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Chapter 16

Lynny found himself unable to think straight the next day for his guilt. Idella seemed determined to move on and pretend nothing had happened the night before - Idella had always been content with pretending. When they lost their second pup, she lifted her chin and moved forward, pushing the hurt deep down inside. When they lost Lallo, she did the same, burying herself in her cooking. She buried herself now, zealously helping Julyan in the kitchen with preparing the food for the wedding. Aliona, Mora, and Amrosa were also helping, and each dish they completed was preserved with a spell from Zaldon.

Zaldon was also content to pretend the argument had not happened. At breakfast that morning, he passed Lynny as he was sitting at the table and gave him a hard ruffle on the mane that made everyone laugh. Lynny laughed too. And all was well. He and Zaldon had never been able to stay angry with each other for very long. Kel might have been the only thing that had ever come close to coming between them.

For Lynny not only felt guilty for cheating on Idella . . . he also felt guilty for continuously sneaking around behind Zaldon's back. That first time when he was but a boy, Zaldon had permitted it, believing that he would never see Kel again, knowing that he had every intention of breaking things off.

The second time, when Kel was injured while coming to see Zaldon in the winter village, Zaldon had no idea that Kel and Lynny had had sex. And they kept it that way, not wanting to face his wrath.

The third time, after Kel was sick, Zaldon had scolded Lynny for his infidelities. But they had all been so frightened for Kel, so shaken up, that Zaldon allowed his brother a last taste - then later scolded him about lying to Idella.

Kel was - and felt -- as guilty as Lynny. He failed to meet Lynny's eye any time he looked at him across the table at breakfast. After breakfast, Kel made himself scarce by volunteering to puppy sit Wynn and Inden. He took the two to the public gardens that stood - vibrantly green and bursting with flowers - in the center of the sun village. Wynn was ecstatic to go and took her grandfather's paw, bouncing along at his side and asking childish questions, while quiet and shy Inden followed along behind, his dark eyes round as they took in the wonders of the sun village.

Lynny knew he had to make it up to Idella. Somehow. He went out on the front step of Zaldon's home, pulled out his pipe, lit up, and silently vowed never to touch Kel again.

"Lynny?"

It was Kilyan's voice. Lynny smiled as his son-in-law emerged from the door behind him. He closed his eyes and his nostrils flared to take in Kilyan's scent. Kilyan smelled a lot like his father, only Kilyan carried a great deal of the summer land's flowers and grass in his fur. Kel smelled more of the northern forest . . . and the river.

Kilyan sat beside Lynny and wordlessly took the pipe when it was passed to him. They smoked in silence for a while, staring calmly out at the sun village, at the endless rows of orange brick huts and the looming banana trees, at the young females who passed with their sisters and mothers, at the naked female warriors who went at a hard march down the street.

A young father walked by with two little pups clinging to his paws. The girls had their manes plaited in braids, and the braids flapped as they bounced either side their smiling father. Kilyan smiled as he watched them, and Lynny knew he was thinking of Wynn.

"Get that girl of yours in line yet?" Lynny said, accepting the pipe when it was passed to him. He took a long puff and smoke furled from his nose.

Kilyan sighed wearily and Lynny knew why: they'd had this conversation before. Lynny and Kel believed that spanking Wynn would make her respect her father, obey him, stop talking back. Kilyan didn't seem to have the heart to spank her, and everyone knew it was because of his guilt: Kilyan could not stop beating himself up over the fact that he had missed the first ten years of Wynn's life.

"Did you spank Ohana?" Kilyan said pointedly.

Lynny grinned as he passed the pipe back. Everyone knew he'd never spanked Ohana. Idella simply refused to allow it, insisting that their daughter would respect them of her own violation. Of course, Ohana proved her mother wrong, first with talking back, then with sleeping around with far too many boys for comfort. Ohana had been a wild girl, defiant and mischievous. Lynny often asked himself what a spanking might have done for her. He failed to lay down the law when she was a child, so she grew up . . . and walked all over him.

"You know damn well I didn't," laughed Lynny, brushing a bit of something off his big shoulder. He adjusted his feathered talisman - the family heirloom his father had given him when he insisted on moving out at sixteen. Bayne had given the coveted talisman over as a last minute attempt to make Lynny stay with him, but it hadn't mattered anyway: Lynny wound up going to his father's house to care for him regardless.

"But I wish everyday that I had been more firm, at least," Lynny went on. "Ohana was my baby girl, my only girl, so I spoiled her rotten and look what happened?" He looked at Kilyan sadly. "She slept around and wound up watching her lovers die."

Kilyan swallowed hard and looked away. Lynny knew he was thinking of Lallo, a boy he probably regretted killing every day of his life. Lynny put a big arm around Kilyan and rubbed his shoulder to sooth him. Kilyan blinked hard and peered off at the bright blue sky.

"If you don't want Wynn to turn out like Ohana," Lynny said quietly, "put your foot down with her. Be _firm._Give her boundaries. She'll thank you for it when she's older."

Kilyan nodded and smiled reluctantly when Lynny playfully shook him in his big arm. They went back to passing the pipe, and Lynny thought Kilyan still looked a little sad. He regretted bringing up Lallo. Since the wretched night the two of them fought, they had made it a point never to mention him. But Lynny couldn't help mentioning him. He loved Lallo. And he missed him.

"Loryn said Zaldon has got another pup on his paws," Kilyan said into the silence. He was trying to change the subject. Lynny was glad.

Lynny grunted and nodded. It was true. Talib had asked Zaldon to look after his niece - the headstrong and temperamental child of the deceased Teesa. Lynny already knew because Zaldon told him everything. Zaldon had even told him about Ettore, once long ago, during one of his visits to the winter village. They got drunk, and Zaldon went into a rant about the daughter he had lost.

"Yuri has been looking after her too," Kilyan said, smiling. "If I didn't know Yuri was adopted, I'd say she inherited Zaldon's caring heart. I'm so glad she's going to be the one to care for Enya." But Kilyan frowned.

"You're worried about her," Lynny said. It wasn't a question. Lynny knew Kilyan had every reason to be worried. He looked off, thinking with a frown of the horror story Zaldon had told him. Only a year before, Enya and Yuri had been stoned by the mountain wolves. Zaldon and the others ran to their rescue - only to witness an explosion of fury from Yuri, which resulted in the twitching severed limbs of her assailants.

Kilyan glanced at Lynny sheepishly. "Zaldon must've told you what she did that day. Theo said she blewup some wolves! Blew them up! 'Itty bitty pieces' is how he put it. And then recently . . ." His voice trailed off and he shook his head. "I just hope Zaldon can help her get her powers under control. If she can make peace with what happened, maybe she can finally move on." Kilyan peered off, thinking of the glowing staff. He wondered where it was now. It should be taken from Yuri.

"How are Roan and Theo handling what happened?"

Kilyan shrugged, accepting the pipe. "They don't have magic, so at least they aren't running around choking anyone . . . Well -- on second thought. . . ." Kilyan frowned again. "Theo has recently showed a rage I never expected to see from him. He believed he was protecting Roan at the time." He glanced at Lynny.

"Ah. You mean when the fight happened - this fight that twisted Roan's arm."

"Yeah. I think all of them are handling what happened in their own way. Enya and Roan seem to be doing well. They're learning new skills, moving on with their lives. Enya wants to fish like Ceara, and Roan keeps talking about selling crafts or flowers or something. But Theo and Yuri are holding on to what happened. Theo's problem is that he didn't have Sade's support."

"That's changed now."

Kilyan nodded, but he knew better: Sade still had a long road toward acceptance ahead of him. "Yes. But Yuri's problem . . ."

"Is that she can't stop seeing the horror of that day."

Kilyan nodded darkly. "She already had so much pain in her life to begin with," he said sympathetically. "And then to have something like that happen . . . sometimes I think she's quietly ticking."

Lynny laughed hoarsely. "Come on, Kilyan! Fuck me, you sound like Kel. Worry, worry, worry." He placed a big paw on Kilyan's shoulder and squeezed. "Yuri is fine. She's a strong, brave girl who can have a moment of weakness just like anyone else." Lynny took his paw away, thinking with a heavy heart that Kel was his moment of weakness. And always would be.

Kilyan pushed his mane back, looking determined to worry. "I just want everything to be alright."

"It will be," Lynny insisted and gave Kilyan a twinkling smile that made him smile in return. Lynny's black eyes looked away. "And what about you? How are you handling it? Roan being far away, I mean."

"It's terrible," Kilyan said at once. "Lea was pregnant when he left, so she was overemotional the better part of the year. I would sit up at night with her, holding her while she cried. And then . . . I'd find myself crying," he added in a low voice, as if for fear someone would emerge from the house and hear him.

Lynny nodded sympathetically. He was not without understanding: Idella cried when Ohana left.

"It took a long time to get used to not seeing Roan at breakfast every morning," Kilyan went on. "Zane left soon after him, and the house felt that much emptier. Wynn cried too when Roan went away. And when Zane left, all she wanted to do was visit him at his house and bug his wives." Kilyan laughed. "Mora and Nyssa love her. They treat her like their little sister . . . or their little doll. They love to braid her mane."

Lynny laughed. "How is Zane? I know he was upset last night to see Zaldon and I . . ." He cleared his throat.

Kilyan looked at him carefully. "The fight . . . it was about my father?"

Lynny didn't look at Kilyan. His face smoothed over, impassive and distant. There was no point lying to him, "Yes."

Kilyan nodded and looked away, as if he had always suspected. "Loryn was wandering the hall drunk while you and Zaldon were fighting. Now I know why." He looked at Lynny. "Zaldon is going to marry my father."

Lynny's face darkened. "Yes," he repeated, trying to remain indifferent. He smoothed a big paw up his thigh and puffed calmly on his pipe.

"And neither of you want that to happen."

"We want Kel to be happy."

"But you won't be happy?" Kilyan's tone was almost accusatory.

Lynny's lips curled in a sad smile. He knew why Kilyan was angry: Kilyan had literally risked his life to see his father happy with Zaldon. Now that the two were finally together, he did not want anything impeding on their happiness. Not Loryn . . . and not Lynny.

"I talked to Loryn this morning and I know he's going to do something stupid," Kilyan went on darkly. "He'll probably get drunk at the wedding and make a fool of himself." He pinched the flesh between his eyes.

"Don't worry about Loryn," Lynny said soothingly and squeezed Kilyan's shoulder again. "I will look after him, I promise. Kira has come to me with her concerns: she found herbs in Loryn's things."

"Great," Kilyan said dispassionately. "Just great! Loryn is going to get high at my son's wedding? If he does anything to mess this up for my son - his grandchild, I might add!"

Lynny chuckled and patted Kilyan's shoulder. "Kilyan, Kilyan! Calm down. Here . . . take a puff."

Kilyan still looked anxious and angry, but he took the pipe as asked and puffed on it. His eyes hooded as he relaxed. "What the hell is in this?"

Lynny didn't answer. "You seem to be laboring under the delusion," he said, "that you and you alone can care for this family. I will keep Loryn in line. The wedding will go smoothly. Everything will be fine."

Kilyan rubbed a paw over his face and nodded. He glanced at Lynny curiously. "Why would Kira ask you to help her with Loryn?"

Lynny grinned and cracked his knuckles. "Because I'm the only one who can tame that boy."

They sat on the step a while longer, passing the pipe back and forth in silence. Kilyan's ears flattened when Keeno poked his head from the door, wearily demanding that Kilyan help him change Mio and Zee's swaddling. Both infants had shat at the same time - meanwhile, LiAnh was trying to eat every object not nailed down.

Lynny laughed as Kilyan wearily went back up the steps: he and Keeno had been placed on pup detail and would be looking after the infants all day. Zane had gone with Nyssa to help with the decorations at the great balcony (they needed all the tall wolves they could get), while his other wife Mora was helping in the kitchen. Lea and Ohana had gone shopping again, this time taking Zalia, Kira, Yuri, and Enya.

"Catch you later," Kilyan said to Lynny. He pointed a finger. "And stay outta trouble!"

Lynny laughed and waved Kilyan on. He heard the door close as Kilyan went in the house, and alone on the step, his black eyes grew somber as he puffed on his pipe and thought of Zaldon and Kel.

Lynny had watched for years as Zaldon and Kel argued, fell apart, and put the pieces back together. It suddenly seemed to him that Zaldon and Kel did more bickering than anything else. So why were they so madly in love? And why he was so . . . fiercely jealous?

Lynny was happy for them, but he wanted Kel too. Had wanted him since he was sixteen. There was a time when he had even wanted Aliona, and now Zaldon was going to marry them both! He thought of Aliona's pussy and how Zaldon was never going to touch it - he certainly wasn't touching it now - and how he, Lynny, would have touched her pussy all the time, treated it like it should be treated: with licking, kissing, fucking, and fingering. If Lynny was marrying Kel and Aliona, he would make such sweet love to Aliona . . . even while he had Kel's cock in his mouth. Or perhaps Kel would fuck Idella in front of him while he watched . . .

Lynny squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the dirty thoughts away. No. He must let Kel go. For Zaldon's sake. For Kel's sake too. He had to move on . . . or he would never be free. It wasn't fair to keep hurting Zaldon, to keep making Zaldon feel guilty for his own happiness. He should support his brother! Be happy for him! It hit him for the first time that he was being a terrible brother.

Lynny looked out at the village and wondered what Zaldon would do in his place. What would life be like if Lynny was the one marrying Kel and Aliona, if Lynny was the one with three lovers while Zaldon looked on in envy? Lynny shook his head and knocked his pipe against his ankle, letting the ashes pile on the step before spiraling away on the wind. Longing for Kel . . . was a private hell he would not wish on his greatest enemy.