Too Close for Comfort
Friday, August 6th, 2010 - 3:30AM London, Ontario, Canada. | Kavik A. Davasgo
"I don't know what to do, Bayno... I'm sorry..."
A dead silence filled the hotel room. It wasn't the regular heavy_,_ tension filled silence that always seemed to occur between the two of them. Nah. This time it was just... just silence. Heh. It was almost peaceful in a way.
Kavik stood alone by the door, one arm folded over his chest while the other met with the back of his neck, itching away at his furred mane in a nervous fashion. Every so often his paw would drop down and adjust his dress shirt or belt, only to zoom right back up and begin tugging away at his neck-fur once more.
Across from him on the edge of the bed Bayno sat with his head hung low, fingers laced together as he stared down at his dirtied boots. The bottoms of his dark jeans were beginning to flay, no doubt from all the running, jumping, and climbing the two had been doing. The tight black wife beater he sported clung to his body, accenting the already obvious dips and curves of his muscular frame, though Kavik wasn't in the mood for eye candy.
Before long, Kavik broke the silence.
"I'm... I just don't know what to do any more... Ever since things broke off, I just... I can't stop doubting myself... I feel like I am doing a good job, I... I sure as hell try... I give it all my best, and then just... Something like that happens... I screw everything up and then I just-... I act dumb... I get myself into trouble, I fill myself with doubts... I just-... I mean, this shouldn't even be affecting how I think of myself... It shouldn't be ruling over my life like the way it is, but... it is..."
Kavik's arms fell to his sides with a deep sigh, crashing backwards into the hotel door with a loud *thump!*, some paint from the weary walls chipped off the walls from such a force. Looking over to the clock - 3:38 AM - proved that almost two and a half hours had passed since they arrived at the hotel together.
"We've been here for hours... He's not even listening... Why am I spilling my guts out to him..."
Despite what the husky might have thought, the larger canine was indeed listening, the entire time at that. Though he may not have established eye contact and spent the majority of his time gazing down to the floor, Bayno's ears were perked attentively, every word that was spoken was heard and taken into account.
When another bout of silence befell the room, Bayno was the one to speak up first this time.
"...I've told you countless times. Why keep asking what you need to do if you're not even fucking listening..."
The Doberman's tone... It sounded... different. Not reprimanding. Not full of anger or spite. Though his wording might have been poor on his part, Bayno spoke as though he was legitimately worried about the husky. He wanted Kavik to listen to him because that's what would have been best.
How ironic, too. Kavik was the one worried whether or not his words fell upon deaf ears, when the entire time he was the one guilty of not taking the advice of the very person he went to for help.
In the end... Bayno knew he was right, and Kavik knew he should have listened.
"I... I did try and follow your advice, Bayno... I really di-"
"No you fucking didn't."
"What do you expect me to do Bayno?! Just, wipe my mind clean and pretend he and I were never together?!"
"I... told... you..." A deep growl resonated in the Doberman's throat between words, a slight snarl visible on his lips even as he continued to speak at the floor, "...it's going to be hard. Life is going to fuck you over countless times, but you've got to get past this shit."
"I know, but it-... It's weighing me down..."
"It's weighing you down because you're letting it do that to you." Bayno finally looked up from the floor to shoot his gaze right to the smaller canine, knowing it would get his point across. "You need to be fucking stronger, Kavik. He was no good for you anyways. By getting so caught up in this shit, you're letting him win. Is that what you want?"
No... No. That was the last thing Kavik wanted. But try as he might, he just... couldn't. Couldn't get over the fact he finally found someone, couldn't get over the fact how well things were going... But most importantly of all, he couldn't get over just how quickly it ended and he was replaced.
"...I loved him, Bayno. I did. I'm sure of it, because I still..."
Bayno's left leg was brought up and tucked underneath him, his eyes still locked with the husky's. "You still love him."
Kavik shook his head. "No... I mean I-... I know I did love him... I know this because... Even now, after things are done and I know I don't want to pursue him anymore... There's still parts of me that feel... clingy... jealous I even want to say..."
"P'ah! Jealous of what."
"I don't know Bayno... They say you don't know what you have until you've lost it. Then you want what you can't have."
A scowl was overly present on the larger canine's maw. "Even if what you want is terrible for you? Causing you all this emotional trauma to the point it interrupts your life?"
"It's my insecurities, Bayno..." Kavik quickly piped in with, now locked with the Doberman's stare. "...Not just the whole-... You know..."
"And we wouldn't be in this fucking position, if you had goddamned listened to me."
The meager bed was eased of its burden as Bayno rose up to his feet, the distance between them was closed and Kavik found himself with a face full of Bayno-belly.
The moment Bayno stood up and began approaching Kavik turned his head down and away, expecting to get slammed into the wall or... or punched in the face, at the very least yelled at by the much larger man, berated for not taking his advice to heart. It was almost an instinctual response by now to just... just take it. Take the abuse and grow stronger off of it.
But there was no push or shove. No yelling. No anger.
He felt warm... Warm... So early in the morning it was nearly freezing outside, but such close proximity between both of them made it seem as though the Doberman's body was radiating heat like a furnace. He had yet to shower, too... The smell of sweat and musk was... oooh so prevalent...
Hesitantly so Kavik peered out of the corner of his eye, wondering why Bayno would just... be there... be there so close and not get physical...
And my what a sight did he see.
Bayno... the biggest, toughest son of a bitch in the entire goddamn city... He was nearly crying... his eyes heavy with the burden of holding back tears... his ears pinned back against his head... The Doberman knew his emotions were winning, and he had to hide it. His frown turned into an overly forced scowl, but the angry tears gave it away. All that anger and confusion welled up inside his fist, and there was only one way to let it out...
*THUD!*
"God damn you Kavik - Don't you EVER fucking do that shit to me again." Bayno's paw struck the door, nearly tearing off the husky's head. "When I tell you something is going to happen, it's because it's going to fucking happen, __Kavik. You need to listen to me!"
Bayno reeled his fist back off the wall, both his paws clenched tightly as he towered over the smaller hound.
"Bayno..."
"Look. I don't care if you flat up ignore my advice, think me an idiot, or whatever. But don't you ever... EVER pull that shit again or I swear to God, you'll wish you pulled that trigger. Do you get me?!"
There's that anger that's grown so common with the Doberman... His voice nearly cracked mid-sentence, and that ever familiar death-stare bore deep into the others eyes.
"I'm sorry Bayno... I'm lost, and confused, and I don't know what overcame me-"
"I told you... what... you could do..." The larger canine began slouching down to get eye level with the smaller fellow, his lips curled into a snarl. "...I told you what needed to be done and you didn't listen. Now we're both hurting because of that."
Before giving the other a chance to respond Bayno had turned and made his way back to the bed, the depression from his weight cushioning around his form as he sat back down. His fingers laced once more, though this time his gaze wasn't sent to the floor. It was sent right to Kavik.
"Wait... You...? You said we... We're both hurt...?" Kavik's arms folded over his chest, his paws idly rubbing away at his elbows as he hugged himself for warmth now that Bayno was gone.
The Doberman threw up one of his paws in an agitated gesture. "Of course we're both hurt, you idiot."
Given his choice of words, the anger seemed to have left him, instead replaced now with... understanding, of some kind.
Bayno continued. "...I know you're hurting. Now that you're growin' up, I just... I'm beginning to see more and more of myself in you. The more pain you go through, the more I'm reminded how fucked up I was at your age. How alone, how desperate_I was. Desperate for love. Desperate for attention... Desperate to make myself known, to leave my mark on the world... You just need to find your calling card in life. That's it. Don't settle for less because that's all there fucking is. Go out, find something new. Find what _really makes you grateful to be alive."
Kavik brought himself off the hotel door and slowly approached the other canine. There wasn't much room left for him on the small bed, he decided it better to take a seat at the small table in the corner. Before Kavik could even take a seat the sound of the wooden stool scratching against the floor as it was pulled out caught Bayno's attention, to which he gestured with a head-bob for him to come over.
Seeing as Bayno's large frame took up literally all of the bed, Kavik shoved the stool back under the table and stood before the Doberman, assuming his nervous pose of itching behind the back of his neck. He wanted to speak, to respond to Bayno's mini-story... But he couldn't. All he could do was stand front and center staring back into those piercing green eyes.
...Wait. Green? Kavik thought they were hazel.
"B-... Bayno... I know this is... random... but I thought your eyes were sort of... brown..."
"They are, Kavik."
"But... Now they're... They are green."
A look of astonishment, perhaps even disbelief graced the Doberman's face as the news was presented to him.
"...Are they really?" He'd ask in an uncertain tone.
Kavik shrugged, wondering why it would be so hard to believe.
"I'm... looking right at them... They're as green as the grass outside."
But only one word escaped the Doberman after hearing such.
"...Fuck."
Kavik, still ever confused, sputtered out "Well, what's the big deal...? So what if they change color, that's kind of cool."
Bayno's eyes closed as he shook his head a few times. Off in the distance, snow crunched underneath the boots of fast approaching enemies. There was little time left to speak.
"It means... we need to go. Now."