Lasagna Thoughts v3: Kindness is a Drug (And I'm Addicted)
So, who'd ever think that my biggest strength was my weakness all along? Well, it's not surpring, considering that I'm not the most sociable person. Anyway...When I say that I will change my life, it's most probable that I'm lying. I can't change it from one day to the next, obviously, but when I try, I instantly give up. I can't improve in something or I'm just not feeling well to even care.My only solution in this case is to simply conform with what's given to me and be that lovable person that doesn't speak much. Simple, right? Well... It becomes troublesome after this.Depression hits me hard almost everyday, on almost any occassion. I could be looking at something funny and the next thing you know something depressing comes up, I'm reminded about shit I'd rather forget, and then comes more memories... and more... until I'm crying for it to stop.So, my biggest question, is how to become a better, social person who everyone knows and is friends with, while knowing when a rule is enforced like hell and doesn't exactly benifit everyone and I were the only one who could speak up truthfully against it? A mouthful, right? But it's what I want to know.Everyone seems so friendly and nice when I approach them, but when someone else who is mean goes by he is lead out by practically everyone except me. I would try to see both sides of the story but end up siding with everyone else. I then imagine if it were me and I go on a rant to just one friend I trust more, and they tell me the false lies of forever. Then I get a little better, some time passes and the cycle restarts. It's always been that way. But I want to break out of that cycle so badly, just so I can take charge of my life for once.But hey. When you're surrounded by nicer people who would defend you, it makes it difficult. And if you're anything like me, you give up. Let the cycle repeat itself. Just because you can take all the pain. Because you think you're that tough.I'm truly broken on the inside. And I want to stop being addicted to kindness, before it breaks me completely.