
David grinned and leaned over to peck a kiss on the tabby's cheek. "We're not gonna get caught, dummy. I promise."
David hopped off the ladder and went over to the door. He opened it ajar and looked around the darkened campsite for a moment, seeing that all the lights in all the cabins were out for the evening. He smiled and turned back, "The coast is clear." He flicked the lights out and padded back to the bed in the dark. "I think we can wait another ten or twenty minutes if you want."
"Sure..." Came an uncertain voice.
David grinned and flopped back on to his bed, willing to wait however long it took to play with Jonathan again.