The Seeker, Chapter 5
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The Seeker, Chapter 5
By William W. Kelso
It's been about five years I guess, it's hard to tell time down here, since my Mistress and I had our rather unfortunate run-in with a rather nasty human named Roger. I had been sent to collect his rotten soul and he was a real piece of work. Had to admire the guy really, as far as evil and rotten goes he beat more than one demonkind I know. He almost killed both of us and our Great Lord Ba'al had to save our sorry butts. At least my Mistress's butt is very nice though. Our little misadventure involved the creep Roger, a rather helpful English butler, yours truly, my Mistress, Great Lord Ba'al, the angel Rafael, and two lawyers, one from Heaven and one from Hell. And yes, there are lawyers in heaven contrary to popular belief, about six if I remember correctly.
Well, I ended up saving the day with help of the butler, who betrayed his master, then I blackmailed Ba'al who saved my Mistress, then he made a deal with Rafael for Rogers soul, which won us the case, then Roger was eaten by Ba'al, who let the butler go, but didn't save me because I forgot to include it in the deal when I blackmailed him, but then sent my Mistress back to Hell so she could save me by throwing us in a volcano! GASP! I don't believe I said that all in one breath! Do you understand now? Good, because I'm not repeating it. And sooner or later you have got to come out from under the bed!
It was a major changing point in my relationship with my Mistress. I am still her slave, I always will be, and being a slave I have no name as it's not allowed. I go by Seeker, Pet, Hey ugly, and whatever else any of my numerous Masters and Mistress's care to call me. However SHE is MY Mistress first and above all others and also the love of my life and mother of my children (or whatever you call baby demons). In Hell males rarely give a darn about the kiddies, they just hump the female and leave looking for their next amorous (but not always willing) partner. We don't see anything wrong with it at all, but I found out that a male who shows post mating interest in a female and her possible resulting offspring often get really nice seconds, if you know what I mean. And the thought of having offspring is kind of nice, at least to me. Plus I'm very popular with the female fire demoness's as first, and most importantly, I'm one of the few fertile male fire Dragons, and second, I just don't fuck them, I make love to them. They really appreciate that more than you would believe. Because of that I always have a long waiting line of females to service, many the second or third time or more around. Most often for breeding, but sometimes just for pleasure. My Mistress makes a bundle renting out my sexual services and I have NO complaints. If you haven't figured it out I'm weird by Hell's standards, but since I'm pretty powerful in my own right and have a VERY powerful Mistress nothing much messes with me, besides even Hell needs some comic relief. And the Great Lord Ba'al actually likes me, which has its good and bad points. On the other hand I am absolutely terrified of the guy.
What do I look like? Oh that's right, you haven't seen me since my Mistress and I got back from our immolation in Hell's main volcano. It did wonders for me, but wasn't so great for Mistress Vulva, it kind of left her looking like a parboiled rat. Well, I've gained weight, grew horns, and can talk now. I weigh around 700-800 pounds I guess, give or take a few, which gives me about a hundred or so on my Mistress. She used to be bigger then I was. I'm still a nice dark ruby red color with black wings and horns, plus the now triple row of spines down my back and my tail barb are black too. My scales are larger and harder now and I have belly bands instead of just skin, I have a much longer neck and tail and a heavy bone shield at the base of my skull with two sets of black horns, the outer pair being longer then the inner. My fangs are much larger and nicer and I still have my lovely black forked tongue, longer now than ever much to my Mistress's delight. Of course being a fire demon I still drool saliva that bursts into flame when it hits the floor, still have my nasty fire breathing capability, and I still have basically molten lava for blood so my body temperature tends to make stuff burst into flame. Needless to say I don't read much and don't get many hugs. And my penis is about twenty four inches long now, much to the delight of my Mistress who requires me to put it to the use for which it's intended quite often, which is fine by me. It's good to be well hung.
What's my job? Gee, that's a pretty good question actually. Hmm, I guess my main function is collecting wayward souls who try to get out of paying their debts. I'm one of Hells Repo Demons. That's what I was created for after all, and by the way you're lucky I'm in a talkative mood as I've only been able to talk again for a few days. The problem is getting me to shut up. As to what else I do, hmm, well there's the gigolo thing which I frankly enjoy immensely, I mean you've never done it until you've done it with a 2000 pound fire breathing Dragoness, oh bliss! I also am a kind of guard Dragon for my Mistress, but to be honest I've been pretty much a failure at that as I usually attack the wrong things. I go after anything that looks threatening, and that pretty much covers everything in Hell including the plants, and I usually end up getting my scaly butt kicked which is pretty embarrassing. Why my Mistress puts up with me I'll never know. I do try hard though, and she knows I mean well. Now come here! Rats, almost had you that time! This is getting monotonous, so on with the story.
It was a pretty average day, for Hell. My Mistress was at her desk as usual banging away on the computer keyboard. "Damn Ssspaaam! Hisss!" I heard her growl. Good old Hellnet. If you think spam is bad where YOU are, you have NO idea! Yeah, pretty routine. I was lying on my back on my favorite new asbestos rug (the potted man-eating plant ate my last one) chewing on the GAY harness she makes me wear, but the damn thing is chew proof, she is SO diabolical. She knows I hate the thing, but she likes it and that's all that counts. So I endure the horrible torment of wearing the stupid GAY thing. I stopped chewing on the harness and started chewing on the tip of my tail, a bad habit I've picked up which drives Vulva crazy (come to think of it, maybe that's why I do it). She heard the sound of my fangs clicking against my scaly armor, and looking up gave a really evil look (and I mean EVIL) and told me,
"Equa's coming by for a visit later today, and she still wants to get to know you better, my pet, Hiisss!"
Gulp! "No, please, Mistress, anything but that!" I whimpered and cowered. Equa is an equine vore demoness with some very strange culinary habits, she eats stuff with her pussy, and I know because I've seen it. Ugh! Sometimes when I'm bad my Mistress will threaten to give me to Equa which scares the shit out of me. Frankly I never know if she means it or not, after all she IS a Demoness. It usually makes me clean up my act really quick though.
Vulva added, "Then STOP chewing on your tail! It's undignified for a demon of your power!"
I just gave a low mumbling grumble, "Raken smacken on the frim-fram."
"WHAT did you say, my pet?" Vulva hissed.
"Sorry Mistress, I hear and obey, I live but to serve your every whim oh Great and Frightening one!" I replied in a perfectly sincere voice.
She looked at me with a kind of "I'm not sure how to take that" look and said, "Hiss, OK then, and don't you forget it either! HISS!" She never can tell for sure if I mean it or not. I felt kind of sorry for messing with her as in my own way I really do love my Mistress, so feeling like a real heel I decided to make it up to her.
I can't curl up at her feet under the huge old obsidian desk anymore, which I miss terribly, but I can still get my head and neck under it with room to spare, so moving over to the front of the desk I lay down on my belly and stuck my head and neck under the front and started to lick her legs like I knew she liked, I knew I liked it too. She has a nice salty taste. I slowly worked my way higher, and joy of joys; she opened her legs so I could pleasure her with my tongue. She leaned back with a sigh as I began to eat her, running my tongue as deep into her sex as I could which is pretty far. She held my horns and murmured,
"Oh Yesss, my pet, that is very nice, Yesss! Mmm you give such good tongue my pet! Ohhhh!"
Had a good teacher I thought, my eyes closed in delight as I made my Mistress happy, and I was having a pretty good time too. I felt my penis slide out of my vent, and thought, Oh please let her want me! "Ohhh, my pet! I smell your arousal, and it would be a shame to let such a nice erection go to waste! Come pleasure your Mistress! HISSSSS!" BINGO! I thought, jackpot! I DO know how to turn my Mistress on! Humans like neck rubs to relieve stress, demons like to screw like Hell to relieve stress and it really works! Ever try to give a neck rub with three inch razor sharp claws? The results are not pretty.
She pushed her chair away from the desk and I pulled my head and neck from under the desk and quickly moved around to the other side of the desk, hissing in lust. She leaned against the desk and raised her tail for me and with a loud roar I mounted her, oh by Big L it was as close to heaven as I'll ever get. It still amazes me, even though she is a powerful sex demoness, that she could take all twenty-four inches of me with such ease. As I lunged into her I grabbed her shoulders with my front hand/paws and pinned her. It took me a few minutes and quite a few powerful thrusts to stretch her wide enough to accommodate me and we both screeched in pain and pleasure. The sex was more animal then human and I wasn't very gentle, I really can't be in this form, but she wasn't expecting me to be and we both loved every minute of it. We both shrieked and roared our ecstasy and we both knew we were pleasuring one another and that made it even nicer and more intense. OH, how I love my Mistress! As I slid in and out of her with up to twelve inches of me out at a time before ramming back into her I could feel her amazing vaginal muscles with their multiple sets of lips stroking and sucking at my penis the whole time. Oh, oh, oh! I thought, my tongue lolling out of the side of my mouth, Oh, oh, OH! With a deep guttural hiss I reached down and she turned her head sideways so we could kiss, and it was a brutal full tongue kiss, both of us snarling and slobbering like the beasts we are. Luckily her desk was fire proof, but my drool still set a box of Kleenex on fire, but we ignored it. Finally with a screech I shifted my head and bit the back of her neck, hard, and increased the speed of my thrusts, grunting through the skin and fur in my mouth, moaning my love for this incredible female. She was bucking under me now and her grunts were becoming deep and guttural, and I knew it meant she was close to coming, and so was I. She had trained me to make us both come at the same time, and I never failed her. I threw back my head in a loud bellowing roar as she squealed and bellowed her own agonizing ecstasy as we both came and came. Finally spent I let her neck go and gently licked her muzzle and ears, and then I reluctantly dismounted. I looked at the clock, over two hours! Not bad. She turned around and took my head in her hands and kissed me, and said
"Thank you my pet, Hiss, I needed that, you always pleasure your Mistress so well. I am pleased with your efforts." I squealed in delight at the praise, the most ultimate reward a thing like me could hope for. Like I said, for all her faults I love her. I turned down a chance at redemption for her, and have never regretted it. I mean, how could heaven be heaven without my Mistress? Then we heard clapping hands, and a deep cultured voice said,
" Bravo, my favorite nymphomaniac, I must say you and your little pet never cease to amuse and entertain. He is always SO enthusiastic." Said the voice of Great Lord Ba'al.
I'd know that voice anywhere. With a terrified hiss I dropped to my belly in front o f him and covered my head with my wings. My Mistress bowed deeply and said,
"Great Lord! I beg your forgiveness; we were not informed of your arrival! I will personally flay the demon who failed to notify us! To what do we owe this most unexpected honor?" Vulva hissed deferentially.
"That will not be necessary; this is a kind of surprise visit if you wish to call it that. I was in the neighborhood and thought I would drop in unannounced and see what the reaction was. I'm glad I was in time for the show though; I really must have you two perform at one of my dinner orgies soon. And your pet is always so respectful; he does know how to grovel, doesn't he?"
I've been practicing, I thought.
"Great Lord, it would be an honor for myself and my pet to perform at one of your parties, I'm sure he would enjoy it as much as I would. Hissss."
Speak for yourself, I thought.
"Great Lord, I am somewhat at a loss. Vulva hissed, What may we do for you? You have but to ask and we will obey."
"Of course you would. That is what I like about you Vulva; you know your place and do not put on pretensions of being better then you are. If the rest of my so-called minions were as serious about their duties as you Hell would be a, well, less Hellish place. As I said, no particular reason for my visit. I just felt, well, kind of lonely and out of sorts. I have had a lot on my mind lately."
I think if Great Lord Ba'al had said he'd converted to Judaism and wanted us all to start wearing yarmulkes I don't think it could have startled us more. I actually stuck my head out from under my wings and looked at him with my mouth hanging open. The Great Lord, LONELY?, out of SORTS??? I realized he must really trust us if he would admit such weakness in front of some of his slaves. Weakness is something you do NOT want to show in Hell, not EVER.
Vulva started to come around the desk, and I could sense, and see in her face, her genuine concern. For all Ba'al is a mean badass SOB, he does have style and he's OUR mean badass SOB. You didn't have to love the guy to be a totally loyal and dedicated follower. He was quick to punish, but also quick to reward loyal service, AND he backs up his minions, he NEVER leaves you hanging. He was a demon of the old school, and went by the book. If you did too and followed the rules you had nothing, well not as much, to worry about.
With a hiss I folded my wings and crawled a little closer to him and looked up at him. He was in his human form (such as it is) and had his head hanging and looked, well, lonely. "My Lord?" I hissed softly. He raised his head and smiled at me (my heart almost stopped) then reaching down he scratched the tip of my snout and I closed my eyes and hissed in pleasure and rolled over. He rubbed my stomach with one of his hoofs and I hissed louder and started kicking my hind leg. I couldn't believe I was doing this, I couldn't believe HE was doing this!
"He's quite the suck-up, isn't he?" Ba'al said.
"Not really my master, Vulva replied, he only gives his affection if it is genuine. He is strange in that way."
"Truly?, then he is a treasure you best keep close by your side my horny little Demoness, for there are those would take him from you." Ba'al replied. "Now go back to your Mistress slave."
"Yes Great Lord" I replied, and slunk back over, still on my belly, to Vulva's side and covered my head with my wings again.
"Yes, so respectful, said Ba'al. How nice. Tell me, my lovely harpy, did he wear you out, or do you have it in you to pleasure a tired old demon?"
If Vulva could have blushed she would have, "My, my Lord, I am honored! It has been so long since you showed any interest in me and my poor charms!"
Ba'al laughed. "Yes, it has been way too long since I sampled your more than ample charms, and I intend to remedy that oversight over the next several hours. You always have been one of the best lays in Hell. Now come, let us adjourn to your bed chambers. And have your pet make sure we're not disturbed."
"Yes, Great Lord! Vulva said in glee, HISS!, you heard slave, NO interruptions!" and added in my mind "OR ELSE EQUA!" Then she turned and with an enticing flick of her tail beckoned for Ba'al to follow her, and he did and both his penises were already rock hard. And they didn't waste any time from the shrieks and other sounds of Hellish lust that soon rang down the tunnels. Geez, and I thought WE were loud!
You might think I was upset about another demon doing the dirty with my Mistress, but not at all. Remember where I am, what I am. My Mistress had numerous partners every day, either as part of her job or for a quickie. I was used to it and was glad my Mistress was enjoying herself, if she was happy I was happy. If the Great Lord and my Master wanted to get his ashes hauled, more power to him. ANY demonkind can identify with that very basic need of our kind. Our sexual mores, or lack thereof, would horrify most humans, but we are NOT humans, at least for some of us not anymore. I lay back down on my rug and dozed, occasionally opening an eye when the sounds became particularly loud. Then my Mistress gave me a special treat, and I don't mean urinal cakes either though those are yummy.
I am her familiar, which means we are connected in our minds. She can contact me and I can contact her which is very useful. We can't actually read one another's minds, but she can see, hear, and feel what I do, and vice versa. For me I have no choice, she can do it anytime she wants. For me to do it through her she has to let me. And she did, and suddenly I was feeling, seeing, and hearing everything she was, I WAS her. And I mean EVERYthing. It was like Ba'al was fucking me too and I was my Mistress, and I arched and screamed at the unbelievable feeling of sheer agonizing sexual ecstasy. She'd done this before, sometimes when I was servicing her she would "trade" bodies with me and suddenly she'd be fucking me with MY body while I was in hers. It was mind blowing, but nothing like what I felt right now. Ba'al has two very large penises and his tongue is so long he had it wrapped around her, our, necks and it was deep in our mouths. I felt like I was being split in half, felt every stroke, every lunge as I kicked and screamed in delighted pleasurable torment. And it went on for hours, nonstop, from the front, from behind, then the front again. Ba'al has six balls and it took him a LONG time to drain them. Then finally it ended and she let me have my body back again.
I was lying across the desk on my back and in my sexual throes I'd pretty much wrecked the joint, even the man-eating plant had jumped out of his pot and run for cover. I was drenched in my own cum and juices, I must have come ten times during that unbelievable experience. I was so sore and worn out I didn't even know who, or where, I was. Look at all the pretty lights! I thought. "Gurgle."
Vulva came into the room, literally staggering. Ba'al followed and when he saw the carnage and my limp drooling body draped over the flaming desk he did a double take and said "Vulva, I do believe we were attacked during our tryst and your loyal pet appears to have fought off the attackers!"
Vulva did a double take too, and then started to giggle. Ba'al turned and looked at her with his eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry Great Lord, ravager of maidens, Ram of Rams. We were not attacked, he just couldn't handle it." And she told him what she had done and Ba'al gave a snort of amusement. About that time I said,
"I don't want to go to school today Mommy, I want to watch H-R Puff-n-Stuff! Can I have a cookie?" Hiss, gurgle, glick.
They both looked at me, then at each other, and then they both broke into gales of laughter.
"Wheeeee!" I said, "Gumbah!" Hissssss.
"Oh, oh my! This is priceless, said Ba'al. I must go now my slave, but you have both pleasured your Lord well and I am most pleased. I have not laughed like this in centuries. I shall definitely be inviting you and yonder valiant warrior to more of my parties, some of those sour pusses can use a good laugh and a nice long shag. Now I must bid you adieu!"
"I didn't do it, I said, the plant ate it!" Hic.
Roaring in laughter Ba'al stepped out of the door and disappeared in a puff of red smoke.
Mistress Vulva who was laughing too staggered over to her chair and sat down. She took her pets head in her lap and gently scratched his chin. He hissed and crooned in pleasure, and said,
"Heeey Abbott, I been a baaad boy!" Gurgle, Hisssssss, snort!
Tears of laughter streaming from her eyes Vulva licked her pet's snout and tickled his neck behind his bony plate and he cooed and squealed, kicking one of his hind legs. Yes, you have, she thought. But you make me laugh, and that is so rare, and that is the first time I have ever heard Ba'al laugh unless he was doing something really evil even for him. You are a strange beast, but your Mistress loves her little jelly bean.
"Mmmmm, thank you, May I have another please?" I said, and started snoring.
"Yes, my pet, said Vulva, you may have all you want." She had not been so very thoroughly and expertly fucked in a long time, and anytime with Ba'al always left even her feeling well used. After all he had thousands of years of experience and knew how to make a female scream. With a pleased moan she laid her head across her snoring pet's neck and chest and fell asleep too.
Amazingly no one bothered us for several hours, everybody was still hiding. Visits from Ba'al do that to the staff. It's kind of like getting ready for a hurricane, so they'd boarded themselves up and taken to the bomb shelters when word got out he was around. At least this time there we no casualties, unless you count me. I was still pretty much out of it, and was dreaming I was back at Six Flags and was riding the roller coaster, which I hated, while someone hit me over the head with a rubber hose. It wasn't quite a nightmare, but it wasn't much fun either.
We were still asleep, but I was kicking and growling now as someone had stolen my snow cone, when we got an unexpected visitor. Who am I kidding, ALL our visitors are unexpected.
The handsome visitor, dressed in old fashioned noble's clothes, paused as he entered Vulva's office. "Good Lord!" he said as he saw the carnage.
I heard him and looked up blearily. What did I DO last night? I thought. And why was I all sticky, and why was my Mistress using me for a pillow, and what the heck was I doing on the desk, and WHO wrecked the joint and I'M not cleaning it up, and WHO was this guy? And where was Ba'al! At that thought I jumped up in terror, my Mistress fell out of the chair and landed face first on the floor with a loud squeal of surprise, I fell off the desk which now had everything on top of it on fire again including the computer, and the strange dude offered me a business card, and said,
"Good Evening, I am Count Dracul"
Holy Shit! It's Dracula! "Don't worry Mistress, I'll save you!" And with a roar I charged the creepy looking guy. He promptly turned into a bat and I started chasing him around the room trying to grab him and he flew into the next room and I followed bellowing my battle cry. I heard my Mistress say "What the fuck! Hiiisss!"
I chased the bat dude around the room, careening off the walls and furniture and knocked the talking picture of Hitler off the wall and he yelled "Ach im Himmel, Schweinhundes!" But we just ignored the stupid kraut. Finally the man-eating plant decided to help and managed to grab the bat and was strangling it when Mistress Vulva staggered into the room. The bat was making gagging sounds and his eyes were bugging out by now. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself by then. "Mistress, I said, Look what we caught!"
Mistress Vulva had a look on her face I've never seen before, kind of a cross between utter terror, shock, disbelief, and maybe just a little amusement.
"Please help me, Eek!" squeaked the bat in a high pitched voice.
Vulva opened her mouth and bellowed "HIIIISSS!!!! YOU TWO LET HIM GO RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR BY BIG L I'LL MAKE YOU SO SORRY YOU'LL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN AND I'LL GIVE BOTH OF YOU TO EQUA, HISSSSSSSS!"
The plant let the bat go, jumped out of its pot and ran inside the office supply room and slammed the door. I tried to follow, but the rat fink had locked the door from the inside. "Lemme in!" I squealed as I scratched at the door. The stupid plant just giggled.
In the meantime Vuvla was ignoring us, thank Big L! She was attending to the creepy looking Dracula guy who had turned back into what looked like a man.
"I am SO sorry, my Lord! You came at a most, um, inopportune time, and we were, um, caught by surprise." She hissed as she loosened his color and his face finally changed from red back to a white sallow color. Definitely one of the undead I thought.
"I must say you took ME by surprise as well. Your guardian is certainly, um, enthusiastic about his job." The guy said. "I guess I should have rang ahead, but your computer was not responding."
Cause it was on fire, I thought. I was tiptoeing (and believe me that is no mean feat when you're an 800 pound Dragon) towards the bedroom by this time, but no such luck.
Vulva said in my mind in that quiet voice I dread more than any other. "Hold it right there, my pet, and just where do you think you're going? Hmmm, hisss?"
"Anywhere but here?" I asked hopefully. "Like maybe lower heck?"
"FREEZE buster! You stay right where you are until I have time to deal with you over this little escapade. HIISSS!"
"But Mistress, the creepy guy said he was Dracula, I thought he was going to bite us or something!" I whined.
"He IS Dracula, Count Vlad Tepes, Vlad III of Wallachia, Knight of the Order of the Dragon, AND a Lord of Hell!, you silly beast! We are in deep shit thanks to you and that stupid plant! And he only drinks HUMAN blood, NOT hot lava like you have; you'd give him heart burn!"
"Oh Crap." I thought.
"YES! Oh Crap indeed! Just you hope I can get us out of this without us being flayed alive! HISSSS!"
"Mistress?" I asked humbly.
"WHAT!!!!!! HIISSSS!" was her reply.
"Are you really going to give me to Equa?" I whimpered.
"HHHHHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!!!" Was her only response.
She took the still shaken Dracula guy into the other room. Hell he didn't look like Dracula to me, no cape or anything and he had a mustache too. But if my Mistress said he was, then he was. The plant peeked out of the office supplies closet, but slammed the door in my face when I charged him. "Rat Fink! Let me in!"
As the closet was the only place to hide, and the plant was hogging it, I finally sat down in a corner to await my fate. Why do I keep doing stuff like this? I thought in despair. It's like I have a gift for doing the worst possible thing at the worst possible time, my timing really sucks. I was too damn overprotective, my Mistress meant everything to me and I keep forgetting that compared to her I'm a wimp. She could mop up the floor with me any day, and in fact has done it few times. I knew one thing, if he tried to hurt her I'd go after him again, and screw the consequences.
She spent a long time with Dracula, and I could hear them talking. Once he laughed which I took as either a really good, or really bad, sign. I dared not sneak over to the door and try and hear any better, and her mind was closed to me. Man she really was pissed. I gave a little whimper and looked at the closet door, but it stayed shut. Unable to help myself I started giving little hissing howls of fear "Owooooisssssss!"
Vulva was very tired when the negotiations were finally over, and closed her eyes when she heard the howls from the next room start up. Please spare me, she thought. She looked at Lord Tepes again, and said,
"So it is agreed my Lord, in exchange for waiving my usual fee for the Seekers services (Owwwooooiiiiiissss!) you will not file any charges (Owwwwooissss!) against him for the unfortunate mis (Owwwooiiiiisss!) understanding. Excuse me for a (Owwooooiiiisssss!) for a second, my Lord." She got up and walked over to the doorway and yelled "WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Then walked back over to her desk and sat down again. "Now where were we, oh yes, just give me the details and I will dispatch him immediately." Lord Tepes didn't exactly look thrilled, and said,
"Are you quite sure that your, um, protégé, is up to the task? No offense intended but he struck me as kind of um, how should I put this? Dense?"
Vulva just grinned and said, "Actually he's pretty good at what he does, though I must admit he can be a little, um, unorthodox about how he does it. I may have smacked him too many times." Or not enough, she thought.
When Mistress Vulva came to the door and yelled at me to shut the fuck up I put my wings over my head and sniveled. I couldn't stand to have her really mad at me like that. Her approval meant more to me than anything. She finally finished with batboy and I heard her hooves slowly approach and stop next to me.
"Pet, Hissss. She said in a horrible calm voice, what am I going to do with you? What did I do to deserve this? Why do you hate me? Hiiisss."
With a wail I grabbed her leg and said "Mistress, I don't hate you! I love you more than anything! Please don't hate me, please! I couldn't stand that, I'm sorry! I don't mean to be bad. Punish me, but don't hate me!" I held her leg and pressed my head against her stomach, and kept wailing. I really was terrified she might stop loving me and without that love I would be nothing. "Plllleeeaaasssee don't hate me!" I wailed.
She crouched down and took the wailing beasts head in her lap and hugged it. He really was terrified, she realized, the poor thing. Normally she delighted in terrorizing some helpless victim, but not him. She had never been truly loved before, and had never had more loyal a slave then this strange beast. He had almost ceased to exist, something far worse the death, to save her from the same horrible fate. No, she could not stay mad at him no matter what he did because she knew in his own bumbling way he meant well. So she held him until his wails faded away and he started hiccupping. He held her in his powerful grip like he would never let go, and she found that strangely comforting.
"My pet, she finally said, I do not hate you, never that. It is just that sometimes you try my patience. Lord Tepes could have gotten us both in trouble. If I had to explain to Great Lord Ba'al why you'd torn him to pieces and ate his head the Great Lord would not have been amused. You must be more careful! Hissss".
"I'm sorry, hiccup, Mistress. I promise I'll, hic, try to be good from, hiccup, now on. Hic." I managed to say, still sniveling. I was just so relieved she didn't hate me or didn't want me anymore. I rubbed my head against her leg and crooned my love for her.
"My Pet, hiss, we are lucky, hiccup, Lord Tepes had come to, hic, (Now he's got ME doing it!) hiccup! Arrange for your, hiccup, services. Because of your, hiccup! antics I must now waive my fee and, hic, let him use your services for, hic, free. Now come, hiccup, you leave right away. Hiccup! HISSSSSS!"
She snapped my leash on the GAY harness, how degrading, and led me like a dog to the nearest pentagram terminal. I made no complaint though, if she wanted me on a leash that was fine with me. So we walked down the tunnels, both of us hiccupping. I recognized the Imp operator instantly, and he recognized me too despite the fact I'd changed since he'd seen me last. He'd made me materialize in the middle of a freeway during rush hour traffic once and I'd been bounced around like a pinball and ended up in culvert full of ice water with a Mac Truck hood ornament stuck to my forehead, and now its payback time! Crouching low I started towards him, hissing softly. Vulva gave a hard tug on the leash, "KNOCK IT OFF hiccup, HISS!" she said. "Eeeep!" I said and obediently sat by her side, giving the operator the evil eye while he sniggered. I'll get you someday laughing boy,I thought "Grrrrr, hiccup!" Finally he said, "The coordinates are, hiccup, set Mistress, he can, hiccup, leave anytime, hic!"
Man, they really are contagious I thought. "Hiccup."
Vulva gave me a pet, and said "Be careful, my pet, hiccup, hiss! This is a hard one, hic, this guy is supposed to, hic, be a real, hiccup, nut. Lord Tepes said to be very, hiccup, cautious. Do try not to, hiccup, get any of the good guys, hic, involved this time, hiccup, HISSSS, DAMN THESE, hiccup, HICCUPS!"
Wasn't MY fault that angel showed up last time, I thought as I climbed up onto the raised platform with the silver pentagram on it. I sat down and folded my wings over my head and was suddenly somewhere else. You never get used to that sudden feeling of displacement and disorientation, but it fades quickly. At least it cured my hiccups.
I stretched and folded my wings and took a look around. I was in a forest clearing somewhere and the only witness to my sudden arrival was a large raccoon who blinked a couple of times and disappeared faster than I've ever seen one move before. I have that effect on animals. To my surprise the beacon that marked the location of my target was very close by for a change, usually I could figure on having to fly a few miles at least. Maybe that operator knew what was good for him after all. I wouldn't even have to fly at all this time. With a hiss I took one more look around, and started towards the beacon which shone like a red searchlight in the nearby sky.
"Mistress, I've arrived. Looks good so far, actually pretty close to my target for a change, hate to admit it but the operator did a good job."
"Good my pet, she replied, but be careful. The Count said this is a nasty one. Hiccup, HIISS!"
"The Count can bite my....." I started to say, but then thought better of it.
I hadn't gone very far when I ran into a very imposing stone wall with barbed wire along the top. I stood up and looked over the top, my neck was long enough to do that. Two large Alsatian guard dogs saw me, took one look, and disappeared at a fast run. Good doggies, I thought, who says dogs are stupid. I pulled the barbed wire out of the way and hopped over the fence. Almost instantly alarms went off. Oh great, here we go again. Dropping to all fours, as I really am more of a quadruped now, I started towards the imposing house in the near distance. And stepped on the first land mine and it blew me about twenty feet up into the air.
I landed on my head with my hindquarters draped over me and found myself looking at my own butt. Okay, NOT nice, I thought. With a grunt I rolled back over and onto to my feet, took about another ten steps and stepped on another mine, then another one. FUCK this, I thought, and took to the air. I gained some altitude and started to flap towards the house, and that's when I saw the missile heading towards me!
Holy crap! I thought, and dodged it with a roar of anger. This is getting REALLY old! I didn't see the missile, a heat seeker, turn around and come back towards me. I did feel it hit me in my butt and it blew me back to the ground, and I landed on another mine and it blew me onto another one. I'm tough, but that much did daze me a little. When I woke up a few seconds later I was lying in a large smoking crater, covered in Astroturf, and was looking at my now scorched butt again. "THAT IS IT!" I screamed as loud as I could, and jumping up I hopped into the air and flying low and fast I landed against the side of the house, scrambled up the side and onto to the roof. I looked around snarling, I was really PISSED OFF at this stage. They can't stop me, why do they even try, dumbasses! "HIIIISSSSS!"
I looked around cautiously, but didn't see anything. Just looked like a normal roof so far. I took a few steps and triggered a booby-trap, and I was the booby. About half a million volts arced through my body, ZAP! BZZZTTT! POW! SIZZLE! BOOM! "AIIIIEEEEHIIISSS!" and I went flying through the air smoking like a skyrocket and landed head first in a very deep, very slimy, ornamental fountain. If anyone was watching they would have seen a boiling steaming slimy mud bath with a long tail whipping around in the air above it. With a gurgling sucking sound the muddy slime finally let me go and my head rose up out of the nasty mess with smoking water plants and slime dripping from it. "&%$#@! HIISSS!" I was NOT amused, nope, not in the least. I dragged myself out of the pool and collapsed next to it. With a disgusted snort I hocked a big glob of steaming mud out of my mouth. NO job is worth this. This was NOT in the job description, I thought, I QUIT!
"Oh NO you don't, Hisss!" I heard in my mind.
Oh just super, "Mistress, how long have you been watching this mess?"
"Long enough, Hiss Hiss Hiss, hiccup!" She hissed in amusement.
How humiliating, I thought, and put a paw over my face."
"You're not, hiccup, hurt, just frustrated. Now GET back to work! Hiccup, and HOW to you get rid of, hic, HICCUPS!"
"Sorry Mistress", I have no idea. I almost said look in the mirror, but I'm not THAT stupid! "Wish me luck; I think I'm going to need it with this one."
I took a deep breath, spit out some more mud, and pondered my dilemma. This was not going well; maybe a more direct approach was needed. As in kicking in the front door, kicking butt, and taking down names later. Carefully, VERY carefully, I started to skirt the edge of the house looking for a means of ingress. The place was a fortress; no open windows and the few I saw were barred and/or sealed with steel shutters. Man this guy IS paranoid, but he can't keep ME out forever. I thought about smashing in one of the windows, but then I remembered that booby-trap that nearly fried my butt. I picked up a stick and threw it against one of the bars, ZAAP! OK, not a good idea, but at least I'm learning.
Finally I found what I was looking for, a large plate glass window; sneaking up to it I raised my head and looked inside. It looked like some sort of study, and I could see someone sitting at a desk with their back turned to me. Perfect, I thought, he'll never know what hit him! I backed away and scurried out into the yard, and managed not step on any more mines. I had learned what they smelled like and could spot them now. I lifted into the air with powerful flaps of my wings, reached the perfect altitude, then turning I stooped and dived toward the window with my front legs stretched out to grab this schmuck's soul. Just before I got to the window and I opened my mouth and started to roar. "ROOAARRR/SPLAT!" Oww! For a few seconds I was stuck to the bullet-proof armored glass before sliding down it with a squeaking noise, and the guy in the chair stood up, turned around, gave me the finger, and ran out the door. He was wearing a Waffen-SS uniform. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I thought, as I slid down the glass and onto the ground.
"Oh pet." I heard in my mind, and put my paw/hand over my face again.
"Don't worry Mistress; I'm going to give this guy such a PAIN when I catch his sorry butt!" I replied.
"Well, I certainly hope, hiccup, so! HISSS! Damnit! HIC!" she replied.
I slunk around one side of the house still looking for the front door, and suddenly a dark figure ran out of a side door and across the lawn to a large garage of some kind. AHA! Tally Ho! That has got to be my mark, and he's making a break for it. They try to get away from me in a car or truck sometimes, but that don't work as I can fly pretty fast and just rip the roof off and grab their souls and it looks like they died in a car wreck. With a roar I took off in pursuit, but the little jerk beat me to the garage and slammed a heavy metal door in my snout. "Hiiisss" I said in annoyance. I reached up and gave the door a strong punch, it shuddered but not much give, so I put my paw/hand on it and started to push into the metal when it became molten and started to melt. Then I heard an engine start up, and pulling my paw/hand out of the molten metal I raced around the side of the garage just as the large heavy metal corrugated door started to rise. Gotcha butt-monkey!
I jumped in front of the door and reared up with my wings spread, arms wide, and opened my mouth and with a great roaring bellow I said "HOLY SHIT!" as the door opened to reveal a Soviet T-74 main battle tank with its 155mm gun pointed right at yours truly! The guy was standing in the top hatch, said "HEIL HITLER!" gave the salute, and disappeared and shut the hatch. "BOOM!" "AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEIIISSSSS!" I screeched as the armor piercing shell hit me in the chest and knocked me back through the air about a hundred feet and I hit the ground and slid about another hundred feet and plowed about a two foot furrow into the ground with my spines, then the shell, which I had caught, exploded. OUCH! Oh man did that HURT! OK, I thought, you win. Mommy, I wanna go home.
" Mistress?"
"NO, you go GET him! NOW!" She hissed in anger, but not at me. "You are a SEEKER, you are MY Seeker, now SIC him!"
"YES MY MISTRESS! I'M GONNA GET HIM!" so with a moan I started pulling myself out of the ground and shrapnel out of my ass, and I was now REALLY, REALLY MAD!
Then I heard a loud roaring metallic clattering sound and looked up just as he ran over me with the tank. OUCH! Then he backed over me, OUCH! , parked on top of me, and started spinning the tank in a circle. OW, OW, OW, OW! This is SO NOT fair! He gets a panzer division and I get nuthin! I mean, who keeps a TANK in their garage! Why do I get all the weirdo's? Of course he couldn't kill me but I was most definitely not enjoying myself. I decided to try and melt my way into the tank. I reached up and grabbed the underside of the tank and dug my claws into it so it was dragging me now, and began to heat up. It worked at first and soon molten steel was dripping down my arms and onto me as I dug my hands deeper into the metal. I guess I must have hit some vital component as the engine died and I could hear him grinding the starter, and finally I heard the hatch open as he bailed out and ran off. I stopped melting the metal so I could go after him, but that was a mistake as it solidified and I was stuck. And the tank was burning now, I could smell it. Then it occurred to me that tanks are full of ammunition and gasoline. Oh crap, NOT good! Desperately I heated up again and tried to pull loose, but no such luck.
The whole damn tank blew up about then and the turret went about twenty feet straight up into the air and landed upside down on the tank which was still cooking off and burning furiously. And I'll tell you my perspective of this whole event was, um, interesting to say the least. No much fun, but interesting. And of course my Mistress picked this exact moment to call me.
"My pet, do you have him yet?"
"Um, er, not exactly. He got away again. Sorry." I mumbled.
"What do you mean, NOT exactly, and how could he get away!" She hissed.
"Well, he parked a tank on top of me, it blew up, and I'm stuck to it right now. And he ran off somewhere." I reluctantly admitted.
"He did WHAT? My pet, are you going to let him get away with this? HISSSS!"
"Oh NO, my Mistress, I most definitely am NOT. He's made one big mistake, My Mistress, he's made me MAD!"
I'd been burning my way through the blazing hulk of the tank, and I emerged from the top of the inferno like a Phoenix rising from the flames, wings spread and roaring my RAGE that this puny human was keeping me from the side of my Mistress! If there is one thing that burns me more than anything it's having to stay out late looking for some DICKHEAD when I could be home nice and snug with my Mistress feeding me urinal cakes!
"Where the Hell are you mortal!" I screeched as I rose into the air. "You try my patience! Accept your fate and honor your contract or I will do things to you that you will NOT like! HIIIIIISSSSSSS!!" Then I heard someone clapping their hands.
"Bravo, meine kleine Eidechse, you are indeed most persistent I must say. Ja, beeindruckendsten. It was fun, yes?" He was sitting in a lawn chair smoking a cigarette and startedclapping his hands again.
Why you little, "NO, It was NOT fun, and I no speakee kraut!" I landed in front of him and opening my mouth I blasted him with a stream of superheated air that causes metal to burst into flames, and he was untouched. His body should have puffed into ashes leaving his soul behind, but he just sat there and smiled at me.
What the ? I leaped at him with an enraged roar, and he held out his hand and I hit an invisible barrier that knocked me on my tail. Getting up I started pacing warily back and forth, snarling. "Who are you, WHAT are you? You are not a mortal!" I hissed.
He stood up, clicked his heals, and bowed. "Of course, how rude of me, I must apologize! Meine name ist SS-Obersturmbannfuhrer Carl Bruckmann, Heil Hitler!" and he gave the Nazi salute. "I am a demon, like you, meine kleine Eidechse. Are you not here to escort me back to meine Lord Tepes?"
I just sat down and looked at him. "MISTRESS! Something is really rotten! This guy is a DEMON!"
"WHAT! She replied. Are you SURE?"
"Oh yeah, tried to fry him and no effect, then when I attacked him he knocked me on my scaly butt with a wave of his hand. He's the real deal Mistress. And he'd nuttier then a fruitcake." I replied.
"What the HELL is he doing running around loose up there? There are rules about that kind of thing, causes bad press! He must be a rogue, keep an eye on him until I ask our friend the Count about this unexpected little development! He had better have a really good explanation!"
"Yes Mistress, and, um, Mistress. What's the heck is a Eidechse?"
"What? Why do you ask, my pet?" She asked in a puzzled voice.
"I think he's calling me names, he keeps calling me that." I said, pouting.
"Hiss hiss hiss! It's German for "lizard" my pet, hiss hiss hiss!" She hissed.
"OH, oh, OK. That's OK then, In that case I won't try to eat him until I hear back from you then, Mistress."
"Yes, please don't. He'd just make you sick anyway, my pet." She replied and then broke our mind link.
"We wait now" I hissed, "Our betters are having a little talk about this revolting development. Hissss!"
He bowed again, then sat back down and lit another cigarette. "So, meine kleine Eidechse, you are one of Vulva's pets, Ja? Tell me, did you enjoy it when she raped your body and your soul, hmm? I haf always wondered what that must be like!"
"You have no idea, I hissed. And what the heck are you doing up here anyway? I'm supposed to be the only type of demon who can leave Hell without being summoned. And you are NOT a seeker because you are NOT a fire demon."
"Ach nein, mein geehrtes. I am most definitely NOT a Seeker, though your kind are most impressive. I am only a Sadist Demon, and am bound to my Lord Tepes. I like to hurt things. We met during the war, those were good times. Der fuhrer himself awarded me the Knights Cross. You should have been there when we were rolling across France and Poland, es war erregend! We would have won too if not for you Amerikaner. But no hard feelings. Ja?"
I just blinked. What a total whack job, I thought. "Sorry, a little before my time I'm afraid. How the heck did you get out of Hell anyway? And why did they send me, I only do souls."
"I am very sneaky I'm afraid. When mein Herr und mein Meister turned his back one day I managed to slip into the pentagram unnoticed, and remained behind as it was not one used to summon me so I did not haf to return mit him. I have been lose for quite some time, but I knew it was too good to last. They sent you because you can take me back with you through your pentagram. We had fun playing blitzkrieg, did we not, meine kleine Eidechse? I think I won, nicht wahr?"
Maybe YOU did, I thought. "Oh yeah, loads of fun." Now I know what France felt like. "Let's NOT do it again sometime."
He just laughed which creeped me out, and said "Ach! Do not be such a spoil sport my scaly freund, I knew I couldn't hurt you. If I had wanted to hurt you, believe you me I could have." And he gave me an evil smile like only a demon can, showing his fangs.
Gulp. I bet this guy is the life of a party! I thought. About that time my Mistress called me again.
"My pet, you are too bring him to me, to my office. His Master is most anxiously awaiting the return of his errant little pet. You may hurt him if you want."
"Thank you Mistress, but I'm really more worried about him hurting me! This guy is creepy!" I heard her sigh,
"We've been through that, he's a demon, we're ALL creepy, you're creepy! Just bring him, my pet."
"You're not creepy, I said, you're beautiful. I'll bring the nutsy Nazi but I might drop him a few times on the way. I'm on my way Mistress."
"Pet, you keep that up and I'll make you pleasure me until you beg for mercy! Hiss!"
"Promise!" I hissed in delight.
"Have I ever lied, no wait, don't answer that! Hiss! Now we have wasted enough time! Bring him slave!"
"With pleasure, My Mistress, I hear and obey!"
I leapt into the air, grabbed the kraut by the shoulders, and with powerful flaps of my wings rapidly gained altitude. I dug my claws into him really hard, but I think he liked it. Spotting my exit pentagram I flew over to it, stood on my head, and dived directly into it with my wings folded. My passenger just said "Wheeee!" as we plunged into, and through, the pentagram and we were back home.
As usual I materialized over the great desert near my Mistress's domain, and with a loud happy bellow I swooped and looped through the air, the searing hot winds felt so good to me after the cold world above. My passenger bitched when he dropped one of his medals, but I just said "Tough" as I sure as heck wasn't going to go look for it. Some sand demon was probably gnawing on it by now anyway.
I dropped him from about forty feet up and then landed next to him, light as a feather, while he was still getting up and brushing off his uniform. He gave me a dirty look, but I just smiled and waved him into the entrance and past the guards, into my Mistress's domain, the breeding pits of Hell. Home Sweet Home, such as it is.
When we walked into the office his Lord, and my Mistress, were waiting for us and neither of them looked very happy. I walked over and lay down next to her desk and she tossed me a urinal cake which I snapped out of the air and crunched with relish. Tidy Bowl, my favorite! Then I settled down to wait for the fun to start. You are SO in trouble, I thought with glee.
Lord Tepes stood up and looked at his "pet" with a big frown on his face that made even me flinch. Oh Boy, I thought, here comes the "Look into my eyes! Bleah, Bleah!" stuff. This is so great! My Mistress sat out a plate of brimstone cookies and I happily shoved a bunch into my muzzle. Yum!
The kraut fell to his knees with his head bowed as Lord Tepes towered over him like doom. "Carl, Carl, Carl, what am I do to with you? You have been a very bad boy, you could have gotten your loving master in big trouble with the head boogie man, don't you realize that? Plus now I have to pay Vulva twice the usual Seeker fee to keep quiet. What have you got to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry master, replied Carl, I just got bored, you don't give me anything fun to do".
He doesn't sound sorry, I thought. Nail him big time Dracula!
"Oh Carl, that's no excuse, what must I do to you? Hmm?"
Give him to Equa! I thought, grinning in delight at the thought of his kicking jackboots disappearing into her hungry vagina. I felt a stirring in my vent, and thought, Oh geez why is THAT turning me on?
"Carl, I really should put you on a rack for a hundred years." Tepes said.
Oh yeah, I thought; now we're getting somewhere! Blow me up, will you!
"
But unfortunately being a masochist you'd probably enjoy it, so I'm going to let you off with a stern warning this time. Do you promise to behave?"
"
Yes, My Lord." said Carl.
WHAT? NO, you can't be serious! I thought with my mouth open and half eaten brimstone cookies falling out of it. After all I went through you're just going to let him GO? It's NOT fair!
Vulva said, "Pet, close your mouth, you're making a mess."
So I shut my mouth with a snap and bit my tongue. "Owwoooiiiiisssss!" I squealed as I ran around in a circle with my paws over my muzzle.
Both my Mistress and Lord Tepes had a good laugh at my expense. How rude, I'm in pain here!
Finally Count Dracula, or Lord Tepes, or whatever, bowed to my Mistress and turned to leave and paused. "Vulva, where is Carl?" he asked in surprise.
Vulva replied, "Oh, he snuck out the door while we were laughing at my little pet."
"WHAT!" yelled Lord Tepes, and he turned and ran out the door, Vulva laughing the whole time while I hopped up and down holding my tongue.
I didn't pay any attention, I was holding my tongue in one hand whimpering and trying to see if there was any damage. "Mistwuss, I ting I bud id off!"
"Well, my pet, that didn't go too badly. Hiss. I was able to get Tepes to pay twice the usual Seeker fee for you and me to keep quiet about the little episode. A nice little sum if I say so myself, and off the records. At least it will pay for the, hiss, computer you melted, speaking of which, hiss, you need to clean up the big mess you made when you wrecked the place while Great Lord Ba'al was humping us."
"Pet! What ARE you doing? Stop making those funny noises and banging your head against the wall! PET!"
END CHAPTER 5
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