Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 7
7
"Yes!" The identical brothers jumped into the air, their arms hooked together. "Legs for days! Legs for days!"
Nilia had no idea what that expression meant or who it was aimed at, and she was feeling far too numb to figure it out anyway. There was only one thought repeating itself in her mind, and that thought was: We can stay? By the Cora, we can stay? They're not going to cast us out? There is hope? Hezzi and Renna and the others, they don't have to die?
For a moment, the emotion almost became too great. She felt it trying to break free like a treacherous little animal, so she pushed it back down, where it belonged. There was still work to do, and that meant she had to stay strong a while longer.
Amos put his elbows up on the table and steepled his fingers beneath his chin. "Good. Now that we've decided what we're_not_ going to do, I suggest we get on with deciding what we will do. I think the best -"
The third Elder, Ruth, held up a finger. "One moment, please." She was a tiny thing, almost pure white all around, except for the tips of her ears, which were light grey. "Before we move on, there is something I'd like to ask you, Ander."
Ander straightened up. "Yes, Kai?"
"It was approximately two months ago you decided to return to your people. You did this because you believed they might come after you, and you didn't want to put this valley and its people in jeopardy. Correct?"
"That is true, Kai."
"We seem to be in a similar situation now, and that's what confuses me. When you came back, you assured everyone that the danger had passed, that you had succeeded in pacifying the Wolf threat. Clearly, you failed."
Oh, that bitch did not just say that... Dull anger started to seep into Nilia's head, making the blood pound in her ears. She tried to push it back down, but she couldn't do it. Why!? She had done it just a minute ago, so why not now? Whether it was anger or gratitude or joy, the type of emotion didn't matter. All of it was weakness, all of it was dangerous, and all of it had to be buried, so why couldn't she do it!? What was so different this time!? It bubbled inside of her, making her face feel hot. She turned to Ander, hoping he would put this snarky little thing in her place, tell her how things really went, but the look on his face was more than enough to tell her he wouldn't do that. He'd do what he always tried to do, foolish though it was. She knew even before he opened his mouth that he'd try to take it all on himself, because that's just the way he was.
"I did fail," he said, not even looking that bitch in the eye. Perhaps Nilia would have been able to contain herself if he'd stopped there, but his next words are what finally set off her boiling point. "I'm sorry."
"No!" Her voice cut through the town hall like the crack of a whip, sharp and loud, making everyone jump. "Don't you dare be sorry!"
"Nilia, what are you doing? Calm d-"
"I am always calm!" She slammed her hands down on the table, making the bitch flinch back in her chair, but Nilia was so tall by Fox standards all she had to do was bend down a little and they were almost face to face. "You weren't there, but I was! You didn't see what they did to him, but I did! I saw every second of it! So don't you dare talk about things you know nothing about!"
"Nilia, stop it!" Ander reached out to touch her shoulder, but Nilia grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him in close, displaying his arm for all these so-called 'wise-men' to see.
"Do you see these scars!?" she yelled. "I saw the birth of every one of them! This one!" She pried Ander's fingers open, revealing the long, thin line of scar tissue running through his palm. "This happened when Garten tried to stab him to death! And these!" She slapped her hand down on Ander's shoulder. "This happened when Dorin tried to rip his arm out with his teeth! And this!"
"Nilia, stop it!"
"This one happened when they held him down and snapped his elbow! I saw the bone pierce his skin! And this one!" She lifted his vest, revealing a much smaller scar between his ribs. It didn't stand out much. Compared to the others, it was practically invisible, but to Nilia, that thin line in his flesh was like looking at a manifestation of her own death. How easily that line could have cut a path through her heart, how easily her life could have slipped away in the glow of the bonfire. "This one was made by a spear! A spear aimed at me! Ander was willing to sacrifice everything! If it weren't for him, I'd be dead! If it weren't for these scars, you'd all be dead! For you to call that a failure..."
Don't cry. You gave yourself the name of Nilia so you would never cry again...
"...is something I can never forgive."
Ander pulled his arm back, and Nilia let him. She suddenly felt incredibly tired. Perhaps the rigours of the previous night were finally starting to catch up to her. She felt drained.
"That's enough, Nilia," he said. "They don't need to hear about that."
The white vixen had her hands up against her chest, as if to ward off a blow, her slight body pulsing with every quick intake of breath, but she wasn't staring at Nilia. No, she was staring at Ander.
Nilia looked back at the crowd, at the innumerable faces. The hope, the uneasy bravado, all of it was gone, replaced by genuine, uncompromising fear. For the first time, they finally had an inkling of what they were up against.
"You never told any of them, did you?" Nilia said. "They have no idea what it's like over there. The things we did, the blood we spilled. They know nothing."
"They don't need to know. Stuff like that doesn't belong here."
"Yeah? Well it's coming, whether they're ready to face it or not."
"This isn't like you, Nilia. What's going on?"
I don't know. I don't know!
"Nilia?"
This is what happens when you break your promise. This is what happens when you become weak. All the progress you made, you just went and blew it away. You might have just killed everyone you love.
Just like last time...
"I just -" She could feel a headache coming on, thudding behind her eyebrows like a drum, making the world pulse and throb in nauseating distortions. She rubbed her temple, hoping to placate it before it could really get going. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that. Everyone has been so kind to us, and for that we are truly grateful. But..." She turned back to the Fox named Ruth, determined to finish what she had started. "Ander did not fail. He paid for your safety with his blood, forging a promise with our Chieftain to leave you and your lands alone. But our Chieftain -"
"Wait, Nilia, stop!"
"- recently passed away. And..."
Something was wrong. The look on Ander's face... it was as if he'd just stepped on a thorn. Nilia followed his gaze to the back of the hall, where the trio of Foxes was sitting. The brown vixen in the middle was staring back at him, frozen in place so completely she didn't even appear to be breathing. She raised her hand, and for an absurd moment Nilia thought she was going to wave again, but she stopped at the neck and scrunched her clothing into a tightly balled fist.
"Sarah..." Ander whispered.
What was going on? Nilia felt like she had just done something even worse than an emotional outburst, but she couldn't figure out what.
The big Fox next to her put his arm around her shoulders and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and whispered something back.
Whatever was going on, it didn't concern her.
Nilia turned back to the Elders. "Ander didn't fail. If you want to lay blame, lay it on me for failing to prevent the rise of the new Chieftain. He is a foul, wicked, petty little thing who cares about nothing other than satisfying his own sick, twisted need for entertainment. Everything is a game to him, even lives. The reason we fled our homes was because he intended to systematically murder everyone who's ever gotten on his bad side. Even children."
A soft moan rose up from the crowd, stealing over her back like the voice of a ghost. She didn't want to turn around to see who had made that sound. She didn't want to see the face, because she already knew what it would look like. The face that could produce a sound like that would not be stricken with horror, or panic, or despair, but something far, far worse. Understanding. They were finally beginning to understand now, and that understanding was like adding even more lines of footprints to the fields of snow, ugly tracks that would mar the beauty of this place forever.
Nilia put her hands down on the table and looked down at her necklace, swinging back and forth like a pendulum, a constant reminder of her sins. She slowly curled her fingers into fists, dragging her claws through the wood, leaving ten, short scratches radiating out from her knuckles. "You all stood up to defend us a while ago," she said, "but I'll understand if you change your minds. I'll even understand if you come to hate us. I've only been here a few hours, I've only glimpsed what life in this valley must be like, but from what little I've seen, I can tell that this is a place of peace, and that you are a people of peace. You look at me and you see a monster from beyond the mountain, invading your homes, dragging horror behind me like a shadow. I won't deny it. I've felt it since the moment I looked upon the fields of snow. I simply do not belong here, not like Ander does. But that does not mean I want the world that almost took my life and the lives of those I care about to come here and do the same to you. It really is like two different worlds, and I do not want to see this one set to the flame. But that is exactly what will happen if you do not prepare for it. Even if you've never fought a single day in your life, you have to steel yourself for what's coming. Please, I am not the one bringing this curse upon your lands. I am the one warning you about it. Even if my friends and I never fled, even if we stayed behind and let ourselves be sacrificed for our Chieftain's amusement, it wouldn't have been enough. He would have crossed the mountain regardless, seeking more games to keep himself entertained. Maybe our deaths would have bought this valley some time, maybe a week or a month, I admit that, but it would also mean that his eventual arrival would come without any warning. You'd wake up in the middle of the night to screaming, to the smell of smoke, to the orange glow of fire in the distance. At least this way you know it's coming. At least this way you can do something before it's too late."
Nilia's throat was getting parched. She didn't know she had so many words inside that needed to be said, and it felt like there were even more waiting their turn.
The Elders looked at her; speechless, unmoving, the closest thing these people had to a 'Chieftain'. Their decision would impact all their lives going forward.
You weren't strong enough. You let your emotions get out of hand again. You've killed everyone...
Amos took the wiry frame off his face with shaking hands, wiped them on his sleeve, and put them back, almost poking himself in the eye. "Miss Nilia, you said you're a warrior, correct?"
"That is true."
"Then what would you suggest we do?"
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