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Chapter 31 Paul found himself in front of the house without realizing this was where he’d been heading to. He’d ran out of Steel Link, the bile right on his heel, and that had eventually been left behind. The disgust at what he’d done? That had taken longer. It took Paul hitting exhaustion for his disgust to finally give up. As he’d walked through the streets of Denver, numbness settled in until he found himself here caught him by surprise. How had he known where Donal’s house was? He’d have to say magic, because too many other things had been going on when he and Shila had first come to it for him to have noted the route. He tried the door before he thought better of it. Inside the house was one place where he’d be alone, with Donal on the search for the pangolin’s successor. And was surprised that it opened. Had no one thought to lock it in the rush of leaving to reforge Excalibur? Did Donal have talisman that unlocked the door if a friend tried it? And if so, how had Paul ended up on that list so easily? The living room was the mess it had been the last time Paul saw it. A few seats cleared; everything else, and the floor piled on with plastic crates of stuff. The kitchen was no better, and he remembered it not being this cluttered. He considered tidying that space. He should do something for the squirrel for squatting in his house. Or maybe he didn’t have to. Maybe he shouldn’t, even. Donal had to have a system. And even if he didn’t. It wasn’t Paul’s job to do anything about it. To do anything at all. All he had to do really, was sit here on this bed and… Nothing. There was nothing at all. Nothing about the house he could think to do, about his future, the world, that ma— His feet were there, not taking him anywhere. Just staying in place without doing anything while someone sat at the end other end of the bed. They were there for a while before Paul raised his head, finally more than barely registering he wasn’t alone. “Yahui’s okay,” Thomas said. He was dressed, Paul realized, and that was good, for some reason. He wasn’t certain why, but the idea of the rat being naked didn’t sit well with him at the moment. Then the words sank in, and Paul realized Thomas was here to talk and not— No, that wasn’t happening. “How is his family taking what happened? What he—” the words caught, but Paul saw the doberman, not what he’s witnessed the red panda do in his grief “—did?” “They’re in chock over Yating’s death. Most of the time was spent with them convincing Yahui not to run off and get himself killed trying to take the Chamber down. Roland’s with him, Niel too. He was the first one I moved when duty called.” “Suck’s being one of two—” he swallowed bile, the badger’s melting face surfacing. “The last one left.” Thomas nodded, opened his mouth, closed it. He took a breath. “I had to bring an Orr here from San Francisco.” Oh, God. He fought the bile down again. “Are you okay?” Thomas asked. “I’m—” he had to swallow bile again. “I don’t know what to do. What to think. I did—” his mouth locked up. “Fuck! I can’t even say it! I did that and I am too much of a fucking coward to—” He stared down at his best friend. The rat’s mouth was still opened, even if the words had been said in the middle of the golden tiger’s tirade. They’d only registered now, only there was no way he had heard correctly. “Wha?” was the eloquent question. “Technically,” Thomas said, a grin forming, “I should say I’m going to be a mother. Sorry for being abrupt with the announcement, but you sounded borderline hysterical, and I figured this was going to pull you off the ledge.” Paul dropped on the bed. “Definitely not hysterical anymore. But what do you mean, a mother?” he looked the rat over. “You aren’t getting a sex change, are you? Could you even, with who our god is?” “I don’t know.” His friend shrugged. “But I don’t have to. The Chike have a phrase, well, a series of them, that lets a guy be impregnated and carry the baby to term. Chima’s the first to be conceived that way.” Paul stared, his mind trying to wrap itself around that. “He never said anything about it.” The hyena often talked about his fathers, but that was common enough within the Society. Many men used a surrogate to have a son, and she’d never be involved after that. “He didn’t know until recently. His fathers and the few other men who assisted were the only ones who knew. It’s going to come out soon enough. They kept quiet because they didn’t want someone else to do it and then, decades down the line, discover there was a problem with the process. Chima’s thirty, so they figured it’s been long enough.” “Your sister suspected you were thinking about a kid,” Paul said, and then chuckled. “But there’s no way she’d imagined this.” Thomas nodded. “Even before thing happened with the Society, sex with a woman never crossed my mind. And I’m not asking some guy to go through this for me. I’ll be the one carrying my son.” Paul looked at Thomas. “And who was it that said he’d never wanted to deal with a kid?” “Things change.” Thomas hesitated, then locked eyes with Paul. “People change.” The doberman writhing on the thin mattress, waiting for Paul to— He was on his feet. “You think I wanted this? I—” “Madoc’s changing his last name.” He stared, his mind trying to wrap around the revelation. “Wha?” was the eloquent question, as he blinked slowly. He raised a hand to stop the rat from answering. “Please stop. You’re going to give me whiplash.” He sat down, breathing and running a hand over his face. “But yes, I was about to step on the ledge again. But Thomas, it’s not the same thing.” “It’s never the same, Paul. I’m not trying to equate what you’re going through with what someone else is. I’m just saying we all change. Sometimes we make the decision, like Madoc following in Trevor’s footsteps and taking Hertz as his last name, so Raphael gets the message he wants nothing to do with him.” Thomas paused, and Paul waited him out. “Victor’s considering letting his sons be initiated. He’s talked with fathers within the Society, and while I don’t think anyone will ever convince him to do it after what Raphael put him through, he is understanding that what he experienced wasn’t typical.” Thomas let out a breath. “And I’m done running.” He smiled. “I’m done letting Raphael keep me from the life I want. It’s been fun, working with Grant, helping people. Teleporting all over the world. But underneath, I was sticking with it because it let me run away. That isn’t something I can do if I have a son. Once this craziness the Chamber’s pulling is done with, I’m going to look for the right guy to be my son’s father, find a nice place to settle down, and only use my power if I feel it’s important. It’s not like I need a—” Thomas stopped, mouth open, closed it, and then burst out laughing. Paul stared, wondering how he might help his best friend if he’d somehow gone off the deep end. “I just realized that I spent all that energy worrying about picking a major, having to settle for a liberal arts degree, and in the end, I’m a glorified Share Ride. My dad’s going to be so infuriated when I tell him that.” “You might have exceeded whatever expectations he had for you. You are the most successful person I’ve ever known.” Thomas’s nod was sad. “The advantage of being the only one who fills this niche.” In the stretching silence, Paul’s discomfort resurfaced. “I appreciate what you’re saying. But what I did isn’t—” “You aren’t a monster, Paul.” Thomas turned on the bed to face him, crossing his legs. “What I—” “Stop.” “Thomas,” Paul pleaded, “I—” “Saved a man’s life. That raccoon, Raoul? Three husbands or something like that.” Paul looked away and saw the doberman in that interrogation room. There because of what he’d done to him. “From what Raoul recounted, the guy attacked while you were charging a sigil and you protected him. Denton said that the mix of that, the stress, caused you to direct what you felt at him, and you turned him on. It’s not like you planned on doing it.” “It doesn’t change what I did, Thomas.” “But it changes what you think of yourself because of it. Or it would if you weren’t so off-kilter. You defended yourself and someone in need of help. You didn’t even know you could do that, so you need to cut yourself some slack. I’m sure that once they help you control it, you won’t go around turning every guy you walk by into some sex-starved slave.” “You have met my cousins, right?” Paul asked in disbelief. “Yes, and I don’t like them. But you aren’t them. You just share genes and power. You know better than me that genes don’t define who you are.” Thomas saddled closer to Paul as he took his best friend’s words in. Forced his rational side to exert influence. The rat rested his head on Paul’s shoulder. “Aren’t you the one who told me that just being able to ask the question of if you’re becoming a monster or not means you aren’t turning into one?” “That’s about insanity, dumbass.” Paul chuckled. “And it’s just popular knowledge, so not exactly proven.” “How about this, then? Anytime you question the kind of man you’re turning into, I’ll teleport over and smack you upside the head?” “Deal.” Paul sighed contentedly, placing an arm around his best friend. “Thanks for this.” “Snuggling?” “The reality check.” “I never thought that you, of all people, would ever need one.” “It has been a lot,” Paul replied. “Still is.” Thomas nodded. “What you’re feeling isn’t fixed just because we talked. But anytime you need to talk, you have me, and a lot of other guys willing to help.” The rat squeezed. “Remember that.” “I will.” Paul enjoyed the quiet, just the two of them. When was the last time nothing else had been pressing on them? That they could simply be, and let things— Someone knocked on the door, then Dietrich entered. “Of course, it’s you they’d send,” Paul sighed in annoyance. “In his eternal wisdom,” the massive tiger said with disdain, “Arnold decided it was my job to clean up after my son.” He raised a hand, and Paul swallowed his protest. “I’m not mad at you. You didn’t know what you could do or how to make it happen. It’s my nephew who shouldn’t have let you get mixed up in this mess.” “I wasn’t going to let my friends deal with that on their own.” Paul tried to stand, to confront his father, but Thomas held him down. “Then Arnold should have taught you the basic of how our influence works.” “I didn’t even know I could do that. How was he supposed to?” Paul tried to dislodge the rat, but he was insistent. “It’s the fucking job of the guy in charge to think of the stuff the rest of us don’t.” “Thomas, let go of me.” “Not yet.” Thomas kiss him as Paul started to tell him off, pushing until the tiger was lying on the bed. Paul tried to push as the rat straddled him. What was wrong with Thomas? This wasn’t the time anymore. Certainly not with an Orr there who was going to take this as an invitation to force himself onto— Paul heaved Thomas off with a silent curse at what he was making happen, again. He scrambled to the other side of the room. “Thomas, where’s your amulet?” The rat snorted. “I returned it since you have your power under control.” He grinned as he crawled toward Paul on the bed. “Come on, Paul. It’s been a while. My ass misses your cock.” “Thomas, that’s not you talking. It’s me. I’m doing this to you.” He looked at Dietrich. “Fuck, I thought I was done with this.” His father sighed heavily. “You’re going to want to leave us alone.” “I can’t—” Paul saw Thomas shift his attention away from him and to Dietrich. The rat’s expression wasn’t playful anymore, but showed naked need. Dietrich unbuttoned his shirt. “Unless you plan on joining in, which you wouldn’t need me to step in again if you did, Paul. Leave.” Paul tried to protest, but wasn’t it too late already? Hadn’t Denton said that once a man was influenced, an Orr had to fuck him? Shouldn’t that be Paul, instead of someone Thomas didn’t know? Paul was his best friend. It would be better if— He was out of the room, heaving, trying not to throw up. He couldn’t force himself on Thomas that way. He heard the need in his best friend’s voice and his mind filled with images of Dietrich using him. He was out of the house and putting as much distance between him and what was happening as fast as possible. Why? Fuck, why was this back? What was he going to do? Where could he go? He called his Royal Security contact. “Mister Herran,” Ernest answered. “How can I help you?” “I can’t be around anyone.” “That doesn’t sound correct.” “My ability turned itself on again. Anyone I find remotely attractive is going to turn into a sex maniac.” “I believe you are exaggerating.” “I’m freaking out, okay?” he yelled at his phone, and people moved away from him. “I thought that was dealt with. That it worked like the others now. But this means I can’t go back to Steel Link. I definitely can’t be around my friends. You’re going to have to go through Joseph in regards to what’s going on with the Chamber. He’s in charge now.” “Very well.” The golden tiger stopped in his track. Physically and mentally. “I expected some level of push back.” The chuckle was soft and short. “That isn’t part of my duties. If you feel your best course of action is to distance yourself from others, then I will assist with that. Do you need me to make arrangements for a hotel room for you to stay in while this is resolved?” “Ye—” a thought occurred to him. “No.” “That sounds like a contradiction.” “Look, I’m going home.” “I can make arrangements for a flight back to San Francisco Bay.” “No, not that home. Home, home. I’m going back to Minneapolis.” “Very well. I have flight information for—” “I’m not flying,” Paul protested in horror. “Can you imagine the mess that’s going to be if I find just one guy attractive?” “I see. I’m afraid that Adam left strict instructions if you were to ask for a car.” “I’m in no state to drive.” “Then I hope you are not considering walking there.” As Paul looked for alternatives, he watched a bus stop at the corner. People got on and off. The bus started off again. Why not? There was still intercity service, somewhere. But how many people would use it anymore? And those weren’t made to socialize. The high back meant he’d have to work at seeing who else was there. And unlike a plane, if it looked like he was affecting someone, he could rush off it. “Can you direct me to the intercity bus terminal?” “I can.” There was a pause. “And I will ensure there is someone there to escort you.” “Didn’t you listen to me? I can’t be around any of the men from Steel Link or Royal Security!” “I do not believe that will be a problem,” Ernest replied, then disconnected, leaving Paul staring at his phone as an address appeared on the display.