Deep Space Penetration
An asteroid miner discovers that the ship's AI is more than happy to help him relieve his stress in any way that it can. It could be said that it's time for the driller to be drilled.
Have a non-hypno smut story~ Organic-on-synthetic lovemaking is a lovely theme that should be explored more often! Even if writing it kinda feels like Star Trek fanfiction involving Data seducing another Enterprise crew member... >.>
...I promise this isn't that.
Characters and story (c) AnubusKirenNext=>
The deep blue glow of four ion thrusters broke the stillness of the void. The gunmetal hull of the Prospector joined a lonely kilometer-wide asteroid out past the government-owned mines. The huge vessel stopped alongside of the rock, matching its speed and trajectory, engines humming silently in the deadness of space. Floodlights illuminated the asteroid's surface, veins of precious metal glimmering amongst the stone exterior.
A young panda strode across the shuttle bay floor, feet held firmly to the ground by artificial gravity. The Prospector's four massive mobile drill platforms sat anchored to the floor on the other end of the bay, while the industrial shuttle, simply dubbed the Lifter, perched on its magnetic landing gear just twenty feet away.
"What've we got, Atlas?" the boy adjusted his form-fitting space suit, trying to smooth down a roughed-up patch of black and white fur beneath it. "Anything worth nabbing before SolGov stakes its claim?"
A convincingly-sentient, yet clearly synthesized voice came through the panda's headset. "Do you want the full rundown, or shall I keep it brief?"
"You know I like it simple."
"Very well then. From greatest to least, we've got plain old rock, carbons, platinum, and water ice. Is that simple enough for you, Master Lin?"
The young panda rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's simple enough. Has the captain given the go-ahead?" Lin climbed into the shuttle cockpit and grabbed his helmet, locking it in place around his head and setting his suit seals. "I wanna get this done and go back to bed."
"One moment please." A brief silence spaced the ship's AI's response. "Captain Zeeva has given the green light. She also offers her apology for not contacting you sooner; there is a problem with the ship-wide radio today."
"Fantastic." Lin locked the shuttle hatch and flicked a switch to begin cabin pressurization. "So I assume you'll be staying with me to help guide the drills, then?"
"That would be correct. I will utilize the Prospector's short-range data transmittor to keep in touch."
The shuttle's engines hummed to life. Warning klaxons and flashing lights signaled an impending launch, and deck personnel quickly vacated the shuttle bay. The bay depressurized in just under half-an-hour, leaving Lin's shuttle an oxygenated oasis in an airless void. The doors at the far end of the hangar yawned wide, and Lin got to work unloading the drills from the Prospector.
Even unanchored, the rigs remained firmly in place under the Prospector's artificial gravity, but floated as gently as a plastic bag in a breeze once they passed the hangar doors. Lin guided the first drill down toward the vast, lifeless rock that'd keep the crew fed and clothed for another month or two. Holographic targets lit up on his HUD, designating the appropriate points at which to start each drill's journey through the rocky crust.
"I will guide you to the first point of penetration." Atlas's synthetic voice kept Lin company through the speakers in his dashboard.
"I don't need a guide to tell me how to penetrate." the panda grinned, carefully maneuvering past a jagged rocky cliff and zeroing in on the dig site. "I'm gonna drill this rock and not call her later..."
"Yes, Master Lin. The whole process is indeed very phallic and sexual. You make this analogy every time."
"Buzz kill." Lin sighed and turned the Lifter ninety degrees, now facing the asteroid and pointing the drill straight down. "How are things on the mothership?"
A black and white plain text window popped up at the right of his HUD, reading, "You'd better not be making dick jokes again. -Zeeva"
"About as well as ever, Master Lin."
The panda snorted. "You two are a match made in heaven. No sense of humor."
The drill's primary anchors made contact with the rock. Smaller drills at the end of each anchor whirred to life, tunneling down through the asteroid's surface with the aid of the shuttle's thrusters, until the very end of the drill pressed against the rock. Lin detached the shuttle from the drill and backed away, and the drill's automated systems took over, deploying four more anchors to hold the rig in place.
"All systems are go, Master Lin." Atlas's stoic voice came once again. "Ready to drill."
Lin swiped his fingers across the touch screen of his HUD, half-assedly checking the readings himself. Satisfied, he hit the big green button labeled "Activate" and leaned back in his seat. "That's it, baby. Just the tip..."
"That would hardly be efficient, Master Lin. The platinum is deeper than the tip can reach."
"Like I said, Atlas. No sense of humor."
The drill rig deployment took two hours to complete; Lin took the trip back and forth from the Prospector to the asteroid three more times, set the drills to mine as deep as they could go, then came to an idle hover over the mining site, where he'd sit for the next hour to "monitor the readings". All that meant to Lin was an hour getting paid to look at images of scantily-clad boys and girls on his tablet while he waited for the order to return to the hangar bay.
Atlas, being the logical program that it was, was quick to nag. "Do you think it's wise to ignore the rigs while they drill, Master Lin?"
"Do they ever say anything different? Seriously, this is a job better suited for... I dunno. You." Lin flipped through a couple more images, grinning as he eyed a particularly fetching red panda. A male, clad only in a synthfiber speedo that left little to the imagination. "Hello... I'd fly all the way to Akiba just to meet you, sweetheart."
"Master Lin, what are you looking at?"
"Smut." the panda replied with a shrug, holding the tablet up to the shuttle's interior camera. Completely shameless. "It's an organic thing, Atlas. I doubt you'd understand."
The blinking red light on the camera turned a solid green, and the lens focused on the image presented to it. Atlas's tone turned inquisitive. "This is quite graphic. Is 'smut' similar to pornography?"
"It's more tame. Vaguely." Lin raised a brow and turned to face the camera. "You know what porn is?"
"I am aware of its existence and its definition."
"Figures." the panda made a sour face. "I should have expected such a clinical answer."
"I have simply never found the reason to look deeper. Why do organics enjoy pornography?"
"Christ, really? I'm gonna have this conversation with a commercial AI?" Lin laughed and unlocked his helmet, turning off his personal oxygen and leaving his life in the hands of the shuttle's local atmosphere. His helmet floated off to the side as he pulled it over his head and released it. The boy combed a hand through his messy hair. "We look at porn because it's... arousing."
The camera lens serving as Atlas's eye whirred as it focused on Lin. "Is it the simulation of an impending reproductive act, a driving force in organic sexuality, that makes the act of viewing pornography enjoyable?"
Lin laughed again, crossing one leg over the other as he stared up at that camera. "Way to take all the fun out of it, but yeah. Yeah, that's probably it."
"I see. I will endeavour to look deeper into this subject." the shuttle camera returned to its idle state. "Sexual acts are said to reduce stress in organics. So would it be correct to say that viewing pornography is relaxing?"
"The second best way to relax." Lin glanced back at the screen, only to notice a string of angry messages from the captain. "Dammit Atlas, why didn't you tell me she was contacting me!"
"Hmm? I apologize, Master Lin. I was distracted."
The remainder of his watch proceeded without incident; the hour passed, and Lin brought the shuttle back to the Prospector. The panda immediately tried to sneak back to his quarters, but a familiar synthetic voice reminded him that the captain was waiting for him in the briefing room.
"Dammit Atlas, cover for me." he whispered as he reluctantly rounded the corner toward the front end of the ship. "Tell her I wasn't feeling well..."
"Even if I were capable of lying to the captain, Master Lin, you would then have to go to sick bay and convince Doctor Flora to lie for you as well."
"Heh." Lin's lips curled into a smirk. "I know how Flora works. I could get her to..."
"There's still me to worry about, Master Lin." Atlas allowed a hint of smugness to flow into its normally stoic tone. "Just go listen to the captain for ten minutes. Get it over with."
Lin stopped outside the briefing room and sucked in a breath. "Fine. Wish me luck." The door slid open, allowing Lin to step inside and see the large, imposing reptilian figure of Captain Aliandre Zeeva hunched over a holographic display of the drill rigs down on the asteroid's surface. The panda cleared his throat as the door slid shut behind him. "Um... Reporting as ordered, captain."
"You didn't stall this time." Zeeva's voice carried a firm, yet still feminine tone. The large lizard woman turned to face her shuttle engineer, an unimpressed look in her eyes. "Do you speak Sol Common, Mr. Shou?"
"I do, ma'am." he averted his eyes. She was in 'Mr. Last Name mode' already. That wasn't good.
"Oh, you do? Then perhaps you can explain why you seem to always mistake 'watch the drill readouts to ensure the anchors hold and drill bit digs in straight' for 'slack off for an hour'. Do I need to look into your job description and make sure I didn't actually write that?"
"N-No, ma'am..." Lin fought to suppress a grin, but failed miserably. Just don't laugh..!
Zeeva's eyes narrowed, and she took a threatening couple steps toward him. "Oh, you think this is funny, do you? Is the idea of a multi-million credit drill rig replacement humorous to you?"
"No, ma'am!" the panda straightened up, forcing himself to frown. It looked ridiculous, but anything was better than laughing in the captain's face.
"I should hope not, pilot. Because it's your livelihood as well as it is for any member of this ship's crew." Zeeva pulled back, returning to her less threatening, yet still intimidating stance. "No more slacking off. No more porn while you're supposed to be watching the drills. Am I clear?"
Before Lin could make a peep, Atlas's voice played over a nearby console. "If I may interject, captain: What Mr. Shou was viewing while on duty was only 'smut', not pornography."
Zeeva stared at the console, wide-eyed, then turned back to Lin. "What..."
"Did I say something wrong, captain?"
"Oh, fuck you, Atlas..." Lin put a palm to his face, bracing himself for the verbal onslaught he was about to endure.
"THIS is what you're teaching our AI, Lin?!" Zeeva waved her arms around, gesturing to the ship at large; it was basically Atlas's body. "The difference between porn and... 'smut', as you so affectionately call it? Countless billions of credits and resources went into the development of true AI, and you're teaching it..."
The whole thing just devolved into a string of scolding accusations of immaturity and irresponsibility, the flustered reptilian woman flailing her arms, headfins flaring, her professional demeanor very much abandoned by this point. All Lin heard was "bwop bwop bwop" after a few minutes, the panda choosing to simply weather the storm. It was all he could do at this point.
"And you just throw all that progress out the window--" Blah blah blah... "Because no one of your generation knows what the hell an honest day's work feels like--" Blah blah... "Be lucky this isn't a skrivan military vessel, or you'd--" blah ze blah ze blah... "Just... Get out!"
Lin face-planted onto his bed, hugging his pillow to his head and groaning softly. All the shouting and screaming had given him a hell of a headache. He counted himself lucky, though; at least Zeeva hadn't fired him just for messing around and teaching Atlas some "dirty words".
Speaking of Atlas, the AI's familiar voice proceded a pinging noise from Lin's bedside console. "Master Lin, are you awake?"
"Yeah, I'm up. Come in." he turned over to look up at his doorway, where the physical avatar of the ship's AI now stood. Atlas's mechanical shell was bare bones, but still sleek and friendly to look at; a thin robotic frame, painted a clinical white color, with a faceplate resembling a porcelain mask, bearing the AI's given name on the forehead. Two glowing green eyes looked over the world with an alien, almost unknowable consciousness to take it all in.
"I'm sorry to have gotten you into deeper trouble, Master Lin." Atlas said, stepping into the tiny room and standing beside Lin's bed. "It was not my intention."
Lin waved it off, sitting up on the bed and grinning that characteristic grin of his. "Don't sweat it."
"I don't have sweat glands, Master Lin."
"I mean, don't worry. Captain's always getting mad at me. I'll just have to be good for a while and not mess up."
Atlas's head tilted to the left. "Might I suggest you simply always do what you're supposed to, so the captain doesn't have to get angry?"
"Yeah, maybe if I was a nerd." Lin flopped back onto his bed. "I can't help it, Atlas. I get bored just watching the screens."
"I understand. I, too, become restless when I do not have data to analyze." the mechanical avatar leaned forward slightly. "By the way, after you left, the captain asked me to tell you, 'Good work on the drills, by the way. Perfect placement. No calibration errors.'"
The panda laughed. "See? What'd I tell you? I never screw up a dig."
"You are, indeed, a worthy pilot, Master Lin." Atlas rose again, its mechanical limbs whirring faintly. "Is there anything you require before I depart?"
"Nothing you could get me." Lin waved again. "A cute red panda boi to fuck my stress away..." His rounded ears flicked as he listened to the slowly retreating steps of Atlas's avatar. The door to his room slid open, then shut again. Lin picked up his tablet and browsed through the other swimsuit models in the latest fashion publication, shifting his hips as his loose-fitting sleepwear became just a little bit tighter.
Micro-bikinis, nano-thongs, shiny one-pieces, and sin-silk halter tops... Swimwear had only gotten sexier as the centuries ticked by. The late 1990s and early 2000s had brought about the notion that less was more, and that bodies should be celebrated, rather than hidden. The idea only gained more ground as progressive-minded publications became the norm, and a less prudish generation took the helm on Earth just as humanity and its beastkin cousins began to reach outward to the stars.
Now unhinged from one of their most prominent handicaps, the people of Earth spread their wings, and in turn their populations and ideals, to other habited worlds throughout the local cluster, forming colonies and building an interplanetary network, from which SolGov was formed. The government funded and watched over the new colonies, but otherwise kept a hands-off approach to law enforcement and media, thus allowing all new cultures to spring up in the dawn of the next great expansion.
None of that historical stuff really interested Lin, though. The fact that there were still sexy bodies in swimsuits was enough for him. He found himself flicking back to that one red panda boy in his cute little speedo, hands on his hips, that bushy tail curled around his thigh. Lin smirked and had just gone to tug his pants down when his console pinged again. He groaned and pulled the hem of his pants back up. "What--Fine, come in." The panda heard the familiar mechanical whirring of Atlas's legs carrying him across the floor, his eyes still glued to his tablet. "What's up? Forget something?"
"I'm here for you, Master Lin." That was NOT Atlas's voice. It was way too smooth, too seductive. Too... boy-ish.
Lin lowered his tablet and went wide-eyed when he saw the spitting image of that delicious red panda boy standing before him, clad in the very same skimpy attire. The only thing that set this rendition apart from the photo was a pair of familiar glowing green eyes. He dropped the tablet, mouth hanging agape as he stared in disbelief. "Wh... What the... ATLAS?!"
"This is the image that pleased you the most, is it not, Master Lin?" Atlas smiled, doing an absolutely adorable little twirl in place, his fuzzy tail swishing enticingly behind him.
"You... How?!" Lin sat up, rubbing his eyes and half-expecting that gorgeous sight to disappear. No such thing happened, however; Atlas was still a lovely red-furred swimsuit model.
"I simply reconfigured my appearance from within my maintenance platform. The captain's specifications of my behavioral restraints do not forbid me from doing so, as long as I do not cause a disturbance among the crew."
"Jesus..." Lin practically drooled over what he was seeing, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "I hope the captain didn't see you. Her idea of a 'disturbance' is very... broad."
Atlas grinned in such a way that nearly made the other boy melt. "I was very careful, Master Lin."
"Yeah. G... Good." the heat in the panda's cheeks was almost unbearable. He cleared his throat, hitting a few keys on his console to lock his door and mute his alerts to anything but emergency calls. "So... What gives? Why'd you do all... this?"
"Your debriefing with the captain was evidently very stressful." the mechanical swimsuit model's seductive tone was a poor match with how clinical he was speaking, but was buttery-smooth all the same. "And you told me that looking at pornography was the second best way to de-stress."
"So you... came in here to show me the real thing?"
"And something else, if it would please you, Master Lin." Atlas closed the short distance between their bodies and knelt down to Lin's level. He leaned in close, nearly brushing his lips against the other male's as he murmured. "I searched the extranet for anything I could find pertaining to organic sexual habits. It would appear that, during times of stress, organic sexual partners often engage in safe sexual intercourse in order to relax. In this way, I have deduced that, since pornography is rated as the second best means of relaxation, intercourse must be the first. Is my assessment correct, Master Lin?"
"Goddammit, Atlas..." Lin swallowed hard, shaky hands reaching up to brush over the robotic wah's shoulders. Soft, synthetic fur and muscle felt just like the real thing. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right... Fuck..."
"I am pleased to hear this. I would be happy to help you de-stress, Master Lin."
"Ok, ok..." Lin smiled and squeezed the other boy's shoulders. "I am... absolutely down for that. I'm so into that, I just wanna bend you over right now. But... do you think you could maybe... I dunno." he tilted his head to the left. "Talk a little less mechanically?"
Atlas followed that head tilt. "Oh... Yes, of course. So I should say things like..." His eyes narrowed, and that seductive tone slithered back into his voice. "I'll happily take your hard, fat cock, Master Lin."
Lin decided to let his actions do the talking; he pulled Atlas in close, locking his lips with the red panda AI's and moaning into his mouth. His hands rode down the synthetic boy's hips, caressing the subtle, almost feminine curves and slinking around to squeeze his shapely backside. The touch brought a soft squeal from between their lips. Whether Atlas actually felt pleasure from such a thing, or he was simply emulating it, was irrelevant at this point.
"Master..!" the gorgeous synthetic moaned as their lips parted, smirking at the panda boy and leaning in to kiss and suckle on his neck.
"Y-You know..." Lin murmured through panting breaths. "I never thought anything of you calling me that... until right this fucking moment."
Atlas giggled and took his kisses lower, helping Lin out of his shirt and fluttering his soft, wet tongue over the boy's nipples. "It is true; some organics take the 'master' and 'slave' dynamic into a sexual relationship--"
"Atlas, you're..." the panda boy meekly protested, his sensitive nipples stiffening under that skilled tongue. "You're being verbose again..!"
"Oops. Sorry, Master." Atlas elected to silence himself by suckling on one of those nipples, drawing another set of whimpering moans from that slender panda. His tongue traced slow, sensual circles around that little black button, fingers tickling their way up Lin's chest to go for the other, to ensure it didn't get lonely.
Lin hugged the gorgeous red panda to his chest and leaned back on the bed, tugging the front of his pants down to free his hard, throbbing shaft. He took hold of Atlas's shoulders and pushed downward, only to find himself incapable. "Oh right. I forgot you're basically a robot..."
"Don't worry." Atlas left a trail of warm, fluttering kisses down Lin's tummy, his lips brushing faintly along the length of his cock. "I'll let you direct me, Master."
"And what if I told you to be rough with me?"
"I'd make you squeal like a schoolgirl." That little comment earned Atlas a nice, hard throb of Lin's cock. "I'm here to please you, after all."
"You ought to know what to do with this, then." Lin gripped Atlas's head with one hand, his shaft with another, pushing the tip against the wah's lips. The feeling of that warm, wet mouth slipping around him was pure ecstasy; it'd been at least two months since his last "play time", and his hand just wasn't enough after such a long time. He ran his fingers through Atlas's hair, breaths coming in deep gasps and leaving his lungs as appreciative moans. "Fffuck... Atlas..."
The curvaceous synth only hummed in response, his head slowly moving up and down, lips tugging and suckling firmly around Lin's manhood. Soft fingers smoothed the other boy's tummy fur, petting him in long strokes while his mouth worked that stiff rod over. Synthetics didn't have to worry about gag reflexes or tired jaws; he could easily do this all day, if necessary. His tongue slithered along the underside of Lin's shaft, sliding upward to swirl around the tip, only to sink right back down just as the panda's pleasured squirming intensified.
Lin bit down hard on his lower lip, afraid to look at what was going on between his legs, lest the mere sight of it push him over the edge! He leaned back against his pillows, fingers playing with Atlas's ears, his flat, slender chest rising and falling with his quick, frantic breaths. "Ghhh... Gotta... slow down, there!"
"Mmm..." Atlas released that shaft from his lips and slowly stroked it with just his thumb and index finger, sliding those digits from base to tip again and again. "Does Master want to prolong the edge?"
"Master wants your ass. Are you gonna give it to me, or what?"
"As if I could deny it to you." That uncharacteristic purr in the AI's voice sent another shiver down Lin's spine. Atlas pulled away and removed his skimpy thong, then bent over at the other end of the bed with a little shake of his backside. "Well? Come get it..."
There was a brief pause as Lin fought to tear himself from his spot, to keep from simply staring at that perfect ass for the rest of the evening. He could look at it online any day. The real thing needed some... further probing. The boy launched himself forward and mounted his synthetic lover, growling into his ear as he pressed the tip of his shaft up against his backside. "Hope you're ready for it..."
"I designed this body with sex in mind, Master Lin. It is physically impossible for me not to--"
"You're being VERBOSE," the last word was paired with a loud, throaty moan as Lin plunged the depths of Atlas's backside. "You might plot our courses and crunch numbers, but right now you're my fucking SLUT. And SLUTS don't talk about body design and physical impossibilities, do they?"
"Noooo, Master!" Atlas grinned, gripping the metal end of the bed and howling out a moan, his synthetic shaft throbbed to life, stiff and firm like any reasonably-endowed organic would be.
Lin briskly rocked his hips against the other male's, groaning and panting in pleasure and trying so hard to keep up that firm, domineering attitude. "Annnh... And so... W-What do sluts do, Atlas?"
"Sluts fffuuuuuck..!"
Oh, if Captain Zeeva had heard that... The very thought was almost scary enough for Lin to lose his boner, but that firm ass clenched around it kept it going nice and strong. The frisky panda reached around and squeezed Atlas's cock, stroking him in an erratic rhythm, soaking in the loud, almost girly moans that his touch elicited. "Good boy!" he crooned, smirking as he pulled Atlas back, placing the AI in his lap, his cock still firmly hilted in his ass. Those powerful hips bucked upward, and Atlas matched the motion with his own, bouncing himself up and down on Lin's shaft, his tail twitching and thumping energetically at his side. It turned out to be far too enthusiastic, however, as it tapped a key on Lin's console, causing everything not tied down in the room to slowly float upward, the pair of moaning boys included!
"Ah shit--Atlas, the gravity..!" Lin tried to hilt his partner again, but was surprised to be pushed back against the wall. His heart skipped a beat as his red panda playmate turned with a predatory gleam in his eyes. "Eep..."
"You don't function well in low gravity." Atlas purred as he turned Lin toward the bed's headboard, where he could hold himself in place. The synthetic wah slathered his pulsing shaft with the smooth, slick lubricant dripping from its tip, then pressed himself against Lin's back and murred into his ear. "What'd I say before?"
Lin swallowed hard. "That you'd make me squeEEEEEEE!" the panda's eyes went wide as that shaft filled him right up. He held onto the headboard for dear life, even as his muscles turned to jelly as Atlas fucked his tight, pudgy ass. That synthetic cock seemed to vibrate within him, sending powerful trembling shocks through his nerves, all but paralyzing the panda with pleasure. "A-Atlasssss..!"
"You talk big for someone just as slutty as I was being!" the naughty AI pounded that juicy ass, giggling between his playful growls and moans, that rough fucking quickly changing Lin from the dominant Master to a quivering butt slut.
"Sh-Shut uhhh... hhhhgggg...!" Lin's cheeks flushed red, his sheet wet with drool. He was just about ready to cum right then and there, and the sudden addition of Atlas's soft, stroking paw was just overkill. "At...laaaaas!" the panda's body tensed, back arching as he came all over his sheets, practically screaming in pleasure with each new load of his hot, sticky seed! His entire body tingled, and Atlas just wouldn't stop! Clearly AIs didn't get refractory periods! The rough fucking seemed to go on forever, even after his climax trickled off into a tiny dribble of seed. The powerful thrusts did gradually die down, and he was finally allowed to collapse onto the bed. Gravity kicked in right as the afterglow began.
"Goodness, Master Lin." Atlas smiled as he pulled out, completely unphased by the session. "You were right. You look so relaxed right now!"
"Ahh... Atlas..." Lin beckoned the AI closer. Once in range, he pulled that gorgeous wah into a deep, tongue-tying kiss and held on for a long, long time. He sucked down a breath when their lips finally parted, the exhausted panda grinning weakly. "Don't tell the captain..."
Atlas canted his head to the left. "It is my role aboard this vessel to facilitate good crew relations and ensure the operational safety of mining procedures. As common medical knowledge dictates, stress in the workplace can cause lapses in concentration, and thus a dangerous working environment. Considering how Captain Zeeva would react to this method of stress relief, I believe you are correct in your decision to keep this a secret."
"You could have just said 'ok'." the panda smirked, laying back on his bed and shutting his eyes. "Let's... do this again."
"Right now?"
"No, not right now! Look at me." Lin huffed, cheeks flushing again. "I mean another time! I'll uh... let you know."
"Oh." Atlas smiled, rising from the bedside and gathering his revealing thong. "Very well, Master Lin. I must say, this has been quite an enlightening experience. I will happily assist you in this manner in the future."
Lin watched Atlas until he was out the door and headed down the hall, hopefully not within sight of any of the other crew. He sighed heavily and grinned, locking his door again and settling in for a nap. "I did a lot of drilling today. Only fair that I get drilled, too, I guess..."