Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 26
26
Ander was leaning against the door, covering his eyes with his forearm. He's been standing in complete silence like that for a few minutes now, but that was okay with Kiana. She could do with a few minutes herself.
She slowly ran her hands across her stomach, taking long, soothing breaths and trying not to think any vomity thoughts. She wasn't sure if this nausea was a new symptom of her pregnancy raising its ugly head, or if she was merely still disgusted with the things Mateo had said. It could be both, she supposed, but thinking about it only made her feel sicker, so she cast her eyes around Ander's room, looking for something to distract her from her roiling insides, burning face, and runny nose. Luckily for her, this place was full of such distractions.
One wall was covered in shelves, and about half of them were inhabited by little wooden carvings and figurines - eagles with their wings spread wide, bears standing up on their hind legs, two deer with their antlers locked together in combat with a doe standing off to the side, waiting eagerly to see which one would be deserving of her favour. It wasn't just carvings, though. There were also long, warped pieces of driftwood, selectively fished out of the river, each one carefully scorched and burnt into patterns that, at first, seemed completely random until you stepped back and realized you were looking at a picture of the mountain, or the village as seen from the top of Wolf Hill, or even a face, every line and wrinkle added with smoking sticks and glowing coals just as meticulously as with paint and brush. And above all this, adorning the walls, was a large hoop of reeds, cleverly tied with string into something resembling a colourful spider's web, decorated with all manner of beads and feathers.
This was a good place. A happy place. A place where she could be open.
Kiana took a deep breath and sat up straight, feeling a little bit better.
Ander sighed and lowered his arm, letting his head drop back against the door. He looked so tired. But, then again, she probably wouldn't be winning any beauty pageants herself right now.
"Ander?"
He came and sat down next to her, making the bed creak and groan. He put a hand on her back, slowly rubbing up and down. "Are you okay?"
She leaned into him, liking the way he was slowly caressing the space between her shoulders. It made her feel good. Safe. "I'm fine."
"That must have been horrible for you," he said. "Everything, just one thing after the other..."
"Ander?"
"Yeah?"
"That wasn't like you, what you did back there..." She didn't like having to say it, but she knew she had to. "I don't think I've ever seen you like that."
Ander took a breath, like he was about to sigh, but then said, "I know. You're right."
"He deserved it, though," she added hastily, hoping he wouldn't misunderstand her. "And I'm happy you stood up for me like that. It's just... I don't really know what I'm trying to say. You seemed a bit..."
"Scary? Dangerous?"
"No, of course not!" That came out a bit louder than intended, as if she weren't simply denying his words, but her own thoughts as well. "I mean..."
"It's okay, Kiana. I've met that side. I know what it's capable of. I know what I'm capable of."
"Side? What are you talking about?"
"My Wolf side, Kiana. You saw a glimpse of it when I fought my brother, and you saw another here, tonight."
"Mateo is a jerk who said terrible things, so you punched him in the face. There's nothing wrong with that. I know tons of Foxes who would congratulate you for it."
"But it's not just one Fox we're talking about, is it? It's all of them. And it's not just some of the Wolves either, but all of them. It's not just one punch and it's not just about hurting. It's about killing, Kiana. It's about... by the Cora we might be talking about genocide here."
Genocide. The word sent a chill down her spine and she reflexively covered her stomach, feeling cold inside. "You really think it will come to that?"
"I know it will."
"But you can't be sure. Maybe the wall will keep them out. Maybe they'll give up."
"You don't know them like I do, Kiana. The stuff Mateo said back there, most of it is true. The things about my people and I. You can say what you want about him, but he's good at seeing the worst case scenario."
"This isn't like you, either," she said and wrapped her arms around his middle. "I feel like you're keeping something from me." Kiana recognised the absurdity of such a statement. Ander was the most honest, open individual she knew. But still, she wanted to hear him say that everything was all right, that everything would work out for the best, that everyone would be fine and that they could start planning the rest of their lives together. She wanted - no, needed to hear it.
"There is something I've been keeping from you. I've been keeping it from everyone."
Kiana stiffened against him. That was not what she wanted to hear, and the sad, yet determined way Ander was speaking only frightened her the more.
"Kiana, I've been... struggling, with something. A decision I have to make. There's no halfway, no compromise, no backtracking. It's either one way or the other, full out."
"What kind of a decision?"
His hand, slowly going up and down, a constant point of pressure against her back, giving comfort as well as receiving it. "The wall. It's not enough. Not by itself. There's something more that needs to be done, something that I... that I didn't think I could bring myself to do. But things have changed..." He placed his hand against her belly and kissed the top of her head. "There is no choice anymore..." He pulled her close and hugged her tight, rocking the both of them back and forth. "I want to live long enough so I can see you start to show. I want you to live long enough so you can get all grumpy and yell at me for smiling at the way you struggle out of chairs. I want us to live long enough to see our baby, to name them, to raise them. I want us to live so we can be a family, Kiana, and for my family, I will do it. For you, I will do it. For my baby... for our baby... I will do it..." Something warm struck the top of her head, and Kiana realised he was crying. "I only hope you can still love me after..."
"Ander, I will always love you, no matter what," she said, trying to ignore the fear creeping its way through her heart. The last time they held each other like this, crying into each other's arms, was the stormy night he had given up everything for her, the night he was forced to kill his own brother. Was it happening again? Was he being forced onto a path where every possible fork only lead to more death and murder?
Why him? Why did it always have to be him? Always...
So she held him, and she kissed him, and through it all she made a single wish, over and over...
That this time, just this one time, she could be the one to carry his burden.
If you enjoy my story, please help keep my face un-mauled by irritable ostriches by dropping me a donation.
Thank you! ^_^
Paypal:[email protected]
Donation Progress $114 / $300 (Unlock Sunday update)
How and Why: The Story behind "Ander" (Journal): https://www.sofurry.com/view/517234
Special thanks go out to the following furs for helping me keep this project afloat with their generous donations. I couldn't do it without your support.
- Mystery fur
- PyrePup
- KmlRock
- Faan
- Sunny-Fox
- Mystery fur #2
- Sky Star
- Claybrook
- 1_2Punch
Thank you! You guys are the best! ^_^