Doors and Emotions
So after about 6-8 months after a break up, I'm starting to finally move on. I just wanted to share what I went through.
When one door closes, another door opens. That's what I am told; and Honestly I think its complete bullshit. The doors open on their own. You won't know when, you won't know how. But they will only open when it's time. Sometimes when that door closes, it doesn't shut completely, leaving the reminder of what could be to leak into the empty room while that other door stays shut.
Sometimes you're trapped in a constant reminder of what could be. Of what should be (in your opinion). Moving on isn't as simple as just opening the other door. Moving on can't just happen. It's a process that can take a week to a life time.
Like when you find that person you though you would be with together and for some unknown reason to you, or some reason you just can't accept, they shut you out of their life. Try opening the fucking door then!
You stay in that room, sitting in the corner trying to piece together everything that happened and trying to pin point what's wrong. Was I to clingy? was I too needy? Was I not good enough for them? Was me asking him to kiss me more, hold me more to much to fucking ask?
Then when you come to the final conclusion that it wasn't you, you start to hate that person. You block that person as much as you can, trying so hard to pry that closed door open. But as hard as you pull, as hard as you thrash against that second door you're left with sore fists and an even heavier heart.
So you try to move on other ways. You meet other people, you flirt; you fuck those feels as deep away as possible. You grip the sheets and look at that person and as disgusting as it is, you picture that person that left you ... And what makes it even more sickening is that it makes it feel better.
You try to find guys that remind you of him, you try as hard as you can to fight the urges to message them, to beg for them back or even write them a message of all your pent up emotions.
But you don't... Because all it will do will hurt you the most.
You can see the outside world moving around you, watching the people you thought loved you find there while your struggling to even move on.
Then it happens... You're not sure how, you don't know what did it. But the second door opens.
You look in to this brighter room, to the first steps of moving on. God you want to go, but you look back door and see the past is still pouring its depression in with you.
So you don't move forward... Because if you go into that room, the bullshit will surely follow.
You're left with this vision of what could be, of what you could have, but the past reminds you that all that's going to happen, is you're going to get hurt again.
The feelings get harder, the constant weight of everything gets heavier until you can't even breathe.
Then they come along.
That person who comes into your life, and shuts that door. They stick with you, making you smile, making you feel worthy, making you feel happy.
They take you by the hand, help you to your feet, and lead you towards the door.
You're scared, you're not sure what to expect, you pull at their hand and say you're not ready.
They grip your hand tighter, they smile, and with four words...
"I'm here for you."
Your worries melt through your skin. The armour that was latching onto you, that made you into this depressed and sad being just falls to the floor, and you follow that person.
Your heart beats lighter, the air feels lighter, and you walk through that next door with tears streaming down your face.
All because...
You're free.