FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I sigh as I unlock the door and step into the house, glad that my parents had already left for work. It would have been hard to explain to them everything that had happened at school today.

I'm splitting to pieces inside, struggling to comprehend how David could be so brash and feeling pangs of regret over the way I had treated Felix. My mind is slowly being overcome by an uncontrollable storm of emotions, swamped by the ramifications of my recent life choices.

I slump against the wall, shaking my head to myself.

A feeling of unrest is growing inside me, seething through my bones, and creeping outward from the core of my being. The stress of all these changes is getting to me and I am losing control. I have to get my head on straight. I have no idea what will happen if I don't put things right soon.

No, I do know what will happen, and I am determined to do everything in my power to avoid it.

With a sigh, I shut the door behind me, walk down the hallway and into the living room. I look around the space, my gaze settling on the wall behind the couch which is reserved for all of our photos. Most of them are family photos, a few of them are pictures of my mom and dad, and others are school pictures of me and Zach.

There are even a few pictures from our family vacations, full of smiles and laughter, symbols of the cheer that we once had. Such joy had left my family long ago and our happiness had been long gone by the time Zach was taken away.

I feel tears welling up in my eyes as my gaze drifts over to a picture of Zach. My brother had been a very handsome guy before he had been turned into that thing; really popular at school and truly admired by me. He had been the picturesque older brother, fun, tough, protective, and loyal. He always stood up against wrongdoing. All the way to the end.

I pull my gaze from the picture, averting my eyes to the part of the wall reserved for me. On it are pictures of me starting from when I was a very young pup and ending with my eighteenth birthday.

Looking at them I recollect memories of the years past...

* * *

My childhood had been full of losses and disappointments. I can hardly remember the times before my parents became workaholic maniacs. I know there was happiness in our lives once, when I was very, very young, but as time passed things had changed for the worst.

Both of my parents work for the Animihlian government. My father, Esten, is a scientist. He works for the department of research and development, a panel of inventors and theorists that work day and night to develop new weapons, tools, and medicines 'for the people of Animihlia'.

My mother, Celeste, works with the Animihlian secret service. She never did tell me exactly what her job is, only that it is very important and that she can't share any of the things she does while working. Honestly, my mom is something of a badass and even after the happiness seeped out of our lives she retained a zesty spirit and a hunger for all things exciting.

My brother Zach, older than me by five years, had been the light of my life during my childhood. I don't think I know anyone, other than my mother, who loves me more than he did.

Even when my life had started its turn and everyone started to realize that there was something off about me, he stood by my side. He was the first person I told about my feelings towards guys. He had accepted the words with a laugh and told me that he didn't care who I wanted to fuck as long as I didn't get myself into trouble.

It was a little after my tenth birthday when I lost him. Something had gone awry in the city and the government was out in search of someone. It was all over the news, something about a child with abilities powerful enough to threaten the country. It sounded like something out of a science fiction novel.

I didn't take much notice when my parents confined me to the house. I didn't think much of it, knowing that it was for my own safety and assuming that all the parents were doing this to their children. The first week of the search passed uneventfully, then the second, and the third. Still my parents kept me locked up in the house. I was starting to become antsy and I needed to get out again. One day I had finally had enough and decided to sneak out during the night to go for a walk.

Zach followed me out of the house that night, and I'm pretty sure that's the only reason I'm still around today.

I had only been walking for about five minutes when they came upon me, men in black, with badges and guns. They grabbed me and tried to drag me into one of their cruisers. It was then that Zach jumped out of the shadows and fought them off.

When they met him, they forgot about me. Thinking back to it I remember how me and Zach were almost identical in appearance and that the only difference between us was that he looked older. They must have tried to take me because I matched the description that they had been given of the child.

I crawled into the shadows of one of the alleys as they brawled against him, Zach holding up alarmingly well for being a fifteen year old boy fighting against grown men, but in the end he was no match for them. They subdued him and took him away, leaving me crying in the dark.

Something had broken in me that day. Along my way home that night I felt it, a madness creeping into my mind from the depths of my broken heart. I had loved my brother more than anything and those people had taken him away from me. When I got home my parents were furious. Their anger made me snap for the first time. I destroyed everything in the house in a screaming rage.

The trauma had wrought me to the core. It sowed the seeds of darkness in my soul and changed me from an innocent kind creature to a ticking time bomb. Ever since that day I've fought against it, locking the darkness deep inside. Only in times of great despair, when my will is at its least, would it resurge, showing its ugly face to the world again.

It would be a long time until I was happy again. With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I struggled through the rest of elementary school and the beginning of middle school. Fighting against resentment towards myself and others.

I became a recluse...

After some time of loneliness and suffering, something changed. It all started with the arrival of a beautiful exchange student from the city of Reptii. A beautiful creature with golden scales and an incredibly handsome face. The moment I set eyes on him I was hooked.

I hadn't necessarily been aroused straight away, it started as more of a fascination. I had never seen a scaled Fauhnan before and I found his appearance strangely appealing. I found great pleasure in admiring the way his golden scales trailed along in perfect symmetry with the contours of his slender body. I glanced at him every chance I got and I even took the time to draw him during one of the class periods we shared. I never spoke to him of course, I was far too shy. I only watched, admiring him from afar. Being a loner and all, I never really thought much about others, and thus, I had never really taken the time to look at another guy naked. Everything had been fine up to that point, but it was different this time.

Later that day, after a mock game of rugby (a human sport that the people of animi had adopted after the conclusion of the Intergalactic war) I and the other boys were in the locker room preparing to go to the showers. Usually I kept to myself in the showers, but something in me was urging me not to. Across from me, the Reptii boy was undressing. My fascination only grew as he revealed more and more of his body. I tried my hardest to convince myself to stay away, but I just couldn't resist.

When in the showers I chose a spot as close to him as I could and I glanced at him over and over as I was washing. I did so until I was no longer glancing, but staring. So mesmerized was I by his strange beauty that I never noticed when I became aroused. Not until it was too late.

Some dumb bully called me out.

The resulting commotion was obnoxious and brash. Everyone took a chance to share their insults with me, all of them but one. The Reptii boy stood there with a look of disgust on his face. At first I thought it was aimed at me but I soon found that I was mistaken.

The boy began to shiver with rage, his face contorting into a mask of unadulterated fury. When he opened his mouth to speak, no words came out. Instead he roared. It was a sound unlike anything I had ever heard before, a high pitched screeching bellowing retort that scared all the other boys shitless.

In seconds the showers were empty. Save for one person, the Reptii boy, who scrutinized me with a sad look in his eyes before turning and leaving as well. I wanted to call out after him, but I had no words to say. Instead, I stood alone in solemn silence for about an hour at which point I fell to my knees and began to cry.

I don't know how much time passed as I sobbed away. I only remember my shock when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. Turning about, I found myself staring into golden eyes. It was the Reptii boy, he had come back.

I opened my mouth to try and say something again, but before I could he grabbed my chin with one of his beautiful hands and pressed my muzzle against his, snaking his long forked tongue into my mouth. For a moment I thought about pulling away, but I quickly found that I had no desire to resist. I let my body fall limp in his arms, allowing him to pull me close to his smooth, furless chest. Upon contact, everything came alive like fire.

I had never known what it truly felt like to be aroused until that moment.

Me and the gorgeous Reptii boy made out for what seemed like ages. The making out inevitably led to other things and after the two of us had released our pent up energies we lounged in the showers, chatting late into the night.

I still recall that day as the happiest and most significant of my childhood.

Unfortunately it ended there. The next day the Reptii boy transferred out of my school. His parents had decided that they didn't like life in the big city and they uprooted themselves taking refuge in the riverside town of Voi.

Afterwards I became even more of a recluse at school. It wasn't until freshman year of high school that things had changed. It was then that David and I started to get really close and there was again a semblance of happiness in my life.

* * *

With a moan I fall back onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling.

Why does my life have to be so difficult?

Here I am, breaking David's heart and pushing Felix away, all because I'm feeling a little flustered. I have never felt more stupid in my life.

Why do I have to be so difficult?

I roll over in my bed with a groan.

I'm a selfish wretch; I say to myself in my head, the first and last thing on my mind is always my own wellbeing. It always has been! If only you could get your shit together and stop being a dumb bitch! Maybe then you wouldn't ruin the lives of all the people you care about!

I begin to growl with frustration, silencing my angry thoughts and reminding myself that it isn't entirely my fault. Oftentimes I had no one to rely on but myself. To let go of that solidity would be to let go of what logic I had left. There's no way I could stop giving in to my chronic fear of people, especially that of the people I love. I'm just too afraid of being hurt!

I roll over again, looking up at the stars through the glass ceiling of my room.

Things have only just begun between me and Felix and here I am already ruining shit with my complexes! In the end, I will probably ruin everything. One day I will snap and he'll run for the hills. No one wants a psychopath for a mate.

I sigh, sitting up. What had I been thinking when I pushed Felix away like that? I shake my head, furious with myself. My choice making abilities are terrible.

I jump as there's a knock at the door.

My heart drops at the sound. I know it's probably my mother or father returning 'early from work'. Of course, that only means that they come into the house and go to their office where they would continue to do work related tasks into the dead hours of night. It drives me stark raving mad every time.

Begrudgingly, I stand and leave my room, heading for the door as I hear the urgent rapping knock again.

"Sheath!"

I stop in my tracks, my heart skipping a beat as I identify the voice that is calling to me.

"Sheath, I know you're in there!"

Without taking a second to think I take off running for the door, hurriedly unlocking the bolts and flinging it open, throwing myself into Felix's arms.

"Why did you disobey me?" I moan, leaning into his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

Felix sighs, smiling "I know you Sheath, and I know exactly what you need, and exactly when I need to disobey you."

I look up into his eyes, not knowing what to think. It was few times, almost never really, that Felix spoke to me in such a way. It's totally fucking my mind, hard.

"I love you so much." I sigh, trying to get a hold of myself "I'm sorry for freaking out earlier. It's just..." I trail off, looking at the wall.

"David," Felix murmurs gently.

I wince, the name stings, the thought stings. It brings back my anger that David threw me away like he did, and my sorrow at treating him so badly that he would have a reason to dump our friendship in such a hideous fashion.

"How could he do that to me, Felix?" I whimper, "He was my friend. I didn't mean to hurt him. He was like a brother to me."

Felix holds me close to him, "I know, Sheath, you two were close."

"David can be such a dick." I say, and begin to sob, clinging to his firm body, glad to have him here. Glad to be in his arms.

He pats my back, "Let's go inside, we don't want everyone to hear you crying."

I nod into his chest, sniffling, "Okay."

I watch with burning eyes as he closes and locks the door. I look at him gratefully as he turns about wrapping me in his arms and leading me down the hall.

"Alright, come on you big baby," Felix purrs, lifting me off my feet and carrying me through the living room.

I look up at him, wide eyed and full of adoration as he lay me down on the couch standing over me, beautiful, golden, powerful...

"You're so gorgeous," I murmur as he sits down beside me, combing his fingers through my hair, "I can't believe you're here."

He smiles at me, ruffling my hair a bit. "I was really upset when I heard what David did to you," He says, "It was stupid and he shouldn't be jealous like that. It's not fair to you."

I watch him as he speaks, marveling at his levelheadedness.

"You treated him the best you could and he knew that you liked me," he continues, "He shouldn't blame you for following your heart, it's unfair. It's not right."

I ponder his words, feeling a little guilty. David had always been my backup plan and I treated him as such, so his reaction wasn't completely unwarranted.

"Felix, you do know that the reason I became friends with him was because I knew he liked me right? So that if you didn't then..." I murmur, starting to sit up.

"Shhh," Felix murmurs, pushing me back down, "let me finish."

Begrudgingly I close my mouth, and open my ears.

"Sheath," Felix groans, pausing for a long time.

I blink as a troubled expression crosses his face, "What?"

"Every day of my life I've hated that kid. I've hated him a lot, a whole lot," He growls, "He was so close to you. I always felt like I'd lose you to him. I mean, he had everything I didn't, he was sweet to you. He's really attractive..."

I stop him, "Wait, wait, wait, you mean you were jealous of him?"

He nods.

"Is that why it took you so long to tell me the truth?!" I yelp.

He looks down at me, "I can't say it wasn't one of the reasons, but it wasn't the only reason. I wanted you to be happy and if he made you happy then..."

"Shut the fuck up," I growl, my mind broiling, "Shut up right now!"

His eyes widen, "It wasn't..."

I glare at him and he trails off into silence.

"If I had known that I would have let him go ages ago!" I yelp, "What about him made you hesitate?"

"He's like perfect Sheath," He snaps, "A stupid jock like me couldn't compete with someone like that, I mean I would totally fuck him if I had the chance!"

I shake my head, "My heart has always been with you, Felix. You should know that."

He blinks, "I couldn't have known. If I had asked you then I would have had to tell you that I liked you and then I don't know what I would have done."

I shake my head, smiling, "You are a hopeless case, Felix."

He blinks at me, flashing that goofy grin that I love so much, "Come on Sheath, you can't say that you wouldn't have totally slutted out with that cutie if you had the chance."

I smile back at him, "Who said I didn't?"

Felix opens his mouth to reply, then closes it, pausing for a long time.

"What?" he murmurs at last, his gaze darkening.

I giggle, starting to feel more at ease. "It's okay Felix, it wasn't like that. I'm still a virgin, I had to save that for you, but I can't say that he hasn't satisfied me before and I haven't him before. Teenage hormones are too strong for that, and like you said, he's really hot."

Felix stares at me, still at loss for words.

"Do you want me to explain?" I murmur, feeling troubled, "it really wasn't anything special. He came on me one night. It was totally unexpected, he climbed up between my legs and pulled off my shorts and before I could do anything he was suckling, and it felt so good,"

I stop as he blinks at me.

"Felix?"

He shakes his head, "Unforgivable."

My heart goes cold, I knew it, I had finally said something wrong. It must've brought something out of him, something dangerous. I shrink away from him, fearing for the worst.

"Oh no," He grabs me and pulls me close again, "You aren't getting away."

I look up at him, wide eyed. His expression is cold, his lip is trembling.

"Felix?" I whimper.

I yelp as he shoves me off the couch and onto the floor, "How could you?" he growls.

I whimper, "Felix, it was in the past."

"The past," He mutters, "In the past." His eyes have a fiery glint in them.

My heart is beating out of my chest. I don't know what to do. I had known Felix to be volatile, but not this volatile. Usually there was a grace period of irritation before he just exploded like this.

I creep up onto him, so my torso is between his legs and my head is leaning on his stomach, "Felix," I croon gently, hoping to calm him with my words, "I love you and only you, no one else."

"Prove it," He growls, "prove it to me."

I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out, my heart is beating even faster now. Tears are pushing at the corners of my eyes.

Everything is going wrong! I scream inside, I have to do something! I can't lose him, I can't!

I stare into his eyes pleadingly, trying to think of something. I jolt with terror when he curls his lip at me, his chest rumbling with the beginnings of one of his rage growls.

I shrink back as the sound rises up from the bottom of his chest, growing louder and louder as it rose until it emerges from his lips as a blood curdling roar.

I scream he flips me over, shoving me against the couch and pulling my legs apart. The look in his eyes is so wild and terrifying. I don't know what he is doing now. I'm so scared I can't move. My mind is exploding over and over inside, my brain scrambling like a disturbed anthill.

Pinned there I whine, terrified, as he pulls me close, embracing me and putting his chin over my shoulder. Then he starts purring heavily. Next thing I know he is grinding against me, still purring, pressing his chin down on my shoulder hard.

My fear is replaced with confusion. His grip on me is no longer rough, but gentle and affectionate and full of desire. I'm in full sensory overload now. My blood is full of adrenaline and now my hormones are raging as I breathe in Felix's lovely scent.

I moan loudly as I feel his hot arousal pressing against me through our clothes, my ecstasy burning away the last vestiges of the fear that had consumed me moments before. I murr softly, leaning backward onto the couch, clutching the cushions, tearing them with my claws.

I flinch as he starts to laugh hysterically, pulling away from me "You like it, Oh my gods!"

I look up at him crossly, almost furious. For a moment there I had actually thought things were going somewhere. Obviously he was just messing with me.

"Y-you," I stammer, my body full of hungry energy, "You dog!"

He giggles, "And I thought I knew you,"

I smile at him as he rolls me over, pressing his crotch against mine and looking into my eyes. He is still purring loudly, and I love the feeling of his member pressing against mine through our clothes. It is throbbing powerfully and the twitchy pulsations against my groin are only increasing my desire for him.

I look down between my legs, "I can feel your boner," I murmur with a smirk, "It feels good."

He smiles, "You're totally loosing it."

I blush, reveling in the fact that he is still between my legs, and that his throbbing member is still brushing against mine.

I moan again, arching my back, It is too much! I can hardly take it, I can't take it!

Felix's eyes are sparking, "We have clothes on Sheath! Calm down!"

I pull him down on top of me, "We don't have to have clothes on." I murr.

"Sheath, are you drunk?" he murmurs.

"No." I reply, licking my lips, "I'm just hungry."

"No, I think you're traumatized. You need to get a hold of yourself." He brushes my hair out of my face, "you need..."

I smile lavishly as he trails off, staring into my eyes. I can feel his member getting harder. Every bone in my body is screaming for him to let go now,

Oh please just stop resisting!

"I need you," I growl, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him close.

He is fighting his desire incredibly hard now. His expression is blank and his body is shivering.

"Sheath," he murmurs defensively, "you said you didn't want to be a slut."

"I love you Felix." I huff, "love is a powerful thing. You can't be a slut when love is involved."

"Sheath, nothing you're saying is making any sense right now." He mutters, his tail twitching, just like his dick, which I can still feel though our pants.

I lick his cheek, reaching my hand down into his jeans, "Then what does make sense right now?" I murr, grabbing his member and squeezing it gently.

He looks down at my hand and back up at me and his member throbs massively. I'm not restraining myself anymore. My tongue is lolling out of my mouth and I am practically salivating. The desire is so intense.

This is it; I think to myself_, there is no way he can hold his ground now!_

"Sheath, you are so hot," he murmurs gently, grabbing my arm, "but we can't do this now. I know you. You will spend ages crying if this happens like this. You would want it to be special."

"Who cares about special?" I growl, "I want you."

"Sheath, no," he mutters, pulling my hand out of his boxers, "Not now."

I whimper softly, "but Felix?"

"That's Final!" he snaps.

I sulk, "well then get off of me you party pooper." I sigh, turning away from him.

"Sheath, what has gotten into you?" he snaps.

I stare at him, "Not you, that's for sure."

"That's it!" he hisses loudly, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder, "It's bedtime for you. You need to rest your mind, today was a stressful day."

I smile swatting playfully at his back, "You're really strong!"

He hisses with frustration, "You are really messed up."

I blink, suddenly realizing what I am doing, then wondering why I am doing it, and wondering why I am wondering what I am doing. From there I somehow forget completely what I am thinking about so I just smile and nibble on Felix's ear, pawing at his shoulder like a kitten.

That obviously doesn't amuse him because in response he hisses again and strikes my butt, hard.

"No!" he snaps, "No more!"

Finally, we reach the door to my room and he throws it open and stomps in, throwing me down on my bed.

I yip playfully, swatting at his leg, "This is really fun. You know that?"

He glares at me, "I don't know what this is or how it started but you need to sleep it off okay?"

I look up at him quietly, the way he is talking. His voice sounds like he is hurting. Something makes me think I am hurting him.

Silently, I lie down on my bed. Wiggling under the sheets, I look back up at him, waiting for his assertion.

He shakes his head, "Sheath,"

I stare at him, curious, as he cradles his head in his hands. It looks like he is really hurting. I can't understand why though. I just wanted him to fuck me. He should have wanted that too. It's not like him to be responsible. I smile realizing I must be rubbing off on him, then I yawn as he paces around the room muttering to himself or something.

When he gets back to the bedside he sighs and tucks me in, brushing my hair out of my eyes. At this point I am starting to get sleepy, but swear I see tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whimper, feeling hurt, feeling his hurt.

I whimper softly as he stares at me mutely, probably thinking.

Suddenly he jumps, hearing a loud knock at the door.

"Mommy?" I murmur softly, "She must be here. I have to get the door."

He stops me before I can even think about getting up, "I'll get it. You just lay here and close your eyes okay. Everything's going to be fine."

I smile at him "I love you."

He smiles and pats my chest, leaning over me and kissing my forehead, "I love you too Sheath." And with that he left to get the door.

As I lay there I smile to myself. I feel so happy. It is almost as though nothing can go wrong now. It confuses me, I was pretty sure something really bad had just happened, but I can't remember what. The only thing I can think of is Felix's beautiful green eyes, the firmness and warmth of his body, and of how much I loved him. With that contentment in my mind I drift off into peaceful slumber, dreaming of frolicking through fields of daises and picking roses in beautiful gardens.

As I dream I feel a sense peace and calm for the first time in a long while. The feeling seems to speak to me as I go on, saying that nothing would ever go wrong again. I like what it is telling me and in that moment I am sure it is speaking the truth.

If only that were all it took, if only my being sure of everything for that small moment could make everything better, if only it could have prevented what was coming.