Ander - Part 4: Subchapter 40
40
She was so beautiful, lying in the moonlight with her hair flowing across the pillow, pooling around her shoulders like liquid fire. One of her hands was up by her ear, the fingers curled up ever so slightly as if to catch the moonbeams streaming in through her window.
Her mouth was open, and he could see the vague shape of her tongue inside, could hear her breath rushing between her lips, her chest slowly rising and falling, the blankets whispering.
He wanted to see more of her. Just a little bit more...
He carefully eased his finger underneath the blankets and slowly peeled the corner away, just enough for her upper body to be exposed. She was wearing a loose baggy thing similar to what her brothers wore during the day, but it looked much softer, nice and snug for sleeping in. Light blue.
He could see a tuft of pure white fur peeking out from the neckline, just beneath her throat, beckoning to him. And further down, where her clothes had ridden up a bit in her sleep, he could see the crescent sliver of her stomach, nice and flat, mostly white, but golden along the sides. It too, was rising and falling ever so slightly, like the tides. He wanted to rest his hand upon that pure white curve, so much like the moon, and slowly bring it up against the grain of her fur, to feel it resist ever so slightly. He wanted to move it all the way up underneath her clothes, up to her throat, then slowly bring it back, smoothing the fur down to the way it was... so soft... so yielding...
But that would wake her up for sure, and there was more he wanted to do before that. So much more.
He leaned his crutch against the wall and put his hands on her pillow, one on either side of her head, and slowly lowered his face so that they were mere inches apart. He could kiss her right now if he wanted to. Right on the throat, where the big vein is, the spot where the death tastes best, the spot where it flows at just the right speed: not so slow to become boring, but not so fast that it flies by before he gets his fill, his satisfaction. She would like that, he was sure. He knew of the way she looked at him, so coy and bashful, but bursting with an unknown need to be consumed. There was no need to rush things. Bliss is to be savoured, after all. This was an experience to be shared between the two of them: their merger, their becoming one.
He opened his mouth and brought it right to hers so that their lips were almost touching, and he waited.
Her breath flowed over her tongue and he slowly breathed it in, feeling her flavour rush inside of him, so beautiful, so peaceful, and when she breathed back in, he breathed out, so that his flavour would go into her.
Truly, was there anything more intimate than this?
It took a few tries for him to get the rhythm just right, but when he did, he felt like they truly were the same being, just as it was supposed to be.
As she breathed out, he breathed in, and as she breathed in, he breathed out. They were living on each other's air, sharing a bond so much deeper than what those mated fools back home did in the dead of night when everyone was asleep. This... this wasn't about satisfying some carnal desire. This was about life.
He breathed it in, he breathed in her life, and it was so delicious...
What about you, Valery? Does my life taste good to you, too?
She said it does.
Of course it does. You know why? It's because your life is my life. All life is my life. This is you coming home, to where you belong. If your breath alone can give you such pleasure, then what of your blood? What of your flesh? What of your soul?
She asked him to take it, to please take it, take everything...
Are you sure?
She told him she loved him... so very, very much... she begged him to take her, take her life. She wanted to be with him forever...
If that's what you want, then that's what I'll give you...
He breathed his life into her mouth, and she gladly breathed it in. He could see her smiling...
No, she wasn't smiling at all. The corners of her mouth turned down and her brow creased into a frown. A small moan escaped her throat, and Banno readied himself to bite down if her eyes so much as flickered. He knew what that moan meant. That was a moan of pure pleasure. She wanted him to do it. Such an impatient little girl. Unlike him, she was unable to savour the little delicacies. She wanted it all in a single shot. So greedy... but he liked that. It was good that she was so eager.
Her hand closed into a fist and relaxed again, the fingers trying to grab hold of something that wasn't there. She craned her neck against the pillow and Banno quickly pulled his face back so that their noses wouldn't bump into each other.
Her tail snaked free of the blankets and swished against the wall, a sure sign of her ecstasy. Banno watched it sway, admiring the way it transitioned from summer gold to snow white near the tip. He just wanted to grab hold and bury his face in it, then bite down...
She moaned again, perhaps feeling his intent. It wasn't impossible. They had shared parts of their lives with each other, after all. Even if it was just their breath, they would be connected forever. They were each other. His thoughts were her thoughts, and her thoughts were his, and right now she was thinking of... of her saviour... coming to fulfil her lifelong desire... she -
"Mommy..." she mumbled... barely loud enough for him to hear. It gave him pause.
That wasn't right. That wasn't right at all.
She writhed and twisted, her whole body now shivering in the col - NO!! She was shivering with excitement. That's what it was.
"No... don't go. Mom... please..."
Banno backed up slowly, not making a noise, and he watched her shiver, watched her curl her tail around her middle as she fumbled and groped until her fingers finally found her wayward blanket. She pulled it up to her chin, sighed long and slow, blowing out the precious life air he had shared with her out of the goodness of his heart, and...
And she was fast asleep. Just as she had been from the start.
Banno stood in the dark. He didn't know how long he stood there, watching her sleep with her hand underneath her cheek, trying to understand what had happened, but it was long enough for his stump to start aching. He waited a while longer, but she did not speak again.
The moonlight had slipped off her bed and was now pooling on her desk in a quartet of squares. There was a picture there, lying still, waiting and waiting.
Banno did not understand. He did not feel angry or sad, just... confused. Why did she call for her mother and not him? She was dead, worse than dead. She had disappeared before he even knew she had existed. That meant there was nothing left of her, if she even really existed in the first place. Did anything really exist before he came into this world? No! The world itself only came into existence because of him. Before he was born, there was nothing. Just the cold and the dark and nothing else. If it weren't for him, if it weren't for the life he breathed into her mouth, then she wouldn't even be there! Nothing would be there! It would all just be empty and dead!
So why... why does she dream of a dead vixen when he was standing right here by her side? Why call out to such a thing when he was so real? He was real!
Wasn't he?
Banno leaned against her little desk, tired and sweaty, and he tried to control his breathing. He didn't want to risk waking her, but his heart was thumping in his chest and his body demanded air. It felt like he was suffocating.
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he saw the picture she had drawn.
It was a hand holding a rose up to the sun, or at least, that's what it used to be. Someone had scrawled ugly black lines across the whole thing, obliterating it completely. Banno traced them with his eyes, going from corner to corner, up and down, zigzagging left and right, furious scratches so deep and dark the paper had torn in several places. Whatever hand had guided this destruction must have been unbearably angry.
Banno did not know why, exactly, but seeing this sun and rose blotted out with such fervour, it made him feel... better.
Banno raised his head and looked out her window, at all the shifting shadows that made up the vast, cold world. The big red building was still out there, staring back at him with its two empty black sockets. A cloud drifted in front of the moon and Banno watched its shadow slowly glide across the tortoise shell roof, as if caressing it.
And that's when he knew what to do. It all came to him, as it so often did, without warning or fanfare. The knowledge was just there.
He picked up his crutch and stared at little Valery's sleeping face for just a minute more, watching the way her brow furrowed and relaxed, caught in the throes of whatever dreams resided there.
The time to kill had come.
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