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It was about 12 hours after the Night Howler incident was finally over when the story started. My parents, just friends at the time, Taurin Blacksad, who looks like a more muscular version of me, and Edna Kane, a white cat, wanted to go to Zootopia. My father, growing up, was told that he could never accomplish his dreams. His one dream was to be some kind of law enforcement official, because he wanted to do what he thought was right or had to be done. The same with my mother. That's another thing. He and Edna were pretty much being banished from their hometown, because their hometown absolutely hates vigilante justice, and they couldn't become police officers. That town is known as Whitneyville. It's practically on the opposite side of the US from Zootopia, which makes sense, because it's pretty much the exact opposite, and always was. In Whitneyville, if you aspire to any career with more prestige than a fucking checkout store clerk, you'd get people looking at you every day like you're insane. People there stop at nothing to make sure you have to settle for the role in society they already chose for you. For big cats, especially Lions, stereotyped as being ultra-violent, ruthless killers, that meant out on the streets, being HUNTED by the cops. For mom, a simple cat, that meant some role associated with female gender roles, one with as little danger as possible. That would be something like a chef. Taurin and Edna didn't want anything to do with that town, and that town didn't want anything to do with them. The same goes for anyone with big dreams there that doesn't give up on their dreams and their life.

I got the details of everything from the journals my parents kept, which they sent to me as a "sorry about fucking up your childhood" present just today. As of time of writing, this morning, I had lost my virginity to the one person that I would want to. Back to telling the story. My dad told a joke, and it was one with that signature pitch-black, vulgar humor that seems to run in the family. By the way, I don't know the actual joke line-for-line, but it was one about my mom's first heavy period, and the issues surrounding it, and I don't want to know any more. She laughed like crazy, and my dad just loved that laugh. That made him smile, and mom loved his smile. These are excepts from their journals: TAURIN BLACKSAD: "I didn't know that a fucking period joke would give me something else to dream about, but it did. I told one about my bestie Edna's heavy period, and she just laughed in the most adorable way. I don't know how to describe how it made me feel, other than I liked it. It just made me feel all soft and emotional inside." You can probably guess that my dad went from that to enforcing gender roles once we started living on Alistaria under theocratic rule. EDNA KANE: "I couldn't possibly have guessed that something good could come out of my first heavy period and all the pain and bloating, but something did: one of those kinda messed-up jokes that Taurin likes to tell me that I know I shouldn't laugh at, but did. After I laughed, he just smiled, and it was the most ADORABLE smile I have ever seen!" After that, they boarded a train to Zootopia. They just had the most insane overreactions to seeing outside the window of the train, because quite a lot changes from Whitneyville to everywhere else

In Whitneyville, it's always cloudy, and it's perpetually raining. The water on the ground evaporates to go back into the clouds, and then it falls right back down again. Thus, the whole town looks like one of those depressing cyberpunk comics, only without the neat-ass tech to make it worthwhile. The town also had police officers everywhere to make sure that nobody was doing ANYTHING fun. Seriously. It's practically a police state there! My father's first arrest was for singing and dancing in the rain when nobody else was outside. The part of his criminal record mentioning that lists it as "public nuciancy and disorderly conduct". Everywhere you look, either the police are doing something horrible, or criminals are doing something horrible. My dad wrote in another entry, one I'm not quoting, where he saw a gang rape happen. He tried to intervene by punching somebody, and then called for help from a police officer that just watched it happen. The cop said that he "enjoyed the show". So, as you can imagine, that sets the bar VERY, VERY low. Also, Whitneyville had a murder rate of 253 per 1000 people. As soon as they got quite a distance away from Whitneyville, they saw, for the first time, a clear sky. They actually held hands and cried tears of joy when they first saw the daylight, instead of just street lights and some sunlight shining through the clouds and the fog. Then there's the rest of the differences. In Zootopia, you could just shout for a police officer to come help, and they'd be there in no time, for the most part. Zootopia's murder rate is less than 1 per 1000 people, which makes instances where murder DOES happen stand out all the more. The cops aren't just not anti-fun, but they seemed to actually WANT to join in and have fun. I'm overusing the word "fun", aren't I?

When they got there, the first thing that they did wasn't to find a place to live and keep their things, since they brought next to nothing with them, because they wanted nothing more to do with Whitneyville. Instead, they went right over to the police station, and asked about jobs as police officers. They were interviewed by Chief Bogo, and that's when dad realized something: he was bi, just like me. This whole time, he was just covering up for his own ass during what I went through on Alistaria. He realized that when he felt aroused by looking at Chief Bogo. He knew to keep it to himself during the interview, though. They both got the job. Their first case was to try and stop a mass theft that was going to be perpetrated by a gang led by quite the little dreamer, Guillermo del Mujer. He was only 16, and he had his own small crime syndicate. We'll get to his story another day. They moved into the apartment right next to Nick and Judy's, and realized that the four of them were assigned to the same case. Also, my mom and dad kept implying something between Nick and Judy, because I had to get my desire to fuck with people's heads somewhere. TAURIN BLACKSAD: "...and we got assigned our first case. Some fuckin rascal named Guillermo. He has his own big gang and he's only 16. Must have tried everything. Also, THE NICK WILDE AND JUDY HOPPS ARE IN THE APARTMENT RIGHT NEXT TO OURS!!! Naturally, I and Edna started cracking jokes about them being a couple, and I realized that there were a lot of projection-y jokes I made, and that made me realize something: I'm genuinely madly in love with Edna. I just hope that I'm good enough for her, but I don't know what she saw in an angry weirdo like me to begin with." The way the case turned out is another story entirely. What matters is that for the first time in their lives, Edna and Taurin felt like they truly belonged where they were.

My parents first admitted their feelings for each other in the form of Freudian slips, with my dad starting to talk about his day, and my mom talking about hers, and then they mentioned how they got through the day thanks to each other, and then they had sex for the first time, and it was with each other, and during sex, they blurted out their feelings for each other, and then kept going. That was five years after they got to Zootopia, and they'd gotten a nice house, a great reputation, and the careers they always wanted. That was just in time, too, because that got mom pregnant with ME!!! And then the exact OPPOSITE of a Deus Ex Machina happened. They were told to meet some black-scaled cobra bastard in a field just outside Zootopia. That man was the Grand Vizier of Alistaria, Arvyn Slytha. The first anti-ex-machina in my life happened before I was fucking born. He offered them a lifestyle of luxury and prestige, more than they could ever achieve on Zootopia, and they accepted, wanting me to have an upbringing where I got whatever I wanted. That isn't a good thing for any parent to want. Thus, I grew up with everything I wanted being bought for me and handed to me on a silver platter, except for two things, those being more important than any presents I was bought: for Jem to love me back, and for everybody to just accept me for who I was. Those they could never give me. To this day, I wonder how much better my life would be, not if it would be better, if I were born and raised in Zootopia.