[11] Log #3508-A - The Bitterness of Guilt
#11 of Arctacia Mythos
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LOG EXTRACTION: #3508-A
DATE: 230:10:13012[DRL]
TIME: Z-10 X-32
SUBJECT: The Bitterness of Guilt
NOTE: Source was a heavily encrypted audio log. The original could not be reconstructed perfectly. However, was able to extract words and key sounds for text readable format.
(BEGIN PARSER)
...I'm not sure... ... I'm not sure what's going on, anymore... [sounds of shifting followed by a sigh]
Something unexplainable happened to me back there a few days ago...and I think...that...there is some sign or...something to it... I just...I'm not sure what possible answers to.. [muffled speech] I really...really need to collect myself... I know I can. [speech clears up] Fuck...there's just...so many things going through my head...so much information...[sigh]
I just had a dream, too...a vision or--something. I can't even tell the difference anymore. ... ... ...
There I was...with my friends...my beloved and dearest friends. It was a...gosh...the most beautiful day I had ever seen. The skies were clear and blue...the sun was bright and warm...it felt so wonderful on my skin. I felt...alive...and just...[slight chuckle] really great. ... It was my best friend's birthday and I remembered that I got him a gift that I knew he'd enjoy. I had it all wrapped and ready to present to him.
After talking with some of the guests a bit, it was time to gather everyone to open gifts and have some treats. My friend opened a few presents from the others and saw him smile or laugh as there was joy on his face from this special moment. Then...near the end, I was the only one left. I walked towards him with a smile on my face as he looked up and saw me.
I...I felt funny as I was about to give him my gift... and umm... there was a...look of concern that slowly grew over his face as he noticed--[voice growing unstable with emotion] ...noticed me...just...[slight gasp] I could hear my heart beating at that point...it was...drowning out everything else around me... I could feel myself fall to my knees as I became unsteady and...faint...my vision was growing dim...and that beating sound of my heart...it was getting slower...and slower... I could barely see the silhouettes of the others jump to their feet as they came over to see what was wrong. I remember my friend looking down with shock as I could now hear myself weezing...gasping for air that I could not breath...
[sounds of sobbing] ... ... and then it...I saw everything turn red...I could feel it...a fire in my veins... ... I stood up slowly as I felt like a puppet...a god damn puppet on strings. I couldn't help myself! I was just...angry! I fucking just--I leaped at him...and I pulled out a knife...[sounds of crying and further unstable speech] ...my...gift that I was going to give him...and I did...I...I... [sounds of deep sulking and crying] ...I stabbed him in the chest...and the look in his eyes just...terrified me...but I wanted to stab him some more and...I...I did...he just...he just...[sounds of heavy sulking, barely discernable speech] laid there and...pleaded for me to stop... he cried out so many times but...he just...he stopped...and...[trembling speech] oh god...oh my...fucking...god...what had I done?! Blood was...everywhere...my hands were coated in it...all I could hear now were his screams and the cries of everyone else just...running through my head...over...and over...and...
Then it all ended... It...it just stopped... [speech becoming more stable] One of them came up to me and gave what I deserved...I barely felt and remember the hit at the back of my head... and that's when I woke up...from that...horrible...god awful dream... [sounds of sniffling] Only I realized that what I had woke up to was me laying near another person...someone I knew close in the EOP... [sounds of sudden sulking] I...I saw my hand with a knife in it...and it was burried into the body of the person next to me...still in their bed...probably still asleep...I fucking killed Edmund! ...I...FUCKING...KILLED HIM! [sounds of heavy crying and sulking] ... ... [speech in a loud whispering tone] ...please...please let this be another dream...please...please...
(END PARSER)