FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"This my first attempt at writing, I don't do this at all, but my therapist says it will help me so I guess nows good a time as ever. My story isn't terribly long, but I just cant say it, its too painful. So in order to get around that, here I am, typing it down. It's still not the easiest thing to do, but I have to. here goes, I-"

The wolf froze, his emerald eyes glazing as he felt the rush of warm tears filling his eyes. With a small sniffle and a shake of his muzzle he put his paws to the keyboard.

"I killed the one person I have ever loved." As he typed the last letter his head collapsed in his paws shaking uncontrollably, the image of his beloved lion coming to his mind. Images of him laughing and smiling, the shine of his eyes as they lay in bed together, sharing nothing but the warmth of their bodies. He continued to sob, remembering the day it happened. The day he did it.

Time ached on as he tried to find the strength to keep typing, each attempt failing. He stood up and started to pace a bit, the words he left on the screen burning his peripheral. He sat once more, staring at screen, not moving, just letting his tears hit the desk with a small tap as each one fell. He then realized, some how, in the blur of tears he had type more on the screen. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember typing the other sentence, only the first one. He read aloud the the second sentence. "His name was Ryan."

Just thinking his name, that soft, warm, and beautiful name just destroyed him. Each syllable like a punch to the gut. The fur stood, the chair behind him scraping the floor as it slid back. "I cant do this" he whimpered. He padded over to his dresser, a ebony color with chrome handles, his paws resting on the top as he gazed in the mirror, disgusted with what he saw. At 5 foot 10" he wasn't the tallest wolf he'd ever seen, but he wasn't short either. His fur so black midnight seemed like twilight compared to him. The lupine surveyed himself, fighting the growl trying to escape his throat. his gaze met his own in the mirror, his eyes so green they looked as if they were cut from emeralds. He had a normal build, more muscle than fat but still not a lot of both. He continued to survey himself, he smiled slightly, seeing his blue striped tank-top, it was his favorite shirt. But the smile went away, replaced quickly by more tears. This was the first thing you ever bought me, wasn't it? The wolf thought too himself as he sobbed. The wolf spun quickly, walking softly to his door. "I need a cigarette" He mumbled as he padded through his apartment, his eyes focused on the floor so he didn't see the pictures he had of him and his lion. He was soon at his back porch, two chairs and a small table lay in front of him. He sat in the chair to the right, not even daring to look at the one on the left. In moments he inhale the freshly lit stoge, allowing the nicotine to fill his lungs. As the wolf puffed his phone rang, causing him to jump slightly. He looked at his phone, unable to recognize the number, but he answered any way "hello?"

"Aaron?" the voice on the phone made his heart skip and he almost dropped his cigarette.

"R-Ryan??"

"Hey love, where are you? I'm at the house but i don't see you, are you out with Jason again?" the wolf whipped around, his cigarette hitting the ground as he ran inside, looking frantically, in the bedroom, the bathroom, the closet even. He put the phone back to his ear, fighting the urge to cry.

"Baby where in the house" he asked frantically. "Baby I'm here but I don't see you." a tear rolled down his cheek.

"You're here?" the lion sounded confused. "I've been here half an hour and I haven't seen you." the wolf heard shuffling and then heard his voice again "oh there you are" heard a click as the lion hung up, the wolf stood there looking around nervously. When he didn't see any one he quickly got his phone back out called the number again.

"Aaron what are you doing?" the lion said with a soft chuckle. "I'm standing right in front of you." a look of confusion, sadness, and even anger came to his face, along with more tears. "Baby whats wrong? Baby talk to me!" the lions tone frantic and worried.

"I can't see you Ryan because...beca-" the wolf cough as he started to break down into tears. He forced himself through the words. "Because you're dead..." he choked, falling to his knees.

***

The lion sprang up in a cold sweat, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he put a paw on his forehead, trying to register what he just saw in his dream. He looked around, scanning the room till he looked to his left at a sleeping wolf beside him. As he stared the wolf stirred and slowly sat up, stretching as he did. He looked at the lion rubbing his eye slowly. "whats wrong Ry?" he asked in a slow groggy voice.

"I..I don't know, just a bad dream I guess" Ryan spoke as his breathing returned to normal. ''It was fucking crazy."

"Well tell me about it in the morning." he said in a slightly innocent tone. He wrapped his arms around the lion, pulling him into a soft kiss, murring as he held it there for a minute. "Sweetie lay back down and go back to sleep, you need rest" Aaron laid back down, pulling on the lions arm. Ryan laid back down, soon as he did, Aaron laid his head underneath Ryan's muzzle, nuzzling into his mane, and giving him a quick squeeze as Ryan laid his arm over him, still dumbfounded about his dream. Soon Aaron was asleep, so Ryan just laid there, staring at the ceiling, until sleep finally found him and he drifted off into slumber.