FSE

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A couple of months have passed by since that night. And for me, not much has changed. But things changed for the people around me. I saw how Terry changed ever since he was with some girl for a longer period of time. I didn't know why but... He wasn't that much of a ladies-man anymore and it kinda surprised me, because a lot of girls still liked him. He just simply said no or just ignored them. And I didn't get it. It just wasn't like him... What was so special about this girl that made him change the way he acted against every other girl? Including me...? I mean, for example, we used to talk about cars and videogames a lot. And nowadays, he talks about the weather. I mean, what the hell... He's gotten soft. Still, I liked Terry. He was still a very close friend. And we still had sex sometimes... But it never got any further. He always... Well, you know... Fingered me and... Touched me and... French-kissed my vagina and all that and I always told him I didn't want to anymore. But deep down inside, I loved it... I really did... Like that night we were gonna watch "movies". It always happened unexpected. It just happened. Even when he had this girl, we were still doing it. And I always imagined that it was Meagan who did it, and not Terry, which is probably the reason why I allowed him to. But when things started to get serious with this girl, he couldn't do it anymore. Which... Kind of disappointed me. I liked it so much, but I was too afraid to ask Terry if he would go down on me... But I understand his situation though. And besides, he seemed to be happy with this girl. And I didn't want to stand in between them. And Meagan... Heh. She changed too. I saw her lesser and lesser and she barely even talked to me. She still called every once in a while and everything but... I just didn't recognize her anymore. She had her own life to live and I was losing her. There was definitely something wrong with her, but she never told me what was wrong. Maybe it's because of what I did. What I considered her to be. And I was worried about her...

At some point in Terry's relationship, it was inevitable for me to meet his girl. The moment I first saw her, I was kinda baffled. It was that tigress girl I mentioned before. I did see her a lot in the hallways in college and it's a kind of face you'll never forget. It's the kind of face that stands out from all the others in a crowd. I always thought of her to be very beautiful and I couldn't help but to stare at her whenever I saw her walking by. This one time, she saw I was staring at her and she smiled at me for some reason. I quickly looked the other way, but I stared at her from the corners of my eyes. And now, it turns out she's Terry's girlfriend. She always hangs out with her own friends, and she got a lot of male attention. I started to think that there was some coincidence involved, as if Terry knew. But that couldn't be. He didn't know that I sort of liked her. Did he...? I didn't know whether to be mad at Terry or not. He brought her closer to me, while I knew that she was already taken. I didn't blame Terry for having a relationship with her. He didn't know. He couldn't have. It was all just a simple coincidence. Right...?

I always thought she'd be a bitch. But a very beautiful bitch indeed. I got my assumption from her friends who are total sluts. If you put all of them in a room and made them do an IQ test, they'd all reach an IQ of a broccoli. Or an IQ of a peanut if they could properly spell the word "slut". And are so freaking arrogant against everyone, even against each other. Even though she IS very beautiful doesn't automatically means that she's nice. But eh... I was so wrong. When I first met her, I was kind of distrusting towards her. But Terry seemed to be so fond of her. He really liked her for some reason. But the truth was, she wasn't bitchy at all. No, she was really sweet. In fact, she's kinda nerdy. She's into role-playing games, and books and followed these boring classes and all that. And I was a bit startled by that. I never expected her personality to be like that. It just didn't fit her looks. Her name was Ceylan... She had a bit of a funny accent. Ceylan moved to Renaria when she was 9 years old while she barely spoke the language. But I have to say, she managed to speak Renarian pretty well. She has long black hair, just above her shoulder blades. Her eyes are cyan coloured... Every time I was talking to her, and saw her smiling, there was this twinkle in her eyes. She has this gorgeous hourglass figure, unlike me. Her fur... Orange with black stripes and her chest fluff was white and went up to her muzzle. Three piercings in her right ear and her ears had black tips... Her snout had black little spots, and looked a lot like freckles... The bottom of her hands were pure white... It's a pleasure just to watch her...

It didn't really take that long for us to be very good friends. It felt as if she was replacing Meagan, who I rarely saw these days. I didn't want to loose Meagan. But it felt as if Meagan wanted to loose me instead. She distanced herself from me, and I tried to talk to her many times but she never told me what was wrong. Then one day, she didn't call anymore whenever she was away for more than a week. She stopped talking to me. And whenever she was home, she went straight to her room. And it was painful to see the distance getting bigger and bigger between us. I tried, I really did. But she chose for this. Not me. So a lifelong friendship slowly started to crumble and I didn't know who she was anymore...

So over the months, Ceylan replaced her in some way and she's way different than Meagan. Ceylan's always very optimistic, and bold, unlike me, and even though she was really pretty, I wasn't in love with her. Ceylan is just so confident about herself. I didn't know what it was. At first, Ceylan and Terry hang out with me, but as I got her to know better, we started to hang out with just the two of us while Terry could also do his things with his own friends. And unlike Meagan, Terry was still a very good friend of me. I just gained a new one...

One thing that Ceylan loved more than anything is going to the beach and swimming-pools. She loved swimming, and so did I. So on a very hot Saturday, we went to the beach for the first time together. We picked a nice spot and she placed her towel on the sand, and than she got undressed. And I just watched her for some reason... Ceylan's jeans were always a bit tight, but when I saw her in a bikini for the very first time, I thought I could have a nosebleed any second... Her clothes hid her beautiful curves underneath it, but when I saw her in a bikini... Wow... Her legs. Very nice thighs and paws... A strong back. Shit, no wonder Terry really likes her. And I never noticed it before, but she was muscled. Whoa... Was that really her...? It seemed as if she transformed from a hot babe to an even hotter babe... With her long black hair waving in the wind... And the dunce had the nerve to ask if she looked good in a bikini. I couldn't speak; all I did was staring at her body and put the thumbs up as I smiled nervously. She giggled and told me that I was silly... I already had my bikini on underneath my clothes, but I hesitated to take them off. And when I finally did take them off, I could swear she was staring at my chest for a short moment...

The day at the beach was a lot of fun. We went swimming and a couple of guys were checking us out. One of them walked over to Ceylan and asked if he could put sun lotion on her back. She took off her sunglasses and frowned at the guy, and than just laughed in his face. So the guy went back to his friends, feeling all embarrassed as they all laughed at him, not too far from where we were. But after a while, as we were baking in the sun, we noticed that they were still staring at us. So Ceylan asked if I wanted to have some fun with these guys. I'm always into having a bit of fun, so I agreed. Hehe, than she told me to get down on my stomach. I did and she took off the straps of my bikini top and rubbed my back with sun lotion. And I didn't see what she was doing, but as soon as I looked over to those guys, I could see one of them got a boner. Than another one got a boner. And than there was another one. And than Ceylan rubbed my ass with lotion... Whaha, the looks on those faces were priceless. But I really enjoyed getting massaged like that... As soon as she was done and put the straps of my bikini top back on, we looked at each other and laughed. Embarrassed as they were, they got their things and went somewhere else. But one of them still had a boner, so he quickly covered it up by holding a towel in front of him while we continued laughing at them...

Making fun of guys with boners wasn't the only thing we did on the beach. Oh no. We ate ice-cream, swam around, and baked in the sun, talked and everything. And I had a really good time. Except... There were two things that really bothered me a lot. When she was rubbing my back and ass, I felt kinda aroused. How come I felt so aroused...? I don't even have feelings for her. And... Well... When we were going for a swim, the water wasn't really that warm. It was a bit cold. I saw Ceylan's erect nipples through her bikini top. And I really had to force myself to look away. Before we got out of the water, I also saw that she had a camel toe in her bikini bottom. Oh dear...

So when evening broke down, the two of us had "dinner" at some fastfood restaurant. Wasn't really that great, but that explains why everything was so cheap. After we finished our "dinner", we went back to my apartment. She hasn't been in my apartment before so the moment I opened the door, she just smiled and looked around. 'Welcome to my home. "Mi casa es su casa".' I said rather cheerfully. She continued to smile as we were making our way to the living room. 'Oh whoa, nice place you got.'

'Yeah, it's not that much, but it's nice.'

'You got a lot of books. You like to read?'

'Yeah, I do and well... Not every book is mine. Some of them belong to my roommate. She likes those Manga and anime things.'

'Oh? Do you?'

'Sort of. I take a peek in those books for references to draw, but that's pretty much it.'

'I never knew you could draw.'

'I love to.' I said with a smile.

'You got any art around here?'

'Yeah, I got my sketchbooks in that bookcase. You want something to drink?'

'Sure.'

I got to the kitchen to make two cups of coffee. Coffee is the only thing that keeps me going, which also explains why I'm always so active. As I was waiting for the coffee to finish, I noticed she got hold of a sketchbook. As I looked closer, I saw it was the sketchbook I didn't want her to see. She picked the "special" sketchbook. Out of the eleven sketchbooks I own, she picks the EXACT book I didn't want her to see. How the hell could I've been so stupid?!! I should have hid it somewhere!! "Don't turn the page, don't turn the page, don't turn the page!!" Fuck, she turned the page...

Now you see, being so lonely without expressing you're romantic and sexual fantasies towards someone can take its toll on you. Sometimes, you want you're fantasies in a psychical form. And I did that through drawings. I drew my fantasies and desires out on paper and looked at it whenever I felt lonely. But it wasn't just my fantasies. I also drew artistic nudes. I got this one drawing I'm very proud of. A black female panther, sitting on the ground naked. But it wasn't the drawing itself that I was proud of. It was her expression. Her eyes told a lot about me and basically sum up my personality. But it was something I wanted to keep for myself...

I could just bury myself. I expected her to laugh or run away screaming or something. I didn't know. I closed my eyes and every now and than, I heard a page flip. 'These drawings are really good, Nikki...'

Then I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her while she still flipped through the pages every now and then. I could see that she had this little smile on her face as she was watching those drawings... 'R-Really? You th-think...?'

'Yeah... You use the same characters over and over again in these drawings.'

'Heh... Y-Yeah.'

'Are they based on someone...?'

'N-No, of c-course not, because th-that would be a silly thing... Hehe...'

Oh fuck, I'm such a bad liar. And by the looks on her face, she thought the same. All she did was frowning at me with a rather serious expression while I continued to smile nervously at her. 'Are they...? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm just... Kinda nosey.'

Should I tell her...? I wouldn't know how she would take it. Hopefully, not in the way that Meagan did. But than again, Ceylan isn't Meagan... So I took a deep breathe and sighed while she kept looking at me... The way she looked at me was a bit... I don't know... Confronting. As if she wanted to know for sure... 'Yeah... A-A friend of mine. And... M-Me.'

'Oh... Do you have feelings for her...?'

A moment of silence, hesitating whether I should say it or not. But she already knew, so there was no point in keeping that a secret... 'It's ok. I won't tell anyone, Nic.' And all I could do was to nod quickly...

'Do you have a relationship with her at the moment...?'

'Look... Don't take this the wrong way but... It's just that... I'm not really that comfortable talking about it. I've been struggling a lot with it in the past, and... When I told my friends' way back, they all left me. And... Pretended not to know me anymore. So... That's why I... Rather not talk about it, okay...?

'But it's not something you chose for. I mean, you don't get to decide who you're falling in love with.'

'True...'

'Sooo.... Just girls or...?

'Just girls...'

'Oh. So... You're lesbian?'

'Yes...'

'I see...'

'So... Now you know... Heh... If you wanna leave, that's fine by me. I-It wouldn't be the first someone left me because of what I am.'

'What are you talking about...?'

'Because... Some friends didn't feel comfortable for what I am...'

'Yeah...? So...? You make it sound like you're an alien or something. And besides, I wouldn't want to leave. I'd like to stay and... Look through you're sketchbooks... If that's ok with you, that is.'

'You mean, you wouldn't mind that I'm a...?'

'Seriously, that's gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Nic. And besides, you're still the same person before I knew you were a lesbian. As long as that doesn't change, I'll always be your friend.'

It kinda startled me to see how well she took it. She obviously had no problems with it, which only made me feel comfortable to be myself with her. 'You really mean that...?'

'Don't be so silly, dushi.... Of course I do.'

'Dushi...?'

'Hmm-mm...'

'What does that mean...?'

'It means something like... Sweetheart or... Babe.'

I couldn't help but to smile after she said that I'm a "dushi". I thought it meant something like a douche-bag or something, so I was relieved when she said that it actually meant "babe". Ceylan flipped through the sketchbook again as I was pouring the coffee in mugs. She wanted cream and sugar in her coffee, so I did. I gave her a cup and sat on the couch, and not long after that, she sat next to me with the sketchbook. But her smile turned into a serious expression and she looked at me with penetrating eyes... 'So what do all these drawings mean? Are they just for fun, or does it have some deep meaning? Because some of these drawings don't really make much sense to me...'

I felt so exposed when she was basically asking about my sexual fantasies. Vulnerable, exposed and fragile. That's how I felt on the couch that evening. But also relieved because she still took me for whom I am, and that she actually showed interest. But it was really awkward to show her my fantasies and to actually talk about it... 'Eh... These are my... My... You know...'

'Fantasies?'

'Yeah... Heh...'

'So you ever did any of these... Things... with a girl?'

'Uh... No... I didn't. I'm just... Too shy I guess. Heh... I'm not being given any chance.'

'Oh...'

'Yeah...'

'What about this one...?'

'Hm...?'

'What does it mean...?'

'What do you think it means...?'

Than it stayed silent as she thought for a while. Ceylan kept staring at the drawing, trying to find its meaning. 'Well... I'd say the grim background and her pose expresses her loneliness. The fact that she's naked shows that she's vulnerable and afraid of something and she looks... "Fragile" and resembles you a lot.'

'That's really deep but... Basically, she's waiting for "the one."

'Oh. Hehehe... Still, it looks really good. '

'Thanks...'

'You know...'

'What?'

'You said you weren't given any chance. But you create your own chances.'

'How...?'

'By actually doing the things you want to do. If you don't, you'll keep on fantasizing about someone and than one day, you'll die, without ever to have experienced it. And than you'd have regrets for not doing it. Waiting for the one isn't gonna help.'

'I realize that. But it's difficult.'

'I know. But you gotta do it before it gets too late. You won't find it if you're looking for it. It'll find you. All you need is a little nudge in the right direction. You're a really sweet girl, Nicole. I'd hate to see someone like you being alone.'

It stayed silent for a short moment while we were just smiling at each other. She had a beautiful smile and there was something about her smile that I really liked... But than she turned her head to take a sip from her coffee... So I did the same while I could see she was thinking for a while... 'You know, Nic...'

'Hm...?'

'If it makes you feel any better...'

'What...?'

'I got fantasies too, you know.'

'You do?'

'Yeah, of course. Everyone has them.'

'Can I ask what it's about...?'

'Hehe. It's eh.... Kind of silly but...'

'Yes...?'

'Whenever I'm sleeping with Terry... I'd love to role-play. In bed... If you know what I mean...'

'You do...?'

'Yeah...'

'Sounds like fun...'

'Oh it is... It really is... Heh... And well... I'd like to eh... Try something but...'

'Try what...?'

'Well...'

'Tell me...'

'Double penetration...'

'What?'

'Like eh... One guys shoves it up you're cha-cha and the other shoves it in you're butt.'

'Oh...'

'But I don't think that'll ever happen... I can't imagine myself having sex with two guys at the same time and well... I don't think Terry would like to share me... So I guess it stays with being a fantasy...'

'Heh...'

'Yeah... Still... Sex isn't what our relationship is about. But... Heh... It does play a big role. Not only because we have a lot of fun while doing it but... He just... He just knows what I really like...'

'Are the two of you talking about it...?'

'You mean, about the sex?'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah, we do. I think it's important to know what we both like.'

'But... Doesn't it feel strange to talk about it...? A-And to talk to me about you're sex-life...?'

'Well, no. I'm open about my own sex-life. I don't think it's something you should be ashamed off. It's not like I talk to anyone about it... But I don't mind sharing it with you...'

'Heh...'

Ceylan and I talked about it for the rest of the evening. It's interesting to hear her talk about her fantasies and her sex-life... But it kinda aroused me when she went into details... How Terry was licking her pussy and all that... I felt a bit uncomfortable, and yet I was really curious... But the way she told me about it got me captivated...

At some point, it got really late. And it was too late for her to go back to her own house, seeing as it was a long walk. And besides, it was no weather to be outside. So I offered her to stay over. I wanted to tell her that she could stay in my bed if she liked. "Of course she doesn't want to stay in your bed... Just because she's perfectly fine with you being a lesbian, doesn't mean she wants to get molested in her sleep." I wasn't intending to but... I didn't asked to prevent to make me look like an ass. So we got ready for bed. I gave her a couple of pillows and a nice warm blanket while she was just smiling at me... Once I got in my own bed, I snug myself under the warm blankets and rolled over my side and closed my eyes. But I couldn't sleep for some reason... I remembered everything Ceylan said to me that evening. And I was grateful for her to understand. Than I remembered her again... And again... And again...

As an hour passed by in bed, I thought I heard something. I thought it was just my imagination. But than I heard it again... It sounded like... Very soft moans and fast breathing... "Is that really her...?" I listened closer. Yeah, it was her.... "Why the hell would she be moaning on my cou- Wait... Wait, is she masturbating on my couch?!" Holy shit... What was she fantasizing about...? The longer I listened to her soft moans and pantings, the more aroused I became... How was that possible? I'm not even in love with her... I tried to resist it, but I couldn't... At some point, I couldn't hold myself and I thought "Just do it. She wouldn't find out if you did". So I closed my eyes again and let my fingers do all the work...

The next morning however, was a bit... Awkward... The moment we first saw each other again on that Sunday morning, was a bit... I don't know... "Strange" isn't really the kind of word I'm looking for... I don't know... But just one quick gaze in her eyes gave away that she... I don't even know how to describe it... Something changed, but I had no idea what it was. I couldn't make any sense out of it... Maybe she heard me masturbating too... But it wasn't mentioned that day... That day, everything was fine as it was... Except something changed while I didn't know what it was...

Ever since that Sunday, Ceylan and I started to grow closer to each other over the months. It seemed as if we shared a secret with each other that no one else knows. I'm glad she took it so well, and that she hasn't left me because of it. But then something happened that I never expected...