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Ballad of Phillip

Chapter 5: 1994-1995

1994 wasn't any better than '93. Things between Aaron and I didn't get any better, but they didn't get any worse either. Every time we even approached the subject of me being closeted or us going out, a sad look would appear on his face and he would say something like "I'm tired of keeping you a secret" or "why won't you come out?" I never knew what to say. I hated seeing him like this, but I didn't want to come out either. One day in March, I said to him, "I don't want people to hate me for being gay. I want people to love me, not hate me." He just sighed and gave me a hug, but did not say a word. We rarely went out on dates from that point on.

Things with my band, meanwhile, were getting worse. The recording for our fourth studio album began in March and it was a nightmare. Eric and Vlad fought each other over the littlest things. "This cord's not right", "This note is off", "That solo was awful, do it over"; I lost count how many times I heard them say these things to each other. Even worse, Eric decided that the album should have twelve tracks: eight from him, two from Vlad, one from me, and one from Bob. This was the opposite of how the previous albums worked in which Eric and Vlad each got four songs and Bob and I each had two. Vlad flipped out over this arrangement and we took a whole month, June, off just so those two could cool down. It was also during June that I recorded my solo album.

One of the executives at RKF, an orange fox named Fred, heard me practicing one day and felt that I was good enough to have my own solo record. I had been practicing using a special feature of my keyboard that made it sound like I was playing an electric guitar. Fred liked my experiment and he heard me at live shows before, so he knew I could sing too. I agreed to make a solo record because I thought it would be fun. I already had a bunch of songs written that I never had the chance to use, so within two weeks I recorded an entire ten track album that was scheduled to release on July 1. I was quite excited about this, but Eric wasn't. I guess Fred must have told him because on June 30, Eric called for a band meeting and decided to call me out in front of the whole band.

"How dare you Phillip! No one in this band is allowed to make a solo album!", Eric shouted.

"There's nothing in the contract that says I can't do it", I said.

"Fuck the contract! I'm the reason you and everyone else in this room is making money! You are an ungrateful son of a bitch and you need to be punished!", Eric shouted. He was about to punch me when Vlad grabbed his arm and wrestled him to the ground.

"Let me go", Eric shouted.

"No! You've gone too far Eric", Vlad said.

"You can't fire me remember?!", Eric said.

"No, but I can pin you to the ground and keep you here until you calm the fuck down and apologize to Phillip", Vlad said.

Eric grunted and struggled against Vlad's weight until he eventually calmed down. Vlad slowly lifted himself off of Eric, who did not apologize to me, but instead just glared at me and announced, "let's call it a day. We'll get back to recording tomorrow." We all left the room and went back home. I was afraid Aaron would beat the shit out of Eric if he knew what happened, so I didn't tell him about it. July went by without another fight, but then Eric lost it again in August when he found out that Vlad was working with another artist.

"You asshole! No one in this band is allowed to collaborate with other artists!", Eric shouted.

"Why are you making such a big deal out of it? If you don't want to use the songs Ritchie and I wrote together then fine, but you don't have to be an ass about it", Vlad said.

Eric growled and was about to punch Vlad only this time me and Bob decided to be the ones to wrestle Eric to the ground. We weren't as strong as Vlad individually, but combined we were able to hold Eric down until he calmed himself down. After that, we took two days off before finishing the album on August 13. We started touring a week later and just like the last tour, Aaron couldn't come with me. I sat alone in my dressing room after shows while Eric had fun with the local vixens. I called Aaron when I could, but he didn't always answer the phone. One night, I think it was in October, Vlad came into my room and we talked for awhile.

"I don't think this band is gonna last much longer Phillip", Vlad said.

"You think so?", I ask.

"Eric is ruining everything with his ego. I want to quit, but I hate to leave behind something we all built together. Eric thinks he's responsible for our success, but it took all of us to get to where we are today. I love this band, but damn do I hate Eric right now", Vlad said with sadness in his eyes.

"Eric used to be our friend, but I guess fame and fortune can change a person for the worse", I said.

"True. If this band does break up, you could finally tour for your solo album or maybe you and Aaron could work together", Vlad said.

"That's true and you could always work with Ritchie", I said.

Vlad blushed when I said his name, which got me curious. "Why blush?", I asked.

"We love to work together. Sometimes we like to work all night long", Vlad said, blushing and laughing a little. I didn't get it at first, but then it hit me.

"So, are you guys a couple?", I asked.

"Not really. More like friends with benefits. We write music together as well as making love. Remember that brown wolf you caught me with? That was him", Vlad said.

"Oh yes I remember", I said, laughing.

"Of course, I can't have him in my room while we are on tour anymore because Eric will freak out", Vlad said.

"Eric freaks out over everything", I said.

The rest of the year went by without any fights, but I could tell things were tense between Eric and Vlad. When 1994 came to a close and 1995 began, I didn't know what to expect. The arguments mounted between Eric and Vlad and our fifth album was even more of a nightmare than our fourth. At one point, Eric and Vlad started beating each other up. I had to call security to get them to stop. This was in April and yet for the next several months we continued making the album.

During this time, Aaron was making his second solo album and was about to release it in August when his label RLF, a spin off of RKF, shut down. RKF executives didn't like Aaron due to all of the arguments he had with them during the Flame Dogs days, which is why he was given to RLF in the first place. Aaron was furious when he told me that RLF folded up and now he was without a record label.

"Those fucking bastards!", Aaron shouted.

"It's okay honey, you can find another label", I said.

"Yes, but this still sucks", Aaron said, remaining angry for the rest of the night.

Aaron found other labels, but none were willing to pay him the 250,000 Fox Pounds he demanded.

"No, no, no! I will not accept 150,000! I'm worth way more than that!", he said when he read the offer that 59th Street Records sent him in the mail.

"I know that, but you are a new act to them. They're just being cautious. I'm sure they'll pay you more in the future", I said.

"Oh, so you don't think I'm worth 250,000? Some boyfriend you are", Aaron said.

"No, I'm just trying to explain why they might not have given you the money you asked for", I said.

"Get out!", Aaron said.

"But...", I started to say.

"Go home and get out of my sight! I don't want you anymore!", he shouted.

I left his apartment with tears in my eyes. We made up two days later, but for the rest of the year we kept breaking up and making up over his issues with not getting paid the amount he felt he deserved. Even when we had made up, he was still irritable. We didn't have sex at all and he was always mad. Even the tiniest things like accidentally ordering the wrong pizza pissed him off and caused us to break up for a few days. I tried to make him happy, but nothing worked. I felt useless, why did he even want me around if I no longer made him happy? Every time we made up, the less sincere it felt.

My relationship with Aaron wasn't the only thing that was dying, so was the band. We finished recording in September and toured until early December. Just like the last couple tours, performing was fun, but backstage was tense. I didn't enjoy being in the band anymore and I don't think anyone else did either, including Eric. When the tour ended in December, Eric called a band meeting and made a revelation that we all secretly knew was coming.

"Guys, I think this band needs to break up. I can't stand working with Vlad anymore and no one likes my ideas. You guys don't appreciate me and everything I've done for you!", Eric said.

"We got famous because all four of us made great music together. I'm tired of hearing you take all the credit for our success. I agree we should break up", Vlad said.

"Can't we just record one more song? The fans deserve a farewell", Bob said.

"I just said I can't stand working with Vlad anymore you idiot!", Eric said.

"Calm the fuck down Eric! Bob has a point. It would be nice to make a goodbye song and dedicate it to all the fans who've supported us all these years", Vlad said.

"I agree", I said.

"Okay fine, but after that we're going to get in front of a camera and announce our breakup", Eric said.

"Works for me", Vlad said.

"Deal", I said.

"Fine", Bob said.

We recorded our farewell song the next day. It was the saddest recording session we ever experienced, even Eric had tears in his eyes by the end of it. We decided not to release the song or announce our breakup until next year because we didn't want to depress our fans during the holidays. Aaron and I fought a few more times, but we were together during New Year's. There was no shower sex this time though. Instead, we just silently sat on my couch and waited for 1996 to arrive. We didn't even cuddle. I wanted the new year to be better, but deep down I knew it was going to suck. I wasn't aware of how much it was going to suck.