Belonging Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Rye
Day 8
A knock came from my door, waking me from my nap.
Taiya, who the fuck is it? I sniffed and rolled onto my side to face the door. There wasn't a single fucking chance of me getting my sick ass out of bed just to answer the door. At the rate I was feeling, whoever was knocking on my door should have come in and kindly sucked my cock.
"It's open," I shouted, as I burrowed deeper into the warmth of my bed.
The door was pushed ajar and in stepped Seq, holding a pile of pelts. After the sunlight behind Seq revealed that it was him who was knocking on my door, he closed the door behind him with his right paw.
I sniffed again, only this time swallowing warm creamy snot as I did so.
Without explaining why he was here, Seq stood there in front of my doorway. "Where can I put these?" Seq asked, as he lifted the pelts up for me to see.
"On my desk," I was barely able to say, before I began to cough so hard that it felt like I was being kicked in the balls.
Seq slowly strolled over and gently placed them on my desk, which was cluttered with the remains of food and various unfinished tools. _ _
_ _ He then turned and walked back over to the door. For a moment, he paused, as if he was reconsidering leaving so quickly. The red fox sighed.
Seq turned around and crossed his arms. "So, got a cold?"
He was probably just staying because he felt sorry for me. Well, it wasn't the worst reason for him to stay. It felt good to have him pitying me.
I rubbed my nose with my arm, getting a nice fresh line of snot down my fur. "Yeah. Sera told me not to do any work until I get better, as you can see by all the shit on my desk,"
Slowly, Seq walked to me and leaned over to feel my forehead with the back of his hand. I had forgotten how soft his touch was. He withdrew his hand from my head after a moment. "You're warm,"
Seq proceeded to sit down and crossed his legs next to me on the ground.
I rolled my eyes. "Told you so. It's the damn snow! Taiya, I hate snow,"
Now, Seq couldn't help but give a light chuckle at my irritation. "Yeah, I remember. I especially remember the one time that we got into a fight because I said that snow is beautiful,"
I shook my head and snorted. "Beautiful, my ass. It's nature trying to kill us!"
_ _ Suddenly, once I thought Seq started to enjoy my company, he stood up to leave. No. I couldn't let him leave yet. I hadn't seen him for a few days, much less spoken to him. Who knew when I would see him again?
As he began to rise off of the ground, I reached out my hand and latched onto Seq's arm.
Seq looked at his arm and then at me. His eyes narrowed. "Let go off my arm, Rye," He said my name as though it were some disease.
I was quiet.
Seq rolled his eyes. "I'm not getting into bed with you because you're sick,"
Unable to look Seq in the eye, I looked down at my hand. "It's not that,"
"Then, what?"
"You know..." I gave a pause and then continued. "You know how I feel about us? Right?"
Seq sighed and gave a slight tug on his arm. I didn't let go of him. "There isn't much to feel,"
"I wasn't thinking straight. I was just so angry... Seq, I'm sorry,"
Seq gave a snarl and I was able to see him flash his fangs at me out of the corner of my eye. "You don't seem all that sad when you're busy making dirty jokes and showing your dick to everyone,"
I looked at the ground in shame, but then finally worked up the courage to look into Seq's sparkling eyes. "The truth is...I only do that stuff to make myself feel better. I try so hard to make myself laugh and forget. But no matter how many jokes I say or how times I laugh, I'm still ashamed of what I did. I sometimes even cry myself to sleep just thinking about it,"
Seq tugged his arm once more, but stronger this time. "You keep saying 'it' like I don't know what you did, like you're a cub who got caught doing something he shouldn't have. Rye, you dance around what you did like it isn't a big deal, just like every other problem that comes along. Tell me, is that you in denial, or are you just afraid of being an adult?"
I sat up in my bed while still holding Seq's arm. Cool air now poured over my crotch, which meant that my balls were out in the open. I couldn't give a fuck. It's not like Seq hadn't seen them before.
I nervously swallowed and cleared my throat. "I cheated on you with Basil. But when I saw you come out of Grix's hut that morning, after not seeing you for the entire night, I thought that...I thought that you slept with him. When that thought crossed my mind, I got so angry. So I slept with Basil to get back at you. Seq, when you-" I could feel my ears fall back in shame and my vision became hazy from the tears that began forming in my eyes. "When you walked in us...and told me. I felt so filthy. It felt as though if I bathed in the lake for a moon, I still wouldn't have been clean. I was, and still am, ashamed of myself,"
Seq still had very little to say to me. "Nothing changes what you did. I hate to say it, but it's true. All we can do is move on,"
Abruptly, Seq broke his arm free of my grasp and began walking to the door of my hut.
"Do you forgive me, Seq?" I asked him, as he reached the door.
Seq stopped and turned his head over his shoulder to look back at me. As he did so, Seq was met with the naked sight of me standing in the middle of my hut. He wanted me to be vulnerable with him, so there I was. I had promised myself that I was going to do whatever it took to get him back and, if this is what it took, I was going do it.
The red fox answered without hesitance. "No,"
After turning back around, Seq opened the door and closed it behind him.
I stood there in my hut, nude and silent for a few moments. Tears began slowly sliding down my cheeks, now completely distorting my vision. Somehow, my nose became even more clogged with snot than it had been a moment ago. Did I wipe away the tears? Did I sniff and try to clear my nose of all the snot? No. Instead, I stood there, bawling like a fucking idiot. How pathetic am I, standing here crying? Taiya, what would Seq say if he saw me looking so pathetic? He'd never want to get back together with me. Why would he? Who wants to date someone who's an emotional mess? I didn't deserve Seq. What was the point of even trying? I didn't even deserve to be in a relationship.
I'd heard what everyone said about me when they thought I couldn't hear them. I was nothing but shit to everyone, even Seq. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep down inside, Seq still had feelings for me, though. I hoped so. If he did, all the other shit wouldn't bother me. Nevertheless, I didn't know for sure and had to face the harsh comments alone.
Alone. Lonely, lonely Rye. I ate alone. I lived alone. I worked alone. I slept alone. I jerked off alone. It was only a matter of time before I died alone. I would die alone and nobody would give a damn that I was gone forever.
I crawled back into my bed and began to sob into its warmth, as my chest tightened with every wail.